Author: RowanCarver

Title of Work: King Eden

Package: Silver Egg Package

Reviewed: Chapters 1-10

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4 out of 5

I think your cover is really unique. I appreciate that the title of your novel and your name are both legible as that's something that's often missing from Wattpad covers. The colors are very vibrant and mesh well together. Please note that my comments about the cover are prior to me reading your story.

At the moment, it gives a combination of science fiction and school textbook vibes. There is one element that I don't understand it's connection and that's the anchor. I don't know if this is an important symbol in your story, but I look forward to finding out!

(Please note: this section was written before you changed your cover.)

5 out of 5

This is an example of an excellent blurb. It introduces important elements without overwhelming the reader (i.e., the setting, the main character, the conflict). It also does a good job of avoiding mixed use of passive and active voice. If I were to judge whether I wanted to read the book on the blurb alone, I would definitely pick up something like this in a bookstore.

5 out of 5

I thought the opening hook was pretty strong because of how quickly you establish how destroyed the city is. There's some action going on here, even if it's not shown explicitly with a fight scene. I enjoy stories that start off with strong opening lines and this one doesn't fail to disappoint.

9.5 out of 10

I thought the story was reasonably paced. I didn't have any difficulties following along and thought the cliffhangers were placed in good positions. One thing I do want to comment on was in Chapter 2, the fight for Eli. I feel like there is more to this relationship between Fix and King that I'm not seeing. I wonder if it would be useful to provide some chapters, or even flashbacks, to illustrate what brought them to this moment. I can understand that Fix may not be a nice person as he comes across as manipulative later on, but I just wish there was a bit more information about his character.

9 out of 10

I'm fascinated by King's character because he seems like someone who just wants to give Eli the best. I think seeing both sides - the fighter and the caregiver - really help balance King's character and that's what makes him so interested. I felt invested in King's journey because of the realism. Another thing that really makes this character shine is the placement of her thoughts in the narrative. She has a very distinct voice that separates her from the rest, and it's quite powerful.

As I mentioned previously, I felt like there could have been a bit more development on Fix's side. And it's not necessarily a bad thing! I just think the dynamic between Fix and King is so interesting, I would like to see more! And perhaps see more of Eli and King when she took him under her wing.

10 out of 10

I'm really impressed by how detailed your world is! I usually expect to be overwhelmed with details, but you're introducing new concepts at a comfortable pace that make it easy for me to follow along. I'm not typically a big fan of science fiction, but this story is so unique and interesting, that I almost forget that it's science fiction. There's always something exciting happening and I think that's what makes your world building shine.

10 out of 10

I think you have a great amount of character and setting description. I appreciate that you set the mood of the story before you thrust us into all these other events, so we can understand that this world has some deficiencies.

Your vocabulary is absolutely amazing, and I don't think I ever noticed any repetition with your descriptions. Every part is standalone and has an equally strong impact. As I previously mentioned in the World Building Section, I think you've given enough for the reader to visualize everything that's happened. And I enjoy it when I don't have many questions about how things come to be, but rather what will happen next.

In context of characters, I think you've done a wonderful job in creating these individuals. You give us enough of a description to visualize the characters and it also provides some insight into their personalities, so well done!

10 out of 10

There's  a lot of emotion in the dialogue. I appreciate how well you've balanced dialogue, narrative, and description! Not that this happened for me, but if the reader ever feels like they can't get a sense of the tone or general mood of the scene, it's easy to deduce it from the character's body language and facial expressions.

9.5 out of 10

Overall

Well-written, with few to no errors. I can tell you proofread your work because I only found one thing to comment on, noted below.

Chapter 1

↣ The only suggestion I have for this chapter is to consider breaking up the sentence "Worn-out markets and apartments tell tales of the people who should be here, children's voices, shouting merchants, and hellish dogs still resound in the depths of my imagination." To me, it reads a little awkwardly. Perhaps replace the comma with a dash or turn it into two sentences? Other than that, the content is perfectly fine!

9.5 out of 10

When you mentioned that you got a lot of negative feedback on this story, I was surprised. I think you have something really strong here. The story is compelling, your world building is flawless, and your characters' voices are so distinct and strong. There are a couple of things to work on as I mentioned previously, but you don't have to take my suggestions to heart if you end up finding some other happy medium. Overall, I think this is an interesting story with a unique concept.

Now, if you're hearing a lot of negative feedback on a specific item, I'd ask for more information. Are the concepts itself complex? Is too much time dedicated to explaining their meanings? To me, I didn't get this feeling when I read. I'd also ask myself what the critiquers' favorite genres are. Someone who really likes romance might not be as interested in a story that takes place in a dystopic setting. Finally, I'd evaluate my word choice to determine if readability is hurt by the use of complex vocabulary.

Everyone always has something they need to work on. No one ever has a perfect story, it takes a few helpful people and an author's ambition to get it to where they want to be. So, don't be afraid to make mistakes or ask yourself questions when you come to those difficult decisions.

You don't have to apply all of my suggestions, but I tried to explain as best I could about what could have been done better. I wish you the best of luck in your writing endeavors!

~ Wera

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