** opens the letter**

Dear Insecurities, 

My dear insecurities, Hey there! huh.......it's always been difficult to greet you huh. Well, i thought it might be good for me if I write you something, Well it's not very rare of me to see you now, you're my favorite and regular guest of all, happiness, sadness, anxiety......uh no, I guess anxiety still beats you up by higher-margin though but yeah you still have been with me for the longest of time I have known, probably I was born with you, I know it sounds crazy but no matter how hard I try, I can't remember when we first befriended. 

Probably the day when my mom and dad left me in the school for the very first time, I have a blurred memory of it but I remember crying meticulously, I was such a dork that I never even tried to stay near any other kid of my age even when I was a kid. I think except me everyone had a party a group or a guild if it was supposed to be a fairy game. Quite funny huh? Well, but I still remember my body trembling and I was screaming till I got hazy eyes and passed out. You.......you persisted even in those times, like my constant companion. 

Back then I didn't have the mind to figure out if you were good for me or not. I was barely 10 you know. But yeah that's when I also climbed my standards in school, to junior high and I became more of a socially inept person, I never meant to be rude or arrogant by not talking to other kids of my age. I.....i was just scared but like the crowd mentality always does, I was titled as an arrogant brat by other students. Every day was a struggle, keeping up with expectations, making friends with others seem to be an obligation and if you don't have a friend, then Welcome to the 'Bullied club". 

Stay in a pack or get ready to be stripped of all your 'Being-ness'. Scared me tried hard double as it could to mingle and become socially acceptable but still the idea of 'fitting in'  was scary. I had no clue that you came back in disguise again though.

But hey! why am I telling you this? You know this already. Don't you? or,

or you've forgotten about it just like others too. Look, I am not arrogant, I just love me to stay alone. Staying in a pack was never my thingy, but Hey! this was true until someone helped me out, i was finally coming to know what it meant to be a really socially acceptable person, just cause ' one person' accepted me.

Yeah, that is the part you don't know about, cause guess what? 

You disappeared for good. For a person like me who never knew what friendship looked like and what love felt like, it was a present of all the pains I might have suffered all the time which I wasn't really aware that it was pain cause I never knew what warmth of togetherness might be like. Having a family outside of my home, I didn't know what it felt like. But now, I had a person who finally broke my walls not by force, more like melted the walls with their furious warmth. My 'insecurities', yeah YOU. You were disappearing cause now..........now I had someone to talk too, and even if I didn't want, those playful glares and stern yet giggling smiles melted it. Yes, I had nothing to hold on too except for that person. But hey, not everything goes as planned right, you sure disappeared but came back again in disguise.

Now you were my fear of losing them, my urge to stick to them was stronger than ever but LMAO you stupid idiot ruined it again. Hey hey! don't worry I am not mad or being sarcastic nor I am trying to blame you but it's funny how things were going the way I wanted and suddenly I woke up from the dream which was so beautiful that I wanted to die with.

Now when I think of it, I feel........... I feel you never ever left me. You were always there becoming stronger, the relation, the friendship I started to believe in was merely an illusion for a small time.

But when everything ended and I was again left with nothing but myself, I dug deep this time, I searched for all of that was left of you diving too deep and collecting all the pearls of my insecurity to understand it better and decorate it for forever, to live with them and to embrace them. Maybe......you.........you were lonely too.

Watching me leave you might have made you insecure about yourself. You started questioning yourself if you're better for me or you need to better yourself, maybe that's why every time you left, you came back to me stronger. Which probably no one ever did. Even the friend I had ever came back. 

But you did, so I've decided, all doors shut, if not anyone else, you're good for me anyway, after all, I don't have to think much about you, I don't have to learn to befriend with you, or learn to love which I never was able to figure out.

If no one can fight back to fight you for 'me', they might not deserve me. But hey, being together has never been easy for anyone right? Not with peoples, not with feelings. Sticking together needs some high-quality adhesive I guess, otherwise, they fall off eventually but for you, I don't think I ever need to worry, cause you've proven to stick with me for I can't remember how long.

But everyone before never stayed, happiness is a foreign word to me now. They leave you eventually too, and if a relation is not stronger than the relationship of that person's insecurity.....probably that will wither out eventually too.

I hope you stay with me forever cause after wondering all around, losing peoples and experiencing the real depth of you, I can rest assured to have you with me and i hope you feel the same. You've indeed taught me the most important lessons of my life but others often give that credit to those who hurt them, you've never earned your share of appreciation, Have you?

Well, i must thank you for all the things you've done to me, you're the main contributor to my development and I'll hope people will start appreciating you for your hidden lessons which are often titled by someone else's name. I can not think how can someone think that the outer world can be the source of happiness and development whilst the entire universe is inside of them which actually develops them and grow them through different interaction. Some from the outside world, but most through insight.

Regards,

Ash

                    **closes the letter*

                            ENVELOPE

                       WITH REGARDS

                   To My dear Insecurities

          Address : Aisle of old memories. 

(P.S : listen to the songs in the media section to really feel the words)