Shattered Hearts Chapter-by-chapter close up!

*Starting only from chapter 5 because that's the moment I thought up of this

Kabanata 5:

Okay this was a fun chapter with a bit of a sad part towards the end. At first I was a little surprised at the time skip but only then realized you were going for an almost Maalaala Mo Kaya narrative. I'm not sure if that's on purpose but Shattered Hearts really reads like that and it's giving me such an overwhelming sense of nostalgia.

I love that, though. It's familiar and comforting for me (and for those readers who've watched MMK). The part where she and her auntie talks about her father and that once unanswered question was also nice. It gives a sense that every day she's really walking on tightropes and eggshells just to try and ease that grief.

Kabanata 6:

Here are some minor typos I found!

-Naabutan ko roon ang mag-asawa ni Tita Agnes. I'm confused about this part.

-"Bawal sa magkaibigan?" sarkastiko kong tanong. The 'S' in 'sarkastiko' should be capitalized.

-Nilapitan niya ako at kinulit ng kinulat.

Woah this chapter was amazing! I don't normally feel anything at all with love interests in books (especially in Wattpad), but this really made me feel some things. I suddenly remembered all those times I used to be a very very active reader in Wattpad, and occasionally dabbled in tagalog romance stories.

Although the two love interests are the same overused tropes: the comfortable childhood best friend and the new edgy dude that has a soft spot, what are books without tropes? I am still yet to know what differentiates them from the others, so I will not judge yet. However, I am a bit weirded out when Xander gripped Sam's wrist. You could say it took me out of the immersion. Maybe because the first thought I had after that was how cliche it was?

I was kind of hoping for at least a different reaction rather than the usual gripping the wrist thing for absolutely no reason other than badum badum. This could've been an early message to the reader that 'I know this looks like every other Wattpad book, but trust me these characters have more depth to them than you might think.' Because I feel like you make characters of depth on a regular basis. I really love the dialogues of your characters, especially how natural they all sound. I would've wanted a slight hint to the readers about the 'unknown soft personality' of the new edgy dude other than the usual.

For suggestion: he could groan and swat her hand away (annoyed), he could cover his face subconsciously (a little insecure), he could flip to the other side (tired), he could sit up without a word (callous, or maybe not paying as much attention), he could stare straight at her (a bit creepy, a bit funny), she could unconsciously do something funny and he could laugh at it.

But then again, I am writing this as I go through your chapters. And I might be wrong on this one. I don't have any intention to change anything here until I get to the last chapter for authentication purposes though (that doesn't apply to the general review, I do take time to revise and edit that one).

Kabanata 7:

Okay so this chapter was nice. It was definitely funny and I loved the interactions between the characters. Usually I would've said something about the mundane-ness of it but this one was actually pretty entertaining. Although maybe cut down a bit on the first parts when they were simply talking as they waited for the boys. Maybe start it when they've already arrived? It's just that mundane things really make the readers question what the reason was for this scene, or if it enhances/moves the plot in any way. You don't want them to ask this question, because that'd mean they're starting to get bored.

Moving on to the main highlight of the chapter: Xander's move. It's clear he's trying to get closer to Sam. And it's really cute, I've got to say. Very squeal-worthy. It's just that I was kind of thrown with his last line of "our eyes finally met." I didn't quite take him for a romantic. But that's probably because we know little about him anyway, and are now just starting to know at least a bit more. I'll be keeping this advancement in mind, to see if you stick with it or how Xander's personality will get exposed more and more.

Anyway, to quell a bit of the 'maybe it's insta-love' fear, I'm not sure this could be considered insta-love. Since it just feels like a bit of a crush or an interest at most. I like that it's just that for now, since it's a lot more realistic.

"Aabutin ko sana ang handle ng pinto pero natigilan ako nang makita ang kamay na lumapat doon at siyang nagbukas niyon. Nagtataka kong nilingon ang gilid ko. Mas lumawak ang pagtataka ko nang makita ko ang seryosong mukha ni Xander."

You used too much 'pagtataka.'

It's alright to use filter words every once in a while, but twice in the same paragraph makes it repetitive. Instead, try removing the 'pagtataka' in the first instance.

'Nagtataka kong nilingon ang gilid ko. Mas lumawak ang pagtataka ko nang makita ko ang seryosong mukha ni Xander.'

Streamlined version:

'Nilingon ko ang gilid ko at napa kunot ng noo nang makita ang seryosong mukha ni Xander. '

Alright, onto the general review.

It was a good chapter. It was much more meaningful, or I guess every scene was made to deepen Sam's reaction more. And I loved that you didn't just remind us of what had previously happened in the last chapter, and instead filled in more gaps and showed us another scene (the car scene) so it would still move the plot forward. I love their dialogues, especially Erika's, since it really jumps from the screen.

At this point I am still confused on what Xander's up to. But I do have some theories: it's that he must've been bribed, dared, or anything? But that wouldn't make much sense since his friends seem to know nothing about his actions (unless he has another group of friends we don't know of yet). Not to mention they aren't really the kind to do that kind of cruel thing. Or if it really is just Xander liking her, then that's fine too. Some people are bolder than they look.

But the thing is just that they haven't interacted much, or if at all, really. So it's pretty natural for us readers to think there's something going on rather than just the wholesome type of crush. So if there really is nothing behind his actions other than a crush, I have a feeling I'd feel cheated. But since I don't know anything yet, I won't judge or say anything more than that. It's just important to know the reader's standpoint here.

Also, I love that this really feels like real life. I have had these feelings too, of being intimidated by someone (sadly though, they don't seem to like me). Usually I would have berated the author for writing yet another insta-love type of beat. But this one, it's pretty clear it's just a simple crush. The kind most of us have probably felt. The difference is that this time there does seem to be a chance for it to develop more.

I would like to mention December Tryst here too, if you don't mind, since I have some differences I would like to share. First of all, I loved that yet again, this feels more realistic and not at all like the insta-love in December Tryst. Even though both love interests seem distant to both the readers and the character, Shattered Hearts frames it in a simple interest, a crush, a curiosity. While in December Tryst, it is already framed as something deeper, as something closer to love.

That's what makes Shattered Hearts more realistic. I could also see this has gone through other critiques and revisions too, am I right? I see your book every now and then at some book awards or clubs.

Kabanata 9:

"Black BMW8i"

This doesn't seem natural for Sam. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who knows every brand of car she walks past. This would be better and more natural if you could simply make it: Black BMW without the i8 part.

But on the overall chapter, I'd say pretty good! Yet again we have moments with Xander, and we learn that he has a relatively low patience, although the reason is understandable.

The scene with doc and the callback to the earlier chapters was also neat, and I loved how it was only now that I noticed the shift in narrative from melancholy and sad to a fun, livelier version. But with this, I felt a sense of completeness. As if the story has finally ended, the goal is fulfilled. This reads sort of like the last chapter to the book, even though I know there's a lot more. This would make the reader feel–yes, satisfied, but satisfied in a way that they already got what they came for, there's no more need to continue the story.

But as there are more chapters to this, I'm looking forward to a shift or a plot point in the next chapter that will establish Sam with a new goal, or something might happen that'll send her back to her old goal.

To be honest as I was writing this, I had an idea. 'What if something tragic happens to Xander?' That'd be interesting. Although he's seemingly the love interest as of now, and even though he and Sam still haven't been connected in that way, it'd be interesting to see a book that shows the flaws apparent in some or most girls: the loss of someone courting her. Because for some (or most) of us, even if we don't like the guy, we can't doubt it validates our ego. If something were to happen, or if the guy stops, it feels awful. I wonder what'd happen then. But that must be a story for another book, and it definitely wouldn't work well with Shattered Hearts. (Keep in mind this isn't a suggestion! I just had a thought)

Kabanata 10:

Okay I have a lot of things to say about this chapter but first let's get on to the minor stuff or typos I've found! Quick reminder, I'm not including this as a part of the critique or anything, just a heads up if you want to polish up the little details.

Kinulbit = Kinalabit

"You all know that she used to work in Manila while studying and watching over his dad right?" = Her

Hindi ko alam kung tamad ba siyang magsalita o = (Sentence not finished)

Abala sa pakikipag usap sa tatlong babae ang dalawa ni Erika at Bianca = 'Ang dalawa' seems misplaced.

Okay now onto the critique.

First of all, I found some things here that really do need addressing. The chapter falls a little flat, and my expectations from the previous chapter (as a reader) was not fulfilled. Her motivation and the sole drive of this book has been, well, finished. No new motivation was presented to the plot, nor did anything happen for that (seemingly short-lived) happiness to be at stake. If ever, it'll only multiply (with the implications that she's starting to like Xander?). If you ever planned for that plot point to be a little later in the story, I suggest moving it quickly after chapter 9 (where the drive of the story has been achieved). Preferably on chapter 10 or by the end of it. I know Sam needs that happiness, she deserves it. But it is risking the story of being DnF'ed. If it wasn't supposed to end here, add a plot point that'll keep the story going.

"Pero, tito, maaari kayang baka pinipilit niya lang na maging masaya? Matagal siyang naging ganoon three months ago lang nang mawala si tito Samuel. Natatakot po akong baka...b-baka pinipilit niya lang ang sarili niyang maging masaya. Na tumawa at ngumiti." 

Moving on to another point, something about the conversation here makes the reader feel...cringy? Usually I'm at awe with the way your dialogue jumps out of the screen, but it seems this one needs a little more polishing. Don't get me wrong, I love your dialogues. The problem with this specific scene is just that it's way too direct.

I shrug off the moments where the dialogue seems a little too on the nose with the theme as simply Samantha having the quirk that she's a lot more open with sharing feelings, or when it's a truly open conversation. But this one scene doesn't really fall under those moments.

I suggest either removing this scene or moving all of the things you (as the author) want to convey in subtext. Subtext, I tell you, is a life saver. It's so much fun writing it too. Subtext is when the context of the conversation is hidden under subtle dialogue or action. It could be Erika's slight glances of concern, maybe make her ask Sam in private if she's alright, or a subtle dialogue that shows her worries for Sam but isn't too on the nose. I suggest the same with doc's response to her question.

"Sinubukan ko na lamang magbiro para mabura ang kaseryosohan nila at maalis sa aking ang usapan na napagtagumpayan ko naman."

Here's another instance where you tell the readers unnecessary, obvious things. You've already done a good job showing the scene, you don't need to spell it out for the readers. Instead, you could keep the part where she says 'sinubukan ko na lamang magbiro'. Or change the sentence into a thought that will convey the same thing

"Tumango ito na parang sinasabing kunin ko iyon at hindi ko iyon pagsisisihan."

This one's a little different from my previous point but around the same problem as well. You don't need to tell us what his nod 'seems' like, but show us how he nodded and conveyed that thought to Sam. Show us his body language and Sam's reaction to what he's implying without being on the nose about it.

Okay enough of all that technical writing talk. Let's get on with the contents of the chapter, specifically, the last part. I see you're quite fond of stares. I, in the reader's perspective however, isn't feeling it as much. Again, despite how well it's [the romance] in the first parts is going, this feels yet again like insta-love. Obviously–and I'm hoping–that this isn't love she's feeling, but just admiration or a crush. As I've said, we've all been there. And you've definitely already established that she's feeling a little...jittery around Xander–a dead giveaway of having a crush. We didn't need a confirmation from her, because you went again on multiple other on the nose sentences here. Now, I haven't had a crush in a long, long while, nor am I a pro in romance and love. But I did read and enjoy a couple romance books in my time here in Wattpad. Looking back now, I realized what made it feel so real was the fact that the realizations of their feelings come in subtext. Their feelings aren't openly said or even openly thought. But it's there. You can see it in their actions, in their words. And it definitely didn't materialize out of intense gazes and observation.

Even up to this point, I was hoping for more interactions between the two. Which brings me to their conversation by the end of the chapter. Now I love this conversation, in fact I love all of their interactions because I'm waiting for something to happen, something to click. Something.

I can see Xander seems to be a silent romantic type, though. The kind that's straight-forward and blunt. Which is proven true by his sudden confession. That's [the confession] fine, it's inevitable in fact. I have no qualms with the confession. But I do have a little concern for Xander's character. He's purely running on mysterious bad boy tropes right now, and he feels like a machine just there to perform the romantic rituals of any romance book. We don't know him, he hasn't shown even a bit of his 'true' personality. Admittedly, in his first appearance, I was intrigued, and until not very long I was holding out hope that there's something about him, anything. Unfortunately, we still know little about him.

I suggest introducing something about him that isn't quite expected. Niche interests? (He seems fond of motorcycles, maybe showing him being kind of a geek about it would help) Hidden personality trait? (Maybe he really likes food, but is actively avoiding it for his exercise regime) Likes and dislikes? Peculiar way of speaking? All I'm saying is that he seems to be lacking a bit. I was looking for something about him that will break the trope he's caged in.

Kabanata 11:

"You are bravest person we've ever met," = *the bravest person

I feel like the pacing is too fast. As I'm reading this, I'm still confused and frankly, suspicious of Xander. He has confessed in the last chapter, and in this one, they share a vulnerable moment. That's fine, I'm all in for vulnerable moments between characters. But it's just that the way they talked didn't seem natural. They spoke like they knew each other for decades when it's really just months (and months with very little interaction until recently at that).

Before I get into that, let me tell you first of the more technical parts of writing. Again, instead of telling us this, why don't you show us? For example, make Sam's heart swell, make her flush or smile instead of outright telling the readers what the characters are feeling. These instances aren't really that bad, especially if it's a stylistic choice for the book (like the MMK style). But sometimes we need to tone it down a bit especially on the more significant turning points of the story so the readers can feel it more.

After all, you don't typically hear the MMK narrator narrating the characters' feelings as the clips roll right?

"Pero saya ang dulot ng mga sinabi niyang iyon sa puso ko kahit pa alam kong nakikisakay lang siya sa mga pinagsasabi ko."

Like in this instance:

"Seryoso ang mukha nito. Noon ay palagi kong nakikita ang ganitong mukha niya at pagkailang ang nararamdaman ko noon. Pero ngayon ay lungkot na ang nakikita ko sa kanyang mata tuwing sumeseryoso siya. Ganito rin ba ang mababasa sa mga mata niya noon? Masyado ba akong natakot sa pagiging seryoso niya at hindi na nakita ang tunay na emosyon niya?"

There's some very obvious telling here but it isn't bad. It fits with the overall narrative voice as well as fitting for the character itself. The questions were also a good way to tie up some loose parts.

Okay now back to the more plot-parts of the chapter.

This is a prime example of what I'm talking about earlier:

"Kung naroon lang sana ako para punasan ang bawat luhang papatak sa mga mata mo. Kung naroon lang sana ako para yakapin ka kapag sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman mo. Kung naroon lang sana ako para hawakan ang kamay mo habang sinasamahan ka sa bawat araw. Kung naroon lang sana ako, Sam, noong mga panahong pinupuno ng unos ang buhay mo. Sana nasanggahan ko iyon kahit konti. Sana nasalo ko ang talim niyon kahit konti."

It feels inauthentic, leading me to be suspicious of Xander. Now that's good if that's the whole point (remember I am recording these insights as I read the book, giving a live reaction to each chapter as the story unfolds). But if Xander doesn't have any ulterior motives of playing with her feelings, then it's...not the way to go.

But with that said, Xander's character is definitely getting revealed a lot more. We're starting to see new sides of him, that's amazing! It's just as what I've hoped for in the earlier critiques.

Here's a part that shows that and I really like it:

"Ang seryoso niyang mukha unti-unting nabahiran ng ngiti. Kumislap ang saya sa mga mata niya na kanina ay parang dinadaanan ng kulimlim. 'Ang galing mong magpakilig, alam mo ba iyon?'"

Kabanata 12:

"May sasabihin ka? Muli akong nagmulat... = Need quotation marks after 'ka'

Lumipat nga ako sa vanity at umupo = This is just a minor grammar tic but this'll sound better without the 'nga'.

***

I love that Sam is being wary of Xander, it's highly understandable. And what she says in this part just speaks to what the reader is also thinking of.

"Sa totoo lang nabibigla ako sa mga kilos niya, E. Napakabilis ng mga pangyayari."

Overall, this chapter is pretty interesting. Sam and Xander mention quite a lot through the chapter how this is going too fast, which consoles the reader that the author knows what they're doing. I have got to say, I really love this MMK style you're doing. I feel like I'm watching a teleserye again.

Anyway, this chapter got me thinking. Since in your other book, December Tryst, there was a rather fantastical phenomenon towards the end. It makes me wonder if Xander was just some figment of Sam's imagination, or a hallucination, or something that isn't real. Hear me out on this theory okay? (It's a good thing that you could get your readers thinking of theories and set up expectations in your book like this, good job! :))

What if, because of the extreme grief and stress Sam is going through, she's made up this whole fake scenario of moving away and finding someone that will never leave her anymore. Someone that is dedicated to her through and through. Someone that will love her and never abandon her. I had this theory because everything about Xander seems so surreal, too good to be true. And with the confirmations in this chapter itself, I'm kind of looking forward to this twist. But it's just a faulty theory, I'm just sharing my ideas. If ever this wasn't what you were going for, that's totally fine.

Which is why moving on to the characters: we have Xander's involvement. The readers are really seeing more of him now. His sweetness, his way with words. I'm starting to like how you establish his character. (Despite the fact that we are still questioning the suddenness of his actions.) Overall, he's growing on me.

Kabanata 13:

I freaking love this chapter.

It's lighthearted, fun, and finally we are getting more interactions with our main couple. I love it. They're funny together, and Xander's character is definitely getting explored more and we're seeing more sides of him we didn't see before. But with that said, there's Gerald's return, which I'm assuming would make Shattered Hearts more interesting and kickstart the drama and plot. I was so engrossed in this chapter that I didn't even notice if you had any misspellings or typos, it's that good. Despite the rather rocky start of their romance, this is helping smooth things a little. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, Gerald's return, and seeing more of Shattered Hearts!

Kabanata 14:

Kumukuha ako niyon = might be better if it's in past tense. 'Kumuha.'

Tanging nasabi ko para itago ang kilig na nararamdaman k. = 'ko'

***

It's so cute.

I love this chapter. From chapter 13, I could see the romance getting a lot more stable and cuter. And I love this conversation between Samantha and Xander that really clears up why the romance has been so quick. It cleaned up the past doubts I had of the romance, and their interactions just keep getting more wholesome. The conversation didn't come off as unnatural or cheesy either, it's just so heartwarming and true.

Overall this chapter was amazing and didn't fail my expectations. We're getting more of Samantha and Xander, and seeing all the new sides of him. I love the way this chapter showed us how much Xander cares for Samantha. But at the same time how much he cares and appreciates his friends too in his silent, little ways.

Though, with that said I have some veery minor things to say. As much as I loved the conversation, this whole block of dialogue isn't doing much for the scene. I understand it's supposed to be Xander ranting his feelings about Sam, but it falls a little flat without even a little bit of a pause, a description of his expressions, any kind of action. It doesn't have to be an action every sentence, even a single pause in the end or by the beginning would make a lot of difference in setting the scene even more.

"The first time I saw you here, you already caught my attention, Samantha. Habang pinagmamasdan mo ang bahay na 'to, gusto kong matawa dahil parang noon lang ako nakakita ng ganoong kislap sa mga mata pero hindi ko maipagkaila sa sarili na nakuha mo ang atensyon nang mga oras na iyon. Hanggang sa mga sumunod na araw magandang boses mo na ang hinahangaan ko. At nang sumunod pang araw ay ngiti at tawa mo na. Hanggang lahat na ng tungkol sayo itinatak sa puso ko."

And on the last part: "At sa pangalawang pagkakataon, I found my happiness. He is my happiness!"

I especially loved the first sentence. However, we're back at it again with stating the obvious. If we streamline this and remove the redundancy, you could just remove the last part and it'll work even better.

But all in all, I love this chapter and I'm looking forward to more.

Kabanata 15:

This chapter was sweet!

It's heartwarming that they decided to surprise Samantha on her birthday. This chapter really makes the reader think back to Samantha's previous position: having to work and study and take care of her father all the time that she forgets her birthday. It's wholesome, and admittedly, I feel grateful and proud of how far Samantha has come. This chapter shows how much she's recovering and how this group of friends helps her through the grief.

That said, the entirety of this chapter was great and sweet, I have no qualms about that. Though there were some things I want to mention.

The descriptions of outfits:

It's a little jarring because we go from straight Tagalog to English, and it isn't the usual Taglish we're used to either. It almost sounds like it was ripped from product descriptions. Examples are:

Naka black square neck dress siya at black peep toe stilettos.

Isa 'yong sparkling silver sequin backless dress.

It would sound better if you didn't make even the adjectives English since I understand there are words we can't translate in tagalog.

For example:

Naka itim siyang square neck dress at peep toe stilettos.

Kumikinang-kinang ang magarbong silver na tela nitong napapalamutian ng sequins. Linipat ko sa likod at napalunok nang makita ang exposed (or bukas) na likod.

I'm not that good at writing Tagalog descriptions, but this is the best I could offer. It's longer than the original, but it would suit more with the straight tagalog style we're using. I feel like more dominantly Taglish works would work with these descriptions, but it sounds out of place in a book like Shattered Hearts.

On the other hand, we jump to the part where her friends surprise her. I loved this scene, and it's already nice enough as it is. But it could be better if Samantha's reaction could be described smoother. I understand she's a crybaby (which I have no problem with), and Xander even said she cries for every single thing. But I'm sure she should've been more surprised, because the transition between her emotions here was a little rocky.

"'Happy birthday, Samantha!'"

Nakanganga, mabilis na nangilid ang luha ko habang tinitignan isa-isa ang mga taong nasa harapan ko. Nagpatakan ang mga luha ko nang mapagtanto ang nangyayari."

It isn't anything serious, I just advise you to give her even just a sentence that conveys her shock. And then only after that she can cry.

For example:

"Happy birthday, Samantha!"

Parang tumigil ako sa paghinga. Hindi ko maitago ang gulat at luha na namumutawi sa mga mata ko. Sa oras na 'yon, parang tumigil ang mundo. Nakanganga, mabilis na nangilid ang luha ko...

To clarify, there's nothing wrong with her crying. It's just Samantha being Samantha. But the scene could be better if she transitioned from surprise to crying better.

I also have something to say about the last line again. Exclamation marks are alright, but sometimes removing them makes a lot of difference. The 'my love!' part was sweet, but it sounds a little cheesy. I say abandon the exclamation mark and it'll leave a more lasting impact as the chapter ends.

Kabanata 16:

"Hanggang kailangan ka naman dito?" = Kailan

***

Wow that's a lot.

But first off, I really love this chapter. It's interesting. And the things we've been building up to have finally taken place in this chapter. I love how much Sam's friends love and care so much for her, it's so heartwarming and sweet. And I just want to say, Erika will always have a place in my heart from now on. You have a way of moving people to tears not by pain but by extreme joy. I genuinely felt like crying from how sweet Sam's friends are to her.

That said, a lot of things happened in this chapter. First there's Gerald. At first I'd been excited at how (maybe) Xander and Gerald could fight for Sam, since I had the impression this could be a love triangle story. The moment they were talking and Sam was crying to his chest, I was actually a little excited on how you'd handle the assumed love triangle. Though this excitement quickly came to a halt by the end when Sam said "I love you" to Xander. That's fine, I have nothing against it. But now I want to see how things move on from here, since I'm not quite sure if we're seeing any sort of goal or anything to look forward to anymore.

First there was the doctor coming by to confirm Samantha has started to be pulled out of that hole of grief, which clears things. Until then, there was the potential romance and conflict of that romance (with the assumed love triangle) to (hopefully) keep the readers reading. But now even that has been resolved; Samantha and Xander are getting together. Don't get me wrong, I understand not all romance stories have to end with the main couple getting together. But now I'm not sure if we're following any form of plot or goal anymore, it's just Samantha's day to day life and Xander being romantic. Though I can't judge yet, maybe you still have some stuff up your sleeves. It's just losing tension and never had a clear line of goal to build up on.

Secondly, the songs. Your writing through the chapter was consistent with the book and nice as always. But like with the descriptions of their outfits, the songs through the chapter were ruining the feel and grip of it in me. Don't get me wrong, the songs are good...I assume, since I've only listened to a couple. But the problem isn't with the song itself, it's simply the irrelevance of it.

An example from this chapter: "...ay umalingawngaw ang bersyon ni Christian Bautista sa kantang "Beautiful Girl."

I understand the songs fit well with the scene and all, but not all would know every song on this. More than that, a more effective way of setting the auditory scene would be to simply describe the melody. You could just add the playlist you want at the end of every chapter. An example of this would be from Binibining Mia's books where she dedicates a song towards the end of the chapter with simply a Youtube video. It works. I've seen many people react to the song as well and how much it fits with the chapter, they just don't have to be outwardly said as we read.

With the songs through the event, you could simply say: "...umalingawngaw ang mala-mapangarapin na melodiya." Or: "Hindi ko mawari kung dahil ba sa masiglang kanta o sa kanya tumakbo ang puso ko." And things like such.

Overall though, you're amazing at writing wholesomeness and sweetness.

Also, I want to say: the ending line was amazing. Chef's kiss. It really closes the chapter in a spectacular way.

Kabanata 17:

Nakangiti akong lumingon sa kanya. "Sobra!" [...] Humarap ako sa kanya. = Redundant

Bumuka ang bibig ni Xander, handaa... = extra 'a'.

***

This chapter was cute!

I don't really have anything to say. It's a nice transition out of the party so as to not break the pacing. It's also nice that Gerald really is just a friend and not another potential love interest, despite me thinking it would be a love triangle. Normally I would've said something about the kiss but it seemed like it wasn't Samantha's first kiss so that's fine. Overall, this chapter was sweet!

Kabanata 18:

This is an alright chapter!

We can see some development for the side characters Tristan and Bianca. I'm not sure yet if it's a significant part of the plot that you're pulling but it's nice. Through this interaction we can see more of Sam's character and how much she cares for all of her friends and how she doesn't want to see them fight. Samantha is a kind and sympathetic character, which I love. So this chapter is fine, looking forward to the next!

Kabanata 19:

Now this is a sweet chapter!

I liked how Xander handled the Tristan and Bianca quarrel. The conversations there were smooth and natural, and once again just shows so much more of the characters to the readers. This chapter also has a nice bit of relatability as I'm sure most of us know what it feels like for our friends to be in trouble of breaking apart.

We see Sam being sympathetic and just wanting the best for her friends, and there's Xander wanting to cheer up Sam and also wanting to help his friends. It's just also another wholesome chapter.

Kabanata 20:

Alas kwarto pa lang ng umaga ay gumayak na ako. = "Alas kwatro"

Iyon din 'yong ginamit namin noong ihatid namin si Gerald sa Manila = Grammar and no period at the end of the sentence

-Iyon din ANG gamit namin ng ihatid namin si Gerald sa Manila.

-Iyon din ang ginamit naming noong HINATID namin si Gerald sa Manila.

"Sorry na, E," malambing kong ani at inabot ang kanya niyang nasa ibabaw ng lamesa. = 'kamay'

***

This chapter moved me to tears.

It's just so beautiful and wholesome and sweet. The writing was perfect to set the mood for it too. The way you described the car and the cold morning, it was honestly so beautiful. And though we didn't get very detailed descriptions, you still managed to capture the essence of the last scene so beautifully. Their dialogues were a lot more melancholy and scarce, which is honestly fitting of this chapter. I couldn't help but picture the Samantha before, crying and on her own, but then we have the present Samantha, with her friends as she looked upon her father's grave. It's heartwarming. I know from your blurb that something will happen to her, and that something's going to break this beautiful friendship. But I'm just so happy for Samantha.

This was an amazing chapter! But I'm starting to look forward to what exact tragedy would strike and finally move the plot. But really, this is beautiful.

Kabanata 21:

It's an alright chapter.

We move on to the next stage of their relationship: meeting the parents. Well, primarily the father, since the mother's already approved of them. This is fine, and I really liked how you wrote the last parts of the chapter where they're finally meeting the dad. It really established the tension well, amazing job on that!

All I'm hoping for right now is that the emergence of this father would help with the slacking middle of the story. Maybe the father can finally provide the tension needed and kickstart the plot.

Kabanata 22:

This is a cute chapter!

Although I'm quite ashamed to say I skipped over a few lines. It was nice and all, very wholesome and sickeningly sweet. I loved their dialogues, too, just a very open and healthy relationship.

The scene with the dad was fine, it's somewhat tension-filled. But towards the end I'm quite disappointed nothing came of it. Well, yet at least. I'm hoping this gets explored soon maybe in the next chapter.

It's just that the story really is starting to fall short on the tension and I find myself wondering with each chapter "Where is the story going to restart?" "Where is the plot finally going to kick up pace?" "It's cute and all, but it's being dragged on for too long. Where's the promised disaster in the blurb?"

Quite frankly, I'm waiting for something to happen.

Kabanata 23:

"M moaiba naman. Tara!" = Para maiba naman

***

Same old thing. Cute! But I ended up skimming over most of it. Fun! But still nothing happens to the plot.

We found out Gerald has a crush on Erika, who already has a boyfriend. But I think I've learned enough not to look forward to this anymore. You do a lot of stuff and make a lot of potential for your book, but they all stay potential. Shattered Hearts has a lot of material but rarely is it ever used, only making the reader disappointed.

Kabanata 24:

Yes!

We finally got something! I skipped over a few lines by habit from the last chapters, but that was a big mistake. It's a good thing something happened here. It establishes mystery and what exactly happened to Xander.

Honestly, I'm worried and even frustrated when he won't tell Samantha what's going on. I'm looking forward to this getting explored soon, and this finally being the one to kickstart the plot.

Kabanata 25:

At siya iyon. Ang oagbabalik niya sa dati. = pagbabalik

"Tinatya ko pa kung paano magsasabi, Sam." = Tinatantya, I believe?

"Magdadahah-dahan ka sa pagda-drive, Erika." = Magdahan-dahan

***

Ooh I like what's happening.

Overall I like this progression. I feel like we're finally going somewhere here. And I liked the mystery at the end, I was genuinely confused.

I feel like I really won't say much here since I'm going to head right on to the next chapter or else the cliffhanger will kill me.

Kabanata 26:

Ang hindi niay matanggap? = Niya

"Biniro ko pa nga na si Samantha pero sabi niya..." = si Samantha 'nalang', I think? Because the thought of the sentence is incomplete.

"Okay ka lang ba rito is?" = sis

Nag-angay ito ng ulo nang lumapit sa kanya sila Tristan pero hindi ito lumingon. = Nag-angat

***

Honestly intriguing!

I'm a little sad for Samantha, though this was inevitable from the get-go. But I'm also feeling a little frustrated with Xander. If their parents did have an affair with each other, why would he be so upset at Sam herself? She didn't do anything for that to happen, she's in no way at fault.

That is, unless they're somehow step siblings? That'd cause a great deal of trouble.

I'm looking forward to where you're taking this! If my theory above was correct, then I'd just be wondering how you're going to deliver the truth and their newfound situation!

Kabanata 27:

I LOVE it.

The raw pain here is just so beautiful. It also just completely slipped off my mind that the mom Samantha met wasn't Xander's biological mom, which was entirely my fault. My bad for that.

Anyway, I liked the way you wrote emotions in this chapter, well, in the whole book anyway. Some might find it a little too straightforward, but I think that's exactly what makes it unique. A weird thing too is that, despite it being this straightforward, I didn't have the feeling at all that this was unnatural for the situation. Plus, the book is written consistently in that voice and as I now call it, Maalaala Mo Kaya writing style, so it isn't jarring at all. It's fitting and heart wrenching.

What did throw me off a little was the part where you were describing Xander's anger and referred to the nerves on his neck as litid. Now I doubt it's wrong um, biologically? Contextually? But it's just people often hear litid remember it as food, so that kind of pulled me out of the immersion. The description in itself was fine, but it could be better if you either chose a different word for the nerves popping in his neck or find another thing you could describe that'd still convey the same thought.

But really, other than that tiny thing, I liked everything.

One thing I also really loved about this was the dialogues. At that moment, when Samantha came forward to Xander, I really was at the edge of my seat. I wasn't sure what she was gonna say next, and though I knew she was a good person, with this amount of pain she's feeling, there's no predicting what she'll say next. That's some really awesome character writing if I do say so myself.

And then, despite the dialogue being not at all out-of-character for her, she still shocks me with her words. How much she really cares for him, and how much her kindness can be extended, despite her being in so much pain. It was some really moving dialogue that says a lot about her character. And the fact that I was still shocked by it, was amazing tension building on that scene.

It seems finally that the plot has started straddling its horses once again after we left off when the doctor stated how happy Samantha looks now with her newfound friends.

Also, if you worry about the pacing, since a couple chapters before this the pace felt like a creeping snail, and now I kept mentioning about how we're finally back on track. But honestly, the pacing was all fine. Despite the 'change' or plot point, we're still running at an alright pace.

Kabanata 28:

Mariing napapikit si Tita. Nang magmulat ay makungkot itong tumitig sa anak. = Malungkot

Kung alam niya ang noong mga sandaling iyon, parang gusto ko siyang pasalamatan dahil nagawa niya pa akong pakitunguhan ng maayos nokng gabing iyon, = noong

***

"Pero iyon nga ang naging sugat nila ngayon, Mommy! Iyon ang nakakasakit sa kanila ng husto ngayon!"

This is just a minor detail, and I'm sure it could be overlooked. But sometimes I catch your dialogues going a bit too on the nose, like that one scene with the doctor towards the start of Shattered Hearts. Instead of 'iyon ang nakakasakit sa kanila ng husto ngayon!', you could use other dialogues that'd convey the same message.

For example "Pero iyon nga ang naging sugat nila ngayon, mommy! 'Yon ang dahilan bakit kanina ko pa siya naririnig umiiyak sa kwarto niya!"

Or, "Pero iyon nga ang naging sugat nila ngayon, mommy! Hindi ko na kayang makita silang nagka-kaganyan!"

The same context and impact, just less on the nose.

Also this part here. The scene and fighting is good, it gives emotional tension because this is an argument between mother and daughter, a heated argument at that. That said, this scene is like brittle glass, a very important point to the plot and its characters. From a writer's point of view, this is very crucial to write.

That's also why even just little things can break the scene, so I may come off as extra nitpicky here. Look at this part:

'Ilan pa kayang sikreto ang malalaman ko? Mayroon pa bang gugulat sa akin?'

It snatched me out of the immersion because it sounded like it came from Third person point of view. But I feel like you were going for something on the second part here, so let's see if we can find a way to improve this and convey that better instead of straight up stripping that part.

'Hindi ko inaasahan ang nalaman kong iyon. Ito na naman? May tinatago na naman sila? Namuo ang inis sa tiyan ko at naghalo sa pagod. Sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, may makakagulat pa kaya sa'kin?

"Kaibigan...ni mommy si doc?" Naisatinig ko.'

I changed up the placement of the dialogue since the paragraph before that became lengthier from before. But with this, the questions sound like something Samantha would ask herself. And not something akin to a blurb trying to catch the readers' intrigue.

Okay I love that the auntie is crying. I mean obviously I feel bad, but it just hits right in the feels and I love it. Especially that short part in the narration where it said 'Ang masayahin kong tita ay umiiyak ngayon sa harap ko.'

It was on the nose yes, but a deliberate kind of on the nose. Straight, on the nose, and short statements like this work from time to time, like it did here. It's almost like the ringing shot of a gun and the final strike to the reader's shield until it penetrates. I love this part.

Also the fact that Erika hasn't gone disrespectful to her mother and instantly apologized as well. It's so good.

***

I am in extreme rage.

Sam has been nothing but good and understanding to Xander, while he's just been an immature brat this whole time. Does he really not understand that it wasn't Samantha's fault?

At this point I don't want him to get back with Sam again. Sam is such a sweetheart, honestly he doesn't deserve her.

Also this isn't a critique sorry XD, just wanted to put my honest feelings into this chapter.

I've got to say though, the dialogue in their confrontation part and Gerald's advice and everything was so good. I loved everything about it.

But for the more technical parts, are you aiming to get them back together or let this story end with them breaking up? If you were aiming to get them back together, I as a reader would really want Xander to make it up to her, like really make it up to her. Take her to the moon or explain why you were so upset with her in the first place when she did no wrong by just being her father's daughter.

And if you would end it with them breaking up, then I as a reader would want Sam to find the happiness she wants and heal from it. It could be Gerald, or it could be her friends. Whatever it is, I just want her to be happy and learn some lessons too to bring this story to a smooth end.

Also, if you were aiming to get them back together, I would suggest you give us Xander's side earlier than this point in the story. Because if there were some other explanation to why he was so upset with Sam then it's better to cut the mystery short and present us with Xander's point of view so we'd understand him more. That's because this scene is so pivotal to the character relationship and we really don't know what Xander's thinking right now.

And I believe, as an avid angst reader, scenes like these where character A hurts character B but it actually hurts him more (because we know his side in as much clarity as character A) are such gut twisters, tear jerkers, heart badum dum but also heart pain dead moments (that's the best I can describe it).

If there still is something between them, then presenting his point of view would be the way to go, so instead of the readers (aka. me) hating Xander so much she wants to bash his head in a wall, we'd have sympathy for both characters. And instead of rooting for their relationship to end, we'd want them to finally actually open up what they really mean and get together again.

That is again, theoretically since I'm writing this as I read (so technically these are my comments too?). Naturally I don't know what's going to happen next and what you're planning on doing to the main couple.

Kabanata 29:

I love it!!

Normally I would question such a huge time skip but honestly it was alright, in fact, it was perfect. The narration had such MMK or sitting-down-with-someone-as-they-tell-their-story-to-you vibes so it's extremely fitting to start the timeskip with Samantha telling her friend about her story. I know it's a kind of point of view but I forgot what it's called.

Anyway! I just really loved this part and the ending of the chapter too. It's such nice writing and character building. I also loved how the story really does feel like it's coming close to the end. The pacing was amazing (except for the middle part, where I'd have to go into the general review).

All in all this chapter was amazing and such a smooth read I was shocked when it ended.

Kabanata 30:

I really love that you actually didn't plan for Xander and Sam to get back together, thankfully. And Gerald, despite being 'overshadowed' by 'the male lead' in the majority of the book, still managed to make me giddy more than Xander. In fact, I don't really remember ever being giddy of Xander at all. I was just happy that Sam was happy.

But this one...They're really made for each other. They have better chemistry over all and every emotion that comes off Gerald (like when Mirra teased them) made me want to see more of it. Like how you'd be excited for a character to show different emotions than what they'd really display and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

It's such a proof that you've managed to make the reader care for Gerald (I daresay even more than Xander). I actually almost forgot to write this and wanted to head on to the next chapter already but I remembered I still have a lot of stuff I need to do so I'm cutting this short for a while. XD

Also, I'm really terribly sorry that this went on for ages.

Most weekdays I was just preoccupied with studies and also writing my own book and battling unmotivation, it's been kind of hard. So the most I could do was read Shattered Hearts on weekends or when classes are canceled.

Right now I'm writing this after class just to get to chapter 30 at least (then I'd hope I'd finish it by Friday tomorrow since it'd only be five chapters after all and things are getting interesting). And I also have another competition on Monday so I'd have to log off now to train and start speedrunning work!

Also I apologize for not reading Shattered Hearts even once on sem break. I planned to, but I got so caught up with writing my own book that by the time the week was over I'd already finished it and there was no more time left to review XD

Kabanata 31:

Habang nagpapalitan sila ng vows, mas lumala ang pag-iyak ko dahil naalala ko wng itsura nilang dalawa noong bago pa lamang ako sa Santa Clara. = naalala ko ang

***

OH I nearly forgot to write this again 'cause I headed to the next chapter so fast. XD.

Anyway I cannot explain the rollercoaster that this chapter is. But it fits well and I love the wedding. Through it all I just feel this overwhelming sense of wholesomeness and happiness. Happiness that Erika and Troy got married, but also anger at Xander because he took THIS long to apologize. I couldn't say I was at all surprised that Samantha still accepted his apology. I actually think it's not that much of a problem story wise, since through it all she's remained firm and understanding of Xander. (I'm still angry of him though)

And I sort of skimmed through it because I was in constant fear that Samantha and Xander would get back together.

But then, also a happiness that finally Gerald confessed his feelings. JUST KISS ALRE–

Kabanata 32:

'Nanatili ang titig niya sa akin. Para itong nakatingin sa isang regalong hindi inaakalang matatanggap niya.'

This line is just beautiful! Great use of similes.

Hmm. This chapter is alright, but I feel like it could be better. This is the moment the readers have been most awaiting for, the chapter we've been looking forward to. But something's missing, it isn't as satisfying as it could be. And frankly, a little underwhelming.

I feel like they're speaking in templates and not of their own accord. It's like Xander and Gerlad's voices had just mixed together which is incredibly unfortunate because Gerald had such a unique voice and felt more connected to the readers than Xander.

Usually I love your dialogues for how natural they sound and how much I could almost hear them as I read. But sometimes their voices do blend together as one.

I suggest bringing out more of Gerald's personality in this confession scene. Fireworks and sweet words are nothing if spoken by someone reading off a script. I, as a reader, feel the most giddy when the character speaking these things said it in such a 'them' manner, such a characteristic way of saying it, with much personality and flavor. I think that's the only thing lacking here.

I wanted to see how much Gerald has been through, how much this confession meant to him. And not in an on the nose way. You could've built tension, showed us more of Gerald's feelings.

I wanted to see Gerald's conflict at that moment, his relief, his happiness, how much he loves Samantha. In sub contextual dialogue, again, not the on the nose kind. Normally I would've let the multiple times you've been on the nose with the narration of Samantha's feelings, because of the style, I get that, and because it's true to Samantha's character.

But it isn't the only way to write emotion.

I'm not sure if I've already talked about it here before but. Sub context and context clues saves. They are the unspoken heroes of writing emotional, tense, or literally any kind of scene. Write dialogue in a way that can convey the same thoughts, but hidden in layers of character and sub context.

For example, to get Gerald's conflict. And I presume: he'd be worried if this was the right time. Is this finally the right time? Now he'd naturally want to know. So have him ask Samantha either two things:

"Is now the right time?" Straightforward but confusing to Samantha, signifying his nervousness (as naturally anyone would) of confessing to his best friend.

Or "Did he really apologize?" Prodding into the situation between Xander and Samantha as someone who has been in love with her for a long time.

Of course there are more things that could've happened instead depending on his character. (Even though I'm a reader, the writer knows their own characters best) If he was more of the type to conceal his emotions more, or if he believes he still doesn't have the chance and that this isn't the right time, he could: try to change the topic, try to fool Samantha that he was alright.

The description and writing of the scene itself is good, it's the dialogue I think that's lacking. Add a Gerald twist to his confession, not an ideal-guy/confession template.

Kabanata 34:

Kabanata 35:

Nice ending!

I'm glad it ended on a happy note, I was really worried for Samantha there. And the ironies in this chapter alone were so beautiful, it's like the story really is circling back to the start. In contrast to Xander and Samantha's quick, hasty relationship, Gerald and her's is slow and developed over time. I love it.

"Ang gusto ko lang naman noon ay maging sandalan mo sa mga oras na sinusubok ka ng tadhana, Sam. Pero habang tumatagal nagbabago na ang gusto ko. Gusto ko na rin na ako na ang maglalagay ng ngiti sa labi mo. At sisiguraduhin kong hindi na mawawala iyon."

Also despite what I've said about the earlier chapters, this one was a good line of dialogue despite sounding a lot like a template. Perhaps it's because it called back to his previous motivation, and why it sounded like it was authentically his.

The story concluded with no plot holes, as I could see. And it ended on a nice note with everyone ending up together and happy. I especially loved the last line, it gave me so much chills. 

***

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***