Ze Layne in zis ☹️

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The Present, November 1996

"Layne, sweetie," Nancy murmured, nudging him on his shoulder.  He was curled up in his bed, the comforter draped over his head.  When she nudged him again, he finally tugged the blanket off his face.

His dull eyes scanned the worry sketched across his mother's face, making him feel even more pathetic.  A sigh escaped him as he closed his eyes again.

"What do you want?" he squeaked.

"I brought you lunch," she said.  Her brows furrowed as she watched him grimace.  He rolled over onto his other side, hinting at her that he wasn't interested at all.  Eyes scanned him in worry.

He had lost weight.  Too much weight.  Bones pleaded from his sheet-white skin.  His eyes were sunk deep into his skull, his face so thin now to the point where his eyes looked almost drawn on, like a cartoon, they were so big. 

It had been close to two weeks.  His physical withdrawal was subsiding, but his depression seemed to have grown even darker.  He never left the spare bedroom unless he needed to use the restroom or take a shower.  Aside from that, he slept the hours away.  Either that or cried.

"Layne, you haven't ate in two days," she continued, her voice now trembling.  Nancy watched him as he rolled back over, his eyes planted on the plate of food on his night stand.  He sighed again, pulling the covers off of him.

A skeletal, shaky hand reached out & grabbed the glass of water.  He gulped it down hungrily, his weak dim eyes closing in what looked like pleasure.  Those once blue, now gray eyes dropped down to the plate that consisted of a sandwich & potato chips.  A wince immediately stretched along his emaciated face, his eyes meeting his mother's.

"Please eat, honey, you're worrying me," Nancy begged.  She bit back tears.  "You need your strength to get through this..."

"I don't deserve to get through this," he spat mockingly back at her.  Immediately, he felt bad, watching Nancy's face twist in despair.  "I'm sorry, mom, I didn't mean that..."

She continued to study him, how he kept his eyes on the cup of his water.  It bothered her.  She wanted him to freaking eat.  Quickly, she snatched the cup away from him & sat it back down on the night stand.  Those concerned eyes watched him as his eyes darted to the food.  They teared up.

"Why aren't you eating?"

He rubbed his temples, trying to fight the migraine building up in his head.  He was honestly starving.  But he couldn't get himself to eat.  Not after remembering how he got Demri into mainlining H.  He was disgusted with himself.

"Layne," Nancy said loudly, breaking him out of his haze.  Her chest burned as she watched him glare at the plate of food longingly.  "Please, sweetie..."  She picked up the sandwich & tore it in half, holding it out to him.  "Just eat this?  If not for yourself, for me?  You're losing too much weight..."

"It's from the withdrawal," he muttered, turning away from her.  He blinked back tears, wrapping his arm around his concave stomach.

Her eyes filled with tears, still holding out the sandwich. "I know for a fact it isn't from withdrawal anymore. You can't fool me. You just aren't eating. I don't understand WHY."

Layne bit his lip, a fat tear rolling down his angular face as he turned back to analyze her. "You know why..." he whispered. More tears rolled down his face, a grimace creasing it when his stomach ached with hunger.

"Demri," she said. She flinched at the sound of her name rolling off her tongue. Still, she pressed on, holding the food out even closer to him.

He wetted his lips. "I'm just not hungry, mom." His eyes glared straight into her's. "I don't want to eat..."

"Well, you need to eat, Layne!" Nancy shouted. She shoved the sandwich violently in his face. "Just freaking EAT, you're scaring me!"

His chest fell when his mother broke down into hysterical crying. Sighing, he took the torn sandwich from her & took a small bite. The texture felt unknown to him, seeming to cling too much on his tongue & slide around. He had to force himself to swallow it. When he looked back at his mother, he broke down. He couldn't contain the pain anymore. He had been holding it back ever since he found out Demri had passed away. The dope helped him to suppress it. And now that he was denied of it, he had to deal with this.

"I'm sorry, mom," he hiccuped between crying. He had dropped the half sandwich on the floor, his stick-like arms wrapping tightly around his torso. He rocked his body back & forth, trying his best to calm down.

Shame overcame him & shivered down his spine when he felt Nancy sit down next to him on the bed. She grabbed him & cradled him, running her fingers through his dyed pink hair. No words were said. They were just crying, Nancy holding onto him as though her life depended on it.

"I killed her," Layne finally whimpered out, huddling over his bony knees insecurely. He shared a look with his mother, wiping the tears from his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "I got her into it mom. I got her to do it, and I got her hooked on it. And she fucking died. She died because of me." He sobbed, his body shaking. "I killed her..."

"Shhhh, Layne, calm down," Nancy whispered. She held him tighter & kissed him on his cheek. "Sweetie, you didn't kill her. It was her choice. It's okay, honey... You didn't kill her..."

He sighed, now leaning in close to her. It felt good to be held, to be loved. It felt good to know that his mother still cared for him even though he was broken. "I miss her so much..."

Nancy nodded, rubbing his shoulder in support. "I know, Layne. She's in a better place though."

"I wanted to marry her, mom," Layne wheezed, his voice quivering again. "I wanted to have a family with her."

Tears stung her eyes but she held them back. She had to for her son's sake. "It wasn't meant to be, Layne, God has another plan for you. This is just another bump in the road we gotta get through to get to the next chapter in your life. You'll find someone. Someone clean. Someone suitable to have a family with you. Someone who cares for you instead of drugs."

Layne tore himself away from her. His dull eyes were bloodshot with rage. "I don't want someone else!" He shouted at her. "I want Demri! I fucking love her! I need her!"

He started sobbing again. Though this time, when his mother attempted to hold him, he violently pushed her away. He pushed her so hard that she ended up on her feet off the bed.

"Fucking leave!" He demanded.

Nancy pouted, but when she noticed his expression just burn with more anger, she knew she was defeated. "You want me to leave the food--"

"JUST GET OUT!" Layne screamed. He watched with anticipation as his mother slid out the door. When she was out of site, he couldn't control himself. He stuffed the food down his throat, moaning with relief as he did. And when he had finished, he collapsed back on the bed.

His mind wandering to the past...