"Brianne, what's wrong?  You've been quiet the whole ride home."

Instead of answering my mom like I probably should have, I opened the car door and pelted up the walkway.  I felt numb.  I couldn't even bring myself to cry right now even though I really wanted to.  "He's in a coma.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry."  Dannon wasn't dead, but it still felt like he was.  He wasn't here anymore.  He was gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

"Brianne!"

Tears were now beginning to burn in my eyes.  The thought of never seeing Dannon's beautiful blue eyes again was almost too much to bear.  I wanted him to smile at me, to speak to me just one more time.  Even if it was the simplest word like my name.  I needed to hear his voice right now.

But I never would.  Never again.

"Brianne, what's wrong?"

I threw open the front door and stomped inside.  I glared around, absolutely loathing how normal it looked.  I wanted it to be pouring; I wanted it to be dark and depressing.  I wanted the world to know that things weren't okay.

"Dammit, Garrett!"

The excruciating silence was now complete pandemonium as I made my way into the living room.  How I hadn't heard the screams before, I would never know.  Garrett and my dad were fighting, shouting and throwing themselves into each other's faces.  I'd never seen my dad so angry before.  I sank onto the couch, staring at them silently, not able to bring myself to speak.

"Just because a few people decided it would be fun to pull a few pranks on you doesn't mean you need to destroy your education!" my dad hissed.

"They weren't pulling pranks, Dad!" Garrett hollered.  "They were bullying me!"

"And you let them win?" my dad growled.  "I raised you better than that, Garrett."

I was dumbfounded by my dad's actions.  Garrett had been bullied, and he was pissed at him for leaving?  I felt anger rising within me as the fight continued to escalate.  Garrett didn't deserve to be treated like this from his own parent.  At least my mom had stopped yelling when she realized why her son dropped out.

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry to disappoint you!" Garret screamed.  "I'm sorry that I'm not the son you always wanted.  Maybe this next child will finally turn out right!"

I couldn't take it anymore.  I stood up, throwing my hands into the air.  "Shut the hell up!" I yelled.  "Both of you!"

They turned to me, their faces frozen into shocked expressions.

"God, there are more important things in life than a fricken education!"  I glared at them.  "Dad, accept the fact that your son decided to leave before he decided to kill himself or something.  Dammit.  Don't you guys get it?  Before you know it everything you had—the people you loved—could be gone."

I collapsed back onto the couch, letting my head fall into my hands.  It was silent.  I could feel my family's stares burn through my skull, but I didn't care.  Let them stare.  Let them see how deep in despair I was.  Let them see.

"Brianne," Garrett whispered finally, falling onto the couch beside me.  "Brianne, what happened at the hospital?"

I shook my head, the tears finally beginning to fall.  And now that they were coming, they weren't able to stop.  Soon I was wracked with sobs, leaning into Garrett.  He welcomed me, wrapping his arms tightly around me and cooing comforting things in my ear.  I could hear the utter confusion, the anxiety of not knowing what was wrong.  I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't.  The tears had taken over me. 

"Mom, do you have any idea what happened?" I heard Garrett ask after a few moments.  I could barely hear him over my cries.

"I have no idea."  My mom's voice shook with each word.  "She called telling me to pick her up and hasn't said a word since."

Garrett pulled me away from him, holding me out at arm's length.  The tears continued to stream down my cheeks as I caught the worried glances of all my family members.  My mom's eyes were wide, her mouth slack.  My dad had his arms crossed awkwardly over his chest, like he wanted to unlatch them and throw them around me.  He wanted to comfort me so bad.  But he didn't know how.

I shook my head, covering my face with my hands.  I couldn't talk.  Not now.  Not when I felt like I was drowning.

"Brianne, please," Garrett whispered.  "Tell us what happened."

"D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D—"

"Deep breaths," Garrett soothed, pulling me close to him and rubbing my back comfortingly.  "Deep breaths, Bri."

I couldn't breathe deep.  My breaths were coming out swiftly as I tried to contain the tears that were spilling.  But my emotions were everywhere.  There was no way to contain this.  No way at all.

"Maybe we should call Dannon or something," my mom mumbled, sounding completely lost.  "Isn't he the one who was able to comfort her when she found out he has cancer?"

I cried harder as I realized that I would never be able to have a conversation with Dannon the phone again.  Our playful banters, our plan making.  Those were all only memories now.  "T-t-t-t-t-t-that w-w-w-w-w-won't do a-a-a-anything."

"Why not?" Garrett whispered.

"Dannon's in a coma!"

The words finally escaped my lips without a single stutter in my voice.  I screamed out the next sob, clinging to Garrett so tight that it hurt.  He hugged me back just as tightly, bringing a hand through my hair.  I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing that this was just some sick, twisted dream and that I was going to wake up and Dannon was going to reassure me that everything was fine.

"Brianne, I'm so sorry," my mom breathed shakily after a long while.

I shook my head, detaching myself from my brother and standing up.  "I need to be alone right now," I muttered thickly.  "So, please, just leave me alone."

I hurried upstairs, my footsteps pounding on the floor.  I threw open the door and stepped inside.  I paced back and forth, sniffling loudly.  I was devastated.  I was heartbroken.  I was terrified.

I was pissed.

I threw my arms in the air, glowering at the ceiling.  "God!" I hollered.  "How could You do something like this to someone so—so good?  He deserves everything in the world and all You did was take it away!"

I collapsed onto my bed, sobbing.  "He doesn't deserve this!" I screeched.  "He doesn't deserve this!"

I cried for a long time.  I wasn't actually sure how long, because before I knew it, I was opening my eyes and it was morning.  The light pierced my eyes.  I groaned, grabbing my pillow and throwing it over my head.  What time was it, anyway?  What day was it?  Was I supposed to be at school right now?  Wait, no.  It was Saturday, right?  Or maybe it was Sunday.

I had no freaking idea.

With a groan, I heaved myself out of bed and dragged myself downstairs.  My head ached, my throat felt parched, and my nose was as stuffed as hell.  Did I get a random head cold when I fell asleep or something?

"What time is it?" I demanded as I stepped off the stairs and ventured into the kitchen.  Garrett was sitting at the table, munching on some cereal and staring blankly out the window.  He didn't seem as cheerful as he usually did.  In fact, he seemed upset.  What the hell had happened to him?

"Garrett?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.  "Hello?"

Garrett blinked and turned to me.  "Oh, Brianne, hey," he muttered, his eyes still distant.  "Glad to see you're up."

"What time is it?" I asked, plopping down beside him.  "And what day is it?"

I felt stupid asking that, but I had to.  I mean, I felt like I was missing school, so I probably was.

"It's nine-thirty," Garrett mumbled.  "And it's Monday."

He looked me up and down.  I suddenly felt self-conscious.  Why was he staring at me like that?  And why, in the back of my head, did I feel like something was incredibly wrong?  "Garrett, why are you looking at me like that?"

"You don't remember, do you?"

And just like that the memory crashed into me like a freight train.  Dannon having a seizure, Dannon flat-lining, Dannon going into a coma.  I clutched the table tightly, struggling to breathe.  "Oh my gosh," I whispered.  "I can't believe I actually forgot for a second there."

Garrett smiled sadly.  "Ignorance is bliss."

How true those words were.

My jaw jutted out as my eyes turned out the window.  I wanted to be at the hospital.  I wanted to hold Dannon's hand and wait for him to wake up no matter how unlikely it was that he would open his eyes again.  I felt sick to my stomach as I thought of what Tom must have been going through right now.  His only son was dying slowly right before his eyes.

"If you want I can bring you to the hospital," Garrett offered softly.  "We can visit for a bit."

I smiled slightly.  "Thank you, Garrett."

Garrett smiled back.  "Anything for you, my baby sister."

He was trying to lighten the mood, and in any other circumstances it would have worked.  But now I could feel the depression weighing down on me, and there was really no way to fight it.  Everything seemed to remind me of Dannon, and then those thoughts would convert into how I would never get to experience those joys again.

"You know, there's still a chance that—"

"That what, Garrett?" I snapped bluntly.  "That he could wake up?  He told me the day I found out that he was going to go into a coma and never wake up.  I've lost him forever."

Forever.  Forever was such a long time.

Already I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.  Dannon said that he imagined us moving on, living successful lives.  How that hell was I supposed to do that when the only life that I wanted was with him?

"If we keep praying for it, maybe—"

"Praying won't do a damn thing," I muttered.  "If He cared, He wouldn't have done this."

"Brianne."  Garrett grabbed my hand.  I resisted the urge to rip it from his grasp.  "You can't start thinking like that.  There is always hope."

I sniffled, my gaze locking on the tree outside the window.  I wanted to be able to hope.  I wanted to be able to reassure myself that Dannon was going to be fine.  But I couldn't.  In the pit of my stomach I knew that Dannon was gone, and I would never speak to him again.

"He never finished," I whispered, taking on a haunted tone as my eyes met Garrett's.

Garrett's eyebrows crinkled in confusion.  "What?"

"He never finished his sentence."  My lips began to tremble.  "We were talking, and he had a seizure in the middle of his sentence."

Garrett's eyes were full of sympathy as he stared at me.  He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  He didn't know what to say, how to comfort me.  And I didn't expect him to be able to.  What could you possibly say when it came to something like this?  I didn't blame him for speechlessness.  I would have been, too, if I were in his position.

I bit my lip as I realized that he was probably just as tortured by this as I was.  Dannon was his friend.  My eyes instantly became teary.  Garrett was so much stronger than I was.  How come everyone was handling this better than I was?  Was I seriously that weak?

"I'm sorry, Garrett," I whispered.  "I've been so insensitive.  He's your friend too."

For the first time Garrett looked as though he wanted to cry.  He struggled to smile before throwing his arms around me, pulling me close to him.  I hugged him back, digging my head into his shoulder.  We sat there like that for a long time.  Hugging silently.  Then Garrett pulled away, sighing deeply.  "You need to tell Kyla."

Kyla.  Shelley.  Garner.  Meghan.  Paula.  Oliver.  Their lives were about to be utterly destroyed once they found out the news.  I was not at all tempted to call Kyla in what was probably the middle of class to ruin her life forever.  I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I told her while she was in school.  She would never be able to get through the rest of the day.

Apparently, God thought it would be pretty damn hilarious to tell her anyway, because my phone happened to ring at that very moment.  I didn't even have to glance at the caller I.D. to know who it was that was calling.  "Hey, Kyla."

"Brianne, hey!" Kyla said excitedly.  "I have some exciting news for you."

Yippee.  "What?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.  I could already tell that she was going to figure out that there was something wrong with me, and I was going to have to tell her.  Great.  Just what I wanted.

"Shelley and Garner are dating!"

My mouth dropped open.  Shelley and Garner were dating?  Well, I couldn't say that I was surprised.  The two squabbled like a married couple.  It was only a matter of time.  But the fact that they realized it themselves was awesome.  "Really?  When?"

"Just like fifteen minutes ago!  They were arguing back and forth and they started naming off things they hated about each other.  And then all of a sudden, Garner kissed her and said, 'I hate that I like you anyway!'  And then Shelley, like, pulled him back to her, saying, 'Same here, you idiot!'  And now they're dating!"

Wow.  "That's cool," I said, leaning back in my chair.  I caught Garrett's gaze and shook my head.  I wasn't going to tell her unless she brought it up first.

"Yeah.  So, are you feeling better?  Your mom said you weren't feeling well.  Though, you do sound like crap.  All stuffed up."

"No, I'm not feeling better," I said softly, my eyes locking on the wooden floorboards.  "I don't think I'm going to feel better for a while."  

Way to ruin the cover, Brianne.

"What?"  Kyla seemed confused.  Then she seemed to realize what I was talking about.  "You're not physically sick, are you?"

I let my head fall into my free hand, closing my eyes.  They were burning with fresh tears.  "No," I said thickly.  "This is much worse than that."

"Brianne, what happened?"

I shook my head, beginning to cry softly.  Dammit.  Now she was going to really demand to know what happened.  But I couldn't help it.  I wasn't strong enough.

"Brianne, tell me what happened right now."  Kyla paused.  "Something happened to Dannon."

It wasn't a question.  She knew that it was the reason for my tears.  She knew me so well.

I sighed shakily.  I was going to have to tell her sometime, and even if I refused to tell her now, she wasn't going to be able to concentrate on her work.  She would be worrying over what could possibly be wrong with Dannon, or if Dannon was dead.  "Dannon's in a coma," I whispered.

Kyla didn't answer at first.  But when she did, her voice sounded small.  "Are you sure?"

I nodded, forgetting for a moment that she wasn't in the room with me.  "I was there.  He was in the middle of saying something and then he had a seizure.  He flat-lined and then went into a coma."

"He flat-lined?" Kyla exclaimed.

"Kyla, who are you talking to?"

It was Oliver.

I bit my lip, hoping that Kyla wasn't going to tell them while I was on the phone.  I didn't want to hear them flip out.  It would only make me feel worse.  Selfish, I know, but still.

"I'll tell you in a minute," she said softly.  I wondered how she was looking at him right now.  Probably the same way that I looked at Dannon when I was pleading with him to hold on.  "Oh my gosh, Brianne, I'm so sorry!"

I sighed.  "I'm sorry that I had to tell you while you're in school," I said softly.  "I wanted to wait until later—"

"No, I'm glad you told me.  If you want, after school I could take you to see him."

I looked out the window.  It was sunny outside, not a single cloud in sight.  God couldn't give me one thing that I wanted, could He?  Was it too much to ask for a rainy day to project my mood perfectly?  Apparently.

"Garrett's going to take me."

"Kyla, what's going on?"  Oliver sounded worried.  "Did something happen to Dannon?"

I could only imagine how worried Oliver was right now.  Dannon was his best friend!  They'd been best friends since kindergarten.  I wondered how much it hurt that Dannon didn't tell him about the cancer to begin with.  Probably a lot.  But Oliver hadn't been mad.  He'd told us that he understood why Dannon didn't tell him.  For protection.  Oliver was a really good guy.

Kyla sighed.  I could tell how torn she was right now even through her struggled nonchalance.  She wanted to tell Oliver, wanted to cry with him, but she couldn't because she knew that I didn't want to be on the phone when that happened.  She understood my situation and how I would feel about it.  And I loved her for that.  "Oliver, please hold on.  I promise I will tell you in a minute."

"I'm going to let you go," I said softly, knowing that it was time for her to tell the others.  "Tell the others for me."

"I will.  I'll stop by later and see how you're doing, all right?"

"Okay."

I hung up the phone, bringing a hand through my hair.  I could feel Garrett's eyes on me, but I ignored it.  I was probably going to get stared at a lot for a long time.  Mine as well get used to it now.

"He flat-lined?" Garrett asked softly.

I nodded slightly.  "Yes," I whispered.

Garrett sighed shakily.  "I can only imagine what it must have been like to be there."

"People in movies always have chances to say their goodbyes," I whispered.  "They have really deep conversations, say their 'I love yous.'"  I wiped a tear that had dribbled down my cheek.  "Dannon and I don't get to do that.  His last word will forever be 'well.'" 

Garrett looked like he wanted to say something to me, but his mouth remained shut.  Instead, he stood up and walked to the freezer.  I watched him curiously, wondering vaguely what he was doing.  "Garrett?"  I cocked an eyebrow, standing up and following him.  He was pulling open the freezer's door now.  "What are you doing?"

"How about we binge away our sorrows?" Garrett asked, his head disappearing into the freezer.  After a moment his head reappeared and he shoved his arm in, dishing out a tub of my mom's ice cream.  It seemed that he had something against eating any other ice cream besides hers.

I smiled a small smile, grabbing two spoons from the silverware drawer.  "Sounds like a plan."

| It ♥ All ♥ Started ♥ With ♥ An ♥ Apple |

"Dannon," I whispered.

I intertwined my fingers with his, holding them up in the air.  Dannon looked so peaceful.  It seemed so wrong—for him to look peaceful like this.  Not when I knew what was really happening to him.  Not when I knew that his body was slowly shutting down on me.  I wondered if he could hear me.  Wasn't there a possibility that he could?  Or was that just in the movies?

Garrett was waiting outside the room.  He understood that I wanted to be alone right now, and I was thankful for that.  That was one of the many things that I loved about Garrett.  He seemed to know me more than I knew myself.  The only other person that knew me as well as that was lying in a hospital bed, probably never going to open his eyes again.

"Dannon, I don't know if you can hear me," I said softly, closing my eyes, "but—"

I cut off, sighing shakily and looking down at the floor.  Why was this so hard to get out?  Dannon was the easiest person there was to talk to.  I could tell him anything.  Maybe it was because I knew that he wasn't going to answer me.  Maybe it was because that made this situation all the more real to me.  Maybe I just didn't want to accept that Dannon's days were numbered.

"You told me that you thought I was going to move on and live a successful life," I whispered, my hair falling into my face, "but I can't.  And I don't want to."  I paused, letting a few tears trickle down my cheeks.  "I'd rather die alone than be with someone other than you."

I fell forward, my head resting on his chest.  I could feel his steady breathing, his chest moving up and down slowly.  Signs that he was still alive.  Signs that maybe, just maybe, he was still in there somewhere.  "Please, don't leave me," I wept, my tears leaking onto his shirt.  "Please, I'm not ready."

I sat there, crying onto the guy I loved for a long time.  My eyes became heavy, and I wasn't able to keep them open.  What was the point of trying to keep them open anyway?  It wasn't like the nightmares from my dreams could be any worse than the nightmares from my reality.

"Bri, I'm hungry!"

I rolled my eyes, continuing to read my book as though he wasn't there.  Dannon pouted, flopping next to me on my bed.  He was staring at me, I knew he was, but I refused to acknowledge his presence.  That was only going to make him whine more.  And I really didn't want to go downstairs to get him something to eat.

"Honey!" Dannon whined.  "Come downstairs with me?"

"No."  I shook my head.  "I'm in a good part."

Dannon huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.  "So you're going to let me starve to death then?"

"Mhm."

Dannon chuckled, kissing my cheek lightly.  "Whatever you say.  I'm sure you can date the guy from the book once I die—from starvation."

"Uh-huh.  I bet he's sexier than you."

Dannon gasped in mock-horror.  "Better looking than me?"  He sighed lightly.  "Yeah, probably."

I laughed, setting my book aside and looking at him.  There was no point in attempting to read with him in this kind of mood.  You know, the mood where he didn't shut up no matter how much you ignored him?  I'd like to say that he irritated me when he was in one of those moods, but he didn't. Actually, he amused me.  A lot.

"Let's go you dufus," I muttered, grabbing his hand and tugging him from the bed.

"Are we going to get food now?"

"Yes."

"Woo!"

We made our way down the stairs and into the kitchen.  Garrett was munching on my mom's ice cream as he usually was, looking proud of himself.  I ignored his goofy grin as I led Dannon to the cupboards.  "What do you want to eat?" I asked, gesturing around.

"Well—"

Suddenly Dannon was on the floor, writhing and twitching.  I shrieked, falling onto his knees in dismay.  "Dannon?" I cried, my arms reaching to steady his body. "Dannon, baby, what's wrong?"

One single word kept echoing over and over again.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

"Brianne, wake up!"

I gave a small scream, my eyes popping open.  Garrett's eyes pierces mine.  My lips began to tremble and I crumbled into him weeping into his T-shirt.  "He was there!" I cried.  "He was there.  He was there."

 "Shh," Garrett soothed, rubbing my back.  "It's going to be okay.  It'll be okay."

No.  No, it's wasn't going to be okay.  Never again would anything be okay.