“Isn’t that illegal or something?” I mumbled as I stared up at the ceiling of my room dejectedly.

Liam and Mel snorted at me and Eli leant over giving my arm a gentle little squeeze of sympathy and reassurance as he offered me a similar smile.

Mel sighed from somewhere behind me “I can’t believe she expected me to be happy at the news.”  She muttered in disbelief as usual letting her anger trump her hurt as she only pushed it down further.

“She’s not really going to.” Eli murmured reassuringly.

“Yeah,” Liam agreed “she’s going to have to fight all of us before we’ll let you move.”

The sound of me choking up and beginning to cry filled the still gloomy room, my hands reached up hastily to cover up my tears and face as I began to cry into my hands. I’d been holding and fighting back all of these tears with all my might and I simply couldn’t do it anymore, Mel couldn’t move!

“Oh now you’ve done it.” Mel sighed.

“What?” Liam asked somewhere near Mel.

“You said the ‘m’ word.” Eli said sternly before rolling over towards me as he wrapped his arms around me “It’s alright Ez; she’s not going to move.”

I only cried harder into my hands as I realized just how embarrassing and stupid I was being. It was one thing to cry in front of your brother or your best friend but it was another thing completely to have your brother’s best friend who you had a massive crush on to see you cry like a pathetic blubbering baby.

“Oh good one Eli.” Mel mumbled as she reached out from somewhere behind me.

“It’s okay!” I insisted shaking my head, trying to pull myself together which only made me cry more.

“You want to know something cool?” she murmured suddenly planning to distract me “We’re lying on your bedroom floor in the perfect star shape.”

I wiped my eyes as I looked around at the four of us, spread out on my bedroom floor since Mel came in with some news. Than one by one the boys came to join us on the floor and joined the solemn mood, lying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling as we thought of life here without Mel, my sister.

We were all lying with our heads up at the same end, stretching out like start points, it was enough to make me laugh weakly through a sniffle as Eli and even Liam gave me a reassuring squeeze.

“We’re also the same as that big star you’ve got on your ceiling, right in the middle.” She said, her arm reaching up in the air as she pointed to my biggest glow in the dark star, it was my favorite since it was even bigger than my hand. “So if I do mo-“

“Don’t say that.” I said looking at her, shaking my head pleading.

She sighed sadly as she reached out and held my hand, me clinging tightly back to her hand to the point it’d have to hurt. Yet she didn’t protest. “So if I do move,” she continued “no matter I’m always going to be right here, just on your ceiling.” She added on wryly “Not some corny clichéd place like your heart.”

I laughed wiping under my eyes like the boys, all four of us linking hands together, connected. It was just like Mel to ruin one of those corny yet special moments, she wasn’t one for sweetness. She acted like a tom boy but I knew it was because once she let the sweetness start those walls would come tumbling down.

I looked over at her smiling softly at this girl, my best friend, my sister. She smiled back, sending me a squeeze that said much more than any clichéd words.

          ೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋ

“What bruises?” a voice bellowed behind me, startling so much that I slid off my seat at my desk and hit the ground with a squeal.

I gasped, grimacing as I rubbed my backside. I glanced up, my heart thundering at the speed of light. I glanced up at the door way, my face paling drastically at the sight before me, the brutal sting of his words having not processed through my mind.

I stared up at him, my face numb and immobile, his eyes were flaring like a deadly dragon and his skin resembled something similar to our holidays at the family beach house when I was twelve, I was so sun burnt I couldn’t even breathe without fighting back tears. The sight of him there, rage rolling off him currents had me cringing back as he practically curled his lips in sheer rage at me. I’d never seen him so angry, not even when mum and dad held him back from football camp or when I broke his TV by accident only a day after he got it. No, this was sheer terrifying rage and for the first time in my life in the presence of my brother I felt unsafe.

I gulped as I watched his knuckles tightened and clawed into my doorframe, I was waiting any minute for the structure to crumble under his grip “What. Bruises.” He insinuated crystal clear, gritting out the words like a sharp blow.

“I-I-“ I stammered “W-what bruises?” I crumbled and quaked under his fiery glare, curling up in on myself.

“Damn it Erin!” he roared, his hand coming down with a large slam on my door making it shake.

I squeaked as I cringed back, drawing my arms up around me. My lower lip trembled, as my vision blurred under the tears I fought so hard to keep at bay. “I don’t…I didn’t…” I squirmed.

“Who touched you Erin?” he asked through gritted teeth, his eyes suddenly changed with a haunted realization “Or was it…you?”

“No!” I cried alarmed and offended at the accusation, my own brother thought I’d inflict self harm? Had we really drifted that far?

“For Christ sake Ez,” he groaned pulling at his hair “I tried being patient, I gave you space, I let you come to me at your own time, hell I even gritted my teeth and dealt with the fact that you avoided me.” He ranted on “But enough is enough Erin, I draw the line when I hear anything like this sick joke!” he fumed, his mouth seeming to have a mind of its own “Now,” he breathed sharply “what bruises?” he demanded, each word like a punch line.

“I- It’s not that b-bad.” I stammered, my voice choking up and breaking.

“Please.” he begged, his voice sounding more tormented and pained than I’d ever heard “Please Ez, just tell me.”

I could feel my heart shriveling up as I began to cry and snivel, heavy sobs wracking through my curled in form. I couldn’t do it; it wasn’t because I was caught out, even really the embarrassing confessions or the haunting events that occurred. I simply couldn’t talk to him about these things, open my heart and soul up to this version of him; he wasn’t my protective and gentle brother. No, right now he was a terrifying raging beast and I was terrified to open up to him when I was sure I wasn’t going to receive reassurance, love, support and the brother that I loved and needed.

“No.” I cried, hiding behind my hands.

I listened to him grunt behind my hands, sounding more agitated and exasperated than before “Why not?” he demanded.

“B-because.” I stammered.

“Because why!?” he bellowed his hands flying up in the air making me whimper and cringe backwards and suddenly it all made sense why I was terrified of my brother suddenly; because he was reminding me of Jed, of someone aggressive and dangerous.

At the sound of my whimper as I cringed back I watched as the color drained from my brother’s face, his entire face softened and I watched the rage drain out of his eyes. All of the things that painted him to be that scary aggressive man slipped away and rather he looked ghostly haunted, it was like he could read my mind and he could see himself how I was momentarily saw him as.

I watched the horror and shame spread across his face and all that drew me was a pang of guilt, this was my brother, my brother who used to sit through all those painful chick flicks when I was sick, the one who punched one of his now ex-friends in the mud when he called me a frigid nerd and the brother that used to let me sleep in his bed after a nightmare. He was nothing like Jed, nothing.

“Liam.” I breathed reaching out for him.

“Ez.” He cried horrified as he reached down for me at the same time, in perfect twin synchronized.

I choked on a sob as I threw myself at him, my arms wrapping tightly around his neck as I drew him close. He grunted as I dragged him to the floor with me, struggling to not tackle me and squish me to the ground, yet he didn’t seem to care just like I as he wrapped me tightly up in my arms, dragging me impossibly tighter into his chest. I need him, I needed my brother like oxygen, I pined desperately for my brother to be back in my life and I never realized ‘till now just how much I had ached and missed my twin in my life, my protector and my hero.

I sniffled into his shirt as I buried my face into his neck and shirt as I inhaled his secured scent desperately. His scent just like my father’s and even Eli’s bought reassurance and comfort to me, it was a promise of protection and safety. More than ever I needed that reassurance.

“I want my brother back, I’m sorry.” I cried, or rather wailed like a child “I’m so sorry.” I choked my voice breaking as I only cried harder.

Liam’s fingers curled tighter into the back of my jacket “Hey now,” he murmured beginning to rock me soothingly like a child “I was always here.” He murmured roughly, his voice thick of unshed tears.

“Everything is just so messed up.” I cried harder into his chest, finally letting the world fall down upon me “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do.” I kept repeating over and over again as I shook my head back and forth in his chest as this festering aching ball was finally released.

I couldn’t do it any longer; I couldn’t pretend that I was okay, that everything was going to be okay when I was constantly being haunted by everything. I couldn’t keep up with this charade of lying to everyone and being so alone and isolated, I couldn’t handle one more night of walking around and looking over my shoulder in fear. I couldn’t handle not talking to Mel any longer, I missed her so much, who was I to turn to? I wanted my brother back, I wanted my best friend back and I definitely wanted my life back to before where the greatest worry was what book was I to pick up next to daydream about and how I was to get Eli to notice me rather than his best friends little sister.

I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer, I had all these secrets and fears and I couldn’t face them on my own. I needed to seek that security back and who better than my older brother, my hero? Just for these few moments I wanted to be honest – even just slightest – and feel that security and warmth once again.

I didn’t have to tell anyone else, I didn’t even have to tell him anything that happened. I just need my brother back in my life and to know that no matter what he had my back.

“Hey, hey.” He cooed soothingly “What do you mean you don’t know what to do? What’s messed up?” he murmured worriedly, a frown in his voice, his hands only seeming to clutch me tighter.

I shook my head as I curled tighter into his hold, I knew I was acting childish and would resemble a baby and yet I honestly didn’t care “I don’t…no…it doesn’t…” I stumbled, tumbling right over all of my words like the biggest klutz.

“Just start from the start.” He suggested gently.

From the start? When exactly did all this mess start? When I was absolutely and completely honest with myself I couldn’t even pinpoint the last time I was happy. Sure I had moments I was happy, but when was the last time that I was actually happy with who I am? My mind spiraled back to when I was last legit happy, there were days or fleeting moments but when it came to pinpointing when I liked who I was and my life decisions I don’t think I ever could.

That’s why I was changing who I was, that’s why I had taken this all on my own without anybody else’s help or letting anyone else in, that’s why I felt the need to prove myself and strength, that’s why I threw out all my books and that’s why long ago the dreamer I was died. Because that person wasn’t happy, that person wasn’t living in the real world, that person was wide open and prone to being hurt from their naivety and that person would never find happiness.

I thought over all the drama that had happened in these past couple months, it all started when I confronted Jed telling him I cheated on him and that’s where the bribery and the abuse began. No, it started before then; it started when I had slept with Eli cheating on Jed which left me to approach Jed in the first place. The more I thought about it though it started even before then, I was planning on splitting with Jed either way, maybe it started when Mel gave them something to bribe me over by that video or did it start right back to the moment I said ‘yes’ when he asked me on my first date or maybe even it started when Jed decided to pick up those pills and delve into the dangerous abyss of drugs.

It was as I began to throw someone the blame I realized crying into my brother’s shirt that there really wasn’t anybody to blame. There were millions of these little things that added up to this nightmare; stupid decisions, betrayal, bad influences like drugs and even our upbringing like Mel’s. However, there was nothing you could actually blame this on, you could blame yourself on the little decisions and mistakes of your own but at the end of the day it was simply life. True, not many at all would go through what we have and some may go through worse, but everyone goes through big ordeals like we have, they’re simply just different; different people, different dramas, different decisions, different endings.

Blaming someone wouldn’t make anything better, I could blame Jed and a strong part of me did. But it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t stay in this stupid relationship or if he hadn’t gotten onto drugs and changed because of his own problems. How could I blame someone that so obviously had their own demons to deal with? He dealt with those demons through drugs which only created an all new drama. I couldn’t blame anyone to make me feel better, because it didn’t make me feel better and it simply didn’t change anything.

I looked up at my brother from his chest, my eyes swollen and red like a complete mess. It didn’t matter though, my brother had seen me at my worst moments, including when mum gave birth to us and we were drenched in placenta. I couldn’t picture that being anything charming.

My brother looked down at me, his entire brow furrowed severely “I’ve ruined so many peoples’ lives.” I whispered, feeling my brother’s arm flex around me protectively.

“You didn’t ruin my life.” he murmured reassuringly, giving me a squeeze.

I shook my head “But you don’t know what happened.” I whispered forlorn.

“Hey,” he murmured grabbing my chin to look back up at him again “let me be the judge of that.” he gently urged and I couldn’t help but be proud of him, patience was one thing my brother never had.

“I never liked Jed.” I blurted out suddenly, my voice never rising over a whisper as I let one of the first things from the beginning to be set free, finally. “I mean,” I continued “I never really liked him,” I said honestly “maybe it was the idea of him I liked, or maybe simply dating someone – anyone – meant that I wasn’t some lonely girl that would die alone with all of her cats.” I murmured feeling distant from the room, but rather elsewhere as I thought deeply seeking the truth.

“I can understand that.” Liam murmured softly, my selfish naive words not bringing him to disappointment but rather as if he could relate, as if he knew.

“You do?” I whispered, looking up at him searchingly, was he being honest?

He nodded “Course, people make stupid decisions when they fear that they’re going to be alone, or that they’re unlovable.” I frowned up at him urging him to extend “Those girls, those dozen random girls I dated and led on…” he trailed off “no matter how much I convinced myself it was better than being alone on a Friday night I just couldn’t put my heart into it.”

I nodded, my mouth forming a perfect ‘O’.

“I tried you know? It’s not like one night stands, or leading them on or anything else. But…I was invisible to the girl I wanted and I couldn’t help but worry that I’d be invisible to every girl.” He spoke truthfully, his soft voice never sounding more raw.

“She noticed you, you know?” I murmured softly, squeezing his arm “I just think she was too fearful to be properly noticed by you, to show you the real her.”

Liam sighed haggardly “I know.” He murmured, those two words more knowing than an explanation; had Mel told him the truth?

I shook my head as I snorted in laughter.

“What?” Liam mumbled, his brow furrowing once again.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” I asked “To be afraid at this age you’re going to die alone? We haven’t even left our teens and we’re anxious to get to that sunset.”

The corner to Liam’s lip twitched in wry humor “Can you blame us?” he asked “It’s better than playing the field.”

I nodded “True, but it’s no game or competition.” I pointed out through contemplative lips “It’s simply time and patience; you can’t force it to happen like I did with Jed.”

 Liam hummed in agreement “Well, if it’s any constellation” he said, his voice lighting up “I think you’ve already reached that sunset with your guy.” He murmured, his words cryptic and yet knowing.

I avoided his gaze “Eli and I aren’t meant to be.” I shook my head sadly not even bothering to deny my true feelings “He deserves much better than me.”

“Why would you say that?” he asked low not even bothering to deny he already knew, it seemed all false pretenses had fallen.

“I-I did something bad Liam.” I murmured the guilty lodging in my throat “Something really bad.”

“Hey now, it couldn’t have been that bad.” He murmured softly “Don’t cry.” He tried, trying to ward off more tears and to keep the conversation going, the answers flowing.

I only choked up more though as I thought of what I had done, how betrayed and utterly distraught Eli was when I told him it was a mistake and even worse when he told me we were okay, we were just friends. All those emotions I had fought down came racing up and locking in my throat as I began to cry again, I really had fucked everyone else’s life up!

“I s-slept with him Liam!” I cried into his chest “I slept with him and then ran away! I cheated on Jed! I even told Eli it was a m-mistake and that I didn’t love him!” I wailed, the sobs wrecking my form only rougher and harder the more the reality of the blow sunk in. I was trying to get rid of the dreamer within me and yet I was still avoiding reality!

Liam held me as I continued crying into his arms, this entire new wave of gut wrenching pain and guilt throwing me around like a wild tornado. My fingers curled into his shirt and I buried my face deeper and deeper a part of me convinced that the further I buried myself into his arm I’d just melt away and escape all of this.

Was this what it felt like for Mel? Having pushed everything down and avoided the truth of my nightmares and then suddenly have them all bombard and explode at once I suddenly understood how Mel felt. How she had been doing this her entire life was beyond me, hers wouldn’t have even been an explosion it would have been simply self-destruction.

“He hates me.” I whimpered into his shirt, sniveling like some snotty kid.

“He doesn’t hate you.” Liam murmured roughly, this much emotion building upon the too much line. It’s not that I could blame him; I had just told him blubbering like a baby that I lost my virginity to his best friend; it was bound to be a little awkward for him.

“How do you know?” I cried “He hasn’t told you anything and I’m only telling you now!” I cried only harder.

“Well,” he murmured rubbing my back “maybe this is a good time to start telling me what’s been going on through that head of yours, hmm?” he suggested gently yet pointedly with an undertone.

I nodded wiping my eyes with the back of my hands roughly, the tears still coming just slower and not as loudly “It w-was at the party, I was drinking – but I wasn’t drunk –“ I added on hastily not being stupid enough to know that he’d instantly think Eli had taken advantage of me “and we went back here and- and-“ I struggled.

“Shhh,” Liam cooed trying to reassure me and keep me calm.

“Well you know.” I mumbled blushing scarlet, feeling embarrassed and more than shy at this stage “He told me he loved me Liam.” I whispered looking up at him with wide glistening eyes “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hear that?”

Liam smiled at me, torn between happiness and sympathy, because as quick as that long time dream of mine came it was ripped from me “Probably back when you wanted to be one of the Disney princesses.” He murmured, trying to keep it light and not have me sink into the dark abyss of tears.

I laughed faintly, it coming out more so like a un-lady like snort “That was a long time ago.” I murmured.

Liam chuckled “I don’t know, I caught you not too long ago watching that one with those seven dwarves.”

I elbowed him as I rolled my eyes “Did not.” I mumbled.

“So,” he cautioned “what happened then?”

I sighed heavily in misery “I woke up the next morning and realized I cheated on Jed,” I murmured, feeling sick to the core “I know he cheated on me,” I said honestly catching Liam’s mouth ready to protest and fight for me “but it doesn’t make it right, you know? I mean we’d expect that from him, but from me? I don’t want to be a girl that cheats, ever.” I stressed “Even if it is Jed.” I added on mumbling.

Liam nodded slowly, contemplating my words “I get that, I do.” He murmured “And I respect you for it, still, it doesn’t mean I like Jed anymore.”

I smiled grimly “Well you’d be happy to know that the Monday back at school I broke up with him-“

“What?” he butted in “But you didn’t….you only broke up with him the other day.” He stammered, falling over his tongue as suddenly he let his emotion shed through.

I nodded, hesitating; do I tell him what happened from here? Do I tell him about Jed’s bribes and threats? He already knew about the bruises…

“I went to break up with him,” I corrected him “in my eyes we were already broken up and over.” I murmured honestly as I thought back to that party and how free I felt, how for the first time Jed’s clutches had dissipated.

The feel of my brother’s arms constrict and tighten around me to the point I winced had me rising to the surface. I looked up to find him with a locked jaw and blistering eyes and instantly I was gulping; I didn’t need to tell him what happened next, he could already predict what happened next.

“What. Happened?” he hissed, his eyes closing and I wasn’t sure if it was to keep calm or because he couldn’t look at me.

“He got mad.” I whispered softly, watching as my fingers curled subconsciously into his shirt, fearful of being pushed away.

“Where?” he gritted out.

“Where what? Where did I tell him?” I asked, frowning at his question.

“No,” he grounded out, his voice lethally calm “where did he touch you?”

I gulped “My f-face.”

***

“Okay,” Liam breathed, exhaling one large breath after one gigantic inhale “okay,” he repeated again as I watched him pace the length of my room “okay.”

I watched him, my eyes going back and forth like when you watch one of those amazing tennis rallies. He’d been doing this now for the past five or ten minutes, that is after he calmed him down from his Hulk high where he had yelled, screamed and thrashed around like some wild beast frothing at the mouth. He had terrified me in Hulk mode and yet I didn’t take any of it personally, or at least I tried not to.

I didn’t expect any less of him having been told such news, if he hadn’t reacted like this than I’d be worried. I let him go though; I sat on the floor and stupidly watched him as he stormed about, ranting and raving as he threw his hands about in the air practically growling at me like some wild grizzly bear. I knew better than anyone else that he needed to get this out of his system, I was just glad nobody else was home.

“Liam,” I tried soothingly as I stood up, reaching for his hand to halt his mad pacing “c’mon.” I murmured softly, cautious of what I’d say, it’s not like I wanted to set him off again.

Gently I towed him over towards my bed, settling him down on my desks chair facing me where I sat on the end of my bed. The two of us both leant forward as I gave his arms a reassuring rub, soothing him and trying to keep him calm. As much as I was happy to be telling someone I knew some truth and get these demons off my chest and I was also happy that he had got that rage off his chest because now more than ever did I realize the stupidity of burying everything down. But it did not mean that I exactly wanted another breakdown from Liam.

 Liam sighed haggardly, his hands agitatedly pulling through his hair “Just…start from the start.” He gritted out, his head bowed as he fought for composure.

I nodded, my mouth dry “I tried breaking it up with him, I told him the truth about me and Eli…” I trailed off chewing on my lower lip “He got mad and he h-hit me.” I stammered nervously.

“That fucking…” Liam trailed off, mumbling a whole string of crude profanities under his breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

My mouth only felt drier, like the desert “He said he still loved me and we’d stay together and try to fix it all…” I trailed off, gulping once again.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” he whispered, holding his head in his hands. His head was bowed and out of sight and yet waves rolled off him of pure anguish.

“I t-tried,” I admitted licking my dry lips “I tried going to one of you guys – anyone – but he had me something…”

I watched as my brother’s shoulders tensed, coiling even tighter as his bowed head slowly rose ‘till his molten eyes met mine, making me silently gasp “What did he have against you?”

“Not me.” I whispered looking down nervously fidgeting with my hands; could I tell him this secret of Mel’s? It could sabotage their entire relationship if I told Liam about the video and Mel losing her virginity in such a way, would he be disgusted in her?

“You were protecting somebody.” He breathed, realization lighting up his voice.

I nodded shyly, not meeting his gaze.

“Who were you protecting?” he asked “Was it Li?” I shook my head “How about me?” my head shook again “…It was Mel wasn’t it?” he breathed as if the words were hard to even speak.

I nodded.

“Her and-“ he shook his head struggling “It was the video wasn’t it?”

I gaped at him “You knew of that video?”

Liam nodded, grim “That party after the football game was more eventful that you know.” He mumbled running his large hands down his face looking so torn and exhausted, like all these repressed emotions and secrets was slowly draining him.

“What-“ I shook my head “What do you mean?”

“Falan made a scene after you and Li left, he…spilt the truth” his lips curled in distaste “and made a point of rubbing it in and embarrassing Mel as he spoke of the video.”

My eyes softened as I watched the sheer torment upon my brother as he thought of that night. My heart shuddered and shriveled at the thought of what Mel through, the thought of being so drunk to be taken advantage of by a guy, to wake up knowing you lost your virginity to some creep. The thought of him anywhere near me let alone touching me and inside me had me in goosebumps and ready to curl in on myself with sheer disgust. Than for the icing on the cake she is taunted and ridiculed by the entire school as they hear of the video and its spread and laughed at between those two sick guys as she’s called the schools slut. The thought alone broke my heart and the more I thought of it the happier I was knowing I protected her from the video reaching more hands than just Jed and Falan.

I watched the grief and torment mirrored in my brothers eyes’, more than anything either of us wished we could change the past for her. Losing your virginity was one big and important thing you simply didn’t chuck away, but the way she did and the further abandonment from the locals was something that would haunt her for life. I wish I could take it away, save her. I could see it in my brother’s eyes how he wished with more than anything to change it, to save her. I wasn’t stupid; my brother more than anything wanted what I had with Eli – to share their firsts together.

I reached out and grabbed my brother’s hand as my lower lip trembled; the thought that I could have experienced something similar with Jed had my breath catching. I squeezed his hand as more tears blurred my vision as I thought of this new rejection and torment Mel was handed on a silver platter, it was just another scar and demon to haunt her, to pull her herself out of this world.

Liam squeezed my hand back as he tugged a lock my hair out of my eyes in his brotherly way “Mel was told the video was deleted.” He murmured.

I gave him a wry look “I’m guessing that’s what Falan told her?” I said smiling grimly “They still had the video Liam and Jed and Falan threatened if I told anyone that the video would be going viral.”

I watched as my brother’s jaw locked, his eyes clenched such tight and his grip on my hand tightened to the point it was uncomfortable and even slightly painful. I kept my lips shut tight, not wanting to give him one extra thing to only push him entirely over the ledge. Liam took heavy breaths, in and out, calming himself or trying to as the truth began to unravel.

“It worked out though,” I began stupidly, trying to lighten the situation and appease him “the night of the party I found him cheating on me I deleted the video off Jed’s phone so it’s destroyed.”

Liam’s head snapped up, brushing off my hold and stepping back as the chair knocked to the ground with an echoing thud “It worked out? It worked out?” he cried, his voice only rising to a hysterical growl "I'm going to rip that fucking prick to shreds!" he fumed, his voice resembling something of a ferocious lion.

I jumped up reaching out for him “He's on drugs Liam! He's not himself! It's all the drugs!” Liam shook me off as he continued pacing like a lion locked in its cage, pacing the length of the cage ready for the chance to unleash it’s ferocity “Look he doesn't need to be belted up; he's only going to fight back! He needs help!" I cried desperately trying to get him to see, fighting wasn’t going to do any good; I had definitely learnt that by now.

“What he needs is a fucking…” he trailed off mumbling under his breath, unable to even string threats and profanities together since he was so enraged, so furious.

“Liam just sit down please!” I begged trying to appease him before he actually took that anger out on two particular guys “I wasn’t stupid, I didn’t put myself in danger and if things got bad I had Mel to-“

“She knew?” he exploded, whipping around as hard as whip to the point my face burned like a whip had actually struck me.

I gulped chewing on my lower lip at the spill; I had decided well before that I’d act like Mel never knew. As much as Mel wanted to tell Liam the truth and be completely honest with him I wanted to save her hide and their somewhat of a relationship; her life was in ruins as it was.

I came to her aid as quick as a snakes strike, we may not be speaking right now because of her wanting me to come clean but I was here in this mess in the first place because I wanted to protect her, in amongst other factors also. "She knew a few hours before I deleted the video, I convinced her to be quiet so I could delete it first before we did anything. I was protecting her!" I insisted, my eyes begging for him to at least stay in this room and try and listen, listen to me.

“And that makes it any better?” he cried, his eyes wide as he snorted humoursly.

“Jed would have been dangerous and unpredictable without that video off Mel Liam and you know it! He hit me before the video even came into the situation, this isn’t her fault!” I shouted back with clenched hands, I wish he’d just listen to the truth for just a second.

“Still, she should have told me – you both should have!” he corrected me through a snarl, his hands being thrown up in the air for the countless time. When his mad his body speaks louder than his words, his hands are wild and his fierce pacing reminded me of a stampede.

"God Liam, it's not like she didn't try talking to you! Is that how low you think of the girl you supposedly love?” I cried bringing him up short, his expression something I would have laughed at under different circumstances “After the weekend I deleted the video and the first day back shewas threatening me she was going to tell you. She wanted me to go to you first though, give me a chance. She didn't like it, at all!”

“So she didn’t like it, so you didn’t like it, so fucking what Erin! You were being abused, bribed, threatened and hanging around some aggressive unpredictable sleaze! Are you freaking insane?” he cried, his wide searching my own for the truth.

“I had my reasons!” I tried, my argument only deflecting right off him though, going unheard.

"I just can't get over this! Why didn't you just come to me!? So you didn't want the video spread fair enough, but if you came to me – to Eli – we could have still helped without this crap going down! I love Mel don't get me wrong but I know even she'd prefer the video leaked than have you getting hit!" he cried, back to pacing as he tried to shift through his spiraled thoughts.

I could see it upon his expression, I’d unleashed this bomb upon him and now he didn’t know what was up and what was down. He needed time to simply pull his thoughts all together and wrap his mind all around it, hell I was still there trying to do the same for myself!

"He only hit me a couple times, less than five times Liam!” I tried, taking any possible way to appease him “It wasn't like he was always dangerous, he underneath wasn't stupid. It wasn't him talking! I knew what I was doing okay!"

"You knew what you were doing huh?” he turned around facing me with mock agreement, nodding stupidly making me think that any moment his head would come tumbling off “What twisted fool lets themselves get beaten?!"

“I didn’t enjoy it,” I protested in disbelief “I was terrified Liam! I was scared out of my mind!"

“Wh-“

"You weren't there Liam!” I cried bringing him up short, my voice catching “It's not like I enjoyed being where I was but it was the only option that was there that looked safe! I was scared and petrified and I was scared of going to anyone; Eli hated me, Mel I felt like had abandoned me because she couldn't even tell me about the video and you weren't even there Liam fighting for me!" I cried looking at him with wide eyes as I pressed my hands to my chest, to my crumbling heart.

Liam blinked stunned before the rage boiled right back up again "You didn't fight for us either! If you knew me like I thought you did you'd know I'd never abandon you! I will always fight for you!"

"Well than what happened to us? When did we even get like this?” I insisted “Why do I feel like I haven't seen you in years?!" I cried, my voice breaking as my vision began to blur again.

"We haven't seen each other since you went and did....all of this!" he cried, his words a tumble as his hands flew out and pointed all around us and in between us.

"You can't blame this on me!” I broke; my voice softening as I shook my head wounded “You can't look at me like that!"

"Like what? Why does everyone keep saying that!" he demanded frustrated.

"I'm still your little sister Liam; I don't need or want to hear your disgust or anger.” I choked raggedly as the salty tears rolled down my cheeks and over my lips, stinging my chapped lips “I need to hear that even after all this crap that you still love me, that you won't leave me." I begged of him, my eyes wide and pleading, glistening from the never ceasing tears.

“Hey,” Liam murmured, his entire stoic face softening as he reached out for me “of course I love you.” He said gruffly, as if the idea itself of him not loving me was preposterous.

I sniffled as I curled up into his side, hiding my face in his shirt “Really?” I asked meekly, scared to ask and yet scared not to.

Liam laughed humoursly under his breath “Of course,” he murmured “even when you’re doing the dumbest things.” He murmured a faint smile on his lips. True it wasn’t a full smile but I’d take it.

***

“What was racing through your head?” he murmured staring up at the ceiling later on that afternoon, the both of us lying on our backs on my bedroom floor and staring up at the ceiling as we thought through this one chaotic month our fingers locked in a tight hold.

“I think….” I trailed off thoughtfully, contemplating and seeking for the truth myself “I think I did it because I wanted to be strong; I wanted to prove to people I wasn't this pathetic dreamer that couldn't stand up for herself. For once I wanted to do something amazing like you three do every day; I wanted to protect the ones that I love!" I murmured honestly, my eyes squinting thoughtfully up at my ceiling.

“I think that’s stupid.” He murmured on a sigh.

I laughed shortly “I know you do, Mel did too.” I admitted “She thinks I’m strong just for simply believing in love.” I murmured stupidly, not even thinking of what I was saying.

Liam sighed haggardly, sounding so exhausted “She’s had it…rough.” He murmured putting it mildly.

“Do you want to know the real reason why I did it though?” I murmured, turning my head to the side to look at Liam.

Liam frowned at me “Why?”

“I’ve let Mel down so much Liam,” I whispered with miserable honesty “that girl is so alone and I forget all her dramas and became so selfish...she lives alone, has two parents that abandoned her, she went out and partied like crazy and did all these other things and I didn't stop her or tried to help. I just....sat there.” I whispered grimacing at how awful that simply sounded let alone the fact that it was true.

I shook my head as I fought back the tears, looking up at the biggest glow in the dark star on my ceiling unable but to feel warmer at what that star represented on its own “Then I found out about the video and what happened and I felt like a failure Liam. I thought by not letting the video go viral I'd be doing her a favour, making up for the crappy excuse of a friend I was."

“You want to know what I think?” he murmured “You’re not going to like it.” he warned.

“What?” I asked shaking my head knowing he was going to tell me either way.

"You were a crappier friend by making her live with knowing that you took abuse for her, she would have never wanted you to deal with that Erin. It'd haunt her, especially when you made her promise to tell no one making her feel locked in, like she owed you." He murmured hesitantly and yet with brutal honesty.

I grimaced as my eyes began to pool from his words as the truth of the blow hit me deep and hard. He was right, I had literally trapped Mel in, everything I did - despite it being for her – she didn’t agree with or like, rather it made it more difficult for her. It was practically guilt tripping to make her to deal with it; seducing Falan, lying and keeping secrets with Liam, not going to Police. I didn’t mean for it to be that hard on her or to make her feel worse, I did all of this for her…

“You’re right.” I grimaced “I didn’t like it.”

Liam gave me a sympathetic glance as he reached over, giving my hand a squeeze of reassurance making me smile feebly back at him. "I know you meant well, but never do that ever again, you hear me?" he said sternly, with a protective sternness “Think things through off and don’t try to be a hero, haven’t you heard, the knights don’t get the princesses, it’s the lazy spoilt prince.” He murmured with a teasing smile thinking the story fairytale reference would make me feel better.

It didn’t.

“They do in the stories.” I mumbled lamely, not knowing what else to say.

Yet my words told me more than enough about my decisions; did I decide to play the hero because they get the girl – or in this case Eli? Was there still a naive and pathetic part of me that made my decisions based off my inner dreamer? It frightened of the possible answer to that question, even without intentionally doing so; the inner naive dreamer within me plays a ploy in my life and tries to ruin me. It was more proof that being a dreamer – a believer – simply wasn’t safe or wise; it was dangerous. It wasn’t the dragon or the wicked witch that was dangerous; it was the dreamer that created such false hope and such wrong and misleading stories.

"You don't hate Mel do you?” I asked moments later, filling the silence “Please don't, they were my decisions." I murmured honestly coming to her aid at the thought of more of the pain I’d cause for her.

"I don't hate her,” he admitted wearily, sounding exhausted “I'm just trying to think of what to do next."

"Oh please don't reject her, it's the last thing she needs!" I cried horrified at how much Liam’s rejection would kill her, she was only holding on as it was because of Liam.

"I don't mean with Mel,” he murmured “I mean with...those two." his jaw clenching at the thought of them alone. I’d hate to know or even see what would happen if he passed them in the school hallways let alone hearing their actual names mentioned.

"Please don't do anything Liam! Please! You're just going to cause more drama! It's all over, the video is done!” I cried anxiously, my eyes wide as I turned to face him as my gut clenched.

"You expect me to just let them get away with it, to just walk away?" he asked astonished, snorting in disbelief.

"Well...yes.” I murmured nervously “What can you do that'll help? You know as well as I do that confronting and fighting him will just blow up more shit. It's not like he's going to turn around and say 'Oh you know what? You're so right, I'm going to clean myself up.'” I murmured sarcastically as I imitated Jed’s baboon of an ass voice “Please?” I insisted as I watched him contemplate through pursed lips.

“Alright.”

“Alright?” I asked frowning, shocked at how easily he came to agree.

“Yes, alright. I won't do anything and I won't tell dad. He'll just blow it up more.” he said, the both of us sharing a knowing look as I gulped “But you don't go anywhere on your own or anywhere near him, you hear?"

"I'm not stupid." I mumbled rolling my eyes.

"You haven't got me convinced." He said giving me a pointed look and although I gaped at him I didn’t say anything else; I couldn’t deny the truth.

"And you won't tell 'Li?" I asked instead, just to make sure he wasn’t really going to tell a soul.

Liam frowned as he turned his head to look at me “Wouldn't you want him to know? You know, to clean up the air?"

I shook my head sadly “I've already hurt him Liam, if I tell him he's only going to get madder or he'll feel guilty. I'm not winning him back as it is, why add more heartache?"

"I don't know, I think-"

"Please, just don't tell him any of this." I asked at him with wide begging eyes.

"Fine, fine.” He grumped, his disapproval and frustration at that decision no secret “I won't tell him anything he doesn't already know."

“Thank you." I breathed, finally releasing the breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding.

***

“So,” I asked filling the silence I came back up to the surface and out of my thoughts “how are you and Mel going?” I asked hesitantly and yet too curious not to ask.

“She’s had it rough.” He murmured sighing sadly “She’s always had it rough but she’s just had it even worse lately.” He murmured.

I frowned; what else has happened to make it even worse? “How so?” I asked.

“Well the video, the gossip and bullying at school, her dad back into the picture,” he listed “oh and she confronted her mum the other day.”

My eyes grew “She confronted her mum? I didn’t even know her mum was home…” I murmured more so to myself, was I being a neglectful friend again?

“Oh, she isn’t home.” He answered “I was there with her, had her dial her mum back and talk to her. I gave her the little push she needed to make her mum realize what an imbecile she’s been.” He said with a hint of pride for his role, it only made my own stomach coil.

“Oh.” I answered.

“Yeah,” he agreed mistaking my tone “she’s had it rough but I’ve been there all the time ya know? Helping her out and I think I’m really getting through to her; she’s opened up to me so much, I think basically all her walls are down.” He murmured happily, proudly.

My jaw locked “That’s nice.”

“Yeah,” he continued on oblivious “now she’s just got to deal with all of these emotions and thoughts and I think I really will have a shot with her Erin, finally.”

“That’s great.” I said rolling my eyes sarcastically unable to bite my tongue.

“What?” he asked sitting up and looking down at me.

I sat up myself shrugged “Nothing.” I said sulking.

"What are you mad at her for?" he asked astounded.

“Nothing.” I mumbled looking away, more interested in the sleeve of my shirt than anything else.

“Come on now, don’t go straight back to bull shitting to me.” he pointed out pissed “Now what are you mad at her for?”

“She shouldn’t have told you okay!” I cried out “It wasn’t her place and she dobbed you in when I said no to!”

"You know she should have!” he cried pointedly “You should be worried if she hadn't, she wouldn't have been a good friend than!"

"It wasn't her place to say!" I insisted stubbornly, folding my arms with a childish pout as I stood up, my back facing him.

"She was on that video was she not?" he countered making my jaw lock.

"What about me Liam? I was hit and I've taken blows too!" I cried out as I turned around to face him “What about me huh?”

"Are you jealous?" he asked incredulously.

"No...She- it's because she told you when she shouldn't have!" I lied in agitation, ready to stomp my foot.

I was upset and more than upset I was wounded, this whole time my brother was going on gushing about Mel and how hard she’s had it and struggled. What about me? I just opened to him that I was being abused and threatened and already it was back on Mel? I know he loved the girl and I asked but what about me, I’m his sister! I suddenly felt dejected, like I’d been shoved aside and forgotten and it only broke my heart more. I was starting to wonder now why I even told him the truth when he obviously doesn’t even care about me. And he wondered why he was only finding out now, wasn’t it obvious that nobody cared about me anymore?

"Erin-"

“No!” I cried out, my voice only breaking as I looked back up at him, pausing in the doorway “Don’t bother Liam; I'm sure your precious Mel will need you once I'm through with her.” I cried sarcastically as I made my way out of my room and down the hall.

“Erin!” Liam shouted out after me.

I kept running down hall and to the front door on a mission to unleash this bubbling anger – and although I deny it – jealousy raging through me. I swiped the stupid tears under my eyes aside reaching for the door just as the door opened from the outside startling me as I jumped back.

“Ez?” a confused voice asked.

I looked up to only blush and look away shyly “Oh, hi.” I mumbled reaching out to step around him.

“What’s wrong?” Eli asked reaching out for me.

I jumped out of his reach “N-nothing.” I lied pitifully with a snivel.

“Don’t lie Ez, not to me.” he murmured reaching out for me and I only grimaced because he had no idea how much I’d been lying to him.

“I’ve got to go.” I sniffled reaching up to rid the new traitorous tears.

‘Li beat me to it as he wiped them away with the pads of his thumb “Where are you racing off to?” he murmured tenderly.

I shrugged “Mel’s.” I mumbled “Why? You want to see her too?” I demanded childishly with pure envy.

Eli frowned “Hey what’s…” he trailed off confused and even startled, looking slapped in the face. instantly I felt guilty, here I was seething with jealousy and anger at him for him going to see Mel like we were more than ‘friends’ when I claimed what happened between us was a ‘mistake’ and ‘chose’ Jed over him. There were too many lies in that sentence alone; it had my head spinning with guilt.

“Erin! Are you still here?” Liam shouted out after me, his voice sounding anxious and strangled as I heard a door close.

Shit.

I tugged out of Eli’s grip hastily as I tried to get by him. I was only halted by Eli’s grip as his arms curled around my waist, his head lowering down as he whispered in my ears “I don’t know what’s going on but you’re my number one, my only number one.” An erratic shiver raced from the crown of my head right down to my curled toes “I’ll see you later.” He murmured his lips only briefly locking on my ear in a playful and yet erotic nip.

My breath caught sharply audible for all to hear, blushing scarlet I raced down the houses front path before Liam caught up. my legs couldn’t move quick enough as I pulled the hair out of my eyes, hesitantly I looked over my shoulder to see Eli standing in the doorway of our house smiling tauntingly as he sent me a wink. My head snapped around as my pace quickened down the street, my body now a flustered scarlet with a tumbling heart.

I couldn’t have gotten out of there quick enough.

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