Cross country season came and went, leaving Niall and me separated once again. As always, we reconnected over the winter break, staying up all night watching movie marathons, goofing around on the web, trying to find the most unique places on the planet to visit when we were older. Rebecca even stayed at my place one night to watch the entire Jurassic Park trilogy with us. I wanted Niall to spend the night, too, but his parents vehemently objected since she was a girl. I don't know what that made me.

After the winter break was over, I missed Niall terribly. I always missed him when we left our happy friendship cocoon and returned to real life. Things were so much more complicated now with our extracurriculars and our expanding groups of friends.

The thing is, I missed him in a new way.

A different way.

Like I wanted to be with him all the time. It was different than anything I'd ever felt before and when I realized what it was, it scared the living daylights out of me.

I liked Niall.

Meaning, I like liked him.

Like a crush.

Or maybe more like love.

When I thought about him, I felt light everywhere, like my body was floating and little tingles raced through me. But at the same time, I felt heavy, like he was the gravity that kept me stuck on the ground so I didn't float off into space.

I wanted to tell him, but I had no idea how to do it. I mean, was I supposed to just bring it up, like, "Hey remember how you said you loved me all those times? Well, maybe if you say it again, I won't shut you down this time." Or should I just come out and say, "I love you, Niall." Neither of those sounded very smooth or easy.

After that sickening and sweet realization, I had the strangest reactions whenever I'd catch a glimpse of him. My heart would pound really fast and I'd feel giddy. I looked for any opportunity to say hello, whether it was my mom asking me to run next door to borrow something, or to just go out of my way to say hi when I knew which classes he had.

It drove me crazy that I hadn't worked up the courage to tell him, but spring break was coming up, so we'd probably hang out a lot like we always did when we were on break. That was going to be my chance. I would tell him over spring break no matter how silly I sounded or how shy I felt about it.

Only, when spring break arrived, Niall had some news for me. He came over the weekend right after break started and told me, "Hey, I want to talk to you about something. You wanna take a walk?"

"Sure," I grinned happily, thinking that it might be a perfect time for me to tell him how I felt.

We got out onto the gravel road, skipping over puddles and splashing in the last of the slushy snow. I was practically bursting with excitement but I knew he had something to tell me, so I decided to listen to him first.

"So, I um," he started, sounding a bit nervous. "I just wanted to tell you that, well, I kind of like Rebecca."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and so I asked her to go out with me, so we're datin'."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I just wanted you to know so you wouldn't think I'm still after you or somethin'."

"Oh," I said for the third time. "Yeah, okay. You know, I'm not feeling very well. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

Niall stopped and gave me look of concern. He pushed a stray hair from my face and said, "Okay, let's head back. Ya think it's the flu?"

I shook my head, trying to hold back my tears. "Yeah, that could be it. I just need to go home."

As soon as I got home, I rushed to my room without even a glance back at Niall. I had never felt that way before - it was a nauseating sensation and I was sure it wasn't the flu. The tears burned my eyes, first coming in little drops but eventually streaming down my cheeks. It was the worst feeling I'd ever had in my life. Maybe because I'd just come crashing down from the best feeling I'd ever had.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day. Mom came to find me near dinner time, wondering why she hadn't seen me all day.

"I'm just not feeling very well," I said. "But I'm hungry."

"You're probably just tired out from school," Mom said. "Make sure you get plenty of rest over the break." She did the motherly thing and felt my forehead but didn't seem to come to any conclusion. "I made lasagna, so come on down when you're ready."

Niall came to check on me after a few days when I hadn't made any effort to contact him. I was in my room doing almost nothing on my computer, just kind of alternating between playing games and surfing the web.

"How're ya feelin'?" He asked.

"Fine," I answered, without looking up.

"D'ya wanna hang out or something? Maybe we could go and get somethin' to eat."

"No, thanks, I'm fine," I answered coldly. He didn't deserve it, but I was hurt and I honestly didn't know how to act.

"Did I do something to make you mad, Meg?" Niall questioned.

"Nope."

"Well, just let me know if you want to hang out later, right?"

I heard him leave my room quietly. I hadn't even made eye contact once. This is why I always thought crushes were so stupid. They made people so sensitive, and I hated that I just treated my best friend like garbage.

But I wanted to be more than his best friend and he didn't want it that way anymore. It really sucked but after that, I decided that I would just distract myself for the rest of spring break so that I didn't have the time or opportunity to think about Niall.

I called Kirsten and we decided to go shopping, which I kind of hated, but it was something to do. We met Joely, Mia and a few other friends at the mall and spent the entire day mostly window shopping. At one point, we all picked out the most hideous outfits for each other and then we tried them on and took pictures. That part was actually quite fun but we ended up getting kicked out of that store for making too much noise.

After trying on clothes, we got something to eat at the food court, which was also kind of fun. Food was always fun, especially when you had a bunch to choose from. I got a gigantic slice of pizza and a chocolate shake, Kirsten got a small burger and fries, Mia ordered some lo mein, and the other girls just had salads with Diet Coke, which I could never understand. I guess I'd never had to worry about my weight, but if I could only eat lettuce and disgusting diet soda, I'd just as soon die.

As always happened when I was with my girlfriends, the discussion turned to boys. Joely and Tony had dated for several months, but then she broke up with him. Probably because she discovered he was just a goon like I'd known ever since I met him in second grade. She had her eye on this new kid, Manny, who played soccer with Niall. He was pretty hot, I had to admit, but not my type. His family had emigrated from Mexico and he had a strong accent, which made him even more attractive, but I preferred the sound of one particular Irish accent.

"So how do I get him to notice me?" Joely asked. Strange, because she was like a beauty queen, always made up with the perfect amount of lipstick and mascara, she dressed like a fashion model and she had a fantastic figure. How could he not notice her?

"Just walk up to him, hit him over the head with a stick and then drag him home by his hair," I offered in a bored voice. "That's all you have to do." Mia burst out laughing but no one else seemed to appreciate my sense of humor. After an awkward silence, the other girls started talking all at once, practically shouting suggestions about how to get Manny's attention.

I tuned them out and began to look around the food court. Suddenly, I wished I had never agreed to come to the mall. There, right by the frozen yogurt shop, were Niall and Rebecca. I tried not to stare, I really did, but it was no use. I watched while they both received their orders and then Rebecca fed Niall a bit of hers off her spoon. Gag.

"I want to go home," I bluntly announced.

"Why?" Kirsten whined. "You don't have to be home til five."

"I'm bored," I said, standing up to leave. As I did so, I glanced again at Niall and found he was looking my way. He gave me a friendly wave but I just looked away, insisting to Kirsten that it was time to go.

She caught sight of Niall and then she scrunched her eyebrows as she looked at me. "Okay...," she said warily. "Well, we'll catch you guys later," she called to the other girls as we headed for the exit. As soon as we were outside, she said, "I'm taking you home, but you know I'm not leaving your house until I have the full story!"

Great, I was going to have to admit that I liked Niall. She would probably just say I told you so. But she was my best, best friend and I really felt like I had to talk to someone about it. "Fine," I mumbled. "Why don't you just spend the night?"

"One step ahead of you," she laughed, turning the opposite direction from the way to my house. "I'm just going to stop home and get some clothes. Do you want chocolate?" She asked.

I gave her that are-you-even-serious-right-now look and said, "Have you ever known me to turn down chocolate?"

"Right," she nodded. I stayed in the car while she grabbed a few things. When she came back, she handed me an entire bag of mini Reese's peanut butter cups. "I found my mom's Easter stash," she explained. "I'll buy one to replace it as soon as I get paid." Kirsten worked at the Foot Locker in the mall.

"Thanks," I smiled, but she wasn't fooled.

"So, spill," she demanded.

"Nuh-uh, not until we're home," I answered back.

When we got there, I hollered, "Mom, Kirsten's here and she's spending the night. Is that okay?"

Mom appeared momentarily. "Of course that's okay," she replied. "But what am I supposed to say when she's standing right here?"

"Sorry," I shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. "It was a last minute thing."

"That's fine," Mom insisted. "It's spring break. Stay up late. Have fun."

Whoa, where did this new laid back version of my mom come from?

As soon as we got to my room, Kirsten asked, "What's up with Niall and Rebecca?"

"I dunno," I answered stupidly, but I knew I wasn't fooling her one bit. Especially when the tears pricked my eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, what's this?" She asked with utmost concern. "Are you upset that they're together?"

I nodded, now unable to speak because I was full on crying, and if I tried to talk it would come out all choppy and hiccupy.

"You know I kind of teased you all these years about being in love with him, but I had no idea. You really like him, huh?"

"I feel so stupid," I managed in a whisper.

"Why? Because you fell for your super hot, sweet and funny best friend? Yeah, you're a real nut case."

I buried my face in my hands and cried harder. I surprised myself even, that I had all of this pent up emotion. I felt Kirsten's hand tugging on my shoulder so I leaned against her as she wrapped her arm around me. "It's perfectly fine and normal for you to have feelings for him. He's been your best friend for years. Well, your second best friend, at least," she quipped and I laughed through my tears. "In fact, I was starting to worry about you since you haven't ever had a crush on anyone before."

"That's not entirely true," I told her. "I had a crush on Spencer for a while in seventh grade. I just never told anyone."

She blew out a frustrated sigh. "You know, for a best friend, you don't talk to me enough."

"I hinted about it. Don't you remember how much I talked about him that year?"

"Oh, yeah, I do remember that now that you mention it. That was a long time ago, sheesh." I nodded in agreement, feeling a little better now that I'd finally talked to someone and let myself have a good cry. "So what do you want to do tonight? Should we watch sappy movies? I know you hate them, but you can probably cheer yourself up by telling all the characters how stupid love is." She knew me so well, and she normally hated when I did that, since romance movies were not my favorite. But tonight, it sounded like just the thing, so we agreed to a sap-fest with plenty of chocolate and kleenex, just in case.

* * * * *

Oh, teenage heartbreak is the worst :( I still remember playing sad songs and crying my eyes out when I got my heart broken in high school.