Holidays were exhausting. Sean found he couldn't even enjoy the time off work, because he was so aware of the dwindling time he had left before he had to go back into the office. He would be back at work the day after the new year and his brain was constantly counting down how many hours and minutes he had left..

He needed at least another month.

With Evelyn gone, it was a little easier to pretend to be in a good mood, because he wasn't risking his moody, sulky reputation. If he was a bundle of joy around Evelyn, she would expect him to be that way all the time.

He could fake it for a day or two.

It wore him out, though.

On Christmas night, after the festivities were over, after his grandparents had gone back home and it was just he and Caiti and his parents again, after the presents had all been unwrapped, and the big Christmas dinner had been eaten, and everyone was too full of cookies to even think about another, he sat down in his favorite armchair in the living room. He was so tired, he felt like he would never get up again.

Caiti grabbed a blanket out of a basket on the floor and curled up on one end of the sofa. She had a ridiculous-looking wizard's hat on that looked like a Christmas tree, flashing baubles and all. She had been wearing it the entire day.

She'd gotten a candy cane striped one for Sean and she'd forced him to wear it through all the Christmas morning activities, but eventually he'd taken it off when she wasn't looking and she hadn't tried to get it back on him yet.

She stared at him across the coffee table, her face so completely serious it was almost comical combined with the flashing Christmas tree hat.

Sean didn't ask what she was thinking about. Caiti would tell him when she wanted to. She always did.

"Is Evelyn coming back home tonight?"

Sean shook his head. "Her grandparents are staying for two more days. They don't know she can apparate so she can't go back and forth from London to Ireland like that."

"Right," said Caiti. "Are you staying here then?"

"Probably tonight," he said. "I don't know after."

Caiti was quiet for a while. She adjusted one of the throw pillows on the couch and curled up on her side, hugging it.

"It seems like she really likes her job."

Sean nodded.

"Have you been to the library where she works?"

"No. She only works when I'm at work."

"You should go sometime. Over your lunch or something."

Sean didn't feel like explaining that he always worked through his lunch break and the few times he had lunch with Jenny instead, he was always extra stressed all afternoon. "Maybe sometime," he said.

"I think it would mean a lot to her," said Caiti. "You could go see it and get lunch together."

"Yeah," Sean said.

He couldn't help but notice that Caiti looked annoyed by this response. She had this look on her face like she really wanted to give him a piece of her mind but was forcing herself to hold back. They sat there in tense silence for a minute or two, and then, without warning, Caiti got up and walked down the hall.

—-

Caiti found her mum in the master bedroom at the end of the hall.

"Hi," she said, flopping down onto the big bed. Her mum looked at her through the mirror where she was taking out her earrings.

"Hi love," she said. "You sound upset."

"I am," said Caiti shortly. "Sean sucks."

She turned around, mouth already open ready to give Caiti a speech, but Caiti wasn't having it.

"I mean it," she said. "He sucks. He's treating Evelyn like crap. He's ignoring Marlowe. He hasn't sent me a letter the entire year. And like... whatever. I don't care about that. But something's up with him. Evelyn feels completely abandoned. She was sobbing about it the other day. I mean it was awful."

Her mum frowned at her for the longest time. Finally, she came to sit on the bed with her.

"Caiti, when you leave school... a lot changes. Sean's got a big job. He's learning how to be an adult. That might mean he drifts away from his friends and makes new ones that fit better in his new life. The four of you are all on very different paths. You may find that you and Marlowe-"

Caiti cut her off again here. "That's bullshit."

"Caiti," she said sharply.

"No. It is. It's bullshit. Don't make excuses for him. He can't be a world-class jerk just because he's got a grown up job. That's not an excuse. You haven't seen him and Evelyn together like I have. They just get each other. They always have. And now he's treating her like an afterthought and she's a mess and I can tell trying to have a two minute conversation with Sean that he isn't himself at all, so don't pretend this is just him growing up. Sean's not an asshole, but he's acting like one."

Her mum started to say something about her language again, but Caiti was already pushing herself off the bed and heading for the door.

"And don't you ever insinuate that Marlowe and I are just some stupid kid relationship that won't last," Caiti added before she left. "I've had a stupid kid relationship that meant nothing. I know the difference."

She caught only a glimpse of her mum's face, open-mouthed, before she went stomping down the hall to her own room. She shut the door behind her, making a conscious effort not to slam it because she wasn't trying to prove anyone's point that she was acting like a kid and didn't know better. She laid down on the bed, but she was so angry she couldn't relax. She shook all over. The worst part was that her mum's face hadn't looked angry. Just shocked. Shocked like she had never expected words like that to come out of Caiti's mouth and shocked like she had miraculously not noticed that her perfect, perfect son was gone.

Caiti knew her mum would be at her door soon to try and talk more rationally. It didn't surprise her a bit when she showed up only two minutes later. She turned the knob slowly and quietly and slipped inside.

Caiti didn't look at her and she didn't say anything either.

She heard her mum draw a breath but it was a while before she said anything. Caiti listened to the clock ticking and the rattle of December wind out her window. She felt the corner of the bed depress as her mum sat down.

"Caiti," she said at last. "I wasn't saying you and Marlowe are going to break up."

You were, Caiti felt like saying, but she kept her mouth shut.

"I was just saying that sometimes even really good relationships end up changing over time. You grow up and you change and sometimes that means that you don't fit together quite how you used to. Most kids who date at Hogwarts don't stay together afterward. I don't think any of my school friends did.That's the reality of it. It may not be your reality. I hope it isn't, because I can see..." she trailed off there. "The point is, it might be the reality for Sean, and that's okay. It might not be what you want, but if their relationship isn't working now that they're older, you aren't going to be able to change that. It's between him and Evelyn and they'll figure out what's best for them."

Caiti didn't answer right away. She hated when her mum talked to her like this, all calm and patient like Caiti was some irrational child. She had never understood Caiti the way she understood Sean. Sean was the one who fit the mold in the family. He was the one who always had it all together. He was responsible and hard working, calm, respectful. Compared to the rest of her family, Caiti was emotional and loud and passionate and she reacted quickly, but she wasn't stupid and she didn't need everyone tiptoeing around her like she was a loose cannon. "Hypothetically," Caiti said, working very hard to control her voice, "I understand all that. But I don't think Sean and Evelyn are growing apart or whatever. I don't think it's this inevitable thing. Sean's not himself right now. And I don't know how you don't see it. He doesn't smile. He doesn't really pay attention to anything anyone says. Evelyn said he works constantly." Caiti paused and took a few deep breaths. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm just asking you to pay attention. He won't listen to me if I talk to him about it. He'll shut down on me. And Evelyn hasn't been able to get through to him, but maybe you can."

Her mum looked like she was about to push back on this idea, but she just sighed. "Let's not talk about Sean anymore, sweetheart."

"Fine, then I'd like to be alone, please."

But her mum didn't leave.

"Tell me something about you," she said instead. "You don't talk about school."

Caiti grabbed a pillow from beside her and hugged it to her chest. "School sucks. All my friends are gone."

"Well, tell me one thing about it that's not bad."

Caiti pulled the pillow up over her face.

"I like my private lessons with Professor Pym," she said.

"What potion is she teaching you?"

"She's not. We've been peer reviewing a potion. And she's helping me with my research."

Caiti's heart started pounding all of the sudden. She hadn't realized how much she'd wanted to tell someone about this, someone in her family. She never usually talked to her parents about potions, because they didn't get it. They had never seen it as a viable career option unless she wanted to be a healer, but Caiti wasn't interested in that. She didn't want potion making to be a part of her job. She wanted it to be her job. That, her parents thought, was unrealistic.

"Research for class?"

"No," Caiti said. "My own."

She felt like crossing her fingers. Please ask more, she thought. Please ask more about it.

Her mum didn't say anything though.

"Professor Pym asked me to submit it for the Libatius Borage Prize," Caiti said. She watched her mum carefully.

"Did she really?"

Caiti's heart sank just a little. There was a note of skepticism in her mum's voice.

"The winner gets a mentorship and a really huge grant to continue their research. It's a really, really big deal."

"Wouldn't it be better to wait and enter something like that in a few years when you have a shot at winning?"

Caiti got up off the bed, letting the pillow drop to the ground. She crossed the hall to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She closed the door shut behind her but her mum spoke through it anyway. "Caiti, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that people usually win in their late twenties and early thirties, so you're at the bottom of the pool. Wait a few years, and you probably could win it."

Caiti didn't feel like listening to her defenses. She'd had enough of her mum for one day. She had a blind spot where Sean was concerned and Caiti was never, never good enough.

"You could've just asked what my research is about," Caiti said through the door.

"I would love to hear what your research is about."

But Caiti didn't answer. She didn't feel like talking about it anymore. Not to her mum anyway. She turned on the sink and waited until she was sure she had gone before leaving the bathroom again and heading straight back to her bedroom with her mind short circuiting.

Caiti knew she would be in big trouble if she left, but she didn't care.

She'd already put pajamas on an hour before, right after dinner, but she threw her red sweater back on now, pulled on her jeans, and took off the stupid hat she'd been wearing even though Marlowe would have gotten a kick out of it. She didn't feel very jolly anymore.

Caiti grabbed her wand and disapparated.

Marlowe's house looked so warm and inviting from the front porch. She caught a glimpse of them sitting around the coffee table with a game between them, all of them with cheery smiles on their faces. She felt bad interrupting all the sudden, but apparently Marlowe had already seen her, because he was at the door before she had even raised her hand to knock.

"Caiti," he said, and he sounded so happy to see her that tears started to pool in her eyes. She made a quick move forward to hug him so he wouldn't see.

"Hi," she said, shutting her eyes and breathing in the scent of his flannel.

"I'm glad you came over," he said. "We were just gonna start another round. You wanna play?"

"I didn't mean to interrupt," she said. "I didn't really think before I came over. I was just-"

But she stopped, because Marlowe's family was all watching them and his mum didn't look a bit surprised to see her there. "Come on in, get out of the cold," she said.

So Caiti let Marlowe usher her in through the door and she sank down on the floor between him and Elliot.

Christmas music played on the radio and there was a big bowl of caramel corn on the corner of the table. The fire was crackling away and everyone looked relaxed and happy. Caiti felt the tight feeling in her chest start to release.

"We're playing Yahtzee," Marlowe said. "Do you know how to play?"

Caiti shook her head. It was a muggle game. She'd heard him mention it before, but she'd never seen it played.

"Don't worry," he said. "Everyone sees the dice you roll so I can help you strategize." He gave her a quick run down of the rules, and assured her that no matter what she did, even if she got all three possible bonus yahtzees and the bonus points in the top section, his mum would still win.

"That's my only magic," she said. "And I'm not sharing. You've all got plenty."

Caiti laughed. She glanced around the living room again, saw a trash bag full of wrapping paper learning against the Christmas tree, saw the train under the tree derailed on it's side with the wheels still spinning, saw the laundry baskets filled with unwrapped presents, and she couldn't help but compare it to her own Christmas. Everything her mum did was so carefully, painstakingly orchestrated. It was all very festive, but it was also all so neat, so picture perfect. Caiti felt so much more at home here in the mess and the chaos. In five minutes, she felt more cheerful than she had the whole day.

Marlowe's arm went around her waist as they watched the rest of his family take their turns so Caiti could get the hang of it.

When her turn came up, Marlowe passed her the red plastic cup. She gave it a few good shakes, thinking how her parents would hate this game instantly just because of the noise the dice made, and then she tipped the dice out.

"Three, three, three, five, five," Marlowe read out. "You got a full house already."

"What's that?"

"Three of one kind. Two of another. Twenty five points."

Caiti gave an approving nod at the dice before scooping them back at the cup and passing it to Elliot. She penciled in her score in the space Marlowe showed her.

Elliot cupped both hands over the open end of the cup, shook it long and hard, dancing around to the rhythm he made before he finally spewed the dice out all over the table. Two rolled off the edge and he yelled, "Freeze!" before laying on his stomach to see his roll before anyone tampered with it. "A five and a six down here," he said seriously. He lined them up with the rest of his dice — a two, three, and four. "Large straight," he said. "Acceptable."

"Acceptable," Marlowe laughed, reaching around Caiti to give him a shove. "That's forty points!"

Marlowe's dad took the cup next. Gave one firm shake, blew on the dice, and said, "Baby needs a new pair of shoes!" then tossed them all out. The clatter of dice on the table took away the last bit of lingering anger Caiti had brought over with her. She put her hand on Marlowe's knee, took a long deep breath, and pushed it all out of her head for now.

—-

At about ten that night, Elliot went to bed and Marlowe's parents left the room to say goodnight to him and start winding down themselves. Marlowe sat up on the couch and Caiti curled herself up beside him. He put his arm over her shoulders and felt her take a slow inhale and even exhale.

"I'm sorry for crashing your Christmas," she murmured. "I wasn't really thinking before I came over."

"Don't apologize," he said. "I was glad you came. I think my mum expected you anyway."

Caiti shifted, looking for elaboration, so he added, "It's been a year, hasn't it?" They had never really had an official discussion about it, but Marlowe had always assumed Caiti had become his girlfriend at the Yule Ball exactly a year ago. She'd kissed him there. They'd been dancing around the question for months prior, ever since she'd broken up with Theo.

"Yeah, you're right," she said. He could hear her smile, but she still sounded sad. He'd sensed something off the moment she showed up at the door.

"Plus my mum is your biggest fan," Marlowe added. "Behind me, obviously." Caiti laughed a little. "But honestly she talks about you all the time."

"I love her," said Caiti. "She gets me more than my own mum does."

There was an unexpected bit of spite in her voice. He thought back to the little waver in her face when he'd met her at the door, to how busy her mind had seemed for those first few minutes. He thought about asking what was wrong, but her mood had lightened and he didn't want to bring her back down again if he didn't have to.

"Just think," said Marlowe through a yawn. "This time next year, you'll be out of school. We can see each other all the time. You'll be famous already for who knows what and I'll still be sitting the bench."

"You will not," she said. "I still think you'll get to play this season."

"You've got a lot of faith in me," said Marlowe.

"Of course, I do. I've watched you play for years."

Marlowe knew, intellectually, that Caiti knew very little about quidditch, but this statement still made him feel a little mushy. She sounded so absolute.

"I've got a lot of faith in you, too," said Marlowe. "I mean it. You'll be famous in like a year."

Caiti didn't really react to this statement, but her nonreaction made him sense there was something she was thinking about very hard. He'd had this sensation a couple of times since she'd been home, that there was something she maybe wanted to tell him about. He wanted to ask about this too, but he knew Caiti wouldn't tell him unless she wanted to, so again, he kept quiet.

He turned to kiss her instead, placing one hand on his knee. "Don't even need the mistletoe, this time."

"Don't even need to ask," she smiled.

Marlowe kissed her again for that.

Caiti's smile lingered for a few seconds, but then it faded and he could see the troubled look in her eyes again. This time, he didn't hesitate.

"What'd you really come over for?" he asked.

"Just to get out of my house," she said. She settled back down on his shoulder. "Sean's so moody all the time and I can barely stand to look at him knowing how Evelyn's feeling lately. And I tried to tell my mum, and she didn't take it seriously. I was just frustrated. I probably overreacted but I just... needed to leave."

"Hasn't she noticed it? How he's acting?"

"I guess not."

Marlowe drummed his fingers on Caiti's shoulder and thought. He was just about to say something else when there was a loud cracking sound outside and then a knock on the door. It was Sean, standing there like they'd summoned him by mention.

"Damn it," Caiti whispered. "I've been found out."

Marlowe got up to answer the door. Sean looked past him at Caiti and said. "Mum wants you to come home."

Caiti let out a heavy sigh behind him, but she got up and came towards the door. Apparently, she didn't think there was any point in fighting it.

"Tell your parents I said thank you and Happy Christmas," she told Marlowe, staring blankly outside. She didn't look at either one of them.

"Course," said Marlowe. "Come over tomorrow, okay?"

Caiti nodded. He pulled her into a hug, kissed her cheek, and wished Sean would get the heck out of there so he could kiss her for real and not feel weird about it, but he was standing there like a very imposing brick wall, so Marlowe just let her go.