Title: RM's Rapping RV by 4everSherlocked

Source: ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS by TheCieloCommunity

Category: Comedy

Mature: N (loss of a loved one)

LGBTQIAP+: N

Status: Ongoing

Special note (judging): I had four books in this category, and the other judge (YsmeriaGuilro) had four books.
Result: 96/100

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. → 

*****

Rubric:
- Title: 5
- Book cover: 5
- Description (blurb): 5
- Plot & storytelling: 15
- Character development: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar: 10
- Originality & creativity: 10
- Emotional impact: 10
- Pacing & structure: 5
- Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5
- Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10
Total: 100

*****

Total: 96/100

Title: 5/5
Now, this is a funny title. Color me intrigued! And I chuckled at your splashes of humor throughout Deja Vu, so if you're intentionally writing a full comedy book, I expect much laughter. Note to self: Don't eat while reading...

Cover: 5/5
This is such a fun cover for such a fun title. It's bright, flashy, and doesn't take itself too seriously. The oldie-style text with the old RV works great, and I love RM's cheeky smile. If I had any complaint, it would be that your name is a bit small, but it's still legible, and I think bumping the size up would mess this cover up, so I'd leave it alone.

Blurb: 4/5
I like it. It's short, sweet, and to the point. I think you could rework the last sentence a little, because the semicolon feels weird to me. Maybe you could add a comma after "thinks," change "as" to "and," and then...maybe a period or a hyphen would work better than the semicolon? Either would add a little more punch to the last statement, anyway, but both have a slightly different feel to them, so whatever you think works best.

Plot & storytelling: 15/15
I was not expecting a plot this coherent. You said it wouldn't make sense! But it does. It's also not a straight comedy, with the humor being more subtle, requiring contextual knowledge to get it. I guess I didn't know where a story starting with Namjoon inheriting an RV from his deceased grandfather would go. It's an interesting ride. The science fiction elements weave seamlessly throughout the story in a way that feels believable, and the time travel incidents are just more stops in a plot that's best not to question. So what if the first person they meet in 15th century France can speak English (Korean?) and doesn't care about the differences in appearance of his Korean visitors? We've already seen the RV's operating and security systems turn into actual humans. This is a story that's about going with the flow and enjoying the ride.

It gets heavier than I expected. The adventures to find and rescue Taehyung and Jungkook are pretty serious, punctuated by humor from our beloved Hobi and his precious hay (nominated for Best Performance by a Prop by lexxandbts, link in the inline comments), but then we're back on track with increasing ridiculousness including alien alpacas, of all things. I wonder; do the Alpacians count people when they're having trouble sleeping? → 

But your storytelling is superb. Everything flows; everything makes sense (as much as it's supposed to, anyway); and I'm really excited to see where this story goes from here.

Character development: 10/10
This story is completely character-driven. That's why we can overlook time-traveling RVs and English (Korean?)-speaking Frenchmen. Namjoon starts this story in a place of loneliness and inferiority, but his grandfather's parting gift is doing exactly what he wanted. Namjoon is making friends, coming out of his shell, and finding his natural leadership abilities. There's definite, continuous growth in him.

And it's the same with all the rest. Hobi, the onboarding system-turned-human, is the obvious comic relief throughout the story, with such patented lines as "Hey! Hands are nifty!" and perhaps an unhealthy obsession with fried chicken and hay. Suga struggles to leave the mindset of a suspicious security system behind to become a human who has to eat and sleep and should maybe try trusting other people a little more. Taehyung is painfully shy and helpless when they first meet him, but his unlikely friendship with Jungkook, the orphan-turned-pirate-turned-sympathetic-savior, gives him newfound courage that allows him to reach out and offer Jungkook a new home with a new family.

The family dynamic is so strong. They're not forming a friend group. They're forming a family, and from the moment they decide to invite someone into that family, the bond is set. There is no abandoning each other. They all stand together, and the strength of their friendship is literally changing lives within minutes of meeting each other.

I don't have as strong a handle on Seokjin yet, since he just entered the picture, but I know he will be Hobi's bestie for life just because he can make fried chicken.

Writing style: 9/10
I noted in Deja Vu issues with repetition and awkward phrasing, and that's still an issue here, although it's mostly in the first chapters. You're writing this book over a period of years, so it makes sense for your writing to change and improve during that time. For a prime example of repetition, just count the number of times the word "tie" shows up in the first chapter. Or the first paragraphs, really. Multiple "as" phrases in one sentence happen here or there, too, and some excessive use of the word "that." A fun fact I've learned is you don't normally need "that." If you just go through and cut out all the "thats" from a written piece, you'll find most of them weren't necessary. So, I try to keep an eye on them in my writing, and when I spot a "that," I cut it out to see what happens. It often streamlines sentences when I do that.

Overall, your writing style is very descriptive, clear, and engaging. Obviously, since I had to post comments as I read. It's also refreshingly clean. I think some people don't realize it's possible to write good quality stories without profanity and sexual content, but the best stories are often the clean ones, in my opinion, and your writing is a stellar example of that. Another nice thing about your writing is that it's fan blind. I don't have to know a thing about BTS or TXT to enjoy your stories.

Grammar: 8/10
As with Deja Vu, grammatical errors are rare and inconsistent. I'm pretty sure most of it is stuff you just missed during proofreading. There were more errors at the beginning of the story than later on, which reinforces my idea that you've been growing and improving over the length of time you've been writing this. The biggest issue at the beginning of the story was the use of hyphens where commas would have been more appropriate. Another consistent problem is the phrase "the both of them," which is actually grammatically incorrect. You don't need "the" before "both."

Originality & creativity: 10/10
Um...did I mention the time-traveling RV? Or its programmed systems becoming human? Or alien Alpacas? This story oozes originality and creativity from every sentence.

Emotional impact: 10/10
You've interlaced humor throughout the story, as I've noted before, so it's not a big laugh-out-loud story. It's a chuckle and face-palm when Hobi's hay actually turns out to be useful. The strength of the characters' friendship and familial bonds are actually stronger emotions than humor in this story, but they also make the humor funnier. The line where Taehyung tells Jungkook that he doesn't stand alone, because he's now part of the family, was just so touching, especially after all the struggles Taehyung has had to overcome just to offer that comfort to an unlikely friend. Since this is a character-driven story, the reader can connect and empathize with each and every one of them, and that forges such a strong personal connection to the story.

Pacing & structure: 5/5
I expected literally no structure based on your author's note, but then again, you also predicted this story would be shorter than most of your stories, and the estimated reading time is now over four hours. Isn't it fun when writing takes a life of its own? Anyway, you've paced everything perfectly. No dragging, no rushing. Spot on.

Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5/5
Free points. Yay! 🙂

Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10/10
This is a book where I feel like I really don't even have to type anything here. See all the above. And my comments. I really, really enjoyed this story, and I hope you finish it soon!