I want see snow once more. To feel fragile snowflakes land on my warm skin and melt. I want to feel them on my lips, always alike, never the same, but granted with the wish of uniting by my sinned lips they would turn into one. That's what I dream about my brother, Yoongi, when woken up from yet another nightmare I try to consume the sleepless night.

The nights that never seem to end. You would always make them easier, you knew how to scare nightmares away, and no dark dream would come near me when you were there guarding me with your light presence. Just like a candle when you need that light most you were guiding me out of the shadows, protecting me from the world of sins that back then I had not yet familiarised with unlike now when I already know how failure tastes.

Do you remember Yoongi when the storm came on and we ran outside to play with the snow even known Jin told us not to, because we would later on catch a cold? I remember how we fell into the pile of snow admiring the sky I wished to reach so badly... I wanted to have wings that would take me up there, to freedom as it seemed then. Who could have thought that wings will become my punishment and flight my greatest fear.

"Look, I'm angel," I said to you back then standing up from the ground where the imprinted outline of an angel laid. You were the first one to teach me the contrast between bad and good. And with each day you tempted me to the good side with your words and works. I believed you to be my guide, I wanted to follow you, there was no talking about me being forced to look up to your ideals. That was what I wanted. Your words were what I fell for. They made me believe that no matter what happens I can find a way out, I can find a way to fight my fears and I can find a way to make my dreams come true.

I'm not mad at you for not guiding me out of darkness when I needed it most. I'm mad that you made believe that you would.

You just have to wish once upon a star and your dream no matter how big or small will become true. Wasn't that what I was told? Wasn't that what made me seek those wings even stronger? And wasn't that what was suppose to keep me going even when I found myself to be left all alone, hidden in the shadow of greater good which I wished to consume. You can never truly regret anything unless you care for the consequences of your doings. You taught me how to never mind.

Yet I always cared more than I should have. And every single thing that I believed in life hurt me so bad. I couldn't keep it together, I had no strength nor will. I had nothing but my believes stained with blood of my own, which dripped from the wounds left by me trying to reach my dream.

Yoongi... when you left, piece by piece I fell apart.