The ride back to the hotel felt painfully silent, nobody dared to utter a word. The only sounds were the car's engine, the quiet hiccuping sniffles coming from the back seat, and the light pitter-patter of rain. Castiel held Y/n against his rigid body despite the fact that the Impala was hurling down the street pushing eighty on a wet road. She was an absolute mess; the pain of loosing her child made her want to crawl into a hole and stay there until she starved. We could've had a family. She thought to herself bitterly. If only I wasn't such an idiot. She gripped his coat tightly between her fingers as if she'd float away if she let go.

But my vision? I saw a child, my child; Cas and I had a family. Could it have been random, only a dream? Cas shifted and stared out the window at the passing trees and greenery. His mouth was set in a grim line, his eyes held a pain like no other.

Sam sat in the front seat clenching his teeth, Dean gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white due to the strain of the bone under the skin. Kelsey held her hands together in her lap and twiddled with her thumbs.

Sam broke the silence with a heavy sigh. "Do you want to talk about it?" A choked sob came from the back seat and fresh tears ran down Y/n's cheeks. "It's not bad to cry, in fact I think it makes you stronger—"

"Sam." Dean sternly barked with his glare sat fixed to the road in front of him. "Shut up." Cas turned back to face Y/n and cradled her head with his hand. He shushed her gently and whispered into her ear, his fingers softly trailing up her side and down to her hips.

"Forgive me, Y/n. I should've been... faster." Cas kissed her cheek at the base of her jaw. "I shouldn't have left you alone with it, I was scared of it killing you." Y/n shook her head and leaned into his tense frame. "It's okay Cas, I don't blame you."

"Well, seems it's a bit cramped in here now isn't it?" A voice Y/n would do anything not to hear again sounded next to her, and her head whipped to the side to confirm who it was. "Crowley." Cas sneered. Dean immediately hit the breaks as the angel pulled out his blade and stabbed the now empty seat. Crowley had disappeared as silently as a phantom.

Then he was knocking on Dean's window.

Dean angrily opened the door and grabbed the demon by the lapels of his suede coat. "Now now boys," a smile crept onto his face. "Can't we just talk like civilized adults?" Sam stepped out of the car alongside Castiel, leaving Y/n and Kelsey inside where it was safe. "You've got some nerve showing up here after what you did to Y/n and Kelsey." Sam half yelled with a mix of anger and hatred backing up his voice. Crowley raised his hands in an attempt of surrender. "Strictly business, sorry love." He flashed Kelsey a smirk and Sam had to stop himself from drilling his fist in his smug the face.

Castiel stepped toward Crowley, blade in hand. "What do you want, demon?"

"Well I'd ask how you are feathers but it seems you're a bit, how they say, ticked off?"

Dean pulled out his treasured pistol and placed it on Crowley's forehead. "Shut up before I unload my gun into your skull." The demon put his hands up once more in self defense. "Now now boys, this isn't the time, nor the place, to get all emotional. I happen to need your assistance."

Cas's body tensed up in anger; his fingers white-knuckling his blade. "Are you serious? After everything you've put them through, you want us to help you?!" He gripped Crowley's lapels and heaved him to the ground. "You're lucky I don't kill you where you stand."

A brief look of genuine concern flashed in the demon's eyes, though it faded as fast as it appeared. "You wouldn't do such a thing in front of your lady friend, would you?" Castiel's anger melted away and he looked back into the car from his position on the wet asphalt.

He could see Y/n and Kelsey sitting in the back seat pressed against the window in anticipation, Y/n's eyes still wet with tears that she refused to let fall. Kelsey had one arm slung around Y/n's shoulders, her eyebrows knitted together in rage. Cas turned back to Crowley pressed his blade against the demon's neck.

"Give me one good reason why we shouldn't end you," his blue eyes bore into Crowley's dark ones, "or I'll slit your throat."

Crowley let out a chuckle, which quickly evolved into a sinister sounding laugh. "You don't have the stones, feathers; nothing but empty threats. Now if Moose were the one doing the punishment, I might be a bit more intimidated." Cas raised his fist and with one swift motion used it to break Crowley's nose. Dark blood dripped down his face and onto the collar of his shirt. "Have some class, won't you?" Crowley wiped his nose with his hands. "This is custom made!" The knife got put under his neck again. "What do you want, I won't ask again." Castiel's eyes glowered as his mouth pulled into a tight line.

"Remember those pesky little tablets I was on a conquest for?"

Dean laughed sarcastically. "Please, for the love of whatever, don't tell me you lost them."

"Not lost," he sat up on the road with Cas keenly watching his every move, "stolen. Someone stole them from me and nobody gets away with stealing from me." Sam pulled Dean to the side while Cas babysat Crowley. "Who do you think took them?"

"I don't know man," Dean ran his hands through his hair. "Another demon? The angels maybe?"

"How do we figure it out?"

"How am I supposed to know, you're the bookworm!"

"Okay, maybe Cas knows something? We could try asking him."

"Good idea."

The boys turned around to the sound of the car opening. Y/n had cautiously stepped out of the Impala with Kelsey in tow; a silver knife grasped in her shaky hands. "Y/n, put that down." Dean walked over to Y/n and put a hand over hers. "We've got this handled, there's no need for—" Y/n yanked her hands from his hold, the knife barely nicking the skin of her index finger in the process. It didn't seem to faze her in the slightest. "—that." Dean heaved a sigh.

"Stay away." Her words dripped with venom.

Sam grabbed Castiel's blade and traded places with him so he was now kneeling over Crowley at the same time the angel stood up and walked over to Y/n. He brushed shoulders with Dean as they passed each other and the angel swore he could hear the hunter curse at him from under his breath.

"Darling." He kissed her forehead and moved the hair from her face, gazing softly into her eyes. "Even if I didn't take this from you it would be wasted on him. He's the king of Hell, I'm sure he'd just laugh at you." He held out his palm when Y/n sighed and grasped onto the knife by the blade. The prophet reluctantly let go of the weapon and put her head on his chest.

"Can we leave now?"

Cas barely heard her but nodded nonetheless. With an arm around her shoulder he took them back to the now bleak hotel room leaving the boys and Kelsey behind with Crowley.

As soon as their feet hit the floor the faucet in Y/n's eyes started once more. Tears flooded her field of vision and everything around her looked muddled.

Cas held her tightly and kissed the top of her head as a few tears escaped his eyes as well.

"It's not fair." Y/n croaked. Her throat felt like sandpaper.

"I know baby," Cas tried to sooth her by stroking her soft hair. "We can try again. I'll go to hell and back for you."

Y/n sniffled and wiped the dampness from her cheeks. "You've already been to hell for Dean, I couldn't ask you to do that for me too."

"Dean to me is nothing more than someone I saved for heaven; it was my job. You're more than that." Cas traced his thumb across her face and kissed her lips softly. "So much more."

Cas led them over to the bed and they both sat next to each other, the bed creaking quietly under their weight as he shed his beloved trench coat onto the table beside the headboard. He then removed his button down and tossed it to the side before changing into his lounging pants leaving his chest bare. All the while Y/n watched him strip down to his boxers and changed into a loose tee of Cas', deciding to leave off her shorts and instead use his body heat to her advantage.

They both laid down on the rather large bed, Y/n laying up against Cas to use him as an exterior heat source and Cas with his arm around the smaller figure at his side, and just stared at the ceiling for a few minutes.

"Am I worth it?" Y/n's shaky voice broke the heavy silence. Cas shifted down to look her in the face. "What do you mean?"

Y/n swallowed thickly and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly through her nose. "Is it worth it to stay with me?"

Castiel sat up and held Y/n in a tight embrace, one of his hands playing with her h/c strands. The room was very still, very silent, you could hear a pin drop on the thin carpet. "You are the single most important thing I have in my existence." His voice was hushed and airy. "I've defied heaven to be with you; gone against strict orders from my superiors." He pulled away to lock eyes with her. "Given the chance to do it over I'd only change one thing, and that's making the decision to not pursue the monster."

"So please," he wrapped Y/n in his arms again. She felt his vessel's heart beating hard against her ear. "Please don't doubt my feelings for you. I love you, more than words can even begin to describe."

Y/n was lost for words and just nodded against him, muttering an apology before fully embracing the angel in front of her. There were no more tears to shed over the lost child. It was over with; there wasn't anything either one of them could've done.

Time passed from the cool evening to the warmer early morning, Y/n had long since fallen asleep and that left Castiel with one lingering thought. What if I'm not good enough?

She probably blames you. Cas shook away the intrusive thought and tried to stay positive, but it was much more difficult than Sam and Dean made it look.

That's because you're weak.

Stop it. Cas focused on Y/n's slow breathing as a distraction. It helped for a few minutes.

You should've done better.

His brows knitted themselves together in frustration. In the distance he heard the Impala roll into the parking lot and the rumble of the engine shut off. He focused on that instead.

Three pairs of footsteps clambered their way up the creaky stairs and as they passed Cas and Y/n's room he overheard their conversation.

"Well it didn't help that he just took off. He could've helped a little bit before he left." Dean sounded extremely irritated.

"He just lost his kid Dean," he heard Kelsey exclaim softly. "Cut him a little slack."

"They've been through a lot in the past two days. I think they both deserve some time before they work another case." Sam's voice sounded exhausted, but firm.

The door that led to the room next to Cas opened and shut with a low click, bags were tossed carelessly on the floor or on the furniture, shoes got kicked off onto the carpet.

"I call dibs on first shower." Kelsey's high voice followed by hurried footfalls into the small bathroom sounded like they were in the same room as Cas himself. After the shower turned on Sam spoke to his brother sternly.

"Look, Dean. I don't know what's got you so pissed off that you can't empathize with Cas or Y/n, but you need to knock it off. Take a moment to look at how you're acting to her, or to him." A chair scraped across the floor.  "Hell, go out to blow off some steam at a bar or something. But when you come back I would appreciate it if you would act a bit more human and less like dad."

"Fine." Dean sounded like he was about to hurt someone. "But the next time she's in trouble, you can deal with her." The door slammed shut and heavy footsteps stomped down the stairs.

Y/n stirred in Cas' arms and he hushed her gently. His mouth set in a thin line while he listened to her slow heartbeat. He was glad she was blissfully unaware of the hunter's anger towards her, and he planned to find out what caused it.

No matter what.