April 1, 2000

Twenty two.

George was twenty two years old today, and his twin was still twenty. Gone from the world of the living, remaining in his youth forever in whatever lied beyond life, Fred was still twenty while George aged what felt like a decade with every year that passed without his twin.

Part of George thought celebrating his birthday this year might've been easier. He'd already survived one birthday without his twin, after all. But for some reason this year felt even harder. Maybe it was because he hadn't downed half a bottle of firewhisky before making his way to the Burrow this year. There was nothing hindering his thoughts or emotions this time, it was all raw and real and it hurt. Merlin, did it hurt.

Truthfully, the only thing that kept him from wanting to shut himself away from the world for the entire day was that he knew he'd be able to see Eloise.

Everything about her had become so ingrained within his heart without her even trying, she felt like part of him now. Almost as if every little thing she did sparked joy within his soul, just by simply existing.

Like the way her soft smile could light up an entire room and how her contagious giggles never failed to make him crack a smile even on his worst days. The way her eyes were so blue he felt like he could drown in them, and he would do so happily. How her gaze could see into his very heart and soul and she seemed to feel everything he felt and somehow knew exactly how to take care of him. But most of all, the way she said his name. It sounded so delicate in her accent as it rolled off her tongue and he'd honestly never tire of hearing her say it.

Sure enough, as soon as he stepped out of the fireplace into the cozy kitchen of his childhood home, there she was. Chatting with his mother and holding little Victoire in her arms, who had her tiny fingers tangled into Eloise's frizzy curls. The women paused their conversation to look over at the newest arrival.

"Happy birthday, George." Eloise beamed.

There's that smile, he thought as the weight of the day suddenly didn't feel nearly as unbearable anymore, "Thanks, Ellie."

He was so tempted to embrace her, to walk across the kitchen and kiss her so casually like it was an every day occurrence, to wrap his arms around her like she belonged there. But they still hadn't really discussed anything beyond their past, their future still remained a mystery even after laying out their truth weeks ago.

It wasn't necessarily by choice, their work schedules simply got in the way. Eloise had been promoted at work, and he was so proud of her, but it required her to attend more training. That, on top of the busy weeks leading up to April Fool's Day for his shop didn't give them nearly enough time to see each other as often as he would like. Of course they wrote almost every other day, but talking about the complicated nature of their relationship and what the future would hold within a letter didn't feel right.

Besides, he knew he couldn't embrace her so freely in front of his family, at least not his mum. Most of his siblings had already concluded that something had been going on between him and Eloise for quite a while, yet Molly was none the wiser. Which came as somewhat of a shock, as his mother always seemed to love to meddle with her children's romantic lives.

George knew his mother well enough to know that if she caught any wind of he and Eloise having something going on, she'd most likely forget all about Ron and Hermione's wedding and start trying to plan theirs.

"Happy birthday, darling." Molly greeted her son as she placed a hand on the back of his head and pulled him down so she could place a kiss on his temple.

"Thanks, mum."

"There's something I want to show you," she said wearily with a sad sort of smile before turning toward Eloise, "Would you watch the stove for me, dear?"

The blonde who still had Victoire babbling in her arms nodded with a smile before Molly escorted George from the room.

His mother's demeanor made him feel slightly nervous as she lead him up into his old bedroom. He hadn't stepped foot in there since the night he moved out the summer before. The state of mind he was in when he'd moved back in with his parents honestly helped distract him from the pain he felt of staying in that room. His drinking problem hindered him from facing a lot of his feelings head on. But now, with a clear mind, entering that room again felt almost impossible.

"Have a seat, darling." Molly suggested as she sat next to him on the edge of his old bed.

Fear of what she had in store for him kept him silent as he sat there staring at his hands clasped in his lap. He couldn't bring himself to glance at the old Quidditch posters that still hung up on the opposite side of the room. The sight of the empty bed frame that once held Fred's unmade bed hurt more than it probably should have. So, he kept his eyes firmly glued to his hands. Molly seemed to notice this as she decided to not hesitate any longer and dug through the pocket of her apron before handing him an envelope without another word.

His brows furrowed as he held the sealed envelope in his hands, only when he flipped it over to see 'Georgie' written in his brother's messy handwriting did he finally let out a shaky breath.

Molly's hand found it's way to her son's back, rubbing up and down his spine comfortingly as she spoke, "Your father and I found it when we were clearing out some things last week. We think he must have written it while we were at Aunt Muriel's shortly before..." she trailed off as her own emotions started to bubble up before she cleared her throat and continued, "We haven't read it. You don't have to either if you don't want to, we just thought you'd want to hold onto it just in case."

George's breaths became labored as he did his best to fight back tears. If he was becoming this emotional at the mere sight of the envelope, there's no telling what Fred's words would unleash.

"Could I have a moment?" George asked, struggling to get the words out clearly.

Without objection, Molly nodded and stood up from the bed, flattening out her apron with her hands before exiting the room. Her footsteps grew quieter as she made her way back down to the kitchen, but all George could hear was the sound of his heart ricocheting off of his ribcage.

George's eyes stared at his name written on the envelope for what felt like an eternity before he flipped it over and pulled at the seal. The letter on the inside was written on lilac paper in a deep magenta ink. Fred had indeed written it while they were in hiding, George recognized the stationary from his Great Aunt Muriel's office. The boys had stollen a few sheets of it here and there as they ran low on mail-in order forms for the shop.

As he unfolded the letter, his eyes immediately diverted to the ceiling, desperately trying to prevent any tears from falling onto the page. Merely looking at Fred's handwriting without even reading a single word felt like a punch to the gut. He had no idea how he would possibly be able to actually bring himself to read it.

Part of him wanted to fold it and hide it away like the rest his brother's old belongings. Sometimes avoiding everything just felt easier to him. But at the same time, he longed to read his brother's message as if reading it would somehow bring him back, even if it was for just that moment.

With a deep breath, George finally brought his eyes back to the parchment as he read his brother's final words to him.

'Hey Georgie,

I guess if you're reading this, that means I kicked the bucket, which I must say really does suck. If we're reading it together, I know we're having a laugh though. I hope you had the forethought to write to me in case you die or I'll feel like a right git for putting in all this effort.

Only joking, of course! I don't even know why I felt the need to write this, especially since I don't really think anything is going to happen to either of us. I doubt I'll even show it to you honestly... but I guess I just wanna write down all of my thoughts instead of bottling them up, y'know?

I've just been thinking about what I'd want you to know if something did happen to me, and I know, I know. Nothing will. It's just that after you got hurt back in July it made everything seem so real, I can't help but think about this kind of thing sometimes...

You're probably sitting there thinking I'm morbid, aren't you? Well to be fair, I guess I kind of am, whoops!

Anyway, I just want you to know you're good enough, Georgie. You always have been, always will be. I'd be nothing without you. Honestly, I've probably only lived this long because of you (mum would probably agree with that statement too)

You have such a big heart. Don't forget how to love - yourself and others. I know this last month has been really hard on you with us having to go into hiding and everything. I'm confident it'll all work out for you though, whether that's with Allie or someone else. You'll find someone who makes you the best version of you... as long as you can find some poor girl who doesn't care that you only have one ear.

Remember to take care of mum and dad. You're a huge mumma's boy (don't deny it!) If anything happens to any of us you know we have to be there for them. I can already see mum knitting about a billion sweaters if something goes wrong, so please, hide the yarn from her and just give her a big hug, alright?

Lastly, and maybe most importantly, don't give up the shop. I really don't think anything will happen to me, but if it does, I mean it Georgie, don't give up! If you do, I'll haunt you.

I only say this because I've thought about what I would do if I lost you (I know, don't call me morbid again). I think I'd probably want to give everything up and just run away, maybe to America, who bloody knows? I hate to even think about living without you, you're my other half. Without you I'm just Fred, and I honestly don't even know what that means.

I know you wouldn't want me to give up, and I don't want you to either. The shop was our dream, we worked so hard, we've got to keep it going no matter what happens in our lives. Even when we're old and grey and our kids have to push us around the shop in our wheelchairs, we'll keep it going.

I love you, Georgie, and I'm proud of you. That's all I really want to say.

- Freddie

P.S. Don't let Verity talk you out of selling love potions, you know she tries to every single year.

P.P.S. Take care of Angie for me.'

It was like he could hear his brother's voice as he read along to every word. George read and reread the letter until his eyes were blurry, filled to the brim with tears. All he wanted for the last two years was to have Fred back, he hadn't once thought about whether or not his brother would be proud of him.

Would Fred have been proud of the way George shut down and pushed his family away? Would he have been proud that it took Charlie and Verity to keep the shop afloat while he didn't care at all about it's future? Would he have been proud of the way he'd treated Eloise?

No, probably not.

But he would still love George unconditionally through it all. Through every misstep and every regret, Fred would have been there to pick him up. Maybe, in some esoteric way, Fred was still there. There was a reason his mum had seemed to find the letter out of nowhere. Fred was there, he always would be.

George folded the letter and placed it in his pocket for safe keeping. If he was going to get through dinner with his family, he needed to go speak with Fred first. As he trudged down the stairs, he kept his eyes glued to the ground. No one he passed on the way dared try and stop him as he made his way out the door to the back garden on his way to sit on the bench by his brother's grave.

Eloise watched from the window as she was helping Molly clean up a bit before dinner. She hadn't even realized she'd stopped scrubbing the bowl in her hand as she gazed at George speaking to himself, or what she assumed to be him speaking with Fred. Molly came and stood beside her, an understanding and knowing look on her face.

"Why don't you go check on him, dear?"

Eloise flicked her eyes towards his mother and shook her head, "Oh, Molly I don't know, I-"

The woman took the bowl and wash rag away from the blonde's hands and nodded her head towards the door with a kind smile, yet Eloise still hesitated. She turned her head once more to look out the window at George. He was hunched forward, resting his elbows on his knees as the letter dangled from his hand. A slight shove on her arm was finally what got her to move as Molly urged her out the door.

The short walk across the garden felt like it was miles long as she made her way towards the bench. She came to a stop a short distance away and cleared her throat as she nervously played with the hem of her jumper. At the sound, George glanced in her direction before sitting up straight and holding his hand out to her.

Eloise walked the rest of the way, accepting his silent invitation. When she laid her hand in his, he gazed up at her with a slight smile before pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. Despite his effort, Eloise could still see right through him, his asymmetrical smile hid nothing as his sweet-as-honey eyes revealed all the deep sadness he held inside.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

George nodded, "I am now."

Eloise took a seat beside him on the bench, still holding his hand in hers. He rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of her hand for a moment before holding out the letter to her.

"What is this?" she asked as the warmth of George's hand was replaced with the delicate piece of parchment.

"Read it."

Eloise's eyebrows furrowed as she unfolded the letter, but as she skimmed the first line she quickly realized it was from Fred. Reading it herself felt like a massive violation of his privacy even though he was the one who told her to do it. She couldn't make herself go beyond the first paragraph before she stopped herself and looked back up at George.

"I can't read this."

"Please read it, Ellie. For me."

She wanted to object, she didn't want to read something so personal that Fred had written for George's eyes only. Honestly, she didn't even know why he wanted her to read it at all. But she knew he wouldn't listen to any of her protests, so she brought her eyes back down to the messy handwriting of the twin she'd never met and continued.

Eloise couldn't help but notice the similarities in his and George's handwriting as well as their senses of humor. In another life she would have loved to have met Fred, to have seen the two of them together, to know a side of George she'd never be able to meet.

It was clear just how much Fred truly did love George. They were inseparable, until they weren't. Even though Fred had been taken away so unfairly, he and George would remain soulmates forever. Part of George's heart would always remain empty, no one would ever replace his twin. But someone could certainly help ease his pain, if he let them.

Once she was finished she folded up the letter and handed it back to George without a word, she honestly didn't know what to say to him.

"Two years." he said as he finally broke the silence, "It'll be two years in a month. Can you believe that?"

Words refused to leave her lips, it was like her lungs were empty and her throat was blocked - choking on her own emotions and desperate desire to not say the wrong thing. Instead, she grasped his left hand in both of hers and held onto him tightly as she kept her eyes on his callused fingertips.

"Nearly two years since I met you." he added after a moment.

At this, Eloise finally looked up to meet his eyes. Beautiful and haunted, utterly stricken with grief as the hazel hues glistened with tears he dare not shed.

Despite this, the corner of his lips curled up slightly, "Exactly a year ago since I kissed you for the first time."

One year ago began their rocky journey together as they tried and failed and tried again to navigate their feelings for one another. One year, and it felt like very little progress had been made at all, instead they had been going in endless circles.

George's brows furrowed as he found it more and more difficult to hold back his tears, "I'm so mad at myself for pushing you away. I don't know why it took me so long to realize how much I need you. You're everything to me, Ellie, I'm so sorry."

Her hand reached up to cup the side of his face. The stubble on his cheek pricked the soft skin of her palm as she used her thumb to brush away a tear that had finally escaped from his eyes.

The moment felt so heavy, all she wanted to do was tell him how much he meant to her, how she loved him with every inch of her soul. The word was on the tip of her tongue, so desperate to be said. But she resisted, he was too emotional. The letter from Fred had clearly done a toll on his heart and she didn't want to add to the confusion. It wouldn't be fair for her to put that on him right now.

Instead, she pressed her lips softly against his. It was her way of accepting his apology, of letting him know he was her moon and her stars, of reassuring him that she would always be there no matter what, and of confessing that she was desperately and hopelessly in love with him.

Her kiss said everything she ever wanted to tell him, all without having to say a single word.

When she pulled away, George brushed a stray blonde curl behind her ear and looked at her intently, "Be mine."

More tears were looming in his eyes as he gazed at her. For exactly one year, she wanted nothing more than for George to say those words and yet she felt compelled stop him, to tell him that they should table the discussion for another day.

If this was all spurred on by his emotions, she didn't want him to regret it or change his mind later. She was truly torn. Torn between wanting to give in to her own selfish desires and wanting to do everything she could to keep George's best interest at heart.

When her silence lasted too long for his liking, the desperation in his voice became more apparent, "Please, Ellie. Just say yes."

She parted her lips, but nothing came out. Finding his answer in her hesitation, George had begun pulling his hand from her grasp as he tore his eyes away from her.

"Wait," she finally choked out as if oxygen and adrenaline had suddenly filled her lungs.

George turned back to her with a raised eyebrow.

"I just..." she stammered as she tried to get her thoughts in order, "I think we should wait. I'm not saying no, I just want you to be sure."

"I am sure. I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Eloise." he insisted manically, "I don't want to wait anymore, we've waited for a year. I made us wait for a year. I'm lucky you even feel anything for me at all anymore, Elle. I want to fix this, please let me fix this. I don't want to risk losing you for good."

Externally she kept her calm demeanor but inside her heart was aching, screaming at her to just say yes.

"If you feel the same way tomorrow, I'm yours."

Her heart was beating wildly against her ribs, purely out of fear that she was making the biggest mistake of her life. She was giving him an out, an opportunity to change his mind. George however, tightened his grip on Eloise's hand without even noticing he was doing it all because he felt as though she was slipping away again, only this time he wasn't the one in control.

"Mon chéri, it's not a no." Eloise reminded him softly as her hand began to ache ever so slightly.

George felt her other hand gently come to rest on his and he finally loosened his grip on her.

"Sorry." he muttered quickly as he looked down at their hands.

Eloise brought her hand up to his chin, lifting it slightly so he would meet her gaze. The green and brown hues in his eyes reminded her of autumn, of cool nights and cozy fires, of the most painful season of her life, of the heartbreak she had endured last October. They reminded her of the season that she was certain they could one day make their happiest memories in as they made up for lost time and righted all their wrongs beneath Scorpio skies.

As long as they could wait for the right moment.

"Sleep on it, send me an owl after work tomorrow and tell me how you feel. If you still want me, I'm yours. Forever and ever." she smiled at him softly.

George leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. The salty taste of his tears lines their lips, but neither seemed to mind. Every time he kissed her it felt like a promise, like a reminder that he'd always be hers in his heart even if he was never brave enough to say so.

"Is that okay?" she whispered against his lips.

George rested his forehead against hers and nodded slightly, "If it's what you want me to do, I'll wait."

"Then I'll be patiently waiting for your letter." she replied as she pulled away.

He let out a long sigh, "Ellie, I-"

She smiled sweetly as she shook her head, promptly interrupting whatever confession or revelation he was preparing to make, "Tomorrow, George. Then you can tell me everything."

He hated it, but deep down he knew she was right. Everything he wanted to say to her was being spurred on by a whirlpool of emotions that weren't allowing him to think rationally.

All he wanted was Eloise, but he knew this wasn't the right way to go about it. Just like kissing her in this exact spot last spring while he was drunk and mourning wasn't the right way to go about things. He'd made just about every wrong turn he could with Eloise, but she was still there. Only this time she was the one making him wait.

Patience is a virtue, one George had yet to master, and Merlin, did he hate it. All he did was clench his jaw slightly and nod, already counting down the seconds until Eloise would finally accept his proposal, wondering if there was a chance he actually would take it all back before then.

Sure, reading his brother's letter to him made him emotional, but he was fairly certain he wanted to try to make it work with Eloise regardless of what Fred had to say. Maybe his brother's words merely gave him the push he needed to finally ask Eloise what he really wanted from her, but now he was beginning to second guess himself.

Could Eloise have really been able to read between the lines and see that he wasn't truly ready yet? Surely Fred's words didn't influence him that much.

He wanted Eloise, he had for almost two years, he knew that in his heart. It just took him until tonight to be brave enough to do anything about it. It was his decision, not Fred's, at least he was trying to convince himself of that.

Yet, deep down he was still scared. Scared that he would change his mind tomorrow, scared that he would hurt Eloise one final time.

What had him most afraid though, was that he was already deeply in love with her. Part of him had known that for a long time, but an even louder side of his brain had been in denial about it. Out of pure self-preservation as well as wanting so badly to protect Eloise, he was trying convince himself that he didn't know what the word 'love' even meant anymore. All so he could pretend those feelings didn't exist.

But they did exist, and he was scared.

All this time she said she'd never give up on him, that she'd never let go. But part of him still felt like it was inevitable. Maybe not tonight, maybe not even in a year, but one day Eloise would realize she truly did deserve better than anything he could ever give her. She deserved the world, the constellations, the whole bloody universe, and she certainly deserved better than him. Whenever that day came, he feared it might hurt almost as much as losing Fred had.

Twenty two.

Suddenly this year felt like it was shaping up to be the most bittersweet year of his life. Although he had no way of predicting when the bitterness would finally end or if the sweetness would truly last.