Dear Phil,

Happy birthday!

I hope this year is the year where everything fits into place. you wont have to worry about me anymore after this.

I know you have wanted me gone for a year. Do you remember? It was a year ago today and we were sitting by the fire and i told you i had one more present for you. thats when i told you i loved you, you were scared and blocked me out of your life for a few days until you could bare to see my face again. each day i can see you smiling and laughing with everyone and a little bit more of my heart brakes. Im sorry. its just become so hard to see you that i am constantly locked up, terrified of everything.

I hope you understand why i have chosen to do this, its for my own good and yours.

Years from now you will be settling down with a family in your own house and you won't remember me. By then you will still be friends with Chris and Pj. by then i will just be a figment of your imagination, nothing but a nightmare locked away inside you. but i will still look down on you, just to see how much better your life is without me.

do you remember the first time we met? it was 7 years ago. at the train station, the 19 of October 2009. you hugged me so tight i thought i was going to faint. we went back to your apartment and played video games and listened to Fall out boy. when i left i was in a state of bliss, smiling stupidly. the next week we met up again and i told you i was applying to the university near where you lived, i was so excited that i could see you more often. we then saw each other so often that you asked me to move in with you. then after 2 years we moved to london and we still lived together.

But now i cant do it anymore so im going to go, dont even try and find me.

:Dan

I did love you.