I made one too many mistakes for them to forgive me. I broke one too many rules for them to let me live. I had one too many rocks on my chest for me to fly.

There's a thin line between life and death. There's even thinner line between death and destruction. Finally, it's all clear like never before. I can finally see what you meant when you tried to warn me. I was sick of being tied down. However breaking those chains did not equal freedom. It was nothing close to freedom. I just wanted to feel wind brush against my wings. I just wanted to feel the smile creep on my face as I cross the sky while the sun sets behind the horizon. I just wanted to have one last shot at forgiveness.

You know... they say once you truly wish for something, the determination will always show up. You're damned to idolise your set goal and reach out for it at any cost with the commitment like no other. Maybe that's why I tried so hard and failed so badly at what I wanted most. Perhaps it was because I was forbidden to what I wished to have. That one red apple from Eden's garden. That sinner's fruit which possessed the taste of success. The taste that I was hungry for, thirsty for, the taste that I couldn't live without. I needed what was off-limits for me. I sought the freedom of a butterfly, when all I was was just an earth's warm.

I was tired of sitting in one place and doing nothing, in heaven where nothing ever happens, nothing ever changes. I needed changes like people needed oxygen. I wanted it so bad that I could swear to all it is that I loved that I heard my dead heart beating once more for this strong desire. You never realise what you had until you lose it. Some can be gained back, some can be won back, some can be taken back by force. There's always a way, there's always a possibility of redeeming yourself. Always.

Except one.

Except one case, this one specific case regarding this one thing that I sought so badly. Life. Something that you lose and can never regain no matter how hard you try. But once again, I realise it only now when I had failed to do so, and with a fail came a punishment that I was set to carry on for centuries, for an eternity.

I had everything, didn't I? An angel. Some believed in them, some didn't. There was one person who was particularly completely sure of this creature's existence and that one person was our only thread to the life as it was. As long as he kept on believing, we kept on living. Just I, I was foolish enough to give that all up. To give my last chance at life up, for a change.

I fell from the sky and hit the ground hard going through it straight into underworld. They say throw me at the pack of wolves and I'll come out leading them... they threw me into devils' pit and I took over hell.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry my brothers.