"You've got to be shitting me. This food was this much? Oh no. You're about to take it back and get a refund."

"Nonsense. We have to eat it." Jimin said, taking the receipt away from him. He had told the waiter to not print him one so it was his own fault for not double checking.

"We have to split it." Yoongi said quickly, going to his drawer. He was lucky to have money saved up from his side job.

Editing youtube videos was well paid if done right. He couldn't bear to let Jimin spend so much on one meal.

"No it's not—"

"It's only fair." Yoongi insisted.

Jimin gave in and took the money because he knew Yoongi wouldn't let it go. They started taking out the food and setting it on the table.

The sun was down and the starry night sky was beautiful even through his hospital room window. Though they hadn't dressed up, Yoongi couldn't help but feel like this was an intimate gathering.

Now that Jimin knew that he was into men he felt a little relieved. The only thing weighing him down was not being able to tell him about his feelings towards him.

It was getting harder to contain his emotions for him. He wanted to grab him, kiss him, hug him and touch him in every possible way.

He often fantasized about Jimin corresponding to his feelings although he knew that was not possible. There was no way in hell Jimin would ever look at him in a romantic way.

All Yoongi was to him was a friend.

"Okay. Should we dive in? I'm starving." Jimin said, picking up his chopsticks.

Yoongi nodded his head and they began eating. The food was great. It was actually really fucking good. He didn't get to eat fancy food like this often. 

Jimin seemed to be content with the choice. Yoongi was eating a bit slower and smaller quantities since he got fuller faster. He wanted to try everything including dessert so he needed to portion his foods correctly.

"This is amazing." Yoongi murmured through a mouthful.

Jimin chuckled as he picked up his napkin to wipe the bit of sauce that was on his cheek. Yoongi froze holding his breath immediately feeling his face heat up.

"Sorry you had a bit of sauce on your face."

"Oh. Thanks for getting it clean." He whispered a little bashfully.

Jimin continued to eat his meal without paying much mind to the fact that Yoongi was a bashful mess. He couldn't even continue looking, he stopped to look at the man in front of him.

Sometimes it felt surreal to know that a guy as gorgeous as Jimin talked to him. He was lucky enough to see Jimin almost everyday. To talk to him, to text him, to even sometimes call him. It felt like a gift wrapped from the universe.

Was this fate's way of balancing out his life? It seemed fair to have some sort of happiness after everything he's been through with his health, right?

However, having Jimin in front of him was cruel. He was a beautiful present that was dangling close but not within reach.

It was cruel to have him smile at him that way. To have his presence so close yet so far away. His heart thumped stupidly every single time his eyes laid on him. Jimin's voice gave him butterflies all over his body and he didn't provoke a single thing within Jimin himself.

"Should we move to dessert?" Jimin asked sweetly.

His look drowned Yoongi in warmness. It was so comforting to be looked at like that. It wasn't out of pity and it wasn't forced. It felt genuine.

"Sure." He responded still starstruck.

"I went with a banana pudding and they had ice cream too but that would've obviously melted."

"Yeah I love bananas." He said not looking away from his face for a second.

"I hope you don't mind sharing." He said handing him a spoon with the biggest smile.

"I don't mind sharing with you at all." Yoongi responded. He wondered if Jimin could tell that he was spilling so much love for him.

Could he tell how wrapped around his finger he had him? The chokehold this man had on him was laughable.

It had to be a crime to not admire Park Jimin. He could make anyone's heart flutter. He was truly gorgeous and had the biggest heart.

The only thing that broke Yoongi was knowing he'd never get to taste his lips or feel his arms around his waist. He'd never get to take his clothes off, kiss his collarbones or trace his perfect body with his fingertips.

"Jimin." He said as he watched him scoop a spoonful of pudding from the plate.

"Hmm?"

His heart started racing way too loud to the point he could hear it thumping in his eardrums. His brain told him to shut up but his mouth was moving faster than his thoughts.

"I've been in love with you ever since I saw you dress up like a clown for those kids."

The sound that came out of Jimin's mouth was between a gasp and a sigh. He dropped the pudding on his shirt and he slowly looked down at it.

The intense blushing traveled from his neck up to the tips of his ears. There was a brief moment of awkward silence.

The atmosphere felt heavy. So heavy it was crushing them both. Jimin still hadn't looked up from staring at his shirt.

Yoongi's heart sank to his stomach as he realized what this meant. He knew deep inside Jimin didn't feel the same so why did he think saying it out loud would make a difference?

Not only was he making a fool out of himself but he was ruining a potential good friendship. He started laughing—or forced himself to laugh actually—feeling the tears pool his eyes.

"I'm kidding! Gosh! You should've seen your face!" He laughed so hard and loud that it no longer was fake. He was actually laughing.

Laughing at his foolishness. The universe might've giving him Jimin but it also didn't give him the charm and looks to pull him in.

"Oh. Is it a joke?" Jimin asked, a little relaxed. He had been tense ever since the words left Yoongi's mouth.

"Of course it was! Do you think that just because I'm gay I like all men? Don't flatter yourself, Park."

Jimin laughed a little as he reached over to grab a napkin, finally wiping the dessert off his shirt. "Gosh Yoongi. Don't scare me like that! I even dropped my pudding. I'm going to wet a napkin and try to scrub this stain off. Be right back."

As Jimin walked away he felt his insides crumble yet again. The tears kept brimming his eyes and he tried to blink them away. He felt everything at once and it was sickening.

He had felt plenty of physical pain before but this emotional pain was unbearable. It was debilitating, literally making him feel like he was dying. All because the person he loved didn't feel the same way.

Was this what heartbreak felt like?

For a brief moment he thought about the world he used to have. The one before Jimin came around. It was lonely but it was also not this heartbreaking.

"There. I kind of got it off."

Yoongi attempted to swipe all the negativity to the back of his mind. He was an expert at holding back tears. He often did it when seeing his parents worry and cry over his health. This was no different.

"Good. I'm sorry about the shirt. It looks like you really like it." He said with a picture perfect smile.

Jimin still felt a little weird about the situation but Yoongi was acting like everything was okay. He had brushed over it like it was nothing. So why couldn't he do the same?

The mesh of anxiety and guilt kicked in and he abruptly spoke up interrupting Yoongi's ramble about the dessert which he hadn't even been paying attention to.

"Yoongi, we need to break up."

Silence.

Yoongi hadn't moved since making him wonder if he had even said it. Had he heard him? Had he said it loud enough?

"You want to break up with me? Was it because of my weird I love you thing? I was only kidding! I swear!" Yoongi whispered the last words through a knot in his throat.

"Well, we're not actually dating you know? It's...it's all pretend. It had nothing to do with that." Except it did. It had everything to do with that.

He didn't want Yoongi to feel bad so he thought of something else to say." I just think we've dragged this for too long. I feel like your parents will be hurt more if we continue this lie."

Yoongi actually looked hurt. Very hurt. This only made Jimin more panicky than before. The brief thought that maybe Yoongi had fallen for him crossed his mind.

Before Jimin could ask further questions trying to verify if Yoongi had developed romantic feelings for him, he switched his tone.

Suddenly, there was a smile on his face. Yet his eyes looked empty. It was almost too convincing until it was. Jimin couldn't see a hint of pain on his face.

"Of course! You're right. My parents would be destroyed. We can tell them we remained friends. It's not a big deal."

So why were his eyes creeping up with traitor tears? Why did his heart feel so fucking heavy in his chest? Why did it hurt this fucking bad?

"Okay. I—I'm glad you feel the same."

"Sure! We should clean up. All this food didn't settle too well in my stomach."

"Do you feel sick?"

Yes.

"No. I should be fine." Yoongi said as he started cleaning up. He moved as fast as he could and avoided all eye contact.

His eyesight kept getting blurry and he was afraid the tears would escape his eyes at any second now. So he hurried up and before they knew it, everything was cleaned.

"I should really get to bed. I'm tired."

"Yeah. Sure. Do you want me to tell Taehyung about the stomach ache?" Jimin asked, slightly concerned.

"No, I'll be fine. He will just worry and Dr. Choi will order all these unnecessary tests."

"Okay. Uhh...I'll see you soon Yoongi." He said briefly touching his back.

Yoongi gave him a smile and a thumbs up. When Jimin was out the door his smile slowly faded and his hands started shaking.

Tears unforgivably started flooding his eyes and he couldn't stop them. All he could feel was the pain and the stinging sensation spreading all over his body.

It truly was debilitating.

Up until now, he strived to be close to Jimin. He would purposely do things slower to spend more time with him but now he couldn't bear the thought of being in the same room with him.

Jimin was like a wish he had wanted his whole life and now he couldn't have. It was cruel to have him so close and not be able to hold him.

It was torturous to pretend to not be hurting. It wasn't Jimin's fault. This wasn't part of the plan. All he wanted was to mess around with him, pick on him and make him squirmy.

Now he was madly and deeply in love with him and he didn't know what to do with himself. As he laid in bed and pulled the covers over his face he felt his heart slowly fall to pieces.

Heartbreak was fucking brutal.