Taehyung

Areum and I get into my car, and I begin driving to our home so that before I take her back to Jang-Mi, she could eat something and then wash up and change into more comfortable night clothes.

Two days with Areum just flew by in the blink of an eye, and it terribly saddens me that I have to spend another five days before I could meet her again.

As soon as I begin driving, Areum starts talking.

"Appa, why is eomma not in our home? Why are we not in the same home anymore?" Her question is a repetition, and the tone of her voice is laced with such sadness that it makes me want to hold her tight and take away all the pain that she's feeling within.

This is a question that I have heard more number of times in these past two days than I've ever heard any other question in my entire life, and I'm still not sure how to answer her appropriately.

I remain completely silent, my mind shuffling around in search of words to string together as an answer to her question as I glance at her now and then through the rear-view mirror, noticing how she's emptily gazing at the moving scenery outside the window.

The sky outside begins to darken a little even though there's still a bit of sunshine, and Areum's eyes land on the rainbow that's forming in the sky, and she immediately lets out an amused gasp.

"Appa, look! It's a rainbow," she points to the sky and giggles excitedly, and I chuckle too.

How innocent and pure her soul is to find happiness in something as simple as a rainbow in the sky when only moments ago she was questioning our life choices in the saddest tone possible.

Yet, the excitement doesn't last long, and her question soon returns to me.

"Appa, I asked you a question," she repeats with firmness in her tone, and this time there's no escape. I have to speak up and explain.

"Bubba, can I tell you a story so that you will understand why appa and eomma are not living together in the same house anymore?" I raise my eyebrows, briefly glancing at her reflection in the rear-view mirror, and she nods with a feeble 'okay' as a response.

"This is the story of the Queen of Fire and the King Of Ice. Once upon a time, there lived a Queen who loved fairy tales. She believed in Queens marrying Kings and having babies and living happily ever after, but she never met a King that she wanted to marry. This Queen loved fire" I begin narrating the story.

"Isn't it dangerous to love fire?" Areum asks in a shocked manner.

"It is, but not for the Queen of Fire. She loved the heat of it, she loved to roast marshmallows in the fire, and she even had fireplaces in every room in her castle. Her crown had lighted candles on it, and even her clothes were all red or yellow or orange," I pause for my daughter's acknowledgement.

"Just like fire," she responds with full enthusiasm.

"Yeah, just like fire. So one day she went along with her parents to attend a royal wedding, and there she heard a deep voice singing a beautiful song. The Queen of Fire followed the sound of the voice, and it led her to a handsome King who was singing that song," a smile makes its way up my lips as the memories of my first meeting with Jang-Mi, eight years ago, at a common relative's wedding flashes through my mind.

It was love at first sight.

"This King was someone who loved ice. He always wore clothes that were white and various other shades of blue, and his crown was a huge snowflake. He was tall, his voice was melodic, and he always had a bright smile on his lips. But he loved ice so much that he even lived in a castle entirely made of ice"

"Did he never feel cold?" Areum asks in a very concerned manner.

I shake my head a little as I halt at a red light.
"He didn't because he was the King of Ice. And so, the Queen of Fire saw the King of Ice, and she fell in love with him at once. The King too believed in fairytales, and he really thought he met his Queen because she was so beautiful, and he also fell in love with her the very moment he met her," my eyes meet my daughter's curious eyes that are dead set on my reflection in the rear-view mirror.

"How's that possible, appa?" She asks a very logical question about the most illogical human emotion—love—and more precisely, love at first sight.

"Well, that's how it is. Do you want to listen to the rest of the story?" I raise a brow at her when the light changes to green, and she nods aggressively while I proceed to drive.

"So, very soon, the King asked the Queen to marry him, and she accepted, and the two got married in a beautiful wedding with just their close family and friends, and with lots of roses and music and yummy food. Then they went off on a honeymoon, and every night they danced under the stars and sang to each other until they finally fell asleep in each other's arms. Their life was happy and so beautiful," I have no idea when my tears started to drip down, but I don't dare to stop them, and I'm determined to not let it affect my spirits as well.

I know I'm doing this for Areum and for myself. I have to cry it out, let it all out, and give myself a closure to make peace with my past and fully move on.

"What happened then, appa?" Areum asks me when I remain silent for a while, trying to take care of my tears.

"So then came the day when they came back from their honeymoon and the Queen had to move to the King's palace because they were soon going to have a baby," I say with a shaky grin as I keep my eyes on the road while the memories of when and how we discovered the pregnancy on a pouring rainy night, only five days after our wedding, vividly materializes in the eyes of my mind.

It starts raining outside, and it feels as if the universe wants to recreate the beautiful moment that's deeply etched in my mind.

"The Queen then took all her belongings and went to live in the King's ice palace. She was so happy to be there with the King that she didn't even notice how her heat was slowly melting away parts of the ice in the King's palace. Sometimes there were even puddles of water that she made, but she never saw those because she was so busy in decorating the baby's nursery"

"Oh no," Areum sounds a little sad now.

A low hum of acknowledgement leaves my lips as I continue narrating,
"Yeah. And the cold there was too much for her that she started feeling very chilly, and she had to wear a coat even in summer. At the same time, the heat that she gave away was too much for the King that his palace and his crown started to melt away, and he too felt very hot, but still they were happy to have each other," I pause for a breath.

"Continue, appa," Areum coaxes me in a sweet voice.

"And one fine day, the baby was born, and they forgot all their worries, and it was indeed like the fairytale life they wanted it to be. The baby was so soft and light, just like a cloud, and when the baby laughed, it melted everyone's hearts. She was a beautiful Cloud Princess," my smile grows wider even as my tears seem nowhere closer to stopping; the memories of the first time I held our beautiful little baby Areum in my arms still so fresh in my mind. The feeling of holding her feather-light delicate body, a part of me, us—it was surreal.

"The baby brought them lot of joy and happiness. But the Queen's heat continued to melt away parts of the King's palace. And whenever the King wanted to sing to the baby, he would be upset seeing the puddles of water created by the Queen staying in one place for too long," I sniff back some tears and speak in a slightly shaky voice.

"Appa, why are you crying?" Areum, of course, notices the change in my voice and asks me why I've been crying.

"I just love this story so much that I got a little emotional, I'm sorry," I dry my eyes with the back of my hand and continue, "so yeah, the King's ice palace wasn't suitable for the Queen. And sometimes the Queen was surrounded by so much water that she almost drowned a few times, which was very dangerous for her. She even started having very bad dreams about drowning," I stick to Jang-Mi's bad dreams theory, and my words make Areum nod her head a few times.

"At one point, the ice palace was melted away so much that it was so weak and fragile, which was very dangerous for the entire royal family. And that's when the King and the Queen decided that something had to be done about this. Do you think they could continue living in danger like this?" I leave the judgment to my daughter who shakes her head many times.

"Of course not, appa. The castle will break, and they will all die," she remarks in a very worried manner.

"Exactly. And so they decided that living in their own separate castles is what is best for both of them. It wasn't the fault of the King or the Queen that they were so different from each other, but still they fell in love, and it wasn't easy for them to make this decision, but it was what was best for them. And this wasn't at all because of the Cloud Princess. She only brought them lots and lots of happiness. But now, where will the Cloud Princess live?" My eyebrows lift in question as I park my car just outside our house and turn around to look at Areum.

"Where will the Cloud Princess live?" My daughter repeats with a sad pout.

I laugh softly and continue narrating,
"The Cloud Princess, so soft and lovable, loved both the fire and the ice, and she could live in heat or cold without melting or freezing. She could live with both the King and the Queen, and so they decided that the Princess will take turns to live with both of them," a huge sigh of relief leaves my lips, and it feels as though I let out the entire grief of my separation and this divorce through this story that I just made up on the go, and I can't be more thankful to myself for having done this.

This is the moment where my mind and heart are at peace, where the lingering grief and guilt just flew away from me, and I feel fully liberated.

"Wow, that's so beautiful, appa. They love her so much, and they did the right thing," Areum's sweet voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I smile big at her, nodding.

"They did the right thing because they do love the princess more than anything else, and just because the Queen of Fire and King of Ice cannot live together in one place, it doesn't mean that the Cloud Princess should choose one among them," I unbuckle my seat belt and ruffle her hair, making her chuckle.

Areum doesn't ask any more questions, and she actually seems a lot happier than she was throughout these whole two days with me, and it only makes me happier.

After she washes up and changes into comfortable clothes, I manage to cook some rice and seaweed balls for us. We eat the food that I cooked, and then I pack up some of her things and leave some at home. She picks up her bunny as well, and we drive to Jang-Mi's home while listening to some of our favorite songs and humming along to it as well.

Once we reach there, I climb out of the car and pick up Areum's bag after I help her out of her seat. As we walk towards the front door, Areum holds my hand tighter, and we stop a few feet ahead of the door.

I get down on my knees and turn my daughter to stand facing me.

"So, my little Cloud Princess, I hope you enjoy your time with the Queen of Fire. And I'll be waiting to see you again next week, okay?" I wink at her, making her giggle and nod her head a few times.

"Of course, King of Ice. I will come back to you next week because I will not melt or freeze. I am strong," she pats my cheeks with her soft, little hands.

Even amidst the swelling tears that blur my vision, I manage a hearty laugh as I pull her into a tight hug, stroking her back, and she holds me tighter.

"Good night, bubba," I whisper close to her ear and pull away with a kiss on her cheek.

She kisses my cheek a few times and bids me goodbye, before Jang-Mi's mother opens the front door and takes Areum inside.

I puff out a breath and turn around to drive back home for the night. Tonight truly feels like a new beginning to me. The night where I have fully let go of all the thoughts that were crowding my mind and made peace with my bittersweet memories.

Some relationships meet with a dead end even though they seem promising, and some people in life are meant only to be a part of history, and letting go of what cannot be changed is the happiest feeling ever—one that I'm feeling now.

Tonight, I want to believe that I'm truly a happy man.

 
Jang-Mi

After her extensive narration about everything that happened over the weekend, Areum finally grows tired and gets ready to sleep. As I tuck Areum into her bed, she clasps her bunny tight in her hand and turns her head to look at me when I pick up a bedtime story book to read to her.

"Eomma, can I tell you a story tonight? Every night you're only reading out to me. I want to tell you something tonight," her eyes twinkle as she smiles sweetly, and I put aside the book in my hand.

Softly stroking her head, I speak to her,
"Yes, bubba. Tell me. What is this story?"

"It's the story of the King of Ice and the Queen of Fire and their little Cloud Princess. Do you know this story, eomma?" She asks me, pouting cutely, and I shake my head with a warm smile.

"No. I don't, and I can't wait to hear it," I sit up straight, rubbing my palms together in anticipation.

"Can you lie down with me, eomma? I will then tell you the story," she places a request, and I oblige by lying curled up in her bed, facing her, and she turns around to lie down facing me.

Areum begins narrating the story, and just a few seconds into it, everything starts sounding too familiar—a story so close to my heart, a story that we were living in, a story that is stuck in loop within my mind.

It takes everything in me to hold back my painful tears as she keeps narrating in the most innocent manner, yet my chin quivers and a few hot tears spill when she reaches the end of her story.

"Eomma, don't cry," she erases my tear streaks with her little fingers, and I take her hand in mine, softly kissing the palm of her hand thereafter.

"Did appa tell you this story?" I ask her just to be sure of the fact that my mind has already deduced by now.

"Yes, eomma. Appa also cried because he loved the story so much. Do you also love it so much?" She asks, nuzzling her face against my chest when I pull her closer to me.

Of course, he loved this story. We both loved it. We were in love.

Areum wraps her arms around my body as I keep stroking her back in comforting moves.

I dry my tears and answer her softly,
"Yes, I love this story very much, bubba. It is such a beautiful story, and I want to add a little more to it. Can I?" My question makes Areum lift her head a little to look at me with an excited grin on her lips.

"Yes, eomma," she nods vigorously before she goes back to burying her face in my chest.

"So then years pass by, and the Cloud Princess grows up into a beautiful young woman. And she is so kind and talented that everyone in both the kingdoms love her a lot," I run a hand through my daughter's soft hair.

"And then what happened, eomma?" She asks in a muffled murmur.

"She was so beautiful that every prince in every neighboring kingdom wanted to marry her"

"But how can she marry everyone?" Areum sounds confused.

"Of course, she can't marry everyone. But she found one Prince who she liked, one who would not melt away or freeze off. He was different than her, but he was also similar to her, and he was perfect for her. He was the Rainbow Prince. He made her believe that it's okay to be different from each other, and still fall in love and stay in love. The Rainbow Prince shone his colors on her and made her appear as a beautiful rainbow cloud. He brought out the best in her which she herself didn't know," I pause for a while to see if Areum is still awake and listening.

"And then?" She asks as if on cue, and I continue speaking.

"And then they slowly fell deep in love, understood that they cannot be present in the sky together at all times, yet still they made a perfect pair. But most importantly, they took a lot of time to talk to each other and fall in love very slowly before they got married one day, and then they lived happily together in a sky palace," I end my story, waiting for my daughter's reaction.

"They can both live together in the sky palace forever. They don't ever have to go to separate castles," she says in a tired and sleepy tone.

"That's right, bubba," I kiss the top of her head before she mumbles a soft good night and drifts off to sleep.

My heart, undeniably, feels heavy, and I know that moving on and healing is going to be a messy journey. I want to hold on to the last wisps of the good memories, but I know that only letting go will bring me peace. Yet, I'm not sure if I'm ready to let go of the treasure trove of beautiful memories that my heart is holding on to.

Sometimes, it does take more time for the heart to accept the harsh reality which the mind has come to terms with so easily—the reality of falling out of love with the one man who meant everything to me at one point in life.

And I can only hope that maybe, just maybe, time could do the healing.

Aahh.. the way I cried while writing this chapter.
😭

The story of The Queen of Fire and The King Of Ice is based on an actual children's book (same title) that is written to explain the idea of divorce to a child. I loved it so much, and I tweaked it to suit this plot.
❤

Published on : 06/09/2022