I wanted to be a good writer and give you some smut, bc nothing happened for a while and I thought you may be bored
But I'm not that sweet :)

Eren turned his back to him.

"Goodnight Levi"

Levi didn't say a word.
He just looked at Eren, wanting to touch him, to be closer to him.

Many days have passed, Levi had to stay in the hospital just one week, Eren two and Connie three.

Eren was visited by that coconut a lot... Actually two coconuts, a girl and a boy. I haven't seen anyone else.

To everyone's surprise, Sasha showed up one day. Connie almost had a heart attack when she told him why she disappeared. It seems like she was in Tokyo, searching for wedding rings. Then she asked Connie if he accepts. He burst in tears and couldn't stop. After that day she visited regularly.

One day, Levi got out of the hospital and went home without Eren.

Levi pov

God...give me strength not to cry.
I haven't talked with him since we got in the hospital.

"I love my life so much....
I wanna cut myself." I say smiling.

Finally, I arrive home... Throw my things everywhere, not that I give a shit anymore.

I lay in bed, looking at the ceiling and contemplating my life.

I wanna talk to someone, someone who doesn't know what's happening right now, neither between me and Eren, neither all this yakuza bullshit.

Erwin?

That's a funny story too. He's a very important CEO somewhere. He offered me some services regarding the police and I wanted to thank him with money and some women. But instead he wanted a romantic dinner with me so....yeah... That was such a beautiful night.

But... I don't really feel like being touched... I want some specialist in this.

Eren had a psychologist... Petra?

No...she is influenced by the love for Eren.

I sit in the couch. Turn on some music...aaah the bass makes the furniture tremble...

Cars pass the street, noise: ambulance, police, fancy cars from the 90'.

My head hurts. I light up a cigar, Sobranie Black.

All windows are closed and covered, no light or wind.

White smoke fills the room.
A disgusting taste fills my mouth.
My hands are stained with shame... The shame Eren experiences because of me. All the things I've done to him..
He's just a child and yet I was so mean and brutal.

Do I really love him?

I pour some vodka in a glass
Drink it all at once
Repeat

I'm tired, drunk
I feel filthy, useless
I reek

I lean on a wall
Crying, smoking and drinking

"I'm nothing... Just another piece of shit on this filthy planet

Disgusting"

Smoke gets in my eyes
It burns so bad, I can't see clear.

I don't give anything good to the world, why should I exist?

The glass slips from my hand an breaks on the floor
Sharp pieces
I take one

Connie has a wife now
Erwin has a wife too
My sister sure is happy without me around
Mikasa will get out of prison and live a decent life
Eren has his friends

I... Have no one
What is love?
Have I ever felt it?
Was it just a game?

"I don't ...deserve this"

Without thinking, I cut my wrist a little. Blood drips slowly. I make more cuts

My clothes get stained

And more

I get dizzyer

And mo...re

Blood is dripping on my clothes.
The filthy blood of an animal not a human.

I go to shower and let the cold water fall on my naked body.

Tears, blood and water mix together in a sad view.

"Eren...Eren" I cry louder nd louder.

"Eren.... WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!"

I fall on my knees and lean my head on the wet, cold wall...

"I...fell in love with you"

-next day-

I woke up in my dark room. My head hurts,and it's a dead silence like always.

Drinking my coffee I realize: yesterday I got back from the hospital, was upset, had a shower...

....but that's all I can remember from the past 2 weeks.