Mel

I know I'm still dreaming when I open my eyes and feel a warm body curled up around me. His heavy arm resting lazily on top of my waist, hands splayed across my stomach. I look down at the hand I've seen so many times before in this same situation.

Justin always made me feel safe and warm. In his arms, nothing could ever hurt me. I relish in the memory of his touch, hoping not to wake any time soon. It's a small comfort, one I miss so dearly since I lost him.

I roll over, risking waking myself from this dream so that I can get a look at his handsome face again. To my amazement, I manage to turn completely over, now facing his sculpted chest. I smile as I take in his body.

Then I notice it; the dream has changed him some. The scar on his ribs from when he fell out of a tree- it's no longer there. And the shape of his muscles is different from what I remember.

Maybe my memories are losing some of their previous sharpness.

The thought makes me sad, I don't want to forget Justin, but sometimes dreams distort the details. I know there's one thing I'll never forget. I know I'll never forget his face, no matter how much time has passed. Seeing him look at me- the smile that curled on his lips, the sparkle in his eyes- that is one thing I know I'll remember forever.

Unable to wait any longer, I look up, needing to see Justin's face staring back at me again. Only, when I look up, it's not Justin's face I see watching me. It's Liam's.

What the-

My body jolts, forcing me to wake up. The shock causes me to sit upright in bed. I feel my chest rising and falling rapidly as my breathing tries to regulate. My heart feels like it may beat out of my chest.

It was just a dream, Mel. Just a dream.

It felt so real. And I thought I was dreaming of Justin. Seeing Liam's face, it becomes clear why the little details of Justin were wrong- it wasn't him at all. The whole time, I was dreaming of Liam.

I bury my face in my hands as I try to wade through the reality of what just happened.

Oh. My. God. I just had a dream of Liam and me sleeping together.

Yes, literally sleeping- nothing steamy happened. I think.

I don't exactly remember what happened earlier in the dream. I'm assuming nothing sexual happened since I don't remember it. I'd remember that part, right?

My body seems to be functioning normally again, finally. I'm breathing regularly, and my heart is no longer trying to escape its home in my chest. That being said, my mind is definitely not okay right now. I'm now more confused than ever.

I was so thrilled at the thought of seeing Justin again in my dream. Then, when I turned around and instead saw Liam, it felt...

Good? Exciting?

The millisecond before I woke up, I remember how I felt. I remember the thought that ran through my mind. I was excited to see Liam's face in my bed, holding me close, looking at me with those loving eyes. And the thought that ran through my brain- I wanted something more to happen.

I wanted him.

I let that sink in for a moment before falling back down to the bed.

Holy shit.

I'm trying to reason with myself about what the dream may or may not mean when someone knocks on my door.

I sit up, pulling my comforter tighter to my chest. "Come in!"

Tay comes waltzing into my room less than a second later, wearing a huge smile. "Good morning, roomie! You ready for today?"

For a second, I'm confused. Then I recall what's happening later- the bachelorette party for Lins. "Oh, yeah. I'm excited. Are Lins and the others still meeting us at ten for brunch?"

Tay is now sitting on the edge of my bed, looking over me curiously. She nods at my question. "Yeah, that's the plan. Some of the girls can't meet us til later, but Stacy and Ali are coming for the whole shebang."

I try to calm my nerves under Taylor's gaze. She can tell something is up with me. "Sounds good! Should we get ready?"

"We should." She starts to stand up but stops at the last second.

Her gaze fixes back on me. "Are you okay? You just seem rattled."

I heave a sigh. Tay's known me too long. She knows when something is up. I decide not to hide everything from her. Maybe I'll feel better letting some of it out.

I look down at my bed, playing with the seam of my sheets that have fallen to my lap. "I- I guess I'm just feeling confused lately."

My voice quiets. "Guilty, even."

I've been avoiding looking Tay in the eyes, but when she's quiet for a few seconds too long, I have to look at her. When I do, she's looking at me, contemplating her next words carefully. She's always been able to read me like a book. I'm pretty sure she knows why I'm feeling guilty.

I wait for her to say what she's been carefully crafting in her mind with bated breath. When she speaks, it's hesitant, cautious- like she's afraid to get the words wrong. "You know, Mel... It's okay."

She looks directly into my eyes, making me listen more carefully to what she's saying. "I think... No matter what you decide to do, the important thing is that you're happy. It's what Justin would always want."

At the mention of her brother's name, tears prick my eyes. She stops, moving closer to me, wiping away the stray tear I let fall. "I think no matter what it is... Or who it is... He would always want you to choose what makes you happy. No guilt necessary."

She squeezes my hand as a soft smile decorates her lips.

I wipe away another tear as I repeat her words in my head. "Thanks, Tay," I whisper as I pull her into a much-needed hug.

She pulls me tighter, pressing her cheek to the side of my head. "Any time, sis. We all just want you to be happy."

~

After my emotionally charged morning, Tay and I met up with Lins and a few other girls for brunch. One of the girls from Lins's office met up with us after to go shopping. We wanted to make sure we were all prepared for the trip to Aruba, Lins especially.

Tay convinced Lindsey to pick up several new lingerie sets for her honeymoon, stating that a woman can never have enough pairs. We all ended up getting some.

Lins ended up with eight pairs. Stacy and Ali both grabbed two- they said Dan and Tyler would go crazy when they saw what their girls picked up. Ali was especially excited, wanting to celebrate her post-baby body. Lindsey's coworker was a bit bashful, but even she picked out a demure lace set for herself. Tay bought five sets- some were enough to make the devil blush.

Then, there was me. I didn't plan on getting anything. After all, who besides me would see them? What's the point?

However, after a bit of coaxing, Tay and Lins convinced me to buy two sets for myself. On our way to the register, I spotted a sexy navy-blue set that drew my attention. It was sexy but delicate at the same time. The top left nothing to the imagination, but the lace pattern was gorgeous. Before I could change my mind, I picked out my size and added it to my collection, noting the proud smile on Taylor's face as she saw what I had done.

Three more stores, and two hours later, we headed for the nail salon. We spent the next hour and a half sipping champagne while our hands and feet were pampered to perfection.

By the time we finished with our mani/pedis, it was time for dinner. Tay and I made reservations for our group at Lindsey's favorite restaurant. Everyone loved the food and the company. We talked about how happy we all were for Chase and Lins, how amazing their lives together would be, and started making predictions on how long before the lovebirds would start a family.

We were all feeling pretty tipsy by the time dinner was over. Well, everyone but Tay. She promised to make sure everyone got home safe by the end of the night.

We decided to finish off Lindsey's bachelorette day of fun; we would check out the new nightclub in Lower Manhattan. Lins didn't want to spend all night bar hopping or going to a strip club. She just wanted a fun day and night out with her girls. So, that's exactly what we gave her.

The guys went out last weekend for Chase's bachelor party. They went bar hopping for the night. We didn't want to crash the party accidentally, so we all stayed in and had a girls' night at the apartment. I think the guys are going to the usual bar tonight, so we shouldn't run into them at the club. That's our plan anyway- to have a girls-only night of fun.

The rest of Lindsey's coworkers met us outside the club. Our group was drawing attention as we made our way to the line. We were all dressed to the nines, wearing high heels and body-con dresses. Not gonna lie; we looked hot. There were ten of us in all- Lins, Tay, me, Stacy, Ali, two other WAGs, and three of Lindsey's coworkers. We were hard to miss.

The guy letting people in spotted us and called us over. He smiled at us as his eyes took in what we were wearing. He gave us some line about how sexy ladies like us shouldn't have to wait before opening the door, letting us jump the line. No one argued at our good fortune; we were ready to party.

I needed this. One night to forget everything messy going on inside my muddled brain. One night to just let loose and have fun with the girls.

The drinks were flowing, and the music was raging. We found a large booth on one side of the dance floor, big enough to hold all of us. After we had a few drinks in us, half of us ventured out to the floor, ready to dance.

Let's get this party started.