Life has been difficult lately, I recently lost my great aunt, she was 95 and I was really close to her.

So due to that I've been feeling down and now I'm back in a state where I either feel nothing or I feel everything at once with no in between and I can't get out of my own head.

Then I saw this thing the other day, and I can't stop thinking about it cause it feels so true, it read;

I am both a healer,
And a harmer.
I fix everyone I can
But in the end
I have no strength left
To heal myself

I know it's a problem, I've know for years that it was a problem, I'm a people pleaser, I'm the one everyone talks to when they are down, the shoulder to cry on, yet when was the last time anyone asked me how I was actually doing.

I feel so lost, I've be struggling for so long and I know how to fix it or that I should get help and I say I will but I never do. It's not that I'm not aware of it, I just self destruct, I constantly screw myself over and I know I'm doing yet I keep fucking doing it and I don't know why.

God I wish I wasn't so far out of town right now, I need a hug but no one's here, but I guess that's what I'm used to anyways.

I don't know anymore.

I'm just a mess.

Don't worry if I disappear for a while.