Fifteen Yarn

            Devlin sat next to me- on the floor of his study room, his knee brushing against mine. The gentle flicker of the blue lamps would try to pull me into a deep slumber but I resisted. Piles of books and paper surrounded us on the floor. 

            I folded my legs together, taking everything in. I breathed in the old smell of books and moldy carpet. My eyes took in the small smile playing on Devlin's lips, the quirk of his eyebrow, and the sound of his laughter mixing with the melody of the silent air.

            Through the thick rimmed glasses, he looked at me briefly. "You're doing it wrong,"

My eyes fell back to the pages scribbled with dark blue ink. I sigh. My chest rising and falling under the pale green hoodie I wore.  The human health textbook stared back at me. With a steady hand, I erased the labelings on the human skull diagram and set the eraser next to my knee.

I begin writing again. "Is it okay now?"

He looks up from his own textbook which is filled so many words that it made my head hurt. Again, he shook his head. For the past three hours or so, we settled on an agreement to study side by side. I didn't want Devlin to fall behind on his study schedule because of me. In between every ten minute that would pass, he'd check on me. It was kind of him to help me but I couldn't ignore the pangs of embarrassment whenever I'd get something wrong.

            He was a genius... well in my eyes.  After I had told him I had flunked human health science, communication application and botany, he told me that he'd help me with human health and botany since they were his fortes but he didn't really know much about communication application so he'll just try to  accompany me while I studied.  It was more than enough for me.

            "Remember the basics Alice," He holds out his palm for the pencil. I hand it over, the tips of our fingers brushing. I try not to blush. "See the occipital condyle is right beneath the occipital bone. It's easier to remember if you put the adjoining bones in pairs,"

            I bit the corner of my lips, my eyes pulled together in concentration. "Like the Maxilla with the Mandible and then the hyoid,"

            "Bingo,"

"I finally get it," I grin, feeling accomplished.  

            "You're not dumb," He ruffled my hair. I swatted his hand away, narrowing my eyes at him. Great, I feel like a kid now. Does Devlin see me that way? A kid. Or like a small sister he has to protect. I cringe at the thought.  That would be strange.

"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to ignore the pinching sensation inside my stomach.  

"You know what I mean,"

"I don't,"

            He lets go of piece of air before turning to face me. "You're not what you act to be. I honestly don't get how you failed. These exams should have been a piece of cake for you,"

            "Guess what? They weren't," I reply, almost angrily. "What do you even know about me?"

I shouldn't have said that. The expression on his face falls into something grim.

            "I didn't mean that," My voice breaks.  "Sorry,"

He pulls his arms over my shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. "I know you didn't but-" I hold my breath, waiting for him to complete the sentence. There's a mischievous glint in his eyes which glaze over my face.

            "But?" I urge him to continue. He still held my shoulder so I craned my neck to look at him. Wrong move.

All my breaths halt. The lingering smell of cinnamon cakes we had for dinner fill me. I find myself inches away from his face.  One idiotic move and we'd be caught in something we don't want.

He doesn't notice the lack of distance or pretends not to. "You weren't wrong," The cold of frame of his glasses touches my cheek. Color drowns my skin. A flustering sensation ripples from my stomach to my throat. I don't even feel my heartbeats.  They're so fast.

"Huh?"

He inches closer, his eyebrow quirked to one side while a small dimple forms on his left cheek. I instantly know he's suppressing a smile. 

"I know nothing about you," I get a whiff of detergent from his clothes. It's pleasant, really pleasant.

"You know me more than Sandy," It was true. The things Devlin has seen, not even my own father has seen that side of me. I've never cried in-front of him but in front of Devlin my emotion reel out freely like a cassette's tape which is always compact and hidden. Devlin understands me better than anyone. He knows what I'm going through. Delvin knows exactly what to do when I'm upset. He knows how to cheer me up. He knows me. He understands me.

He knows what I'm feeling by just a glance at my face. I wonder if he knows about my feeling for him. I push the thought back into a dark corner. I don't have any feeling for him. I don't feel anything.

My heart refuses to obey me. It still strums inside my rib-cage wildly.

"I know you," He agrees. His tone is light but his eyes are stirring with a strange darkness. A lost look hides them and that magical quality. "But I don't know anything about you,"

"Does that really matter?" I whisper. Suddenly I feel this paranoia cling to the sides of my chest.  He wants to know my past.  

"It does,"

"I-I  don't- tthink," I stammer, coherent words refusing to form on my tongue. "tthere isn't much to know,"

            He tilts his head slightly causing our noses to touch. My lungs feel like they're about to burst into flames. His arm is still wound around my shoulder, actually it's frozen there.

            The surface beneath my skin prickles in a haunting way. He doesn't move back, the black in his iris widen. He finally realizes how close we were. I feel scared. I feel scared about what's to come.

 Unconsciously my eyes linger to his lips instantly I force them away. A queasy expression covers his face. He looks uncomfortable. I know why he isn't moving away.  He doesn't want to hurt me again. A small part of my heart drops to the pit. Of course he wouldn't feel anything for a girl like me.

I brush aside from his reach, moving away in awkward manner- his arm drops from my shoulder.  From the corner of my eye, I catch him releasing a sigh of relief.

Something breaks inside me. Why do I fall so easy?

"What do you want to know about me?" I state stiffly. My hands wrap themselves around the wooden length of the pencil.

He stares at me for a moment -in a way, I can't decipher. His warm brown eyes are pulled together; the sharp counters are in a rigid position. It's like he's trying to solve some sort of complicated equation.

"Anything," He finally answers. I steal glance of his face. There isn't a smile on it as he bends his neck over the bulky book. I wonder why.

            "You start," I label the bones in the spine column.

"What? This is about you,"

            I ignore his quizzical expression. "I don't know anything about you either,"

"Okay," He drags the word. A bubble of amusement forms inside me. He looked at a loss of words- that's something new. "Well I'll start with my family,"

            "Sure," I grin. Excited by the prospect of knowing something about his personal life.

A warm and content smile encases his lips.  Our eyes meet for a brief second in which I forget the definition of breathing. "My mother- she's a housewife. Everything I know about cooking comes from her. She's the most amazing cook you'll ever meet and she gives the best advice ever- literally she's like a spiritual guru to me,"

My mom always knew what to say when I need it. A pang of pain surges through me but I don't pay attention to it.

"If we ever get the chance, I'll defiantly take you to meet her," We- my heart melts into a pool of chocolate at the word.

            I don't realize that I'm smiling when I say. "I can't wait to meet her. Your mum sounds awesome."

            "She is," The lights reflects in his eyes wistfully. "She's the type of person that can talk their way to your heart. I can bet you you'll like her instant you meet her and she cracks the funniest jokes. I don't remember seeing anyone stand by her side and not burst into fits of laughter. She's a lot like you. She can't take a favor without doing something utterly kind for the other person. She hides her pain so the people around her forget theirs,"

            "Wow," I breathe out. Moisture make my eyes prickle. My mind couldn't even take in the strings of compliment he had just bestowed upon me. "I don't know what to say,"

"You don't need to," He looks up from the book, giving me a half-crooked smile.

            "I feel like I need to. You just compared me to your mother. Devlin I'm not anything like that. I'm not that kind,"

            "Actually you're right," My smile faltered for a moment.  His brown eyes hold my green ones in a secure prison. "You're more than that,"

The sentence steals every single ounce of air inside me. I gasp. "I-I-"Heat rushes to my face and I don't try to hide it.

            "I have a sister," Devlin continued speaking as if he had said nothing. His eyes leave mine and fall back onto the pale, worn pages. "She's roughly six years older than me. Last around June last year she finished her degree in law and now she's happily married with her high-school boyfriend," Devlin makes a gagging noise. "They call each other high school sweethearts,"

            "What's wrong with that?" I flick my pencil the side of the page so I can turn over to the next chapter.

            "Trust me, if you ever meet them you'll be acting the same way," He scratches the back of his head as wisp of black hair scatter over his forehead- uncertainty crosses his face. "Or maybe you won't.  You are a girl," It sounded like a question.

            "Did you just realize that?" I feigned hurt. "And what does this have to do with my gender?"

He shrugs his shoulders.  "I dunno. Don't girls like intense PDA sessions. And no, I didn't 'just' realize that you're a girl. Trust me, I figured it a long time ago," He even throws in a suggestive wink.

            I punch his shoulder, trying to hide the burning blush. "Girls like PDA as much as you boys do,"

"As long as my sister isn't involved, I think I'd enjoy them very much,"

            "Yuck! You're so perverted,"

He holds up his hands. "Who isn't?  Don't claim to be innocent, Alice,"

            "I haven't had my first kiss," I try to defend myself. Even I know that I'm not an innocent little girl. I used to be well that is until Liza forced to read the fifty shades of grey.

            "Doesn't make a difference," He slides the comments easily past me. "For all I know-"A spark of amusement lights his face. He angles his body so his lips would skim the air above my ear.  My cheeks burn for all I knew they could have been set into flames by a candle. "You could have shared everything but your lips," He completes his sentence in an allusive whisper.

            I push his chest, hard; he stumbles to one side, laughing like a maniac.  The vessels in my cheeks refuse to return to normal.

            I glare at him, mustering all the bits of anger I can. "You," I slam my fingers into his rigid chest. "Jerk," He doesn't stop and keeps on laughing like we might never see the tomorrow's sun. He rolls on the floor, breathlessly lying on one side beside me. I hover above his laughing frame- annoyed as hell.

            "I can't believe you'd say that," A menacing growl escapes my throat. "You," I curls hands into a fist and knock it straight into his chest. "Jerk, idiot,"

            "Ah!"He groans when my hand hits him. "Easy there, love. I'm made of flesh not steel," He locks my wrist in his hands so I wouldn't hit him again.

Love, it's the second time he's said that. Not that I'm counting or anything. Of-course not.

            I still couldn't ignore the firework show erupting my stomach. All I could see was a hazy red filling my vision. This isn't good. How hard am I falling this time?

            I narrow my eyes. "You crossed the line,"

"Oh really?" There is a playful smile on his lips. He doesn't make a move to get up from the ground and lifts his head to stare at me. "I don't see any. Mind pointing it out,"

            "You're ridiculous," I tried biting off the smile as I feel warmth envelope my wrist from his hands.

 He clicks his tongue. "Too bad, you'll have to deal with me for the rest of your life,"

            Rest of your life.  Is he implying something?

My pulse jumped out my skin. I'm sure Devlin can feel it too under his hands. Instead of questioning him about it- I peel his hands off my wrist and scoot back to my spot next to the human health science book. I don't look up -Scared my eyes might betray the thoughts running wild in my head.

            I feel him shuffle beside me in an awfully silent way. "You were telling me about your sister," I shift my weight from my legs and cross them.

"I was. What can I say about her?" Devlin easily falls back into the conversation though I don't miss the puzzled look on his face.  His eyes were screaming 'Did I say something? What's going on Alice?' It's scary to think I understood the implications under his every gesture and notion. 

            "She may seem a bit cold on the outside  but she's really softhearted. It takes her time to warm up to people. She usually isn't the type to socialize," After a moment of thinking Devlin spoke again.  "And that pretty much sums up my family,"

            "What about your dad?" I ask, curiosity getting the best of me.

The nerves in Devlin's hand protrude outwards as he grips the edge of his book, holding the pages in place. He doesn't meet my gaze and stares at the book as if his life depends on it.

"Devlin," I place my hand on his stiff shoulder when he doesn't anything. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong,"

His eyes capture mine before he looks away. They hold a blank expression. "My father- he runs a small software company by the name of Enlighten,"

Enlighten- that's the company in which my dad worked. He couldn't be the son of the CEO. Why would he live here in this small apartment when his parents were in the same town?

"My dad's the senior accountant there," I whisper.

Devlin lifts his head. The usual kind lines of his face are twisted into something I don't quite like. He looks angry. "That's nice," There is bitter resent in his voice. "I was hoping you hadn't heard of my father's company," I don't miss the taunting edge.

            "Well," I reply unsure. "Enlighten corp. is pretty famous here in Winterville. It's the only multinational company in town,"

            "I know. I'm the God damn heir!" He stood up from his spot abruptly and walked to his desk. "Maybe this isn't a good idea,"

            "What isn't a good idea?" I ask, standing up as well. What's wrong with him? I'm sure this has something to do with his father. Is that why he's reacting so negatively?

            "Getting to know each other," Devlin's shoulders were hunched as he gripped the edge of the chair. For someone who didn't know him it looked like he was perfectly fine but I knew better. He was everything but fine. Something was off. The simple word father had brought so much pain to him. My heart ached for him. Someone as good as him doesn't deserve an ounce of pain.  

            "You should focus on your exam," He spoke in labored huff

I walk towards him- my steps are hesitant. I'm few inches behind him when I call his name. "Devlin," I whisper. "Are you okay?"

He doesn't answer my question and turns to face me. The expression on his face is neutral. Not an ounce of emotion seeps through it. It's like he's wearing an invisible mask over his skin. "I'm gonna to grab some fresh air," Somberness soars inside me. He doesn't want to share his trouble with me.

He arm nudges mine as he marches past me. My eyes follow him- he walks in robotic manner.

            "Devlin," I try to make him stop but he doesn't.

"Don't wait for me. Go straight to bed after you finish studying," Even his voice sounded robotic.

Before I can even respond, he rushes out the door, leaving me alone in his room filled with books and saddening silence. The hushed icy autumn air sneaked from underneath the window panes, surrounding me.

            I drew a hand over my arms, feeling cold- no, not because of the weather but because of Devlin. His sudden change in demeanor had chilled me till the core.

            I have to know what had caused him to react this way. I have to and I'm afraid Devlin won't be the one answering my questions.

~*~*~*~

            For a few hours, I spend my time finishing the last few chapter of human health science in the hope of distracting myself from Devlin. I don't succeed. Sometimes when I let my mind wonder- I would see his face- there were tears falling out his mesmerizing brown and I'd feel my heart hurt for him.

            Maybe he was crying right now. Maybe he didn't want me to see him cry. Is that why he left?

After hours of restless studying, I finally retired to my room. This is when I heard the door unbolt and someone stumble inside. I stole quick glance at the digital clock beside my bed 12:30 pm it read.

            I edged towards of door of my room, peeking through the small slit in it. Devlin walked down the hall, his hair in a tousled mess and his glasses were missing. He tossed the navy blue jean jacket he wore on the kitchens counter. I heard the opening of the kitchen's tap. Water rushed into the sink and then there was a splashing sound.

            Few seconds later, Devlin emerged from the kitchen. His face dripping with droplets of water- even in the sparse amount of light, I could see the red tint in his eyes.  

            He stopped in front of the pale blue door of his room, briefly his eyes lingered to my door. Chocolate Fudge- I quickly scuttled away from the door and into my bed. My heart pounded insanely fast in my chest while a bead of sweat trickled down my neck.

            I heard the door of my room creak open and his shallow footsteps fall on the carpet. He sighed, standing by the door. I try keeping my breathing normal and my eyes shut.

            "Maybe bringing you here wasn't a good idea," He spoke in a hushed tone. I feel his eyes on my face. "I'm not good for you, Alice," There is a strong longing in his voice when he says my name. My stomach churns in a painful way.

            "You should leave before I-" He doesn't complete his sentence.

            A hollow sensation encases the center of my chest. What is he talking about? 

He leaves my room, closing the door behind him with a gentle thud. I am left tangled in a yarn of secrets and questions. Nothing was making sense. Devlin isn't making sense.

            I let my tired mind pull me into sleep before I can entangle myself deeper into the yarn.

 ~*~*~*~*~

            Sandy jogs beside me as we try to make it to the biology class before the tardy bell rings. She's blabbering about something related to maths in which dividing zero by some number equal to two.

            I usually drone out of these conservations. I make a sharp turn right through the brightly painted halls, there are large red bulletin boards decorating the walls.

            I haven't seen Devlin since last night. He left early in the morning, leaving a small note on the fridge saying that he'll be late today. He didn't leave a reason for his absence. Something tells me- he's trying to avoid me.

            I hear Sandy say something prom, pulling me out of the brief reverie. "What about Prom?" I ask her.

We edge towards the pavilion. Today our lesson was being held into auditorium. Apparently our teacher, Mrs. Sandalwal was getting an assistant student teacher.  The term is about to end and I have no idea why Mrs. Sandalwal would need extra help.

            "My mom found out that I used the prom dress money to buy me a math book,"

"Is she mad at you?" I ask, offhandedly, my hands pushing the cold handles of the pavilion's entrance.

            "Nah, she actually laughed at me," Sandy followed me through the open door. "She said that I'll have to go to prom in my old dress,"

            Suddenly someone rudely shoved my shoulder- nearly causing me to drop my heavy biology textbook, I turned around to find Beatrice and her dirty blonde ponytail swinging back and forth. She shot me menacing smile.

            "Watch it skunk," She hollered as she ran ahead of me towards the auditorium.

I mutter some curses under my breath. Sandy helped regain my balance, placing her hand on my back. "You okay?" Her eyebrows are bundled in concern.

            I nod my head.

We enter into the auditorium- the cold air conditioning hits me with a surprise. My eyes scan the packed auditorium.  Beatrice already sat at the front with some of her friends. The only seats left were in the back.

            "Great," I breathe out. "Now we won't see a thing,"

"The back seats aren't that bad," Sandy argues.

"Yah, if you don't consider the gum stuck underneath them," I'm about to turn around and trudge to the back end of the auditorium when I hear a familiar voice echo off the walls. "Miss Brown there're seats available at the right wing over here," All eyes snap in my direction.

My heart begins to pump blood faster than before.  My eyes widen as I take in the person standing on the stage. Devlin stands next to Mrs. Sandalwal's petty frame with a microphone in his hands.He shoots me a polite smile.

            What in the world is he doing here?

I think I'm going to faint.

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Note:

UPDATE: [August 15, 2014]

I was working with tenses here, sorry for occasionally bringing up the present/past  tense. I'll go fix it up when I have head for editing once I finish this book.