Yoongi remained quiet for what seemed like forever. As the seconds went by his face only got redder. This situation was awkward enough that Jimin was also blushing.

"You don't have to explain anything. I say let's forget it." Jimin finally said with a forced smile.

Yoongi panicked. Wishing he would've been more careful with his perverted thoughts. He should've checked his phone before handing it to Jimin.

Now he probably thought he was a horny bitch. Which he was but didn't want anyone else to know that. The desperation to clear the air and break the tension was asphyxiating him.

"I don't even know what that is." He blurted.

Jimin opened his mouth to say something but he stopped himself. He didn't want to embarrass Yoongi any further. It was clearly evident he was trying to come up with an excuse.

"I've never seen that before. I don't know—I don't know how that even got up there. You know what? It must've been Jin. He came over and I let him borrow my phone. I knew he had been in the bathroom too long. What a fucking perv. Yeah. It had to be him. Or maybe I got hacked. I downloaded this movie—not porn—and I must've gotten hacked! I—I—"

"Yoongi it's okay. Watching porn is normal." Jimin said trying to get him to stop blabbing. It was painfully cringey to watch.

"What even is porn? I don't know..." his voice trailed off realizing how stupid he sounded. Like a kid getting busted for something he obviously did.

So, he decided to drop the act and simply pick up his phone. His hands were shaky as he exited out the website plastered with his weird fantasies.

"Maybe we should do this another day." Yoongi added. He didn't want Jimin to leave but he also didn't want to see him right now.

Yoongi was both disappointed and horrified. How could he ever face Jimin after something so embarrassing?

Could he really blame him if he decided to stop talking to him? Sure, watching porn wasn't the end of the world but it was pretty close.

Even if they had known each other for years it would've still been humiliating to experience this. His face was still a bright red and he was starting to sweat.

He felt a bit lightheaded probably because his beating heart and rapid breathing couldn't catch up with his weak lungs. It felt like the oxygen wasn't doing its job though the cannula was in his nostrils.

"Nonsense. I came all the way over here for this. I can look up some websites on my phone. I probably have the pages favored either way so it's probably going to be easier."

Yoongi felt a sense of relief to know Jimin wasn't going away even though he couldn't make eye contact with him.

Jimin hummed as he began looking through the various websites. He attempted to ignore the fact that he was still very flustered with what happened.

In fact, he felt like there was this weird tension between them both and he didn't understand why. Sure, the situation had been embarrassing but not to the point his heart should be racing until now.

"How about something like that?" He asked, trying to ignore his hectic heart beating.

Yoongi glanced at it quickly, not really paying much attention to it. Fuck, he was humiliated. This was one of the worst case scenarios—aside from Jimin catching him rub one off—but this was pretty close to it.

"That looks fine."

"Are you sure? Now that I look at it I'm not a fan of the color. What type of clothing do you have in mind?"

Yoongi sat on his bed looking up at the ceiling. "Uhh...I like sporty comfy clothes. I know that's basically what I wear now but I could use some new ones."

"Gotcha. Do you want shorts?"

Yoongi looked away from the ceiling and actually looked him in the eye. "Have you ever seen me wear shorts?"

Jimin grinned, "No. you're right. Okay sweatpants it is."

Yoongi smiled briefly before remembering the horrific encounter. He felt his body tense again making it extremely weird.

When he got too anxious or stressed he worked harder to catch his breath and even with the oxygen it was nearly impossible. It left his chest feeling tight and his body tired.

He tried to ignore it and not bring much attention to it. Otherwise it would make it worse. Not to mention he didn't want to make Jimin feel bad or for him to blame himself.

It wasn't his fault. It was simply his chaotic mind making up weird 'what if' scenarios in his head. It was like a hornets nest was inside his mind. Painful and loud.

"Aha! I found one! Look at this! I think the emerald color would look good with your skin tone."

Jimin stood right next to him. He sounded so excited and smelled so good. Yoongi almost forgot what this was all about. He just wanted him to stay close to him forever.

"Yes. That's lovely." He said not really referring to the outfit.

"Awesome. So let's get some measurements. I'm going to need shoulder width, chest, arms length, hip, length and inseam."

Jimin took out a measuring tape and Yoongi got up from the bed. He wasn't nervous until Jimin wrapped the measuring tape across his shoulders.

He was even closer now and touching him. When he moved to his arms Yoongi felt a tingle at his fingertips. Their hands brushed briefly before he pulled away to note down the measurement.

"Alright I'm going to need you to lift your arms a bit so I wrap it around your chest. For accurate measurement."

Yoongi did as he told tensing a little once Jimin pulled the tape closer. His hand rested on the center of his chest, pinching the tape closely to get the number.

He wondered if it was possible for Jimin to feel his thunderous heartbeat. It only intensified once he felt him slide the tape around his hips.

He looked at Jimin's face trying to decipher if this was making him feel some type of way but to him Jimin looked normal. It seemed he was only concentrating on getting the measurements. 

"Length is next, let's see." He kneeled down, extending the tape along his legs.

Yoongi could feel himself starting to sweat. He happened to glance down at Jimin on his knees and he nearly fainted.

He looked so fucking beautiful on his knees for him.

Jimin continued and once he brought the tape between his legs to get the inseam length, Yoongi flinched.

A confused Jimin looked up and noted how red Yoongi's face had gotten and how he put his hand over his crotch area.

"I'm sorry. I should've warned you. I was so focused on getting the measurements that I didn't think to warn you." He suddenly felt bad for making Yoongi uncomfortable.

Yoongi stepped back a bit flustered. "No, it's okay. I—you startled me." He whispered.

"If you want you can try to measure it yourself." He offered hoping that Yoongi wouldn't be upset.

"It's okay if you do it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Yoongi replied, moving his hands to the side.

He avoided looking at Jimin as he started measuring. He could feel his hand so close to his crotch and it was playing tricks on his brain.

"Okay. All done." Jimin said quickly getting up.

Yoongi was relieved because the cherry on top would've been to get an awkward boner. "Thank you."

"No problem! Let's see what other outfits we can find now that we have your measurements."

They looked at clothes for roughly an hour. Yoongi didn't think that it would be so complicated to find outfits but turns out it was.

Trying to decide what would look on him was really hard. He was glad that Jimin was there to give his input otherwise Yoongi would've been lost.

"Great. So I placed the order to my house. It should arrive in a few days."

"Awesome. Thank you. Here's the money before I forget." Yoongi said, taking out some bills from his savings box.

Jimin was hesitant but took the money. He knew Yoongi felt bad for the food he bought him and that he would feel even worse if he didn't accept it.

"Thanks. Oh by the way I think we could try fancy food this weekend."

"Oh yeah! I'd love that's

"Me too! I saw on your list that you had a few suggestions. I can place a pick up order and we can eat it here. No need to dress fancy or anything. I think the food would be enough."

"That sounds good." Yoongi grinned. It sounded like an unofficial date.

"Now I know you put seafood up there as one of the suggestions but you're actually allergic to shrimp. Were you trying to be funny?"

Yoongi laughed, "Oh you actually noticed that?"

"Yeah. I have your allergy list here, remember?" He asked, swinging his wallet in the air.

"Yeah. I remember." He smiled, feeling fuzzy inside.

"So why would you put seafood there?"

"Just in case I didn't get a transplant or something. I can at least have seafood."

"Seafood is not that great anyways." Jimin said, trying not to sound pessimistic about his comment.

It physically hurt to think that Yoongi's life could be cut short for not finding a lung donor. He was always trying to be optimistic but he could tell that Yoongi had already accepted the fact that he might not get out of this hospital.

"Yeah that's what my friends say. I don't believe it though."

They looked at each other for a while. Yoongi started feeling nervous so he looked down at his lap. It was hard to keep direct eye contact with a gorgeous man like Jimin.

"Hey, I wanted to apologize if I made you feel embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? Oh about the measuring thing? It's fine. I just haven't had anyone near my crotch...uhhh...it's fine." He said, petrified that it came out of his mouth.

Jimin quietly chuckled. It was a little cute when he got nervous. "No. I'm talking about the phone incident."

"Oh." Yoongi replied with wide eyes. Gosh, he had been hoping that Jimin would never bring that up ever again.

"I just want to let you know that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people watch porn."

"Oh no." Yoongi whispered with his face on fire.

"I mean sex in general is normal. You shouldn't feel ashamed about having sexual needs. Anyone can have them."

"We don't have to do the birds and bees talk." Yoongi said with his hands over his face.

"I'm not trying to embarrass you! I'm sorry! What I am trying to say is that sex feels great! I mean uhhh." Jimin was now the one that felt a bit shy. What was he even talking about?

"Huh?" Yoongi asked, uncovering his face while looking at him.

"What I'm trying to say is that sex is uhhh....well you know sex."

"Oh yeah. Uhh...totally. I've had sex. Lots of sex. Yeah it's nice." Yoongi fidgeted with his fingers.

Jimin couldn't help but smile. It was pretty obvious this wasn't true. "Well you know what makes sex feel even better?"

Yoongi could feel his underarms starting to pool over his shirt. Talking about sex with Jimin was making him very nervous.

"Wh—what?" His voice cracked midway only exposing his inexperience even more.

"Doing it with someone that you love. Sex is pleasurable but when you do it with the right person and at the right time it's even better. Nothing beats an emotional connection."

Yoongi gulped his butterflies down his throat and realization kicked in. Was he saying this because Chanyeol and him already had this special connection?

"Yeah. I bet." Was all Yoongi could say. He couldn't relate to a single thing Jimin was saying.

He would never relate. He would probably die a lonely virgin man with no knowledge of love or happiness.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start talking about sex. That was weird. I was trying to make you feel less awkward. I guess I wanted to tell you that you can talk to me about anything. I know Jeongyeon and you are kind of a thing and if you need advice...I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying."

"I don't like Jeongyeon like that." Yoongi admitted. Why was he so determined to say he had feelings for her?

"Come on. Don't be shy. I've seen the way you hold her. The way she lays on your chest." Jimin playfully nudged him but he could feel his stomach growing upset as he thought about it.

Why did he care so much? He had feelings for Chanyeol. He liked Chanyeol and Yoongi was only his friend. So why did thinking about them together make him so bitter?

"We're only friends. Trust me, there's nothing between us. I think she has the hots for Chan or Nayeon. Maybe both. Not me though. We're like siblings. I like men Jimin. I'm attracted to men." Yoongi clarified just in case his words were taken out of context.

Jimin raised his eyebrows, his heart suddenly starting to race again. It probably was obvious since the videos on his phone weren't precisely of a man and a woman.

"Is that a problem?" He wondered noticing his change in expression.

"No! Not at all. I like men. I just thought..."

"Yeah no. Boobs are not really my thing. I kissed a girl once in middle school. I liked her and she was cute. Then she gave me pneumonia. Not literally but she did get me sick which led to pneumonia. She was great though. I give her props for kissing a weird sick kid like me."

Jimin smiled but then poured leaning closer. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder giving it a light squeeze.

"I don't think you're weird. I think you're fucking great."

"You have to say that because you're my friend."

"Not at all. I was pretty brutally honest when I first met you."

"Yeah. You were. You were pissed at me for following you."

Jimin chuckled, leaning his head against his. He didn't think much of this, but Yoongi's heart was so full at the moment. There was something so intimate about the way he was being held.

Like he was precious and important to Jimin. He felt loved. Needed. A feeling he didn't think ached for until now that he had it.

"I'm glad you chased me."

Yoongi leaned his head onto his too. Closing his eyes and savoring this interaction. Time seemed to evaporate when Jimin was present.

Before Jimin, there wasn't much to look forward to. His life consisted of the vicious never ending cycle.  Getting up, medications, treatments, vitals, blood work, doctor check up, more medications, more treatments, survival.

His life consisted of trying to stay alive for everyone around him. However, since Jimin had shown up he had something to look forward to.

The draining cycle finally had stopped. He had never wanted to win this cystic fibrosis battle for himself. It had always been a fight for his family and his friends to spare them grief.

Now he wanted to do it for himself. He wanted to live and get better to experience the world. To experience happiness, sadness, even heartaches. Because that meant that he was alive and that his life hadn't been meaningless.

For a precious moment, the anxiety and worry was lifted, when it was just Jimin and him in the small world of his room everything felt right.

But as soon as he opened his eyes and thought about Chanyeol in the picture it came right back .

The anxiety and worry comfortably settled on his chest like it never left. After all, he was the best vessel for it. The perfect world he got a glimpse of crumpled at his feet.

Making it hard to breathe once again.