064:

He tried to catch her eye as she stepped past him. Her shoulders were back, the weight of grief and pain assimilated. He admired her for that, for not losing it. And there was more, Jenny had told him, but he didn't dare broach that subject right here or right now. This wasn't the time or the place. Damn Ryan anyway. What stupid game had he played with her? How dare he do that to someone?

He followed her outside, helped her into the truck, adjusted both car seats, and waited to see if Ryan was coming. He had disappeared again. He got it. 

"Is Ryan coming?"

"No." She said woodenly, staring straight ahead.

"Okay." He started the engine, gave her one last peek and then gunned it. In moments they had cleared the dirt roads and were on the highway heading toward the city lights. He had the CD player on and it was playing some oldies. He asked her if she wanted to listen to anything else, and she shook her head, not speaking. He drove in silence for awhile, kept peering at her, but she never took her eyes off the road ahead.

Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. "Are you guys done?"

"I have no idea." Melia answered promptly, not sure why she didn't just say the correct words. Yes, yes, we are done!

"Why isn't he coming with you to the funeral?"

"He doesn't want to." She replied still facing forward, never batting her eye in his direction.

"Doesn't want to?"

She sighed. "Oh, that's flimsy. He has other obligations. He's busy. He doesn't know her. There's more to it." She blustered through and then turned to look at him. "Thanks for being my friend."

"I am your friend, Melia, you can talk to me if you need to. There's nothing weird about us. We've been through a lot together in a short time. I care about you, and I know how hard this must be for you."

"Well it is fairly hard, but I have to deal with it. I can't seem to make myself forget it is happening." She laughed and then faced forward again.

Robert clenched his fists on the steering wheel, wanting to add something, something more personal, something to connect them. He was afraid she would just fly off into the sunrise and he'd never see her again. For some reason, he really didn't want that to happen. There was no real explanation for what he felt, except that the thought of her leaving without any reason to call him made him depressed.

"If you.... If you need me to come with you, I will."

Melia glanced over at him. "Again. Awkward."

He nodded, disappointed. "Okay. Is that all? You're just worried about what your family will think, or the... press?"

She nodded. "I know what my family will think, and they'll think it soon enough anyway, but I'm not... ready... to... to live it all down.....oh!" She ground her teeth in annoyance and stared moodily out the window, her face turned away from him, and he wanted to take her hand, to reassure her, but he couldn't. Those fists stayed glued to the steering wheel even though it was one of the hardest things he had to do. He didn't for sure understand what the dynamic was between her and her... husband.... He thought he knew, but she wasn't giving him a clear picture... and it was obvious she wasn't.... on purpose.

He wanted to press her, to have an answer to his thoughts. She didn't give it and she stayed turned away till they pulled into the small airport.

He maneuvered to the front and parked, getting out and opening her door for her. Melia immediately got Abby out of her car seat and grabbed her diaper bag,

"Hold on, honey, I can get those..." Robert said and got Hannah out. Her little hands clutching his neck were warm and sweet, and he was reminded that he loved holding her. He actually felt so attached to these babies. He reached for the car seat, and then turned and whistled for a bell boy, someone to come and help them. A man appeared quickly with a pull cart. He put the car seat on it, and reached for the other diaper bag.

"You didn't pack anything for yourself."

"I live there. I have all my stuff there." She put the other car seat on the pull cart and then stood back, catching her breath.

"I didn't realize that. I thought it was just a guest house thing. What about your house at the beach? I thought that was your house... I mean, what about Catalina?"

Melia blew out her breath. "Yeah. You're right, I'm kind of wasteful. I have three home bases right now and they all have... stuff."

"I didn't say you are wasteful." He corrected gently, giving her a meaningful stare.

Melia held his eyes, for once just watching him.

Her scrutiny was also meaningful, or.... Interesting.... What was she thinking? He asked her.

She blushed furiously and laughed at herself turning away to check on their belongings. Robert's brows rose, and he cocked his head to one side. What was that all about? How refreshing... she actually blushed!

"What were you thinking?" He stepped a little closer to see the remains of the blush dissipate. She almost turned away again, and he cleared his throat and barked a short laugh. "Tell me, Mia."

"With the light behind you right then, and the hills and the desert and the feel of the airport... I don't know... for a moment there.... Nothing." She managed to pull away, and he was left with the knowledge of what she might have said, if she were free to, as if she'd actually said it.

"What aren't you telling me?" He took her hand, and rubbed her fingers lightly, keeping them connected.

Melia closed her eyes. For a brief second, just a bare tick tock, she'd seen a different vision for herself. And in it, a fantasy really, an imaginary image, she saw them all getting on a plane, but he was holding Abby, and she had another baby, and Hannah was older and walking by herself, and they were.... Together.... She not only saw it, but felt it as well. Like all the feelings of being ... together with someone... it happened, the comfort and the security, the oneness, the joining... the ease and belonging.... It all hit her....and then she opened her eyes.

He was right there, staring at her carefully. His eyes were penetrating and steady. And suddenly very familiar. These were eyes she'd seen well with tears, and anger. These were eyes she'd seen crinkle with compassion and energy alike. This was a face she'd watched light with creativity, or with determination. It was, in fact, becoming more familiar than any other face.

He waited.

Nothing.

"I have to go." She whispered.

"I'll stay with you till you catch a plane." He moved to pull the cart, still holding Hannah.

"Thanks. You don't have to. I'm no stranger to airports."

"Neither am I." He answered gently and gave her an under the armpit look.

They went inside and found a line to wait in. They talked about the girls, about eating and food, and sleeping and blankets, and the weather in Montana, versus the beach or the desert. They talked about her cottage, about her beach house, and about Catalina, and his boat. He lived on his boat these days, couldn't go back to the house he'd shared with Karen just yet.

She bought a ticket to Las Vegas and from there to her hometown in Montana. She had an hour to wait. They found a place to sit and did. He asked if she were hungry and she declined. He went and got a cinnamon roll and shared it with Hannah who was starting to eat people food. Then he went and got another, laughing the whole time. Melia got a water bottle, and added her herbal mixture, and drank it before he got back. He'd seen her though, and asked about it. What was it? What did it do? Was it a diet fad? Why did she starve herself? She didn't. It was all whole foods, and very regenerative and full of nutrients, he wanted to taste it, and she made him one. He tasted it, gagged, and then drank the rest, saying he needed his vitamins. She nursed Abby.

He played with Hannah, hiding his thumb and then finding it. She giggled uncontrollably every time he found it. This went on for awhile, and then Hannah wanted to crawl around. So Robert got down on the floor and let her crawl around, and then caught her and tickled her, tossing her into the air slightly and tickling her again. Hannah laughed uproariously and people in the airport smiled to see them. Melia realized they thought they were a family and she was assailed with that same image again.

Robert's eyes rose at precisely that moment and caught hers, and she blushed again, this time, bright red. He smiled ingeniously. "Oh yeah? What's all that about? What brought that on?"

"Nothing." She said quickly, but suddenly realized the deep longing she had to share her children with... their dad.... With Jared... with Ryan... with someone who cared about them like a dad. She loved seeing the look on Hannah's face as Robert tickled her. She adored him. She loved seeing the look in Robert's eyes as he forgot his grief and played with Hannah. She loved to watch them; it seemed so right, so acceptable, so perfect.

She swallowed hard and blinked slowly to clear the wayward images unsuccessfully. It was just because of the circumstances, she told herself. Robert was being himself... nice. Thoughtful. She was in a hard situation... having just found out that her marriage was in truth a farce. Wasted time, when she could have been sharing herself and the kids with someone else. She should have been getting on with life. She felt stagnant, instead.

"Will you be coming back to the beach house or Catalina?" Robert asked, wishing she'd tell him what she was thinking that caused the blushes. They were endearing and fascinating, and sweetly pure and real. And very flattering...

"I am to start pre-production next week. Then, I don't know. I'll probably be back at the beach house." She answered hesitantly, aware of her blushes and the reason for them, the reason she wasn't revealing to Robert, who still stared at her charismatically.

"Would you mind if I call you?" He finally asked, and she started visibly. And he'd meant her to. Their eyes locked and he knew she understood. He had been calling her whenever he wanted for months now. Why ask? But he needed to ask, because he wasn't asking if he could talk to her. He was asking if he could establish a relationship with her. And he was holding her eyes, demanding an answer.

She was too honest to play it off. Melia adjusted the blanket covering Abby's head, giving herself a modicum of time to think before she replied. Technically she was attached... for how long? She shrugged mentally, not long. He'd made it clear it had been a revenge plot and a farce. But was she free to jump into another relationship? Did she want to?

Yes." She said simply and his eyes narrowed at her, and she realized her mistake. "I mean, no, I don't mind." She corrected with a trembling smile. Did that mean she was exploring the possibility? Was she flirting? Because up until now she had not been flirting with him, she'd not let on how attractive she found him, she was sure of it. Her actions were purely platonic, and she'd been very careful, not to mention pregnant... could she pretend to misunderstand him?

He took the next step out of her hands and stepped forward into her space, and squatted in front of her, resting his hand on her knee. Melia felt as if a brand had attached itself to his palm and was flaming on her skin. He'd touched her familiarly a thousand times, but not ever with this look on his face. Her heart went wild.

His smile was very knowing. "I'm going to call you then." He said. "We'll talk."

She nodded and swallowed as if something were stuck in her throat. "I don't know..." she said slowly.

"Really?" He mocked her gently, his eyes twinkling.

"Well. What I mean is. I am not sure what is going to happen with me and Ryan and after that...." Her eyes were caught up in the gold flecks reflected in his eyes. She stopped talking, at a complete loss for words.

He squeezed her knee. "I'll be here." He said. Then he caught Hannah's wobbly stepping form and tossed her in the air and spun around returning to his seat across from her.

In moments her plane was announced and Melia wished him goodbye as she boarded, staring out the window at the oncoming day, wondering what turn her life was taking now.

*****