"Whittney, hold up!" I'm panting when I finally catch up to him down the street from the school. Holding up my pointer finger, I plead for a moment of patience as I'm bent over, taking a deep breath from my inhaler. He waits patiently, although I can tell he doesn't want to stick around. When I've finally regulated my breathing, I stand up straight and smile softly. "You came out."

    His face is less relief stricken than I thought it'd be, a small frown line obscuring his forehead. They're no longer dirty from food and he's wearing a change of clothes that aren't his since he's in a band-tee I know he's not familiar with.

"Yeah, I did," he says, bluntly.

I look down, biting my lip softly. "How are you feeling? I know this is a huge step for you."

Something about this encounter feels so foreign. We've always been so close, but talking to him now feels like I'm talking to someone I barely know. There's a barrier between us, and I know that he's the one building it up around him. He's shutting me out again.

He shrugs. "I'm fine."

When he moves to turn away, I grab him by the arm. "I know when you're lying to me, Whitt."

Whittney suddenly pulls back, tears brimming his eyes. "What do you want me to say, huh? That it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do? That I was terrified to do it without you by my side? That I've never missed anyone as much as I've missed you? Is that it? Because all of it is true. All of it. But I have so much wrong with me, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to be who you need me to be. Is that what you wanted to hear?" When I stay silent, eyes wide, he sighs. "I can't be your friend, Hare . . . it hurts too much."

"Then why-" I pause a moment, blinking away my watery eyes. "-why did you come out for me?"

"I didn't come out for you," he counters. "I came out for me."

This confession only confuses me more. I thought that he outed himself so that the two of us could be together. I thought this was him telling me he was ready. Granted, it's been only a few days since our last talk. I assume he got over himself by now and realized how right we are for each other.

"Have you ever even considered how dangerous this has been for me?" He scoffs, taking a step back. "Of course you haven't. You live in a big house with a fucking picket fence, have a family that adores you, and privilege I can only dream about. Every day is a fight for survival in my world being what I am and it's something you'll never understand. A friend of mine died for being who they were and there's not a day that goes by where I don't think 'that could have been me'."

"I didn't know that." My voice cracks as I look down, shame swelling up in my chest.

While my fear only involved what people would think of me, and names they'd call me, Whittney had death weighing over him. The rape only added to the torture, probably making him feel like it wasn't only dangerous to be gay, but that it was disgusting to be this way.

That it made him lesser than.

Even though I've known plenty of Whittney's struggles, I've only ever looked at them from my own perspective and not his. This isn't right. I have always thought of myself as someone who puts other people first, but even I suffer from a selfish heart.

The realization makes tears flow down my cheeks. I've been playing the 'good guy' as if I deserved the title. And yet, I'm sitting between two hearts, refusing to let go of the ropes attaching me to each one.

Whittney was never the only toxic one.

"How could you? We are just too different." He wipes his eyes, keeping his distance from me. Maybe he knows just as well as I do that self-control will be lost if we get too close. "Don't you see I'm trying to be strong and give you the life you deserve?"

My hand reaches out to grab Whittney's. "And what did I do that's so bad to deserve a life without you in it?"

*    *    *

My back slams against the wall of my bedroom. Shivers run up my spine as Whittney's mouth leaves kisses along my neck and down to my chest. Everything fades away when I grab his face and pull him to my lips. Our tongues wrestle with each other in perfect harmony with no fight for dominance.

We are completely in sync with one another.

Once on the bed, I grab a condom from the nightstand and I hold it up to Whittney, who's on his back underneath me. There's a hesitation when he goes to grab it but then doesn't.

Slowly, he rolls onto his stomach.

I gasp softly, not having expected this to ever happen. "Are you sure?"

Whittney nods, even though I feel his body shaking underneath me. "I'm sure."

I swallow hard, starting to shake a little myself as I grab some lotion, putting it on over the condom. When I align myself with his entrance, I stop there before going further.

"You are in total control here, alright?" I assure him in a soft voice. "You tell me to stop and I will."

He moves his hand next to his head and it turns palm up to face me. When I place mine in his, he grips hard and clamps his eyes shut. My heart breaks from the terror he's so obviously feeling and I try my damndest not to tear up again.

Leaning down, I trail kisses along Whittney's back in an attempt to comfort him. A small smile stretches on my lips when his body relaxes. Moving my pointer and middle fingers in my mouth, I suck on them a bit before moving them down between his asscheeks. When he flinches, I stop immediately.

"This okay?" I ask, cautiously. 

There's a small nod of confirmation before I slowly ease them inside. It's tighter than I expected, but I'm able to push inside more. Watching from behind, I can see his back rising and falling rapidly, but there's no sign of him wanting to back out.

After making sure he's loose enough, my fingers pull out. 

Grabbing a condom from my nightstand, I slip it on me as well as some lube before aligning myself with his entrance. I go slowly, making sure not to get carried away, even when it starts feeling incredibly good for me. I'm careful the entire time, fully paying attention to his body's cues and the sounds he makes. His hand tightens around mine and I squeeze back.

"Harry," he whimpers and I freeze.

"You want me to stop?" I whisper.

Whittney lets out a shaky breath before shaking his head. "No . . . keep going."

When I slowly ease into him more, I can feel him stretch around me. My lips trail up to his neck as I gradually go deeper. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," he groans, slight discomfort in his voice. "Don't stop."

At his request, I keep going. I rotate my hips in the careful way he always did when on top. Not only do I want this to be painless for him, but I want it to feel good.

When a beautiful moan leaves him, I know I've found what I was looking for. Every thrust is done with mindful precision, making sure to hear it again and again. It feels like our bodies are floating on the same frequency and we become one.

He is mine.

I am his.

We belong to each other.

* * *

Whittney snuggles into me after we've finished, the both of us panting softly. My chest rising and falling with his head resting on it. He traces his fingers over my chest as my arm is wrapped protectively around him.

"How you feeling?" I ask, brushing the hair out of his face.

He almost smiles when he glances up at me. "I didn't think I'd be able to do that again."

The right words to say are lost on me for a moment, but when our eyes meet, everything is so crystal clear. Something that has always been left unsaid, but is so obvious. I want him to know so that there isn't any doubt in my mind. That it's more than just an 'I need you.'

"I love you, Whittney."

His smile fades, mine doing the same as he gets up.

"Wait." I sit up as he's putting his clothes back on. "Where are you going?"

"Home." He grabs his coat and turns to leave. "This was a mistake. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."

"Please don't go." I'm scrambling to pull my sweats over my hips before grabbing his arm.

He can't do this to me.

Not again...

Whittney whips around, tears brimming his eyes, face stricken with guilt. "I have to. Don't you see that? You cheated on your boyfriend because of me."

Bradley.

How could I do that to him? What kind of person have I become to dismiss him so quickly?

"No. This is not your fault." My hands cup his face and my eyes bore into his. "Do you hear me?"

"It doesn't matter," he whimpers. "It takes two, right? I still did this."

I lean my forehead against his and close my eyes.

"Then don't let it be for nothing," I whisper. "Stay."

Whittney takes a step back, making my hands fall to my sides. Tears are now streaming down from puffy eyes. "I have to go."

"No, you're choosing to go. You're always leaving me! Don't you get tired of running away every time?" My lip quivers as he stands there in my doorway, frozen in place. "Why can't you . . . Why don't you ever just-"

Strong arms wrap around me, cutting me off, and Whittney's lips tenderly kiss my neck.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." His voice trembles as he holds me. "I'll stay. I'm staying right here."

I return the hug, my tears soaking his shoulder. "Don't ever leave me again."

"I won't." A sob breaks his words and I hear him take a deep breath. "I promise."

***

Surprise! A second chapter in the span of a week! I'm not really sure how I feel about the chapter yet, though, so let me know in the comments what you guys think! Let's make this short and sweet, huh? If you guys think the chapter deserves it, please click that star in the corner! Thank you all so much for sticking with me.

Until next time,

TheWriterD