You know what I can't believe?? That so much shit has happened to me and I haven't killed myself. Like I'm not suicidal...but I'm just saying..I've been through hell and back and I ain't once been very close to killing myself or clearly.. haven't done it at all. I mean trust me my mental state isn't really good nor is it safe. But like I just can't seem to end it.

Ok not that I really want to, but like so much shit has happened to me and my family. And how I'm against myself all the time and how I feel ignored or unwanted by my own family at times..like none of that has driven me off the edge yet..and sometimes yea I think it could be easier to do it. But ig a part of me is thinking of what others are gonna feel or not feel or w.e..and how my mom is gonna feel or that a funeral is gonna cost money she doesn't have lol..that's silly Ik..some may say..that is good then. That a part of me thinks these things bc it keeps me from harming myself...

But even if I don't physically harming myself..I'm still Killing myself slowly...like I'm beating myself up..I'm telling myself I'm worthless..I'm nothing.. Honestly...idk how I feel. About anything anymore..about this too..like shit this went all around and came back..did u even understand me? No?

It's ok no one else does either..oof..crazy..

Sorry just my mind in one of it's states rnn...

Pls don't worry nothing is going to happen.