//SAINTS POV\\

I sit by my sleeping brother on the couch. He's bruised, and he looks like he's still in pain.

I pull my knees to my chest and start breathing heavily, letting years run down my face. I let this happen, I'm supposed to protect him. If only I were there. If only I had stopped Kyle. "I-I'm so sorry, Dec," I sob. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you!"

"Saint... I'm fine," He rasps. He gives me a sad smile, but I don't calm down. I can't. He's in pain. He's in pain and it's my fault. My fault. My fault. My fault.

Declan notices my ordeal. He gives me a look of concern. "Clam down, Saint. Please." His voice is smooth, and calming, but not enough, fore within a matter of seconds, I'm on the floor sobbing my eyes out, failing to catch my breath. My vision is blurred with tears. I'm falling apart and I can't stop it.

"PETE!" I hear Declan yell. THATS when I realize, he's on the floor next to me, wincing at every move he makes. "Calm down. Breathe, brother, just breathe." I can't tell if he's screaming these words to me or just whispering. Everything is jumbled in my brain, making it impossible to decode.

Dad has his arms wrapped around me, now, pulling me up and steadying my breathing. "Saint, listen to me. I'm going to count to ten, and with each number I say, you need to take a deep breath," Dad sighs, funning a hand through my hair.

1

Breathe

2

Breathe...

3

Breathe...

4

I can't do this.

"Dad, p-please... stop." I wheeze as I cradle my head in my hands. "I can't do this. I failed. I messed up. He's going to get hurt again because I wasn't there!" Sobs rake my built-ish body. I bite my bottom lip until I can feel and taste blood dripping from the small hole that my teeth just made. I let out a small, gut wrenching wail. "What the hell is wrong with me?!?!"

"This isn't your fault," Declan whimpers. I can hear the guilt in his voice. "Kyle was just there. I was easy pickin's and he just happened to be a little too tough." I can see his bruised hand find a place on my shoulder.

"I wasn't there. I didn't protect you. Declan, biology wise, we are not related in any way except friends, but fuck biology. You are my brother and it kills me when this shit happens to you!" I scream. I'm getting a headache by this time, making me want to vomit.

"These things will happen. You can't always save me. You can't always protect me. Yeah, I got bruised and ended up breaking my arm, but I'm fine." He reassures, making me calm down.

"Declan, I'm so sorry," I sigh, looking up. I'm abler to control my breathing now. I lean back against the couch, Dad's arms wrapped around me, rubbing circles on my back. I melt into his embrace and just let the tears fall. I'm not panicking, but I can't stop them from falling. Down, down my cheeks, dripping onto the floor, the carpet soaking it up easily.

"I-I think I'm good," I sigh. I want to punch down a wall and scream again, but I know I can't. I just wipe my tears and shove my face into my father's chest. "I'm sorry for the freak out."

"Can't blame you. Just like you can't blame yourself," Dad says, giving me a soft grin. "I think you two need to get some sleep. Its getting late."

I find myself yawning and nodding. I stand up, helping Declan up as well. We walk to the bathroom and brush our teeth, in a synchronized fashion, then we tiptoe out of the bathroom and slip into some PJs.

Declan grins at my pajama pants. "TMNT, really?" He giggles, his chest heaving with every breath of air he sucks in.

"Look who's talking, Batman," I shoot, finding myself regretting it almost immediately.

"Dad loved these pants," I see a faint smile cross his face and then it is replaced by sadness.

"Dec, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine, lets just get some sleep, okay?" He asks, giving me a pleading look. His hands lay uneasily across his chest, due to the green cast in his left arm.

My fault.

"Okay."

I swear, when we turn off the lights, I hear him whispering to someone. I shrug it off and shut my eyes, dozing into a dreamless sleep.

All you sinners stand up
Sing hallelujah
Show praise with your body stand up
Sing hallelujah
And if you can't stop shaking lean back
Let it move right through ya

Say your prayers

Say your prayers

Say your prayers

--a/n--

I'm sorry I haven't updated. I'm doing school stuff. I'm testing tomorrow dear lord help me.

HALLELUJAH IS SO GOOD OMF

I am Obsessed with the Divergent series btw.

I'm exhausted and I'm taking a shut down test tomorrow so IMA go.

OH AND THE UMA THURMAN MV IS SO CUTE I CANT

I love you my Carcrashovercastyoungbloods

-Emily aka foblvr