I want to feel water run down my spine. But every time it touches my skin a thousand knives stabs me. It burns my skin, it burns my soul. I want to feel the flow of waterfall hit my shoulders. I want to feel the ice cold lake water stinging my skin while swimming early in the morning. I want to feel the sour sea water wash my face as I hit the waves. I want to jump into an ocean and let it take me to the edge of the world wherever that is and no matter how long the trip would take. I just want it. I want it so bad. Do you know how I can get that?

Jimin, you were always there to consult me.

You always were there for me whenever I had a question about anything in the whole entire world, even if it was something you had no knowledge about you would still come and try to help me. Finding answers to my questions were never easy, they would be tearing me apart, burning me piece by piece, sinking me out drop by drop. But you there were and made me believe that you will be there when I need you never failing to help. But when I needed you most, you didn't appear.

Did I mean anything to you or was it just another useless promise? If I had never appeared in your life would you have went looking for me or carried on without feeling anything? And now when my body is covered in eternal flames, the whole water in the world couldn't put them out, do you still remember me? How we spent time together, how we laughed, how we knew that one will always stand up for other. Do you still remember that or did it fade away, burnt to ashes in fire which tongues are now licking my already aching skin?

I wish they could burn off my wings. They are the strings keeping me attached to the underworld. The place that I can't leave, the place where everything happens, but nothing stays, not a single thing has a meaning here and I can feel my quest disappearing quicker and quicker with each second. Quickly I'm forgetting whom I was and who were you. Just like at one point you forgot me, soon I will forget you.

I'm not mad at you for not coming to save me when I was drowning. I'm mad that you made me believe that you would come.

And each night I wake up in cold sweat, with my eyes wide, with my mouth open and screaming. Screaming so loud that the ground shakes, the hell silences struck by my scream. Nightmares come for me every night. They come with your smile on their dark faces and with your sweet voice luring me to come with them. They are inviting me to darkness that has no exit. Licking my cold sweat off my skin they leave me scared and each morning I wake up with a new mark that I can't wash away, because water is no longer something I can afford.

You taught me how important is to be there for those in need of your counseling. I wish someone could counsel me out of this darkness... but I can trust nobody.