I found Tristan in the library and dragged him out to drink with me. He left after three glasses, to bed he said. It was late, in his defence, but I wasn't tired. Even if I was tired then I couldn't sleep. But I was not tired.

I tried to read through grandpa's book, to calm my nerves, but to no avail. Instead I set about pacing for a while, which didn't work. Ib noticed my unsettlement and batted my arm frequently. I so wanted to hold Evie in my arms, bury my face in her hair. She looked so hurt at the cards table and every time I'd seen it in her eyes my heart screamed tenfold.

I couldn't be happy tonight, but it was possible to calm myself enough for sleep. In order to achieve this I made my way down to my study, Ib at my heels. The diary I had kept from my time at the front was the only book I kept in my secret anteroom, where no one else could see it.

I slammed the key into the lock and, leaning into the door, I stepped heavily into my study. There was a squeak and I noticed Evie at the other side of the room, turning quickly to me.

Groaning, I turned away, composing myself for just a second, then turned back to her.

"How did you get in here?" I asked, the tension thick between us. Every fibre of me wanted to go and hug her and apologise and hold her tight and never let her go, like last night. I was so desperate for her.

"Dot, my maid, she showed me the back way. It was unlocked." Evie watched her feet, they took a step towards me. Ib stood her ground by my side. "What's been wrong with you today?" She looked up and her eyes melted my heart.

I shook my head heavily. "I can't talk to you, right at the moment I can't." There was a sigh in my voice I wish wasn't there.

Lady Bence cleared the remaining distance between us, throwing a cautious glance to the hound by my side and then a burning one to me.

She looked carefully into my eyes, searching them. It took so much effort to pull the shutters over them so she couldn't see how weak I was. Then the little flame in her eyes roared and grew. "Right do you know what? You kissed me last night, Gavrila. You told me you were falling in love with me. You told me nothing was amiss between us and I shouldn't apologise but then you've spent this evening pointedly ignoring me. I'm not the type to go chasing after a boy I love to beg him to like me, but I have no idea what the hell you're playing at if you tell me all those things and then say we're not to speak again. What is wrong with you?"

"I-" I tried to find my voice. How did I explain it, without giving the game away? I loved her, but I couldn't if she was a spy. But if she was a spy she wouldn't care for my emotions anyway. That realisation hit me like a grenade. What if she didn't love me at all? "Look something has happened, alright. I can't disclose what it is to you. And I... And I can't speak with you like this until it's solved." Every word ripped feeling out of my stomach and when I had finished speaking I had to sit down.

Evie chuffed, sitting down on her armchair. "So I'm right then?" She asked accusatively. I had to focus on the empty fire grate to stop myself from running over and apologising to her. "Gavrila am I right? Are you betrothed to Serena?"

Her words shot ice into my spine, but they were soon melted by the heat of my fear. "No I'm not! Where did you get that idea from?"

Evie laughed darkly. "I saw you two last night. You took her hand and then stared me in the eye. Her family is easily the most advantageous for you. If you were going to be engaged to her all this time then why did you all bother with this bloody season? Why did you drag me from home? Why the hell did you make me fall in love with you if-"

"That's not what's happening!" I had to scream to make her hear me.

"Well then what is happening?" She matched my tone immediately.

"I can't tell you that!" I was angry that I'd been forced to repeat myself.

"Why not?" Evie stood up, shooting over to loom above me.

Rising too, I curved my body so I was towering above her. "I can't tell you that either." I murmured, staring her in the eyes.

She scoffed to herself. "What do you want me to do then? Just wait and sit prettily until you're married? What, are you expecting me to be the mistress or something? There's no way in hell I'd -"

"Stop saying hell." I shouted at her. Tommy's word was hell, it was Tommy who used hell against me in an argument. It was his.

"Why?" She shouted back again.

"Because I bloody say so!" I screamed at her. "I can't tell you what's happening here. You just need to wait for a while, is that so hard?"

She glared at me. "It is when I'm being lied to." She made to leave. I didn't want her to leave, not when she despised me. I pulled my arms around her and took her into my chest, breathing in her sweet and slightly spiced perfume.

The moment didn't last for long though. Little claws hit at my chest. My head was thrown up as she slipped out, hissing at me. I didn't have a moment to catch her back again, she was off to the door. She ran out into the service corridors, I heard her feet thundering on the wooden floors.

That was when it hit me that she'd gone.

I kicked the armchair and it budged back into the writing desk. An object fell off of it and made a satisfying smash. I grabbed another object from my writing desk, a paperweight or something. I swept all of the objects off of the desk, they landed with a clatter which dispersed the last of my anger.

But once the anger was gone only sadness was left. And sadness was intensified when I noticed the dull little golden circle which lay dented just off the carpet. My hands were shaking as I retrieved it, thumbs running over the dent quickly, trying to make it better, to fix it.

It wasn't working.

I popped the seal open and pulled out the little folding shot glass. It was bent, only half an inch still usable.

"I'm so sorry Tommy." I murmured into the brass. As I rubbed the little metal shot glass I was invaded by more memories of nights in trees, spirits taken out of this little cup.

And now I'd upset my new love.

And everything was going wrong.