||Jamilla Tate|| First Person ||

        Gas station bathrooms are the absolute worst.

        Josh and Tyler were very restless people, with very restless needs that their very restless legs had been demanding they meet. In the simplest of terms, the two boys were tired of sitting in Josh's car for so long and had decided that a stop was in order. Of course, how could I ever argue with that? The backseat was cramped with both my belongings along with the other boys who were sitting up front-- I needed to stretch my legs just as much as they did, what with my own height. I was all for a nice stretch.

        Just not at a shady, standalone gas station with a creepy cashier and a questionable smoker staring me up and down from behind the beef jerky stand.

        "Jam, we gotta get moving soon." Josh knocks his knuckles against the door lightly, his voice barely traveling through the slab of concrete between us. I don't respond, instead quickly tying my hair up in a neat ponytail. My hair is starting to look much more like a mess instead of effortlessly casual(my code name for throwing a beanie on top of unkempt hair).

        It's nerve wracking to think that I'm going to be meeting Josh's entire family in less than an hour-- would they even like me? Would they still be okay with letting me stay in their house for the holidays? And then on top of all that, I'd have to make them all gifts-- I didn't have nearly enough money left over to buy them all gifts, not since I haven't been able to find a job. No prior experience in volunteer work or part-time work in general has halved my chances of getting a job. If I didn't find a job soon, I would have to go back to Cleveland. I wouldn't be able to survive any longer on my own in Columbus.

        "Jordan, Ashley, and Abigail." I mumble under my breath as I smooth my sweater out. "Jordan, Abigail, Ashley."

        Wrinkling my nose once the overbearing smell of the gas station bathroom finally got to me, I quickly tugged open the door and slipped out. I reluctantly held the key between two fingers, quickly depositing it onto the counter(and only receiving a grunt from the old man sitting behind the register).

        "Jam, what snacks do you want?" I hear Josh calling out to me from the other side of the relatively small shop, where the coolers are. I quickly hurry over to him, slipping between the aisles stockpiled with junk. I stop next to the brunette, who is making the tough choice between Coke and Mountain Dew. He glances at me helplessly, unsure of what to choose.

        "I'll get a Coke, you get your Mountain Dew, we split it." I say simply, and the expression that practically lightens up his gorgeous face throws me off guard entirely.

        "I could kiss you, you genius!" Josh grins widely as he quickly tugs open the door to the cooler and grabs an original, electric green Mountain Dew bottle. I hate the fact that my cheeks feel like they're burning whenever he says stuff like that-- why couldn't I just make a move already?

          I retrieve an idle ten dollar bill from my back pocket that I had extracted from my wallet in the car earlier, stuffing it into my left hand as I go to grab my bottle of Coke. Josh chews on his bottom lip as he waits for me, the white light emanating from the machine casting a cool glow over his thoughtful face. I knock his arm with my elbow, raising my eyebrows. "What's up, man?"

        "Sorry, I, uh--" he pauses then, his words lost to him, before turning to look at me. "I'm glad that you're here." He tells me, an honest smile tugging his lips upwards. I blink rapidly, my heart thudding in my ears loudly as I assess the situation.

        I could kiss him right here.

        I could lean forward and grab Josh Dun's face in my trembling hands and pull him to me, connecting our lips in a passionate kiss that would leave the both of us a shaking mess. I could weave my fingers through his messy, dark hair and cling onto him for dear life, letting his arms snake around my waist as he deepened the kiss. We could do all of that-- we could kiss.

        But then everything rushes back to me suddenly and I'm stumbling back. Mere feet away, examining a packet of Twinkies for the expiration date is Tyler Joseph, who keeps shooting brooding looks at the man standing next to the beef jerky sticks. The man who permeates the strong scent of tobacco smoke is staring at me hungrily, like he hasn't seen a girl in years(which might be true, considering how sketch this corner stop really is). Then further behind him is the sweaty cashier, who speaks in a language of grunts and prying eyes. All of this, combined with the fact that Josh and I are due at the Dun household in the next thirty or so minutes makes me stop. It wouldn't be right to kiss him here.

        "Let's get out of this place," I tell him, and Josh seems to agree with that before he's leading the way to Tyler, who looks relieved to see us.

        "Thank God you guys are here," Tyler exhales as he drops the packet of treats back onto the shelf to join its dusty friends. He passes me my winter coat which I had asked him to hold for me earlier. I slip my arms into the sleeves and tug the jacket closely to my body. "I think this staring contest with Mr. Jerky is going horribly, can we please leave?" Josh nods his head in understanding, grabbing a large bag of chips off the shelf before leading the way to the checkout. Without thinking twice, Josh also goes for my drink, ignoring my protests as he sets my drink next to his stuff.

        "You're a strange one," Josh says as he shoots a smile at me. "Who turns down free stuff?" I huff in disbelief, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. Josh turns back and waits for Sweaty Cashier to ring up his items, Tyler tapping his foot impatiently.

        Mr. Jerky shifts his stance as he takes a step away from his pride and joy, turning his head to look back over to us. Instinctively, I shuffle closer towards Tyler, who pulls me around him protectively. I can't help but smile at that-- we've known each other only since August yet he still feels the need to look out for me.

        When the boys have finally paid for their items, we hastily make our way out of the gas station, not sparing a glance backwards as we quickly pile into the car. Shuddering, I tug my seatbelt over my chest and buckle myself in, leaning back into the seat as Josh pulls out of the parking lot. "Next time anyone wants to stop at a dodgy gas station, let me know so I can knock your heads together." I say, huffing out a breath of exhaustion. Josh laughs loudly at that as he pulls back onto the road, switching his indicator lights off as he drives down the road.

        "No one died," Josh tells me. "I think we did good." He glances over at Tyler with an award-winning grin. Troy Bolton scoffs, kicking his feet up on the dashboard as he looks out the window.

        "Give it another minute in there and Mr. Beef Jerky probably would have killed us," Tyler huffs out in annoyance. "Just about killed my appetite,"

        "Tyler, practically nothing can kill your appetite." Josh retorts. "Your stomach is unbelievable."

        "You know what, Josh--"

        "Oh my goooosh," I groan, hitting my head against the window-- thud!--. "You guys are unbelievable."

        "Just wait until you meet my sisters." Josh replies, and I can't help but smile giddily at him. Sisters. I've always wanted siblings, but my parents had enough to deal with when my mother became unexpectedly pregnant with me. After I was born, things got harder for my parents, who had been young and naive and incredibly passive aggressive towards each other. My birth was just the nail in the coffin for their marriage-- children past me was out of the question. I was the mistake not meant to happen, and they made it known.

        But now Josh is taking me in-- he's driving me to his parents' house in the dead of winter so that I won't have to be alone. He has a loving mother and father and three siblings-- Jordan, Ashley, Abigail -- that can't wait to meet me. I'm not going to be alone this year.

        That's all I've ever wanted.

        Without quite realizing it, I doze off in the backseat of Josh's Jeep Wrangler to the sound of the two boys bickering playfully as usual. Their light banter eases me into a calm rest that is only shattered when Josh is tapping my knee lightly. "Jami, we're here." He says softly. I open my eyes slightly, noting that the passenger's seat is now empty.

        "Where's Tyler?" I ask him sleepily. Josh smiles lightly.

        "I dropped him off," Josh tells me. "He's coming over after dinner." I nod my head and sigh, sitting up tiredly as Josh grabs his bags along with mine. He yanks them up to the front seat before taking my hand and helping me climb out of the back. Just as I'm about to shove open the passenger's side door, the light on the front porch is flicking on. Josh grins. "Get ready," he warns me, just as the front door is flung open and a short girl is bounding down the steps of her front porch.

        "Josh!" She cries out excitedly, running barefoot into the snow as she tears down the driveway towards us. Josh throws open his door, jumping out of the car so he can pick up his little sister. Which was it? Josh said Ashley was sixteen, so this must be Abigail.

        "Abby," Josh wraps his arms around her form, hugging her tightly and picking her up and out of the snow. A warm feeling overcomes me as I watch the young girl cling onto Josh, obviously having missed him during the time he was at Ohio State.

        Immediately after, an older woman is coming out of the house, this time staying at the doorway as she watches the two siblings interact with each other. She looks to be in her early forties-- her hair is the same shade as Josh's... Mrs. Dun.

        I hesitantly open the car door, stepping out of Josh's Jeep and allowing my feet to be swallowed up by the snow that has been building up since morning. An unbearable chill follows me as I stand up, observing silently as Josh carries his kid sister to the front door. He grins widely and embraces his mother around Abby's body, pressing an easy kiss to her cheek. The woman grins widely, elation radiating off of her all the way here to where I'm standing. I think that he's forgotten about me for a moment, but then he's setting Abby down and ushering her into the house, turning back to look at me. Josh comes back down the porch, setting down the driveway towards me where I stand nervously by his car. Instead of going to his side of the vehicle, he moves around it and heads over to me, a bright smile on his face.

        "Josh," I start to say quietly. I don't know exactly what I mean to tell him then-- that I don't think I can do this? That I made a mistake coming here? No, I'm going to tell him that I'm catching a bus back to OSU, where I'll stay without intruding on his family moment. This is something I don't deserve to be around, something I shouldn't be allowed to witness. Why am I here again? Seeing such a loving family-- even a glimpse of it... It's so different from the movies-- no, it's so much more authentic. So much more... Real.  

        But before I can get the words out, Josh is cupping my face in his warm hands. He's staring me right in the eyes, picking apart my soul the way only he knows how to... Why did I always have to lose to him? "Jamilla, listen to me." He says clearly. "You belong here. I need you here." I nod slowly at that, still not believing it but believing in him.

"Okay," I say, but my voice shakes and he's resting his palm at the base of my head and pulling me towards him. Josh's lips press a soft kiss to my forehead, and before my heart gets the chance to somersault out of my freaking chest and submerge itself into the snow, he's pulling away. "Okay." I repeat, my face positively burning against the bitter wind. Josh grins cheekily at me before making a grab for my stuff.

With his belongings slung over one shoulder and my backpack-- filled with enough clothing to get me through the winter break-- thrown over my own shoulder, Josh leads me up the driveway. Bounding the steps that lead up to the Dun household, I'm enveloped in the house's heat as we enter the front foyer. Mrs. Dun is just shooing Abigail back into the living room to warm up when Josh closes the front door behind us, trapping the heat within the home.

"Oh, Josh," Mrs. Dun sighs happily, "I've missed you so much!" She throws her arms around her son again, this time taking the time to examine how college life has been treating him. It feels like an eternity before she finally lets go of her blushing son, but then she's turning to me and she does something I never expected her to ever do.

She hugs me.

It takes my breath away immediately-- Mrs. Dun wraps her arms around me excitedly as she gushes pleasantly. "You must be Jamilla," she's saying when she pulls back, cupping my cheeks in her hands. "Oh, you're just as beautiful as Joshua--"

"Mom," Josh clears his throat, and then she's laughing so joyously that I suddenly feel the need to cry.

"Oh, shush," she says with an eye roll. "Don't act all tough here, you're forgetting that I pushed your big head--"

"Mom!" Josh hisses, but Mrs. Dun doesn't care because she's taking my hands into hers and telling me to kick my shoes off quickly. Hastily following her orders, I leave my shoes by the door. Mrs. Dun pulls me further into the house, leaving a frazzled Josh Dun by the doorway in our wake.

"Don't let that boy fool you," Mrs. Dun is saying as she leads me towards the wide kitchen, pushing me towards a stool at the island. She continues to move towards the counter next to the stove, picking up her checkered oven mits before crouching down to check on the oven. "He's a total softie, that boy."

"He's not fooling anyone, Mrs. Dun," I say carefully, pulling the stool out from underneath the table. It's a cherry red stool that matches the wooden colour scheme of her home. I sit in it cautiously.

"That is true," she grins happily as she tugs the oven door open, pulling out the burning hot tray from the rack. She sets the tray on the stove top, tossing the mits back onto the marble counter. She turns back to look at me, a sweet smile gracing her lips. "God, am I happy." She sighs contently as she looks over at me. I realize then that I haven't even taken my coat off, nor my hat or scarf. I get to work on that.

"Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Dun." I say truthfully as I toss my jacket over my arm. "I mean it... It's incredibly kind of you to let me stay for the--"

"I see why my son has taken a shining to you," Mrs. Dun interrupts me. Though her face is mostly clear of wrinkles, when she smiles it is exceptionally prominent. Her laugh lines prove a joyous woman with a happy life.

"Oh, Josh and I--" I stop there, unsure of what to say next. We aren't together? We are obviously attached to each other? There's something there that the both of us are far too scared to admit to?

Mrs. Dun smiles warmly at me.

As if she just knows.