Nicky studied his bone thin, scarred arms as they reached up closer to her on the bed.  Tears struck her cheeks as they fell to his angular face that was filled with grief.  She tried to speak, but nothing came out, watching Layne as he forced himself to sit back up and pop his dentures back in.

"We were bad for each other," Layne finally said, his back still facing her.

She continued to cry.  "I'm not that much better than her then..."

He turned his head, those pretty blue eyes analyzing her.  His face burnt red, wishing there was just one more line of heroin left on Nicky's night stand.  He turned back away from her & glared at his gnarly track marks on his forearms.  "You are better than her..." he stated, gulping back tears.

"How in the fuck am I better than her?!  I helped you escape rehab.  I enabled you to fucking relapse.  I..." Nicky stopped herself & covered her face in shame. "You deserve better, Layne..."

Layne turned around, grabbing her and making her lie on her side so he could spoon with her.  "Demri ended up being a prostitute," he muttered, his hand resting on the side of her waist.

He had to look away from the bones that protruded from her & keep his focus on her beautiful face.  Nicky reminded him of a fractured porcelain doll...beautiful, graceful, smart, most likely talented...but broken.  And, in some way, he wanted more than anything to repair her fractured heart.

"She didn't give a shit about me in the end," Layne went on. "She cheated on me for drugs.  I wanted to get clean with her and she fucking lied to me and went out and sold her body for fucking drugs.  She blamed me for the habit she had developed, blamed me for her having to spread her legs in order to get high because I refused to fork over the dough.  She beat me.  She always brought up my father, telling me I was just like him...knowing that was the number one thing I didn't want to be.  She used my weaknesses against me so she could try to manipulate me into getting her dope.  She didn't care at all."  He stopped himself from continuing & broke down in tears, nudging his face against Nicky's neck.

She turned to him, pecking him on his cheek & stroking his face.  "Calm down, Layne," she whispered between more kisses.  He squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed by his own actions.  "Layne it's okay...I'm sorry for bringing her up.  It's just after what Mike said--"

"Mike doesn't know shit," Layne wavered, curling closer to her.  He exhaled shakily, opening his eyes to study those beautiful, unique, vampire like eyes Nicky had.  They seemed to glow, they were so bright.  "The only person in my life that knows about me is Jer...  Listen to him.  Not Sean or Mike.  The two of them are really annoyed with me.  I can't say I blame them but they'll never understand.  Plus they're both addicts themselves.  They just won't fucking ADMIT to it, instead they'll take out their own frustrations about their addictions on me.  All because I canceled touring with them in the 90's to try to better myself."

Nicky shook her head, disgusted.  "Why do you still consider them friends, then?"

Layne scowled at himself.  "They're trying to help me the best way they can.  Just like Jer... They're just not level headed like Jer because they're too fucked up on their drug of choice."  He sighed, stroking Nicky's hair out of her face.  "Don't you EVER think that I deserve better than you.  You remind me of myself...you remind me that there's still hope.  You're the only person I've been with that doesn't treat me like total shit...that doesn't blame the music industry for my addictions...  You get it.  And you're faithful.  And you're fucking beautiful.  You're helping me more than you know..."

Nicky smiled, fighting her tears as she watched his sad eyes smile back at her.  She hugged him tight.  "You're the only person that hasn't called me stupid or shallow for having an eating disorder," she started, biting her lip and looking back at him.  He was stroking her hair, smiling softly as tears slowly rolled down his sunken cheeks.  "Only person that actually got me to eat...and not purge.  You have no idea how scary this is for me--"

"Yes I do," Layne reassured her, wetting his lips.  "I've never had to suffer from something like that, but I get it.  I understand what it's like to believe you don't deserve anything...  To hate yourself, to lie to yourself.  To believe the only thing you truly deserve is self destruction..." He sighed, glaring at his own body. Disgust overcame him as he analyzed how terribly underweight he was.  "Shit, guess I was starving myself in rehab...  I didn't know what else to do, I just couldn't get my mind off dope..."

Nicky grabbed his face again so he could look back at her.  "I starve because I want to look unattractive..." She admitted, studying the worry in his eyes.  "I'm tired of being treated like a piece of meat."

"My god, Nicky," Layne moaned, brows crinkled with distress.  "Just because you've been raped doesn't mean you should punish yourself..."

She shrugged, crying again.  "I...don't know...what else...I could do," she whimpered inbetween sobbing.

Layne sat up, wrapping his arm around her back to get her to sit, too.  "You don't have to do that anymore, Nicky.  Not as long as you're with me.  I would never hurt you... It's disgusting what those fucks did to you..."

She wiped the tears from her face, getting up to glare at herself in the mirror.  She analyzed her twig legs, lifting up her sweater to glare at her rib cage that protruded from her.  She shook her head, those turquoise eyes wide with shock.

"I look horrible," she realized. She turned back to see Layne staring at her, a grim look pinched on his face.

"I tried to tell you..." Layne muttered.  He got up and stood next to her infront of the full-length mirror, wincing as he looked at himself and then at her.  "We both look horrible."

She sighed.  "I need a cigarette."

He nodded & smiled softly, wrapping an arm around her.  "Let's go downstairs then--"

"Jerry will notice that we've been crying..." she said, insecure.

Layne shook his head & gripped her hand, making her follow him as they walked through the hallway.  "Jer won't judge.  He won't even probe you for explanations. He's dealt with my shit for years, babe.  He won't give you advice unless you bring it up to him."

She smirked, slowly walking down the steps.  "He's a great guy."

Layne shot her an accusing look, but smiled, making her laugh.  "Don't get me all jealous now," he slurred, still grinning.

"Well, he is kinda cuuuute," she mocked. She chuckled lightly when Layne's face twisted in confusion.  "I'm kidding, Layne.  I'm with you."

He kissed her when they reached the bottom floor, then lead her into the living room.  Confusion overcame his scrawny face when he saw the TV flickering, the volume low, his best friend no where to be seen.

"Jer?!" Layne called out, his eyes urgently scanning the room.  He turned to Nicky, noticing she was just as concerned.  He nodded to the couch.  "Go ahead and smoke, babe...  I'm going to try and see what the heck is going on..."

When she sat down and lit her cigarette, Layne ran to Jerry's bedroom door & knocked. "Jerry?!" He called through the crack.  He grumbled, turning the knob, seeing that it was unlocked.  He swung the door open.  All there was in there was a bed, a pile of ratty notebooks, and a green glass bong.  He sighed, shutting the door and turning to the front door of the house that lead to the porch.  He looked through the window on the door.

"Oh fuck," Layne blurted out. He took note of the gray hair & sad eyes, nodding over at Jerry who had a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

"What's wrong?" Nicky called out.

Layne turned to her, eyes wide.  "My mom is here."

*******

"Come on in, Nancy," Jerry said to her, holding the door open. His eyes fell to Layne, who stood there smoking his cigarette in the living room, shooting Jerry the stink eye.

Nancy walked in, immediately jumping & crying when she saw her son. She scurried over to him and hugged him tight. "Oh my god, I thought I'd never see you again," she whimpered, finally letting go of Layne. Her eyes scanned the length of his body, her face pinched with worry. "You're so thin..."

Layne rolled his eyes & puffed viscously on his cigarette, burning holes into Jerry with his death glare. He then looked back at his mom, forcing a smile. "Nice to FINALLY see you, ma..."

"Gosh, you sound overly enthusiastic," his mother jeered, strolling into the living room & taking a seat on the recliner next to the couch. She glared over at Nicky, who was sat on the couch, hot boxing her cigarette nervously. Nancy glanced back up at Layne, her eyes narrowing. "Who is this...?" she asked, her tone seemingly angry as she pointed over at Nicky.

Nicky forced a weary smile over at the aged woman, waving a shaky hand at her. "I'm Nicky--"

"She's my girlfriend," Layne intruded, sitting next to Nicky & wrapping his arms around her tight as if to protect her. "She's the best woman I've ever been with," he growled at his mother, guarded.

Nancy raised a brow & turned to share a look with Jerry. He just smiled awkwardly and shrugged at her. "You want a drink, Nancy...?" Jerry finally asked, desperate to break the deafening silence.

Nancy glared back at Layne & Nicky, her lips pierced with anger. "Do you have any wine?"

Jerry laughed. "I have Samuel Adam's?"

She nodded at him, forcing a clenched smile. "That's perfect..."

They all watched Jerry as he disappeared into the kitchen. Layne sighed, putting out his smoke and lighting another one, his eyes glued to his mom. "Was GREAT seeing you while I was in the hospital, mom," Layne spat sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Layne, stop with the guilt tripping."

He shrugged, blowing a cloud of smoke over to her. "It's just great having such a SUPPORTIVE family, you know?!"

Nancy didn't even take the glass of beer from Jerry. She stood up from the chair, eyeing Layne. "Look, I've had to deal with your fucked up issues ENOUGH!" She shouted, walking closer to him. "You're 34 years old, Layne! You should be able to take care of yourself!"

"Eh, I learned how to do that from my FANTASTIC father," Layne spat. He turned to Nicky, who was shaking her head at him to try to get him to stop.

"Oh my LORD, you're seriously going to bring HIM up again?!" Nancy shrieked. She turned to Jerry, who was awkwardly fumbling with his hands. "I'm sorry, Jerry, but I don't think this was the best time to see my SON. Seems like he's still doing the same stupid CRAP--"

"IM TRYING TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!" Layne screamed at her, jolting from his seat. "WITH NO HELP FROM YOU OR ANYONE FROM MY SO CALLED FAMILY!"

She tisked her tongue at him, walking towards the front door to her house. "Get it together, Layne," she growled. She eyed Nicky, "and dump the broad. I can tell you're both HIGH. She's just another Demri."

Before Layne could scream a rebuttal at her, Nancy stomped out the door and slammed it behind her, jumping into her car and speeding down the drive way. Layne glared over at Jerry, steaming. "What the FUCK, Jer?!"

"I didn't invite her over, L, she just stopped by... She didn't even know you were staying here," Jerry explained, sipping on the beer nervously.

Layne fell back onto the couch. "Why does everyone always have to bring up DEMRI?! Nicky is nothing like her!"

Jerry sighed, sitting down in the recliner. "They're just concerned. You have made a lot of the same mistakes in the past, you can't blame them."

Nicky put out her cig & bit her lip. "Do you think I'm bad for him...?" she asked, looking over at Jerry.

Jerry shook his head, taking another drink from the glass of beer. "No, I don't," he told her, his eyes slinking back over at Layne. "I know that you have some problems, but everyone does. You're nothing like Demri, I can tell."

She sighed with relief, looking back up at Layne who was still giving Jerry the stink eye. "Why did my mom stop by here?" Layne went on.

"She's too scared to talk to you anymore considering you do...well..." Jerry analyzed the pissed off look on his face. "The shit you did when she was here just a moment ago. She comes here every once in a while to ask me how you're doing."

Layne shook his head, fidgeting with the blue lighter on the coffee table. "So she's too scared to talk to me?"

Jerry raised his brows at him. "Well, yeah. Especially when you're high... Like you are now."

Layne sighed, nodding his head. He turned to Nicky, who gave him a pleading look. "I guess I get that..."

"You're doing better, though," Jerry continued. He smiled over at Nicky. "I guess I have you to thank, Nicky. Before you, if L even caught a glimpse of his mother, he would literally tear anything to shreds."

Nicky smirked, turning back to Layne.

"I'm going to make you guys dinner, alright?" Jerry asked them, getting up from his recliner. They both nodded their heads, queing him to leave the room.

Layne held her close, grinning at her. He kissed her longingly, pushing her lightly so she would lie down on her back and he could straddle her. He bit his lip, looking into those turquoise eyes. "Nicky..."

She smirked, running her hand through his short hair. "Yeah?"

He leaned into her, his eyes softening. "I love you."