I was keeping to myself and things were going fine.

I went to my classes, I studied, I ate alone, and when in my suite, my roommates were cordial to me. All was well.

Until...

"Hey you, forgot all about me? Don't need to study with me anymore?"

I looked up from the book I was deep into to see Todd standing over me at the library. Even though we were supposed to continue our study sessions, it kind of fizzled out when I skipped a few to be with Diallo, and then I just stop meeting up with him. Did I need him? I wasn't failing any classes right now, so studying on my own seemed to work.

"Sorry, hey Todd."

He pulled up the chair beside me and sat down uninvited. I didn't care much, I needed a friendly face near. I had not even texted my besties back in Springfield. They did not need to know about all the drama I was in, and Donell could tell Chantel himself what was going on with Twyla.

"You look cute today. I miss hanging out with you."

"Okay...thanks." Todd still was super cute, and now that I was single, I could flirt, right? "So how are things with you and your girlfriend?"

"Great! And you and...what's his name? Your RA, right?"

"Uh...yeah, Diallo. Fine," I lied. Why couldn't I just tell him he dumped me?

"Cool. Then we can still study together...unless he thinks otherwise."

"No, sure we can. Especially with finals coming up, I may need to pick your brain."

I did not have much more reading to do so we sat and talked a bit. How he joined a Young Democrats club and hoped to get into the Honor Society next semester since he would have the required GPA.

"I can only dream of a 3.5. Ever> I never made that in high school, I don't expect to do so in college."

"Don't think that way. You can. Hard work."

"I can't study any harder than I already do to maintain my Cs. Anyway, grades don't matter in the long run. Am I going to go to an interview for a job and they ask about my GPA? I doubt it. My stepmother said just focus on the classes that will matter for my field."

"Good point."

Todd was always nice to hang with. After that awkward kiss thing which we both got over, we were able to just be friends. I wonder what would have been if I went with Todd as my first boyfriend instead of Diallo.

I never liked a white boy like that because there was none around me growing up. Crushes on celebrities on television were different. In real life, I never had any non-Black friends because there were none.

"Rayvn I think you could make all As if you want to. It's all about how hard you work, even with your harder subjects. Like maybe do extra credit or do extra projects."

I was not going to do extra work on top of my already crammed schedule.

"Or...know people who know people that can get you advance copies of the exams."

Wait. Was he talking about cheating? Not little nerdy, overachiever Todd.

"Todd, that's wrong!" I looked around as if others could hear what we were talking about and go report us. I mean him, I was not part of this at all.

"Not really. Everyone does it."

"Not everyone! I don't!" My father would punish me for life. Angel would be so disappointed. What he was talking about was cheating, and yes, I heard others bought old papers and tests, but I thought that was for only students that struggled with grades. Todd did not need to cheat.

"It's no big deal. The tests don't have answers so it's like a study guide. You fill it in yourself and use it to study. It helped me ace all my exams after I got a B that one time."

I could not believe he was talking about this as if it was normal. That was called cheating where she came from and if she was caught she would be thrown out of the school. They did not give second chances to little Black girls that barely made it in Mizzou. I would get busted for sure, the little girl that did not look as if she belonged anyway.

Guys like Todd could get away with it. The privilege was in his skin.

"I'd rather have my Cs and Bs the old-fashioned way."

"Well, let me know if you decide otherwise. I know the right person that has everything."

I tuned out of this conversation. I never cheated in school a day in my life. What was the point of that? Would he go on and cheat in his profession? Of course, he wanted to go into politics.

I gathered my books, notebooks, pens, highlighters, and tablet and put them in my big green bag. Todd watched me put my things away, looking as if he had something to say.

"What?" I asked him.

"Leaving already?"

"All done here. I'm calling it a night. I need to get back." I stood up and pulled on my big puffy coat as the weather was cold now. Fall in Columbia was just like St. Louis, ever-changing, one day nice and cool, the next freezing and needing my gloves.

Todd stood up as well. "I'll walk with you. It's late and dark, you should not be walking around campus alone."

"Okay."

I checked my phone as we walked as if anyone was sending me a text. Nothing. Not from my friends are anyone else. I could not wait for the semester to be over and then I could start brand new next year.

"We should hang out more," Todd said to me.

"Won't your girlfriend get upset about that?"

Todd didn't say anything more till we made it to my residence hall.

"You didn't have to come all the way up with me Todd," I said as we walked to the elevator. I was tired, I wanted to go to my room relax and watch Netflix shows before going to sleep.

"No, it's cool. I uh...I know you and your friend broke up."

Now how the heck did he know that? I had not talked to him in weeks. I never posted much about Diallo on my social media in the first place, so nothing about the breakup.

"How do you-"

"Allura told Jonathon he told me so..."

"Oh."

Of course, Allura ran her big mouth. Not that I cared that Todd knew.

"It's no big deal. You don't want to talk about it and that's fine."

"No, I don't."

We made it to my floor and got off.

"Sorry, I just...when I found out, I was happy. Maybe that means we could...you know, go out."

I think I was having an out-of-body experience because Todd was not standing here trying to ask me out. I was still heartbroken, and he was in a relationship. Why would he try and ask me out?

"Uh...Todd that is inappropriate. You have a girlfriend."

He chuckled, looking down at his feet before looking back up at me. "About that...I don't have a girlfriend. There never was a girlfriend."

I stopped in my tracks before we made it to my door. "What?"

"I only said that because I was upset you had moved on with some other guy, and so it would be so embarrassing that I tried to kiss you. But Rayvn, I only wanted to be with you and now we can."

He grabbed my hands but I snatched them away. To me, this felt kind of creepy. I was not flattered at all.

"Todd, no, why would you lie to me about that? That makes no sense!"

"I didn't want you to think I was a loser because I tried to kiss you and you went off and started going out with another guy. That hurt my feelings."

He sounded so hurt and I felt sorry for him.

"Todd, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Rayvn, all I'm saying is, why not me?"

Here is when I could just jump in and say okay, let's go out, let's be together, let's date. I found Todd very attractive, and he seemed nice and liked me. But then, I jumped into one bad situation, I was not about to be forced into another.

"Todd, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean. This is all new to me, and I...I just don't know what I want right now. Not in a guy. And I need more time, by myself to figure that out."

"Right, I get it." He turned to walk away.

"Todd, wait! We can still be friends, right? I really need that."

"I want more than that Rayvn, and if I can't have that, let's not even do the friend thing. Bye!"

I watched him walk away and felt so bad.

Then again, this was my life and I was not going to let other people tell me how to live it. Besides, something still seemed off about Todd. My spidey senses were telling me to leave that boy alone.

A/N: Did I say no more drama? I lied!