That night felt like September. Caiti could have sworn it was summer just that evening, but suddenly autumn was here, and in a matter of hours, she would board the train to return to Hogwarts for her seventh year. She was dreading it.

She and Marlowe sat on his front porch, backs to the wall of the house, looking out. It was dark beyond the porch. The low-hanging tree branches that shaded the front walk looked like large creeping shadows where the light from the house reached them. The willow on the left side of the path fluttered in the chilly air, its leaves rustling. The shadows might have scared her if she hadn't known this place in the daytime and if Marlowe had not been seated shoulder to shoulder with her, his hand clasped in hers.

Caiti wasn't actually supposed to be here. She had snuck over after her parents had fallen asleep and crawled into Marlowe's bed. He'd been expecting her.

At three AM, they'd gotten out of bed and come to sit out here, a flannel blanket draped over their knees. They just talked and it was nice. Or at least it would have been nice if Caiti had been able to resist connecting everything back to her imminent departure.

"I'll see you in a couple weeks though," said Marlowe after the dozenth time she couldn't help bringing up her leaving. He tipped his head back against the house. "And we can write."

Caiti looked over at him. His eyes were fixed on the black sky. They could not see the moon where they sat and she thought this was for the best. Only a few nights ago, there had been a full moon, and he was only just starting to look his normal color again.

"Wish it was under happier circumstances," said Caiti quietly. She would see him once a month that year, but only because she made the Wolfsbane Potion for him and they had made arrangements with the school so that she could continue to deliver it.

Marlowe sighed through his nose and his hand fidgeted in hers. "Well," was all he said. He didn't like talking about it. Caiti knew this. Just over half a year in and he still hadn't really come to terms with what he was.

Caiti looked away and down at her knees. "How bad is it, Marlowe?" She had asked this question before and never gotten an answer. Marlowe usually went quiet when anyone tried to ask him about what happened at the full moon. But tonight he just turned his head and looked at her. For the longest time he looked at her. So long that Caiti felt uncomfortable and had to pretend like she couldn't feel his eyes.

"I don't want you to get freaked out," said Marlowe. "I'm managing."

Normally, Caiti would not have pushed after this first refusal, but she couldn't help her curiosity tonight. It had seemed like he was considering talking about it.

She squeezed his hand a little tighter and said, her voice still so, so soft. "I just want to understand."

Marlowe hadn't stopped looking at her so she met his eyes and forced herself not to break eye contact. She needed to know.

Marlowe looked away first and Caiti actually let out a tiny sigh of relief. His gaze had been heavy.

"It's hard to talk about," he said finally, and she thought, with a stab of selfish disappointment, that that would be it. But then Marlowe opened his mouth again and said. "I don't really know how to describe everything. It's like..." He paused, inhaled, and thought. "I start shaking first. All over. And then it feels like my bones are getting stretched out, like they're getting tugged on from both sides and they have to kind of splinter to form their new shape.

"And the joints too. Most of my joints have to... to go the other way. My knees and elbows. Which is why I'm always so sore afterward." He paused there and Caiti slid her hand out of his and laid her head down in his lap, mostly because she didn't want him to see her face, but also because it made her dizzy to think about his joints being snapped the wrong way once a month. She squeezed her eyes shut and placed her hand on his thigh, rubbing her thumb back and forth a few times. She felt Marlowe's hand in her hair, impossibly gentle given what he was describing.

"I can stop," he said, but she shook her head and gave his leg a squeeze. "Okay. Just... just tell me if you don't want to hear it," said Marlowe. He sounded more nervous now. Caiti wanted to kick herself for not keeping it in better.

He took another deep breath before he continued. "My organs have to change, too," he said. "Everything's changing. So they kind of shift around and change shapes and sizes and... I don't know. I can't really explain that part, because this is all happening at the same time. The bones hurt more so I tend to focus on that. But it makes me a little nauseous. Usually the day before and after too. You know how I never want to eat much."

"Yeah," Caiti agreed. She kept her voice steady, but it took work.

Marlowe tucked her hair behind her ear and brushed the back of his hand over her cheek. "I just don't know how to explain any of it," he said again. "It's just everything's changing and it's not voluntary. My face has to change shape entirely, you know. Ears get sort of pulled up to the top of my head and my face stretches out to form a snout and my eyes move, and my teeth grow - that part hurts too. Makes your jaw sore. I don't know," he said. "It sucks, I guess."

Caiti was so close to crying. She was barely holding on. And then Marlowe said one last thing on the subject. "But I still don't regret it," he said. "I just think about how much worse I would feel if it were you." And with that, she couldn't hold it in anymore. She sobbed.

Caiti pushed herself back up and wrapped her arms around his neck, tight. She pressed her face into the crook of his shoulder and felt the scar from the initial bite.

Marlowe pulled her over to sit sideways on his lap and rested his chin on the top of her head. He didn't say anything else, just held her, arms low around her waist.

It seemed like forever before they moved. By the time Caiti shifted back to her original place next to him, the sky was lightening by degrees, the faintest hint of greyish pink sneaking it's way into the sky.

"Thank you for telling me," Caiti said, linking their hands up again. "And thank you for..." she stopped. "Just thank you."

"Anytime," said Marlowe. His tone was easy, but the words came out soft. Caiti tipped her head on his shoulder to watch the sun's slow progress up, and neither of them spoke again until his mum came outside and warned them that Caiti had better be heading back if she didn't want to get in trouble, not mentioning that she could've just as easily have told Caiti's parents herself and gotten her in trouble regardless.

"See you at the station," said Marlowe when they stood up. He kissed her in a brief, parting way that felt so normal and familiar that Caiti nearly began crying all over again. There was nothing she wanted less than to board the Hogwarts Express at eleven o'clock that morning.

---

Platform 9 ¾ was just the same as always, and Marlowe didn't know how to feel about it. For the first time in his life, he had pushed through the brick barrier without a trolley carrying his trunk, broomstick, and other belongings in front of him. Because for the first time in seven years, Marlowe wasn't going back to Hogwarts. But Caiti was.

She'd tried to talk him out of coming to see her off, but he'd trapped her into letting him by deftly announcing that his little brother Elliot wanted him to come and say goodbye. Elliot, who had been in the room at the time, jumped on the idea at once, and Caiti hadn't been able to argue.

Now that they were here, though, Marlowe kind of regretted pushing for this. Caiti was acting strange. He knew she was upset about going back, scared that she wouldn't have any friends and that it wouldn't feel like Hogwarts without Marlowe, Sean, and Evelyn around, but he hadn't quite anticipated the level of her bad mood.

She was short with everyone, her parents included. Marlowe tried to pull her away for a minute while her parents were caught up in conversation with someone (they were still on the receiving end of many congratulations after Sean's Triwizard Tournament win just a few months ago), but Caiti kept insisting that it was weird to kiss him with her parents right there.

Elliot had already bounded onto the train ten minutes previously so Marlowe stood back with his parents, watching her hug her ow mum and dad and promise to study hard and follow the rules and write them often. She wore her hair in a half ponytail, her signature style, tied back in her favorite blue ribbon.

It hit Marlowe that he would not be seeing her nearly every day anymore, that she would not be able to sneak over and lay in bed talking with him late into the night. That she would not meet him a short distance from the quidditch pitch as he finished practice with the Chudley Cannons, something she had taken to doing in the last month.

He watched Caiti walk away from her parents pulling her trunk along behind her, and head for the train. She tucked her head down and purposely didn't look in Marlowe's direction. He glanced at his mum, bewildered. "She's not going to say goodbye?" he asked.

"Go," said his mum, nodding in Caiti's direction.

A young man was helping Caiti hoist her trunk up the steps, leaving her stuck at the bottom, waiting for the doorway to clear again so she could board. Marlowe glanced at his mum one last time and she just shook her head at him, like what are you waiting for? So he shoved his hands in his pockets and headed over to her. It was hard to make his feet go as fast as he wanted them too. He was scared she would spot him coming and disappear before he could talk to her.

"Caiti," he said, just as she took to the first step onto the train. He could feel his heart beating fast. She turned around. That was a good sign.

"Have a- have a good term," he said, like a complete idiot.

Caiti just stared at him.

"I'm um... I just wanted to.... I just..." Marlowe stuttered. Finally he shook his head, and stepped towards her. She was about eye level with him up on the step, so he reached for her cheek.

"My parents are right there," Caiti hissed. "They're watching."

"Quite frankly," said Marlowe, "I don't care. This sucks for me too." And he kissed her before she could stop him. Not long or particularly sensual because he could feel the eyes of both their parents, the man who'd been helping Caiti with her belongings, and probably a number of others all watching them.

"I'll see you in a couple weeks," he promised, pulling her into a hug.

Caiti stepped down and onto the ground again and squeezed him back tight. Marlowe felt every muscle in his body relax. He smoothed his hand over her hair. "I love you," he said. "Try and guess all the new sortings tonight, okay? Tell me how many you get."

Caiti pulled back her eyes welling up with tears. She started to back up, hand reaching for the railing. Marlowe put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her on the cheek before she could go too far, and then he took a few steps back too. Caiti turned around and started to walk up, but before she turned down the corridor to find a compartment, she called his name, her voice tight, and he looked up.

"Love you too," she said.

He gave her a sad smile, and then, summoning what he could he manage of his usual spunk, he blew her a cheeky kiss, and said, "Don't go meeting any other sexy werewolves while you're gone."

Caiti kind of laughed and kind of sobbed, and then, with a double glance back, she disappeared around the corner.

Marlowe waited where he stood to watch the train roll away a few minutes later instead of returning to stand with his parents. He saw Elliot waving out the window and saluted him, but Caiti was nowhere to be seen.

---

Caiti didn't know where to sit in the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning. She hadn't known where to sit on the train the previous day or where to sit at the feast or who to walk next to on the way back up to Ravenclaw tower. Other than a few passing interactions with her classmates, she had spent the better part of the last eighteen hours feeling totally isolated and lonely.

She knew it was partly her own fault. She wasn't exactly a bundle of joy at the moment, given how sorry she felt for herself. She sat herself down at the end of the table, not too far away from a group of the new first years. Ravenclaw hadn't gained many that year. Just three girls and two boys. Gryffindor, on the hand, had gained enough to fill two dormitories of boys and girls each.

Caiti took a piece of toast off the nearest platter and spread some marmalade onto it. She could hear Amelia and Miriam chattering about their upcoming first day of classes not too far away. It was a Sunday, so they had the whole day in front of them with no homework to start and no classes to attend. Normally, this would have been very exciting, but this year, it just emphasized how very out of her element Caiti felt.

She thought she might go down to the potions classroom, but she wasn't sure what she wanted to work on. Her mind drifted to her many hours spent down there last year learning to make the Wolfsbane potion for Marlowe and that made her think of their conversation on his porch. Again. She had spent a lot of time thinking about the things he'd told her about his transformations. At first it had just hurt to think about what he went through every month because he had saved her, but after a while it made her angry.

She was frustrated with how little the Wolfsbane Potion really did. He kept his human mind, sure. He was safer. But it didn't address any of the physical pain. It didn't stop him from becoming a werewolf. It didn't make the days before and after the full moon easier or more comfortable.

Suddenly Caiti was furious. The potion hadn't been around all that long, she supposed, and yet, it had been around three or four decades and no one, as far as she knew, had ever sought to improve it. It wasn't enough. It just wasn't.

She stood up from the table, grabbed the schedule she had just been given for the next day and jammed it in the pocket of her robes. She had to go to the library.