How many tears did I cry when I lost you? Am I wrong to be this broken? The world was so big and I was so small, but I had you to go on to this journey with me. I never feared anything with you by my side. Maybe I was wrong to always look at what's coming up front and never turn my head to the side where your cheeks were stained with bloody tears. Day and night they were streaming down your face, never drying, never disappearing. You, the one who was crying, I should have cried instead. You, the one who never asked for help with his words, but was always begging for me to reach my hand out to you with his presence. I should have cried instead. And I did. When I lost you.

I don't know if you will ever be able to forgive me for what I have done. Or what I haven't done. Because I know that I will never let myself forget my wrong doings. I would rip my wings off of my back only to see you once more. But I know that it's not how it works. Even if you get rid of the evidence left after your crime, the guilt will live on in your mind and your heart forever. You can force it out and you can never lighten your soul. The sin, will always remain. And it will keep there, where you belong. Where I belong. In Hell. Where I am stuck with my dark wings, with my nightmares, with my fears and no sign of you.

I love you, my brother. The one who made me believe that anything is possible, that every day ends, but a new beginning is never to be feared. The one who was so young for this world, yet you didn't get to enjoy it. The life was never fair and never easy. You came to this world with that knowledge that the rest of only encountered in our later days, when you were already gone, fulfilling the quest you have been given from above.

I'm not mad at you for leaving me. I'm mad that you made me believe that you wouldn't.

You always knew more than you said, but that was a sign of deep knowledge and understanding that came from within. You, the one who believed in afterlife, do you still believe it when you look into my eyes? Our eyes are mirrors of our souls. Can you still believe that afterlife exists when you look into my soulless eyes. When you stand face to face with a devil, that once you called a friend.

I have a fallen into a deep and dark pit, there is no way out. Once you come in, you can't leave. Nothing in this world tempts me more than the idea of you here. Nothing more in this world contradicts with my wish to have you by my side like I once did, than my own morals. My own sense on which I built myself. Myself that destruct every day more and more as I approach the idea of never seeing you again.

I'm sorry Jungkook, I let you down. Don't try to separate grey from black, it's all just eternal darkness. That's why I was punished with the rest.