Gregory called to the lower floor where other contestants were being held. Everyone was directed to come upstairs and have a seat. 

"Welcome, everyone, to this year's annual Washington Pie Contest," Gregory spoke, in a dull and monotone voice. "The winner receives fame and a widespread pie campaign, along with this so-called priceless sword from the fifteenth century. Today, we are judging on flavour, presentation, and creativity. The usual. Yaddah yaddah, et cetera, bring on the pies." He sat down after his much less than rousing speech.  

The first contender seemed to be a woman in her late thirties. She wore a mask over her mouth and nose, with very red eyes. Not like they were irritated or anything, her eyeballs had previously been tattooed over with red ink. She introduced herself, and presented a very smooth blackberry pie. 

"This is my secret recipe, handed down from generations," She spoke in a low voice. Gregory took a small slice of the pie, and offered a piece to Howard. 

"It's delicious," Howard said in delight.

"It's okay," Gregory said. 

The next participant was a young man, in his late teens or early twenties. Greg couldn't tell which, but it didn't matter much to him. 

"Lemon meringue," said the young man. "I stole this recipe."

"It tastes like a shoe," Gregory commented.

"Can I have the rest?" Howard asked.

The next contestant wasn't really a contestant, but a team of two. A nun who smelled of cheese, and a man with a pair of dark sunglasses. Sister Marian set down the pie. 

"It's chocolate," Leroy explained. "Chocolate is good for masking other flavours."

Satan signaled Gregory by itching his ear, which, in this context, meant "These are the ones, I would not recommend eating that piece of pie unless you want to die within five minutes."

Gregory pretended to taste it, with a "This is excellent!" and a gasp. Needless to say, his acting skills needed some work.

"Howard, dear friend, would you like to try some pie?" Lucy said in a tempting manner. Howard glanced at the pie, and his stomach began to rumble. 

"Don't mind if I do," Howard said, and before Gregory could stop him, he popped a bite into his mouth. 

"HOWARD, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!" Gregory yelled. It didn't do a lot, Howard was already turning a very pale shade of blue grey. His eyes seemed to be popping out, and he kept motioning around his neck. The other competitors gasped as he slumped to the ground, breathless. Gregory looked around furiously until his eyes caught sight of Lucy.

"YOU... YOU BASTARD!" Greg screamed at him, and snatched the prize sword, swinging it around like a madman. "YOU JUST KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!"

"Now, let's be reasonable here," Lucy said, easily dodging Greg's attacks. "You before said you don't have friends, you don't need anybody."

"OF COURSE I NEEDED HIM, YOU IDIOT! WE ALL NEED SOMEONE!" Gregory yelled, and then realized his words. 

"We all need someone," He repeated, this time more to himself. He loosened his grip on the sword, and it fell out of his hand to the ground, clattering with the concrete. 

Lucy saw his opportunity, and dove for the sword. He grabbed it, and was about to swing at Gregory when the door burst open, to reveal none other than Karen Leonard, VSCO Alliance.

"Stop!" She yelled at the man with the goatee. "I wanted to do that!" Karen pulled a small square out of her bag. She opened it and pulled out a folded up metal straw, and extended it to a length of two feet.

Lucy took a moment to regain his composure, and looked her in the eye with force. She backed away. 

"Or, you could," She said sheepishly. 

"Thank you."

Lucy turned back to Gregory, and before Greg could move, Lucy stabbed him right in the stomach.

"Really?" Greg looked at the sword in his abdomen. "It sword of seems like there's a problem here."

"You have got to be kidding me," Lucy grumbled. 

"I mean I appreciate the gift and all, but does this one come with a receipt? I'd kind of like to return it," Gregory continued, trying to ignore his searing pain and mild loss of blood. Satan shrugged. Then he pulled the sword out of Gregory's wound. 

"AGH!" Gregory exclaimed. Lucy just shrugged again. 

"You said you wanted to return it."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean pulling it out!" Gregory exclaimed. "That makes the wound worse!" He looked down as his bleeding self. Satan let out a low chuckle. Sister Marian had taken enough of this. She raised her hands high above her head, and clapped. 

A blinding light filled the room. Gregory gasped, and shielded his eyes. Karen even jumped a little bit, trying to hide behind a pillar. As for Satan, well, he disappeared.

"Where in the world did he go?" Gregory yelled, ready to fight. He didn't realize until a little later that he stopped bleeding, and his wound was slowly disappearing.

"I took care of him," Sister Marian said. With that, she and Leroy disappeared as well. 

"What?" A shaky voice said from the floor.

"HOWARD!" Gregory yelled. 

"Greg?" Howard said in a whispery voice. 

"You will not believe what just happened," Gregory said breathlessly, helping Howard off the floor. 

"Do you need to relax? Maybe play a game of chess?" Howard perked up.

"You bet. And Howard?" Gregory asked.

"Yes?"

"It's good to have you back. I... missed you," Gregory admitted.

"Why Gregory Patrick, I dare say that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me in over twenty years."

With a smile, Gregory helped Howard into the car, and they drove off for their game of chess. 

THE END

"Well, what are you waiting for? It's over. Get a life," Karen said judgmentally.