Gray POV
After the last mission that Natsu took with us, the guild changed. The guild was much gloomier, they lost not only Natsu but their Dragonslayers as well. The guilt was eating at me. We still took some missions as team Erza, we changed the name but it didn't feel the same. It was already a year that Natsu left. We only hoped that they would come back at some point. They did contact gramps on the beginning but after two months they stopped doing that. What made us worry even more. I still don't understand why they didn't send a searching team to find them. Every time I ask this to gramps, he react like no we should give them more time. They will eventually come back. Will they I'm wondering every day. What reason does Natsu have to come back. None right, he has his dragonslayers sibling with him and his cat. He doesn't need us anymore. Why does it hurt so much though? I told Erza about the guilt and that it hurts so much that he left. Erza nodded understandingly, she had it hard like everyone else. "Your still dense Gray, you baka." She told me that and left me alone to think. I still don't understand what she meant with that. Dense about what? I still think a lot about him. Juvia still my girlfriend though. She feels guilty as well, she has the feeling he left because of her joining the team. She cried herself in sleep many times, how many times I tell her it wasn't her fault. She doesn't listen, she doesn't believe it. Lucy changed as well, she has the feeling she was the only one who didn't understand Natsu. She doesn't smile anymore and she also believes it is her fault that he left.

Erza doesn't talk about Natsu anymore. She is hurt as well, she blames herself that she couldn't stop him leaving. I understand Erza though, he opened up to her. But she also betrayed that trust by telling me, I'm so selfish. Erza is feeling so awful because of me. I want to apologize, I'm really dense that I realize this now. I walked to where Erza was seethed. But before I can join Erza at the bar, gramps comes shouting out of the office.

"KIDS, ATTENTION." Everyone went silent and was listening with attention towards gramps. "I have news about the dragonslayers." My eyes went huge, just like everyone else I guess. "Master, what have you heard?" Erza asked. "Listen child. They decided that they will come back finally. But it is not sure in the letter I received that everyone will come back." "What do you mean gramps?" I yelled. Erza looked to the floor, like she knew something again. "The letter doesn't say they all will come back. They don't mention the names who are coming back, so don't have your hopes high that everyone will come back. That was all the information I got." The gloom in the guild returned. Did gramps know who doesn't come back. Is it Natsu? If that is the case I would blame myself even more. 

I walk to Erza who was sitting at the bar. Staring at her strawberry cake but not eating it. That is so unlike Erza. I sit next to her. "Are you okay? The news hid you hard right?" She looked at me with a soft expression. "Gray we both know he isn't coming back." That shocked me, I mean I always had hope he would. "So you didn't see that coming." She said. "No actually not, I still have faith that he will come back." "What reason does he have to come back Gray? To see you are still taken, he has sibling with him. Why would he come back?" "I also believed that, but some of the dragonslayers are coming back right, gramps told us. If some of them are returning but he isn't doesn't that mean he will be alone." "Yea, but do you think he is ready to face us. Face you." She said looking me in the eyes. "I don't know, I don't even know what I feel this day myself, if I can face him." "Your still selfish Gray. It isn't about you, you know that right. You still have Juvia so don't make things complicated." I didn't know what to say to that. "Erza, you didn't looked so surprised when gramps told the news, did you knew already?" She sighed. "Yea actually I do, master did receive letters from them after the two months, but the letters said that only master and I may read them." "You knew more about him." She nodded, she was clearly ashamed. "I didn't want to tell you actually, but he still has a hard time. I find it a wonder if he comes back. He didn't mention it once in all those letters. He..."

She went silent and I could see some tears stinging her eyes. "I still feel the guilt Gray, for not stopping him. I really regret that. I miss him." "Do you like him Erza?" She turned to me and laughed. I didn't understand why she would laugh. "No silly, I see him as a brother just like you. We grew up together. I'm in love with Jellal, Gray." She said the last thing with a red blush. "Thanks for telling me that Erza." She smiled to me. I left early that day. Juvia and I live together at her place, but our relationship doesn't feel the same. The guilt is eating at both of us. It is that we live together, but that's like all. Our relationship has not improved at all. We talk lesser, we don't kiss that often anymore. We are slowly growing apart, that's the feeling I get. But I have not the courage to speak about it.

Next day at the guild, the guild is filled with anxiety. Mixed up emotions, people smiling again because they will return. Some afraid, some looking forward to see them again. The guild is slowly getting rowdy again. That day they did come back. Suddenly the doors are busted open. All eyes on the doors. There stood the dragonslayer they all missed so much. The guild was rowdy and cheering for their comeback. I didn't see if all of them stood there. I came closer upfront and saw everyone expect Natsu. Mine guilt was laying heavy on my shoulders. So he did not come back after all. The guild became a little gloomier again, the dragonslayers where not exactly happy as well. Happy was crying heavenly. Gajeel walked forward and said "Unfortunately Natsu is not with us, he wasn't ready jet. But he wanted that we go back to the guild. Back to our family." Wendy was crying. "He is improving though, he promised us that he will come back but it will take a while. We were ordered not to come looking for him."
I was shocked but I wasn't that surprised at the same time, I mean Erza and I saw this coming. Mainly Erza saw this coming. Although it still sucked that he wouldn't come back. Why is he so stubborn, I mean does he love me so much. I want to see him again. But I can't right. Why does it bother me so much? My own feelings are confusing me. Erza walked to Wendy and hugged her. Happy flew to Lucy who was crying herself. They hugged as well. Gramps was standing on the balcony and screamed "Dragonslayers, Erza and Gray please come upstairs." What me as well? I walked towards the balcony so did the ones who gramps called for. I felt out place somehow. 

"Kids I asked you to come here to discuss about Natsu. I understand what you told me Gajeel a minute ago. But do you all feel okay with leaving him alone?" We all looked at our laps. "O *sob*Of course not Master *sob*." Wendy said. Erza laid her arm on her shoulder. "Master I believe we all think that way, but at the same time we want to respect his wishes right." We all nodded. "I understand that children, but do you believe he will ever be ready?" I was shocked that gramps thought so little of Natsu. Or was I wrong. "He is hurt right. That will not change even after many years. You told me about the dragonslayer thing and I understand it, but that only means he will never be ready to face us again, I mean face Gray right." I was shocked he named me. Probably everyone in this room knows the truth already. Was that the reason I'm here, I was wondering. "Gramps, he is still heartbroken but we can't force him right." Gajeel said. "I know that as well children, that is why I want you guys take Erza and Gray with you and try to talk to him and convince him of coming back." I was shocked how was I supposed to do that. I'm still uncertain about my own feelings, if I even have feeling for him. I'm so confused, I don't get why I have to be confused I mean I have a girlfriend. I zoned out with my thoughts. Maybe I should talk to Juvia about everything. Do I like her still? Or do I like Natsu, argh it all is so confusing. Why did Natsu had to fall for me? What's so great about me?

"Gray, Gray.!" Erza screamed. I woke up from my thoughts. "Yea?" "Have you heard what master said?" "Uh the last thing I heard was convincing him about coming back.. after that I zoned out. Sorry." Erza sighed as well as master. "Gray, I know this comes sudden, but you have to prepare yourself, Natsu may not want to see you. You should talk about it with Juvia, is your relationship still well? I mean you both have it hard since he left. As well don't fight Natsu, Gray that wasn't the reason I wanted you to go with the group as well." "What reason did you have gramps? I mean I'm part of fault here for him leaving the guild." "If you feel that way, that is reason enough for you to make it your responsibility to make sure he comes back." "Yea, thank you master I do my best to make him come home again." I will make sure even if it is the last thing I do.

We walked out of the office. Erza said "Did you really believe that was the reason you are in this team Gray?" I looked at her stunned. "What do you mean Erza? Gramps told me right?" Erza sighed again, she does that often lately. I saw Juvia walking towards me. Erza left, I was still wondering what Erza meant. "Are you okay Gray, what did Master tell you?" " We need to talk this somewhere private Juvia, let's go home." I saw Erza looking sad. I still don't know why. Juvia and I walked towards our home. "What's wrong Gray?" "I want to talk about what gramps told me but also the reason why Natsu left." "What do you know why?" "Yea actually I do and it is my fault." "Oh, Gray don't blame yourself we all do." "No it is really my fault. He left because of me, because of us." "What are you talking about Gray?" "He was jealous of you Juvia. Probably still is." "Of me, why me?" "For having me." She was shocked, she started to shook. I saw slowly tears forming. "You mean it is all my fault Gray? It wasn't only my fault for leaving the team but also for leaving the guild. I made him do that. I'm awful Gray." She started crying. I hugged her. "Don't take it that way Juvia, we can't help that we fell in love with each other right? We shouldn't blame ourselves even if it is hard to do." "What are you going to do Gray?" I let go of her and looked her in the eyes. "What do you mean?" "Do you love him as well Gray? Are you going to leave me for him? Are.." She started crying harder. Our apartment was little by little flooding over. "Calm down Juvia, I still don't know." "What do you mean by still don't know? Do you not know if you love him? Or that you want to leave me for him?" She was really upset. She walked further away from me. "You know if you love me right? DO YOU?" "I'm confused Juvia, I really love you. But I'm also feeling really guilty, and it is eating at me. But I don't know what the best course is, break up I don't know. I have the feeling we are growing apart, but I don't want that as well. I'm selfish.. I don't know what I want at all. I want to go back to the old days." I started sobbing as well. "I miss him Juvia, he is like my brother a rival, my best friend." "But do you love him?" "I .. I don't know." "You should know Gray! How can you say that. Is it so wrong to love a guy is it that? I can see clearly that you like him Gray. But I don't understand you. Do you want to leave me for him or break up with me if you don't even understand your own feelings. How can I expect that you still love me if you don't know if you love him."

I wanted to respond but didn't know how. She was right, how hypocrite of me to tell her I love her, if I don't know if I love him as well. Do I love her still as much I don't even know that anymore. "What do you want Gray? We can take a break, but please don't leave me." "I..I have to think what I want, but a break for now works for me so I can think clearer." "You sure?" "Yea sorry Juvia, I'm also leaving tomorrow." "What?" "They want Erza, the dragonslayers and me to go look for him. We make sure he will come back home. So I won't be coming home for a while." "Okay.. I believe in you Gray-sama. Please promise me that you will come back. If you come back I want to know what you want, who you love. If you know that we talk again. Okay? Even if you love him more than me, I want you to be happy. But that doesn't mean I won't be sad. Stay save Gray-sama." She called me Gray-sama again, she hasn't called me that in a long time, I wonder why. She hugged me and was leaving. Before she left she turned around and I told her thank you. She smiled sadly at me. That evening was probably the worst rainstorm of the decennial, and even that was my fault. I felt awful, I needed to think. Not only how to face Natsu again, but if I do have feelings for him as well or not. I have some thinking to do before I go with the crew tomorrow.