Chapter 50, Lie

THIRD POV

It hurts.

It really hurts.

It's painful.

Dad, you told me to win every game right?

And if I finished the games, I should do your work.

Because you and mom will go somewhere to rest.

So you left everything to me.

Everything.

How many files do I need to fix and sign?

Ten? No... 25? Oh.. 50

They're 10 paged each, right?

I can't make any mistakes.

When I return, I need to immediately go to your meetings, right?

Why can't my big brother do it?

Because he's busy with his sports career?

But I'm busy with sports too...

You could've gotten people to do your works for a while.....

Ah– I should do it? So I get used to business?

Fit in and do better for the economy?

I'm just 15. Why?

No matter, I'll do fine anyways. Like I usually do.

I'm the best at everything after all.

Better than all these people.

Better than all of you.

Better than anyone.

I'm perfect, right?

I'm not flawed?

I got it all.

I finally got them all.

They're really kind parents, they even put me on break from self insisted work.

But even so, I can't fail you both, right?

They're not making me do it.. It's something I want to prove myself.

Please, leave everything to me.

Why am I exaggerating? It's not like I can't do them.

I'm the best at everything.

Let's defeat them first.

Then if I returned, I won't rest.

I'll start working immediately.

Skip the meals, they're not worth the time.

I'll only rest when I finished undone business works.

"Shi-chan!"

"Huh?" The white haired girl snapped out of her thoughts, only to realize that the team is looking at her. She didn't realize that she was staring at the onigiri for a few minutes now.

Ameri frowned, "Are you okay? You seem troubled–"

"Me? I'm alright," She chuckled, "Just strategizing...," She stood up and handed Kuro her untouched onigiri.

"Oi, Shirome. You haven't eaten anything since we left earlier in the morning–"

"Not now, Kuro. It'll be fine," She gave him a blank look and turned to Guren.

The coach frowned, "Hey, are you sure you're fine? You didn't take breakfast. I'm not allowing you to play if you haven't eaten anything yet," He firmly told her. Ichiro just sighed and looked away, her purple fringes swayed as she fixed her butterfly pin.

"When do you get to control my eating schedule, Ichinose-san?" Shirome frowned. The coach's eyes widened.

The girl's eyes widened as she bit her lip to stop tearing up, "Sorry, my head is just really.. full right now. I'll eat after, okay?"

Ichiro nudged him, "Just tell her what she asked for.."

The team were shocked at how Shirome talked to the coach like that. They've never seen this side of her.

"...!!" The small captain's eyes widened as she snapped back to reality.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...," She bit her lip as she apologized again and looked away, only to catch Kita's eyes.

He approached them and frowned at Shirome, "Why do you look like that?"

"... Like what?" She muttered and looked away.

Guren cleared his throat, "Kita. Shirome's cousin, right? You're from Inarizaki. How's your games?"

Kita was slightly taken aback from his kansai dialect but answered anyway, "Yes, Guren-san. I apologize for suddenly appearing.. I just wanted to talk to Shirome and check up on her. Our games are alright, thank you for asking. What about yours?"

"So far we have been winning consecutively," Guren smiled proudly, "We still have time so you can go talk to Shirome, if you'd like."

He nodded as he sighed.

"Please excuse us," Kita bowed to the team and gently pulled Shirome away to go to a more open space to talk in private.

The taller captain crossed his arms, "Shirome. You came here to compete and have fun. You're thinking about work again. Goodness, you're still a kid. Can't you drop them from a while and get your head in the game first? Don't tell me otherwise because I already know what's there lingering in your mind."

"Hey. Look at me," Shinsuke softly said as he gave a small smile when she met his eyes, "You're not Shirome because you excel at great heights – you excel at great heights because you are Shirome."

Shirome inhaled deeply to suppress her emotions.

"There's a difference between things that make you who you are and who you are because you can do things that no one can," Shinsuke fixed her hair behind her shoulders, "Does it make sense to you?"

She nodded weakly.

"You are a star, Shirome. You rival even the brightest sun. I know you'll do great no matter what," He smiled, "Do you understand?"

"Thank you, Shinsuke," She begins to tear up and let out a soft sob. He pulled her in for a gentle hug while patting her head.

The boy gave her a light kiss on the top of her head, "Now go. I'm here to always cheer you on."

"As am I," Shirome sniffled and smiled, recovering from her short outbreak.

"I know trauma is one of the most painful pain one carries. But trauma is your foundation if you will it so. I know that overcoming things is one of the very, very few things that you have difficulty with. I know that well. Let everything in, Shirome. Let them in and conquer them all. It might seem like a very huge threat to you all throughout these years and I wish I could've been there for you more, but.."

"Trauma will be nothing more but strengthen you once you overcome it. You will not exploit your weakness, rather you will exploit the doubt that holds you back in making it your strength. You're one of the strongest girls I know so raise your head high and be proud of who you became. Make your pain your slave.. make your pain kneel before you. Make it your own, and make it behave the way you want to will it."

Shirome laid her cheek on Kita's palm before sighing.

"You're a good talker, you know?" Shirome chuckled, "I'm so lucky I have you. I'm getting really motivated right now."

Kita smiled proudly, "That's my girl."

Both of them exchanged waves as Kita went back to his team. The team sighed in relief when they saw their captain feeling evidently better.

"I am sorry, again, Guren-san," She bowed slightly.

Guren ruffled her hair, "You're one good kid, Shirome. Don't solo your burden.. share it with us. 'Kay?"

She laughed and nodded while hugging her team who happily returned it.

"Now let's go win."

—
a/n — important notice

i cooked in this chapter, i rlly liked how i wrote kita's words, it's as if he spoke himself through the texts

2020/2021 version was shirome breaking down and suffering ptsd in a bathroom stall, with a twist making her parents manipulate her and destroying her life because they are sick in the head

2024 (now) version consists of a more positive story line so it does not disrupt the story's flow. i wouldn't want too much sensitive plots that can swivel from the point i want to make in this story. in this plot, shirome becomes more stable in her journey towards accepting her trauma

explanation of "You're not Shirome because you excel, you excel because you're Shirome."

it is heavily referenced from Jujutsu Kaisen Geto's words "Are you the strongest because you're Gojo Satoru or are you Gojo Satoru because you're the strongest?"

from what i perceive that line... are they who they are because of things that supposedly gives them value and strong? or they're very valued and strong because it's them?

She excels because she is Shirome.
— she already established value to herself and meaning to efforts from the moment she was born, her identity came first before her strengths (someone who built her own success)
— she is still someone even without her strength

She's Shirome because she excels.
— her efforts and results are what gives her value, her strength came first before her identity (she is seen as an object of perfection/success)
— she is nothing without her strength

i think it's beautiful.