After pushing Namjoon into my room, I lock the door and stare at it for a few moments. Is this a good idea..? What if he isn't as trusting as I thought..? Will he even understand the seriousness?

     I mentally slap myself and turn to him.  I can't keep mind-fucking myself. My brain tells me to stop being a pussy so I open my mouth to speak.

    "Okay Monnie... please let me finish what I have to say before you lose your shit..."

Fucking perfect, Ashley. Lets not alarm him or anything!

     He gives me a confused look but nods in agreement.

     My hands sift through my bright orange hair ,"Where the hell am I supposed to even start..?" A new nervousness sets in and I decide to just grab a sentence and book it.

     "Okay, so, when I was asked to join BTS there was a bit of reluctance on my part. I mean, I wasn't trained or anything... There was just a coincidental meetup with Sihyuk..." I take a deep breath and carry on. "I-I was dancing on the streets, not as a prostitute, so that I could have a little cash to get dinner..."

     He cocks his head to the side ,"You didn't have any money..? What happened?"

     "I-it's-uhhhhhhhm. Long story..." I stutter.

     My voice is starting to get shaky and my legs are feeling a bit numb ,"The thing is, Namjoon... I'm not..." How am I supposed to say it.!? "Fuck, let me show you."

     He looks at me as if I'm insane as I slide my pants off, but doesn't make to leave. His eyes get even wider when I stick my hand down the front of my boxers. The mold is cool to the touch even though my body is warm.

     I pull it out.

     Namjoon just looks from it to me and back again. "You..? Wait... what the hell? What?"

     I huff ,"I'm not... a boy..." I pull up my shirt to reveal the bottom of the breast binder ,"We cut my hair and got all this stupid shit to keep my feminine qualities hidden..."

     He looks shocked out of his fucking mind ,"What the actual fucking hell..."

     "Please don't freak out..!" I cover my head with my arms.

     He lets out a loud breath and I hear him stand up. Soft footsteps make their way to me and after a moment, Namjoon moves my arms away from my face ,"Wow..." he sighs ,"You must have been desperate..?" He smiles kindly.

     There is an unneeded huff from me ,"Actually, Sihyuk-nim is a crazy ass stalker dude... But, me being evicted played a role as well..."

     His head tilts ,"Evicted?"

     "Yeah... The landlord said he had some complaints but I never did anything that would cause complaining... Same day, my bank account was robbed and I had no cash on me... I was kicked out the day before Sihyuk found me. I had slept on a park bench..."

     Before I could react, Namjoon had his arms around me tightly, almost in a protective manner. "You do know that the guys will need to know eventually, right?"

     I nod against his chest ,"When I'm ready..."

     He nods back ,"When you're ready."

     After we pull away from each other he smiles brightly and laughs ,"So this is why you've wanted privacy so badly! I guess you didn't really have a big family like Sihyuk had claimed!"

     For a moment I was confused, when did Sihyuk even say that..? Then I realized that it's actually true. "Uhm, actually, my family was huge... sort of..."

     Namjoon gives me a look of confusion ,"What... do you mean..?"

     I blush, pushing him to sit down on my bed once again. As I sit with him, I fidget uneasily with my fingers ,"Well you see... I wasn't supposed to be born. My parents were not wealthy and they could barely support themselves. One night they had a little alcohol and things got steamy My mother unknowingly got pregnant. Nine months later, boom, a baby girl was born.

     "They tried taking care of me but their hearts were not in it. I was a mistake and they never let me forget. I was forced to clean, to cook, to even get a job as a newspaper girl at the age of five because they said that I needed to support the family... "

     I trailed off after feeling my throat tighten at the painful memories. Namjoon pulls me into his arms and strokes my hair ,"What happened next..?"

     I gulp and carry on ,"One day a woman in a bright red dress knocked on our door. She was looking for me. I was confused and scared as she put me into her car and drove off, not even a goodbye from my parents... It turns out that just after my eighth birthday, they put me up for adoption...

     "Being put in an orphanage was the best thing ever to happen to me! I was shown kindness and love, something I wasn't used to. I was never alone and I loved it! The best year was the one of my sixteenth birthday." I smile remembering the month after I had turned sixteen...  "Madame Kent, our headmistress, pulled up her car with new arrivals..."

-/-Flashback: Date::: April 16, 2013-/-

     The wind swept through my brown locks as I ran down the steps toward the blue Ford Fusion in the driveway. It's been months since anyone new has shown up and I'm so excited!!!

     Madame Kent steps from her door and ushers me to the back door on the passenger side. "We were gifted with twin girls today..! They are only four and they come from Hispanic origin..."

     She opens the door to reveal two Spanish toddlers, asleep in their car seats. I almost squeal out loud ,"How precious!!!"

     She goes to the other side as I unbuckle the girl closest to me. I hold her on my hip as she stirs a bit, carrying her past the sign saying Savannah Georgia's Finest Orphanage: Home of Growing Minds and Tough Cookies!

    Cheesy? I know, but it's all I've ever had... Almost.

     We bring the girls inside to Madame Kent's office. They both seem to be heavy sleepers so we lay them in waiting chairs as they keep sleeping. She pulls me outside and holds loosely onto my arm. "I'll need you to help with these two, okay? You are our oldest and they are the youngest now..."

     I nod but she doesn't smile back ,"These girls have seen things that not even a grown person should see. They've been in situations no one should be through... Treat them kindly."

     Once again I nod ,"What happened to them..?"

     She looks at me and sighs ,"They were forced to watch their parents get murdered... Slaughtered is a more fitting word actually. If the girls hadn't been rescued, their parents wouldn't have been identifiable. Before being caught, however, the murderer put a long cut down each of their backs."

     Before I could react, there was the sound of the door knob to the office turning.

     "Hola..?" One of the girls opened the door and looked directly into my eyes ,"Where are we? Roro is scared..."

-/-Flashback End-/-

     Namjoon is silent.

     I ball my hands into his shirt and let my tears fall free ,"No one should have to tell two four year olds that they will never see their parents again... ash-she and her sister thought that they had both had a nightmare together. Never had I seen a child so... empty. Both of them had the lights in their eyes extinguished by the cruel reality that is life..."

     Joonie is holding me tightly ,"What were their names?"

     "Sofía Penelope and Rosalita Elena Rodriguez... Rosalita loved to be called Roro and Sofia Penelope would refuse to be called anything but that... Sofia Penelope." I sighed remembering them ,"Roro was so shy and quiet. She kept to herself and only talked to her sister... I rarely heard her speak. Sofia Penelope, however, was the exact opposite.

     "She was loud. She never forgot to voice her opinion and for a four year old, she had quite the extensive vocabulary. Anytime someone pissed her off she'd tie them up with her strings of Spanish cursing... She and I got along way too well..."

     Namjoon and I both giggle ,"How so?" He asked curiously.

     I smile through my tears ,"I was the first person that she saw in a place that felt safe. She was instantly attached to me. I had studied Spanish before and the day she called me her guardian angel in Spanish I cried in front of her. It was only two weeks after they'd arrived... She would eat with me, sleep with me, bathe with me... Eventually Roro got close to me, not speaking but... close...

     "It took a lot of me to leave Savannah Georgia and make my way here... I had to leave the girls and my only friend, Beverly... She was actually the one to introduce me to Kpop! One fucking song and I was hooked!" I laugh loudly.

     Namjoon lets me go and looks deep into my eyes ,"We all have our inner demons... Don't be afraid to talk to me at all... Okay?"

     I nod ,"I-By the way, my name is Ashley. Ashley Oh."

     He smiles and stands up ,"Well, Ashley, you can forget to hide your femininity for a little because we are all going out for McDonalds today... We dress up as girls to avoid fans and/or sasaengs..."

     I let out a huge fucking whoop and stand up happily ,"Leggo!!!!"