"It is our wounds that
create in us a desire
to reach for miracles.
The fulfillment of such miracles
depends on whether we let our
wounds pull us down
or lift us up towards
our dreams."

~~Jocelyn Soriano

****************

~Robbie~

As a child, when you think about death it's almost like a myth, a scary story that isn't quite real. Until the moment it touches on your life for the first time, it's just another impossible idea, one that could never actually happen. But then reality sets in, the cold hard truth hiding in the shadows. Night or day it watches, biding its time for the perfect moment to show its ugly face, dreaming of the kiss it has saved just for you.

When you look death in the face, it's supposed to be your last, the end of everything that was and that you were before. And as I looked for the very first time at the marble that marked my own end, my feet solid and real on the damp grass, I was overwhelmed by the heartbreaking truth as the last shreds of denial fell away. My knees gave way beneath me, my body dropping to the ground as I buried my face in my hands.

The fragrance of moist earth filled my nose, giving the illusion of a beauty as I pressed my fingers into my eyes. If I could erase the image from my head I would, the white stones brightly burned into the back of my eyelids as if they intended to become my new ghosts.

A strong hand slipped down my back, slender fingers pressing in as Nova began to rub slow circles on my back. His touch was soft, yet firm and without hesitation as he offered quiet strength, a comfort I wished I could fall into and disappear. I could feel the heat of his body next to mine, an anchor holding me to the earth as my psyche thrashed in a sea of grief.

The sound of his heartbeat filled my ears, his pulse strong if not a bit fast, and the smell of his skin, a musk of sunshine and vanilla, danced around me on the cool night breeze. I clung to the different sensations that were purely Nova, mentally wrapping them around me like a suit of armor as if they could keep me from shattering into oblivion.

Slowly moving my hands away from my face, I braced myself to look upon my grave and the grave of the man who had died for loving me. The pale stones sat silently, weeds tickling against the engraved letters like a caress in the wind, tucked away in a secluded corner in land filled with banished lives. It was a field of forgotten things where no one was revered by those left behind, discarded and hidden like shameful secrets.

Gaze traveling over my name, tracing each letter with my eyes, I opened my mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry I worried you," I said quietly, not able to tear my gaze away from the marker. "What happened was... unexpected."

Nova was quiet for a moment before replying, "It's okay."

"Is it?" I couldn't help but ask, because I wasn't sure much of anything was okay anymore.

"The worrying me part is, yes, but everything else...," Nova answered, his shoulder bumping gently against mine as he shrugged. "... I guess I don't know the answer to that because I don't know what actually did happen, Robbie. But I think it will be..."

Guilt washed over me at the limbo state I had left Nova in, unable to tell him anything at the time except for what had mattered but even that I wasn't sure had been enough. My life had been turned upside down and inside out the night James had been killed and I had... survived. But part of me had died that night, in more ways than one, and only a few hours ago another piece had willingly slipped away too.

James had been my anchor, even after all these years, tethering me to myself and the world. August had given me a life after mine had been taken, one that had reshaped everything I was. And with that life, the gods had given me what few people had ever gotten, a second chance love.

My gaze slid to the other headstone, James' name sparkling gently as if embossed with gold.

James, I don't know if I can do this, I thought as the marble glinted back at me in the darkness. Losing you destroyed me and I don't think I can go through that again.

A breeze, surprisingly warm compared to before, slid over my skin and brought with it the scent of honeysuckle. I felt the corners of my mouth kick up slightly and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in. It had been James' favorite part of the summer, plucking the delicate stem from the flower to taste the sweet nectar inside. Opening my eyes, I lifted my head towards the moon, imaging the Selene and James sitting side by side as they watched.

I couldn't picture James in the Land of the Dead, not after being with him on the cliff. He didn't belong with Hades, surrounded by death and shadows, but with her in the glow of the moonlight.

"Robbie?" Nova asked tentatively, a hint of concern coloring his voice. "You're all over the place again. Please, talk to me."

Gods, I am such a piece of shit. Fucking tell him already!, I snapped at myself, hating the way Nova's heart beat erratically with worry all over again.

"This is the story of Robert Xavier Hatman," I began after a moment, gesturing at the three headstones in front of us. "He lived his life training brutally and fighting viciously as he prepared to become Alpha of the Onyx Blood pack. Raven was his mother, beautiful and kind, and killed by his ruthless father."

I paused to calm my nerves despite the cool tone of my voice. Nova remained quiet, the heat of his hand never leaving my back.

"He became cold and hateful, killing because he could, fucking any woman that smiled his way. No one could pull him back, not even his twin, as he fucked and bathed in blood. It had become his obsession," I continued, my mouth going dry as I recounted the life I had lived. I couldn't look at Nova, unsure of what I would see in his eyes and not knowing if I could handle it. But I pressed on. "But one day, he met someone who changed everything."

Pain made my throat ache and I clenched my jaw when I felt Nova tremble beside me.

"You don't have to tell me," Nova said in a strained voice, the words cracking with emotion.

"Yes, I do," I said, the words more forceful than I had wanted.

His hand left my back and he moved away, leaving my body cold and lost. But before I could turn to him, afraid he was leaving, I felt his arms slide around my sides to wrap around my waist. With his chest pressed against my back and his chin resting on my shoulder, I was cloaked in Nova's heat as his body moulded to mine. I could feel his heart racing, hear it rushing in my ears like a torrential rain playing a melody just for me.

"Alright," Nova told me gently, arms tightening. "Tell me more about who Robert Xavier Hatman was."

Was... the past tense word rocked me. The fact that Nova just... knew... mixed with the mild vibration of his voice against my back, sent a shiver through my body. Why did this even surprise me? He somehow always seemed to know...

"Everything was different. With James, he was less angry, less violent, less... dark." I closed my mind and pictured him in my mind. "His hazel eyes were so expressive and his smile never seemed to stop, always laughing and so fucking carefree.

I paused again, my eyes drifting open and my head ripping upward to peer at the moon. "But James was human and Robert was expected to produce an heir for the pack, to continue the family legacy. Two men can't have children and for the Onyx Blood pack, loving anyone outside of the shifter wolves is blasphemy against the moon goddess herself, forbidden treachery."

"Oh, sweet baby," Nova whispered sadly, his hold on me growing somehow even tighter and his voice heavy.

"Robert was warned not to do it, not to claim James as his mate even though he was," I said as I kept my eyes trained on the moon a moment longer before looking back at James' grave. "But he didn't listen, the both of them paying the ultimate price as they were torn apart by the pack and left to bleed out in the woods. Robert Xavier Hatman died that night, six years ago, along with his love, his future and everything he had ever thought was his. Just... gone..."

It was quiet for a few minutes, Nova digesting the rest of my story but not shifting his position. Anxiety wracked my body. The easy part had been telling him the story of my life that had died, the one that already had an ending. The hard part would be to tell him the rest, what had brought us here.

"Thank you for telling me," Nova finally said, pressing a small kiss below my ear.

"No, thank you for being here with me," I corrected, leaning into him and drawing his scent into my nose. "This is the first time I've been here since..."

"Are you going to tell me what made you decide to visit all of a sudden?" he asked, his muscles tensing slightly and I felt his chest still as if holding his breath.

"James told me to move on," I whispered and my voice cracked, getting the words out before my throat closed, James' remembered words, his voice, echoing in my mind.

"What?" Nova breathed out in shock, his breath fanning across my cheek.

I hesitated, grief and fear of his reaction warred together, the words trying to lodge somewhere between my chest and my mouth. The lump formed aggressively, clamping my lips shut as if a tornado was threatening to burst through my flesh. Just the idea of what happened sounded crazy even to me, but it had been real. There was no doubt in my fucked up mind that what had happened hadn't been just part of my twisted imagination.

It hurt too bad to be anything else. But Nova, he had been through so much, been hurt so many times. I was broken and Nova was damaged, so what good would I be to him? He deserved so much and I wanted to believe that Selene was right, needed to believe that James had meant his words. What if it was all too much and too fast? What if Nova didn't want a forever with someone... with me?

You're sitting at your dead lover's grave terrified someone else won't want to be with you. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?, I asked myself in disgust, guilt drowning my coherence. I hated feeling this way!

"Robbie?" Nova prodded, worried again. He turned my face towards him but I shook my head.

"I... I can't do this here...," I admitted, nearly choking on the words that threatened to spill out instead. Silently disengaging myself from his arm, I slipped away and climbed to my feet. "Come on, I need to go."

Nova nodded but when he stood and I turned to leave, I realized he hadn't followed. Instead, he had walked to the side of the fence in the opposite direction and was bending over a dead rose bush.

"Nova?" I asked, unsure what he was doing.

"Just a minute, I want to try something," he mumbled without looking up.

Without another word, he plucked three lifeless branches, each with a shriveled dead rose clinging to it. He turned and stood in front of my mother's grave, brow furrowed and eyes closed. Nothing happened for a few seconds but as I stepped closer, my eyes widened slightly. In Nova's hands, the three dead Rose's slowly began to change. Color began to creep up the stems and flood into the leaves. The dried, lifeless petals gradually sprang to life, fluffing out and filling with a vibrant white.

Staring in awe at the beauty that Nova had seemingly created out of thin air and death, I watched as he placed a single rose at the base of each headstone, mouthing words at each without making a sound. When he finally returned to my side, all I could do was stare at him and openly gape.

"What?" he asked, the tips of his ears turning pink.

"What did... what?" I asked, completely lost for words.

The pink from his ears spread across his face, darkening his cheeks as it travelled down his neck.

"I, uh, it was nothing," he stammered, scratching the back of his neck. "Something Dominic said made me wonder if I could so I tried and then... yeah."

"Why?" I asked, still flabbergasted.

"Because these three lives were beautiful and they deserve to be remembered that way," Nova answered, his voice suddenly serious but his face still pink. He gripped my neck and pressed our foreheads together. "Those roses will be there, just like that, until I take back that energy or until I'm no longer walking this earth. Even if we never come back, Robbie, a part of us will still be here with them."

It had been his energy, his magick that had given those roses life, but he had said us like we were...

Nope, don't think it... not yet, I warned myself even as I felt a smile on my lips.

I closed my eyes, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." His whispered words ghosted across my lips but I resisted the urge.

I pulled away but entwined our fingers as I turned to walk back through the gates and away from a past that still hurt but was exactly that... my past.

"Now where are we going," Nova asked as he buckled his seat belt.

I could tell he was exhausted but his eyes were soft and filled with warmth. "Somewhere to sleep, you look tired."

Nova scoffed. "Bullshit, I look fan-fucking-tastic."

I smirked a little even though I was still anxious about the conversation we would soon be having. Hopefully, when all was said and done, we would still be able to tease each other, still want to be around the other... hopefully but only time would tell.

********************

A/N: Aaww my heart!💔❤💔❤ But I hope you still enjoyed it!

Thanks for reading!

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XOXO🖤❤

~SM~