This was it.

He was finally here.

I had gotten the call this morning.

Logan was going to dock at one pm sharp. I had to be there to get him. I had to call into work, telling them I would need a personal day. Sandra would know, and I could imagine her sitting at her desk now beaming from ear to ear.

Today was the day I finally got to take my husband home. My chest was caving in, clenching tighter with each passing minute. This was always the weirdest moment. To be without someone for nine months, and finally get to talk to them again. What if they changed? What if you changed? And if changes did happen how drastic were they and how hard would they be to merge into your normal way of living?

These things were important to work through and figure out, especially before he saw the kids. So as I look at my reflection in the mirror I fix a couple of curls making sure they all fall in a perfect mess around my face. Logan loved when I curled my hair, so I was hoping this would make the haircut look less drastic. It wasn't that much shorter but it was noticeable. My hair used to fall down my back in a mess of tangles, but now it just reached past my shoulders. The blonde meshing with my brunette roots.

I was blonde when we got married, so this time when he went away I thought it'd make me feel closer to him. It did for a while, but then after that it was just something I had to do to keep myself busy. Things like sweeping the kitchen twice a day just to waste a few more minutes, anything that would help pass the time.

The kids were at school, the house was empty, and the clock was daunting as it clicks in the silence reminding me that our time apart was coming to a close.

Only a few more hours.

Would Logan look different? Would he have a beard again or would he remember? I chuckled lightly to myself at the memory of the last time I picked him up. We met at the usual spot just outside the restaurant where we would get a nice lunch. When he got off the boat his face was covered in a mess of a blonde beard swallowing him up whole. If he hadn't been gone for so long I would have refused to kiss him. His arms wrapped around tightly and immediately in my heart I knew that beard was the one thing he was able to control when while he was underway.

So I stayed silent about it, but somehow he could tell something was off. Maybe it was the way I stared at him? Maybe it was the way our daughter looked confused when he bent over to hug her? Whatever it was that lit the spark inside him was it must have worked because a few hours later he was shaving it off.

I glanced at the clock, gauging if I should just leave now or wait until later. Traffic usually wasn't too bad around this time, and the city wasn't super crowded. But the more I sat here waiting the more I was going to lose my mind.

"Screw it!" I scoffed, grabbing my purse off the kitchen counter before taking one last look at myself in the mirror.

My makeup was light, just how my husband liked it, and I wore a soft shade of peach lipstick that was transfer proof, just like my husband liked. The curls were right and the top was flowy and comfortable so I wouldn't overheat with nerves. I think I'm ready to go.

I pull my keys out of my wallet, locking the door behind me as I enter the hallway to our apartment building. Shaking my head as I left way too early once again.

~*~

"Yep there's that parking spot again," I mumbled to myself as I drove through the parking garage for the fifth time. There were plenty of spots available, but my nerves were eating away at my skin--so I kept driving. For some reason I had convinced myself that If I never stopped then time would never catch up. I shook my head once again, growing more and more annoyed with myself as I continued through the parking garage to the second level.

"Just pick one damn it!" I shout at myself, clenching my fingers against the wheel till my knuckles were white. If I wasn't driving I'd bash my head into a wall for allowing myself to feel this way.

I hated the nerves I would get, and the way this day always made me feel. There was so much going on that I just couldn't seem to control.

Once I reached the top level of the parking garage--again, I turned to peer towards the water. The blue reflection casting against the cement above me.

"Hi baby," I whispered knowing full well that Logan couldn't hear me. "Welcome home,"

Finally pulling into one of the empty spots facing the water I place the car in gear, pull the parking brake and shut off the engine. Logan would hate it if I drove the automatic here, as he always found it attractive when girls could drive a stick shift. I rolled my eyes watching the waves crash against the rock sea wall.

I couldn't help but search for any sign that he was there, and amount of wake that was unusual and would suggest a submarine was coming around the corner. I pulled my phone from the magnetic holder on the dash and quickly checked the time.

"An hour early." I muttered and this time it was mostly just to hear my own voice. The car was quiet, and it allowed me to work through my thoughts if only just a little bit. But soon I'd get out of the car and I'd walk down to the pier where I would wait.

Men in blue uniforms would slowly pile out of a little doorway seeing the world for the first time since they left. They would greet their wives or girlfriends--if they bothered to show up, and the pier would be full of tears.

I could already feel the lump forming in my chest. I knew I was bound to cry, I almost always did. This was our fourth attempt at this, hoping that it would be our last. I couldn't imagine having to tell the kids that their father was going on another tour.

I couldn't take this anymore. I had to get down there soon, the water was calling my name crying out for me to come to it. To come greet those that hadn't seen the sun in ages.

I applauded my husband for being strong enough to do that, to go without sunlight for that long. A week of rain and I'm so depressed I can barely handle myself and let alone the kids. When they can't go outside to play they get so hyped out and stir crazy. The whole family needs sunshine, but our sweet Logan spent months without it just to make sure we had a decent paycheck. One that would cover all of our food and expenses even if I decided not to work.

But I had to work.

The thought of sitting home by myself all day while my husband was away sounded so miserable. I was thankful to have Sandra as a friend for this reason. She was always in the mood to go out and do something, or come over and watch whatever was on. She was the biggest help, and the only reason I'm able to keep my sanity.

I jump out of the car, making sure I have all of my things before locking the doors. I was a mess right now and I knew the worst thing I could do was lose something. After triple checking I finally closed the door and turned to head towards the stairs. Soon this lot would be filled with cars all here for the same reason as I was.

Everyone would be here to pick up their loved ones.

Some would make posters and bring balloons, but Logan and I wanted to keep it lowkey, just the two of us. His family wouldn't know he was home until we surprised them next week.

This was another tradition of ours. Going to visit family a week after Logan got home. It was important to him and the kids.

The sun was high in the sky, shining down on my exposed skin. It was warm and calming as I closed the distance between my lover and I. Each step pulling me to where I wanted to be.

I could see the restaurant in the distance and I hoped the bench I usually would sit at was available. It was a shady bench kind of off to the side so Logan would be able to spot me quickly. He didn't like hanging out in the mess too long and I couldn't blame him. Seeing guys he'd been with for the last nine months was not appealing.

I said a silent prayer as I took my seat on the bench. The very one Logan had proposed to me at then he got home from his first tour.

Butterflies were forming in my chest, and the officers stood guard of the pier gate. They would start releasing them soon.

It wasn't normal that they were early, it all depended on how eager the men were to get home. If you asked me, I'd say this time they really want to get home.

The gates were opened around twenty minutes later, and the first husband stepped off the ramp onto the concrete. He stopped for a moment, taking a deep inhale of the air around him before turning his nose up in disgust. I chuckled to myself lightly watching a few other men do this as well.

They would always complain about how awful it stunk up here, how they were spoiled underway with their purified air. But soon enough they would get used to it again.

I could feel the sweat growing on my hands and in my armpits, that nervous kind of sweat that just takes over your whole body almost immediately. I closed my eyes and hoped my antiperspirant would do the job.

They were coming off the ramp in waves now, uniform after uniform filling the open space around us. I quickly stood up watching carefully for the man that I'd be taking home with me. Shaking my head in annoyance at every sailor that would get off that wasn't him.

Was he not in a hurry to get to me? Usually he would be one of the first few to make his way off the boat. Why was it taking him so long?

I grabbed my bag so I could get closer. Cursing myself for leaving my spot, even if it was just for a moment. I searched the crowds hoping to find any glimpse of him, but they all looked the same. Their faces melting together and they hugged their wives.

Soon enough the gates were closed and everyone that was getting off the boat was off. Did that mean something happened? Was Logan not coming home today? I stood in the middle of the crowd, dumbfounded by my thoughts, wrapped up in the emotions of the day. I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes as my entire chest collapses into a giant heave of sadness.

It was like I had lost my child in the grocery store, the panic taking over as I searched even harder for him. How could I have missed him? Do I really not recognize him? I felt eyes boring into my skin though, as if he has found me and I was just blind.

Where in the world could my husband be?

"Ari..."