Fuck
Fuck
Fuck

No seriously I hate myself so much right now

I'm missing algebra because I'm in the nurses office crying my eyes out

Because I'm a fucking asshole

Most of you know about cj, my best friend.

Well he's dating a girl and I shan't say her name

But I'm pretty sure she hated me before she started dating him

Well anyway, I love that he's happy. I live that she's happy. I really do.

But here comes little old me and my damn teenage girl feelings coming along to fuck things up.

So Cj and I have been best friends since sixth grade and it's no secret that I have feelings for him.

Well the girl he's dating is one of the clingiest people ever (so is he). She wants him everywhere. She wants to sit by him and see him in every class.

Long story fucking short

I'm jealous.

Yeah, he and I still do a lot of things together, but now I have to feel damn guilty when I want to sit by him at lunch or I want to give him a hug. I want to be playful, yeah. I'll be playful, but then I'll feel like shit afterwards because I'll remember that I can't keep my best friend.

And so my girl best friend, Naomi sat in between Cj and CJ's girlfriend.

Oh, and how his girlfriend poured and pouted and poured.

And I'm pussed because I can't sit next to either of them bc his girlfriend fucked up out seating arrangement.

Here's where I begin to mess things up so badly.

I clenched my fist, looked her in the eye and said, "Aw, princess can't sit with her prince? Tragic."

I'm such a jerk

I made a mistake. I know that. I apologized, because I knew that was uncalled for, but she turned around and told me to go fuck myself.

Goddamnit I know she hates me.

I felt like she was trying to keep him away from me.

I felt like I was no longer a part of the picture

Not to mention I couldn't even sit bey the people I wanted to because she messed up our seating arrangement that we have had since the first day.

I was wrong.

I know I was wrong.

I can't stand it when people are mad at me.

It makes me so afraid that rumors will start and I will be hated.

It has already happened once.

I cant have it again.

So I'm going to have to spend the rest of my godforsaken life kissing up to her because I couldn't hold my damn tongue.

I just wanted her to understand how I felt.

She has liked him for a week and they have been dating for four days.

And I feel like she is replacing me.

And now she won't forgive me

And I can't have her mad at me.

It's like the time my friend got mad at me for listening to different music and turned her back on me.

I'm afraid of hurting people.

And I hurt her.

I feel so bad.

Pls help.