https://youtu.be/1KOeBQmBWoY

*Note: FEELS ALERT: TO LISTEN TO A VERY EMOTIONAL ELIAS..Click the Youtube link above to listen to the Audiobook Version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12 (Kristen M.) featuring music covers by Conor Maynard & Alex Aiono (songs by Drake, Justin Bieber, Fetty Wap, & Travis Scott).

Elias

I throw my arm over her shoulder, and she elbows me in the stomach the second I touch her.

Note to self: Never fuck with Indigo. Ever.

"Stop talking, Elias," Indigo says.

I lift up a finger to shush her.

"I will in a minute, let me finish. Anyway, Jersey, we're kind of in a hurry so, could you go and get her stuff real quick? I'd hate to keep you away from Kai for too long."

Alex turns around without saying a word and lets the door slam in my face before disappearing back into her room. Indigo shoots me a murderous stare the second Alex is out of sight.

"What the hell was that?" She asks.

Me turning back into the person I used to be.

"I don't know. I freaked out, okay?! You saw how Kai was with her at the door, didn't you? How do you expect me to act?!"

"Like an adult! He's her boyfriend, Elias. Even if you're still head over Hare Krishna for her, that's not enough to make her leave him overnight."

I bite down on the inside of my lip just to keep from screaming. But Indigo's right. She's always right, but it doesn't change how shitty I feel right now.

Every time I blink I see Jersey kissing Kai, and as hard as I'm trying to not to go crazy, I'm losing it.

She was just with me.

We spent the night together and then she just--

--blows it off like its nothing?

Like I'm nothing.

Is that what I am to her now?

Is that what this year did?

Is this what me being too fucking scared to say anything to her outside of those letters did?

Dan warned me to say something to her earlier. To text her. To email her. To grow the balls to respond to that journal and tell her everything that happened, but I couldn't.

I couldn't.

And I don't know why I couldn't.

She left voicemails.

Ones I never listened to.

Weeks of them.

Texts I couldn't open, much less reply to.

Even after I left Mindy.

I just--let them stay mysteries.

'Cause I couldn't handle seeing what she had to say.

Even if I'd read them, I didn't know what to say. Or how to say it. Or if it'd be enough.

My unspoken "I'm sorry's" left me speechless.

And now my book's the only thing I have to give her, 'cause I couldn't man up enough to call her back.

And now that I want her back, she's--

--she's walking away from me.

Is this--

Is this what I did to her?

Is this what I put her through?

I didn't want--

I didn't mean to, but I can't sit here and act like I'm the only thing that's wrong with us, 'cause Jersey's screwing with me too.

I wonder if she'd still run back to Kai if she knew what I went through to get back to her.

But maybe that doesn't matter.

Maybe the world doesn't give a shit what you go through because it just keeps on turning.

Time slips out of your fingers, and people do too.

I just wish I hadn't left.

I never should have fucking left.

'Cause all that did was give her a million reasons not to come back to me.

"Don't you think I know that? I'm not an idiot, Indigo. I just--"

"Want more than you deserve."

Her words rip across my skin like a thousand little razor blades.

"I want what I've worked for! You have no idea what I dealt with the past year. You don't know how hard I'm fucking trying to show her that I'm sorry and that I wanna fix things."

"You're right, I don't. But what about her, Elias? What did she go through when you left? Have you asked her? Have you even noticed how she looks at you? 'Cause I do. I've been there. And fixing her isn't as easy as you want it to be."

Screw this. I don't wanna hear this. I don't wanna hear anything. Even though I probably need to.

"Listen, I'm glad you think you know everything, but you don't. I can make things better, and I will. She just has to read the book. She just has to give me a chance to explain things, and we'll be fine."

Indigo shakes her head and lets a puff of air out through her nostrils.

"Suit yourself. But if books, songs, words could fix things, the world would be a much less complicated place, don't you think?"

I swallow the sting of everything she's saying, but it leaves my throat raw.

"You know, I'd do anything for that girl, Indigo. Anything."

I clamp my mouth shut before I say more than I want to. Indigo reaches out and breaks her personal space barrier to put her hand on my shoulder.

"Would you let her go?"

What?

"No."

"Even if letting her go meant giving her time to figure out how she feels about you?"

What if she doesn't feel anything for me anymore? If I don't chase her, she'll change. She already has. If I let her run, she'll totally disappear.

"I don't know. I can't do something like that. I can't stand here and watch her go back to that guy hoping that one day she'll wake up and choose me."

Indigo's hand falls away from my shoulder, and she stares up at me, eyes focused and intense.

"Love is as much patience as it is persistence, Elias, and Kai's in the same boat. He's probably just as unsure of where her heart is as you are. He wouldn't have acted like that earlier if he knew she didn't want you."

My pulse picks up a little.

"Does she even still want me? The way she was kissing him, it sure hell didn't seem like it."

"Then you're blind and stupid. But ultimately, only time will tell."

Bullshit.

"Time? How much longer does she need with that jackass? She told me he doesn't even do it for her! She said--"

"It doesn't matter what she said. What matters is how you react, and if you ever want to have another chance with her, you can't do what you just did."

"What? Get upset that she's with him? 'Cause I can't help that!" I say.

"Yes, you can. If you care about her, you're gonna have to learn how to control yourself."

I walk away from her because I have to. Because I feel myself falling apart, and I don't want her anywhere near me when I do.

But my room's too far, and I'm too tired to try and hide things anymore.

I back into the wall and sink towards the carpet. Guilt and gravity crash down on my shoulders the second I hit the floor. I suck in an unsteady breath, open my mouth to say something, but my voice breaks into a million jagged pieces as soon as it leaves my lips.

"What if I can't? I was so angry when I saw her with him I couldn't even see straight. I didn't even know what I was saying 'til I after I said it. That's what my dad does Indigo! He couldn't keep his shit in check whenever he went off on my mom, so what the hell does that say about me?"

"Nothing, because you're not him."

"Not yet. But I could be. And if I turn into that bastard, I'm gonna lose her, Indigo. I always--"

Don't cry.

"-- I always lose--"

Don't fucking cry. Not here. Not in front of her.

"--everything. Nothing good ever stays."

I hide my face in my hands 'cause I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want anyone seeing me, or hearing me, or feeling sorry for me.

I just wanna disappear.

Maybe things would be easier if I did.

"Get up. You're turning into a black hole."

"Leave me alone."

Indigo puts down her smoothie, reaches for my wrists, and pulls me off the ground.

"No. We're leaving. Your chakra is a mess, and we need to make a pit stop somewhere we can fix it, before we hit the beach."

"Where are we going?"

She straightens out my t-shirt and wipes her hands under my eyes the way my mom used to when I was a kid.

"Somewhere necessary. You can't sit in front of your ex's door and cry 'til she comes back to you. It's not gonna work. But, I know something that will."

"I'll try whatever you want, I just--just get me the fuck outta this hallway. Please."

Indigo takes my hands in hers and closes her eyes.

"This hallway isn't the problem. You and Alex are. But trust in the cosmos, Elias. The universe has big plans for you and--"

I turn back towards Jersey's door when I hear it crack open behind me. Indigo's bag thuds on the floor and her swimsuit comes flying straight at my face.

I clear my throat to say something to Jersey, but she bolts back into her room before I get a chance to explain things.

She turns back to me as she's closing the door, and I catch her bloodshot stare lingering on me from across the hall.

She's crying.

She's crying because of me.

And, I'm falling apart because of her.

Maybe one of these days we'll figure out how to stop doing this to each other.

But today's not that day.

Today, we'll just leave things broken.

Like we always do.

***

(Thank you guys so much for reading! I really would love to know what you thought of the AUDIOBOOK for this chapter, so if you listened comment down below! Next chapter should be up on Saturday!)