"Wait, I don't understand," I said. "If the spell hasn't been cast yet, how are we already suffering the effects of it?"

"Because a truly powerful enchantment has the ability to cross the boundaries of time," Magic Al said. "On a moderately powerful spell, you can often see the effects travel back a few days. For this to have crept back two months means we are dealing with an incantation of almost incomprehensible potency."

"That doesn't sound good," Antony said.

"I assure you, it isn't," Magic Al exhaled deeply. "This type of spell is way out of my league, but I do have some understanding of what we're likely dealing with. Make no mistake, this is some dark, dark magic. The blackest of the black, so to speak."

"Rock and roll!" Antony shouted as he made devil's horns with both of his hands. "Sorry, I just got overwhelmed for a second with how freakin' cool that sounded."

"I promise you there is absolutely nothing 'cool' about it," Magic Al dabbed at some sweat that was dripping from his forehead. "Look, I don't know the specifics here, but I can certainly hazard a rough guess as to what is going on. Ten years ago, you incurred a debt from this Witch of the Misty Woods. Tonight she plans on collecting on that debt by casting a spell of such immense power that we have already experienced its effects. I'm guessing she will drain the life force out of nearly every living creature on Earth, and will do it so forcefully that it will actually reach backwards to September to do the job."

"In September the world came to a horrible end and the light inside everything went out," I said remembering Chaucer's ominous proclamation.

"Yes," Magic Al nodded. "That is indeed what likely happened in September."

"But why are we still here?" I asked. "How in the Dickens did we survive something like that?"

"Keep in mind this whole thing is meant to be a punishment for our friend Antony here," Magic Al said.

Antony gave a nod and then started fiddling with his hair.

"It only makes sense that the witch would see fit to preserve him to endure the aftermath of the destruction she's wrought. I've heard of such things in magical lore and mythology. Often the subject of the spell's enemies were left alive to torture him as well."

"Well, that explains why so many people are gone," Antony said. "I was a hugely beloved rock icon. Millions of people adored me."

"Or were indifferent towards you. Those people wouldn't qualify as enemies and so had their life forces drained. Same with all the animals great and small. Surely none of them were fans, but I doubt if they held any animosity towards you. I doubt most were aware of your existence at all. As such they went as well."

"So wait a minute," Antony said. "Why are you guys here?"

Magic Al and I traded sheepish glances at each other.

"Hold on," Antony said. "Do you guys not like me? Are you my enemies?"

"Well, I was pretty pissed off at you on the night of August 31st, when you refused to turn down your music," I admitted. "I was definitely envisioning numerous scenarios in which you came to a grisly and untimely end."

"I see," Antony nodded. "And what about you, Mr. Magic Man?"

"I'll be honest, I didn't care about you one way or the other when you first moved to town. But I found your loud parties distasteful and your whole persona rather obnoxious. The final straw came when you cut me off in traffic in your fancy sports car twice in the same day. I have to say I've held quite the dim opinion of you ever since."

"Jeez, man, you guys are harsh. But the fact that you two are the only ones left is proof that everyone else loved me!"

"Or was indifferent towards you," Magic Al said.

"Yeah, whatever. Gosh it's nice to know how loved I was after all these years. Mööseknuckle fans are truly the best fans in the world. I sure am blessed."

"Or cursed," Magic Al said. "This whole thing is basically a curse the Witch of the Misty Woods placed upon you."

"Yeah, whatever. It's just good to know that I continue to remain a true rock and roll legend and icon. But wait a minute, why is the parrot here? Does he hate me, too? What did I ever do to him?"

"Awk! Don't look at me! Last thing I remember was being eaten by an alligator."

"Say, that's a good question," I said. "Why is Chaucer here? He's been dead for three years. Is his hatred of Antony that great that he's been resurrected to torture him?"

"No, I believe this is most likely one of the side effects I was talking about earlier."

"Oh yeah," I said. "What exactly did you mean by that?"

"Well, this spell has created a significant disruption in time. The ripples are likely to be felt far and wide and indeed I suspect a sort of time vortex has been formed in this area. As a result various objects have been sucked here from various other times and places. Objects that are lost have a greater susceptibility of falling through cracks in time, which is probably what befell your parrot friend here. Just before his life was snuffed out by the alligator's jaws he may have been teleported here. Similarly the carving of the word "CROATOAN" may have materialized here as a great symbol of the lost. Who knows, we may even stumble upon some of the lost colonists wandering around here."

"But I swear I witnessed Chaucer die," I said. "I could hear the crunching of his bones and everything. It's a sound I'll never forget."

"You may have heard what you believed you were supposed to hear," Magic Al said. "Or alternatively, after our situation is resolved here, your parrot friend may be transported back to the exact instant he came from and be eaten by the alligator anyway, which is how you came to witness his demise. The good news is if that's the case, coupled with the fact that some of the time displaced objects I've seen appear to come from a future that couldn't exist if everyone is gone, leads me to believe that we might possibly achieve success in preventing the witch from casting her dastardly spell."

"Hold on," I said. "You're telling me if we succeed in stopping this witch, then Chaucer is going to die?"

"You believed him dead already," Magic Al said softly. "And if we do not succeed it is likely many billions if not trillions of living creatures will perish in his stead. And even then your friend will die eventually as we all must."

"This is a lot to take in," I said. I also couldn't help but think about how all this information might impact my novel. Did I need to incorporate time vortexes into my melted ice cream saga? I could do it, but I suspected I'd have to add a few hundred extra pages of exposition.

"Awk!" Chaucer squawked. "I'll lay down my life so others may live. Who's a pretty bird?"

"Your parrot is a creature of great nobility," Magic Al said. "I, for one, will be honored to have him as a comrade in our battle against this foul witch."

"Hey, I've thought this bird was cool since I first saw him," Antony said. "I'll fight by his side to the bitter end."

"He's MY best friend," I said. "Of course I've got his back. And I hope I can live up to his example of selflessness. I've just got one question: How the bloody hell are we going to stop a witch from casting a spell to end the world?"