Necessary Prerequisites

"I make it a policy to try never to make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way. After all, there's always all kinds of new ways to make a complete idiot of myself. Why repeat the old ones?" - Margot Dalton

On the cheek.

Merlin, I might have just uttered the most idiotic words I had ever spoken in my lifetime, but hell had not frozen over. The earth was still spinning on its axis, and, as far as I knew, pigs had not started to fly - without the help of the Levitating Charm, that was.

I leaned forward, wrapped my fingers around his mouth to silence him, and brushed my lips quickly against his cheek. Before moving back, I moved my lips closer to his ear. "Just play along," I hissed into his ear.

Then I rocked backwards onto my heels and turned to Petunia smugly. She was staring at me like I had suddenly grown six heads. I grinned back at her cheekily. "Is there a problem, Tuney?" I asked as my lips curled even more while I used her most hated nickname that I had been forbidden to use after she started school.

She continued to gape at me. Merlin, this was fun.

"You're dating my sister?" Petunia finally managed to croak out. She looked like she was waiting for someone to yell "Gotcha!" and end this practical joke. When no one did, she stared him down beadily.

My eyes found James, and I sent him a warning look. He gulped and shifted his weight cautiously. Merlin, Potter. How many times had you asked me to Hogsmeade? Just spit out the damn answer!

"Umm, yeah," Potter answered hesitantly as he looked at me with those confused hazel eyes of his.

"See, Petunia," I interrupted quickly before the prat swallowed his tongue or peed his pants. "He's my boyfriend. I'm sure you approve. I seem to recall you saying something about him being - what was it you said?" I pretended to try to remember as I kept myself from laughing when her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, yes, cute."

"Yeah, well," she muttered under her breath.

"Mmm, I thought so too. Petunia, meet my boyfriend, James Potter."

She looked like she had swallowed her tongue whole now. James shifted his weight and then stuck out his hand for her to shake.

"Umm, nice to meet you," he greeted her awkwardly.

She took his hand in a daze.

"Oh, right, Tuney, I forgot to mention that he's also a wizard."

She dropped his hand immediately. Her face turned green, and she looked like her brain might explode. If I wasn't freaking out, I would have laughed hysterically. I mean, honestly! I was standing in the doorway of my house with my sister who was having an aneurysm because I told her that Potter was my boyfriend. Potter! My sworn enemy! Maybe there really was a hidden camera here somewhere.

"We'll be in my room, Petunia. You'll want to knock before you come in if you need to see anything from my window. It's been awhile since we've seen each other."

I grabbed Potter's elbow and brushed past Petunia. I yanked him up the stairs and into my room. I closed the door quickly and then spun around on my heels to face Potter.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded.

He opened his mouth to reply, but I interrupted him. The most wonderful idea had just entered my mind.

"Hold on," I told him. Then I did my loudest, most obnoxious impression of the nitwit girls at school. The giggle that erupted from my lips was so high-pitched that I wanted to shield my ears. "James!" I squealed in a loud, breathy voice that would definitely carry down the stairs. I smiled. Perfect.

"Lily?" James breathed in an incredulous tone.

I turned my attention back to him. "Would you mind groaning my name?" I heard myself ask him. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. My face started to turn red, but I was too determined to allow my embarrassment to hinder me now. As long as I had dug my grave, I might as well lay down in it.

"Groan your what?" he asked, well, more like coughed.

I almost felt bad for Potter. He looked like his head might explode. Still, that meant he had a chance. I was fairly certain that my brain was already splattered on the wall.

"My name," I repeated to him tersely. "I want my sister to think we're snogging in here," I added matter-of-factly.

James, who looked a tad green but with pink blotches on his cheeks - creating a sort of watermelon effect - swallowed hard and then nodded. As I heard my name leave his lips in a low, seductive growl, I felt a strong tugging sensation at my stomach that I'd never felt before. Then again, I'd never heard anyone speak my name so passionately. I vaguely wondered what experience he used as motivation for that bit of acting. Well, he had been known to hang out a lot in broom closets.

The loud "humph" I heard all the way from downstairs brought me out of my reverie. Petunia had heard. Excellent.

"Thanks," I said as I turned to look at Potter again. He looked so awkward standing next to my collection of unicorn figurines. "Now, again, what the bloody hell are you doing here?"

James blanched. "You dragged me in here!" he protested.

"Not here," I clarified as I gestured to my room. "My house!"

"Oh," realized Potter sheepishly. "Well, I hadn't seen you all summer, and I wasn't doing anything today," he replied lamely.

"Couldn't you have just written me a letter? Why'd you have to come all the way to my house?" I asked irately.

"But you would have just thrown the letter out when you saw who it was from," he pointed out to me.

Damn, he was right. "That's not true," I lied through my teeth. "If you leave now, you can try it," I said as I ushered him to the doorway of my room. As I was opening the door to throw him out, he turned to stop me.

"Did you know that you get this crinkle between your eyebrows when you lie?" Potter asked me.

I was about to retort when I heard the creaking sound the third step always makes when someone's going up the stairs. "Quick!" I hissed. "Make your hair messy!" Then as I looked over at him briefly, I added, "-Er."

Potter shot me a sarcastic look, but I didn't have the time. "Just do it," I ordered. "I'll explain later."

"You better," he replied.

Fortunately, to my immense relief, he began to pull at his hair. Frantically, I began to do the same to mine. Then, right before I heard Petunia come up the last stair into the upstairs hallway, I tugged down the right strap to my tank top and flung my body against Potter's. My arms wound around his neck, and we stumbled backwards against a wall. Ironically enough, his back hit a picture of Petunia.

His breathing sounded forced. His hands found their way to the small of my back, and he clutched me into a tighter embrace. Ordinarily, this would have disgusted me, but I worshipped Potter's hormones now.

"God, at least make it into your room," Petunia sneered as she walked passed us.

Ensuring she would get a good glimpse of our disheveled appearances, I unraveled myself from Potter to say, "Good idea. Thanks, Tuney."

She scoffed and then stomped away. "Vernon's here. I'm leaving," she announced without even bothering to turn around.

"Have fun! We'll be here," I told her with fake enthusiasm. Then, I grabbed Potter by the forearm and pushed him back into my room before closing the door with a resounding thud.

"Lily, as much as I rather enjoy being dragged around by you, can you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Oh, Merlin," I sighed before I collapsed onto my bed. What was going on? What the hell had I just done? What in Merlin's name was I going to do now? I put my face into my hands and shut my eyes. "Oh, Merlin," I repeated over and over again.

Maybe this was a dream. No, dreams were supposed to be happy. This was a nightmare. That was it! This was all a result of that ice cream I had at two in the morning last night. Dairy never quite agreed with me after eleven. If I just opened my eyes, all of this would be over, and I would be safe and warm and alone in my bedroom. I chanced a peek.

James Potter's face was only a few centimeters away from mine. He was staring at me like I was having a nervous breakdown.

Hell, I probably was.

I groaned. "You're still here," I muttered darkly.

His entire face broke into a glorious smile when he heard me speak. Merlin, this kid needed another hobby.

"Lily," he admonished me in a playful tone. "Is that really any way to greet your boyfriend?"

I groaned again and muffled my face with my pillow. "You're not my boyfriend," I declared.

"Yes, well, I know that," Potter stated obviously. "I believe the last thing you said to me before term ended was that, and I quote, 'you hoped I had some sort of Quidditch accident that mangled my brain enough to stop the motor function to my hands so I would finally stop messing up my hair.' You were so angry with me that day. It was really quite adorable," he recalled fondly.

I wouldn't call myself a naturally cruel person, but some people just got on my nerves. Like Petunia, and the prat staring at the side of my bed with huge eyes. I looked away from him. Oh, Merlin! One of my bras was left over from my laundry, and James Potter had seen it! James Potter had seen my bra! I quickly grabbed it and hid it under my pillow.

My face completely red, I replied, "Yeah, I remember."

Potter looked up at me with a sheepish grin, the kind that clearly stated, 'Yep, I was just caught staring at your bra and possibly imagining what you look like wearing it.'

"So, anyway," he began as he tried to avoid the blatant awkwardness of our situation, "Did I miss something? I supposed that would be my luck. I tried to get a girl to date me for six years straight, and then I miss the fact that she's my girlfriend."

My eyes widened in horror. "I am not your girlfriend!" I screeched in an appalled voice. "I can't even stand you, Potter!"

He smirked that trademark, annoyingly attractive smirk of his. "That's, what I figured," he replied as he sat down next to me on my bed.

My hands immediately tensed up, and I dug my nails into my palms. A boy was sitting on my bed. And not just any boy, James Bloody Potter, whom I had just told my sister was my boyfriend. Oh, Merlin, kill me now.

"Still," he continued in that irritatingly calm voice, "it doesn't explain what's going on now."

How could he be so aloof about this? Why wasn't he freaking out like I was? Damn, he was the most infuriating boy on the planet. He even had the nerve to smile at me like this was just a regular Tuesday morning occurrence for us!

I sighed. "Truthfully," I said as I looked into his hazel eyes that were closer than I'd ever seen them before, "I have no idea what I'm doing."

Then, Potter did the most inconceivable thing. He started to laugh. Not a polite chuckle, either. He guffawed so hard that the metal springs in my mattress started to whine in protest.

"It's not funny!" I argued in frustration.

Eventually, he managed to get enough of a grip on himself to croak out an apology. "Sorry, Lily, but it really is."

"Stop laughing or I'll hex you into oblivion!" I warned angrily. I sounded very scary to my own ears, but as soon as I said it, the git broke out into another round of hysterics. "Perfect," I muttered. "I hope you still think this is all so funny after I've transfigured you into a tea cozy," I said as I took my wand out of my pocket to threaten him with it.

"Make it a red one," he told me through his laughter.

"You're impossible!"

"That's what they tell me," he replied cheekily.

"Why you little-" I would have gone on to call him some much more expletive adjectives, but I heard a voice call my name from downstairs.

"Lily, hun! Are you up yet? It's nearly one!"

I froze. My mum was home.

"Lily?" she called again.

"Yeah, mum, I'm awake!" I yelled down to her.

"Can you come down here? I need some help with the groceries!"

"Sure, mum, I'll be down in a minute!"

"Okay!" she called back.

I turned my attention back to the elephant in my room. Apparently, elephants had extremely untidy hair and enjoyed making my life a living hell. Damn elephants.

"I have to go downstairs to talk to my mum," I said curtly to Potter.

"Okay," replied Potter, looking too much at ease with this whole situation. "Would you like me to go with you?"

"No!" I answered quickly. "No, you should stay here. I'll try to figure something out so we can get you out of here unseen. I won't be long. Just stay here." I paused to examine his mischievous eyes. "Don't touch anything," I told him. "And don't look at anything, either. Better yet," I added as I pulled out my desk chair, "just sit there and wait for me to come back."

He sat down in my chair without complaint, but Iwas pretty sure that he was just worried I was going to hex him if he didn't. I still had my wand out.

"Tell your mum I say, 'hi,'" he told me cheerfully.

"Just don't make any noise and pretend you're not here, Potter," I ordered before I left the room. Unfortunately, I didn't miss the wide grin on his face as I closed the door.

"Bugger," I murmured to myself as I walked down the hallway. I tried to calm my frustration as I walked down the stairs. I didn't need my mum to think I looked stressed. That would lead to questions that I didn't currently have answers to. Questions like why I had told Petunia that James Potter was my boyfriend, or, you know, what my favorite flavor of pie was. I guess the latter wasn't so hard - except that I could never quite choose between peanut butter and pumpkin...

"Mum?" I called.

"In the kitchen," she voiced, but it sounded muffled.

When I entered our kitchen, decorated with fruit-adorned wallpaper, I found my mum's body sticking out of the fridge. "I'm here," I announced in a somewhat normal way.

She pulled her head out of the vegetable crisper along with some celery. "Oh, there you are. Good. Can you grab the steak? It's on the counter. I'm making it for dinner tonight."

"Sounds good," I commented while I handed her the package of meat, which she put in the fridge.

"Well, it is your father's favorite."

"Mmm," I replied vaguely as I eyed the stairs. Right now, James Potter was unsupervised in my room. He could be doing anything right now! He could be ruffling through my things! What if he found my knicker drawer? That would be even worse than him seeing my bra!

"So where's your sister today?" my mum asked me in a tired voice.

"Oh, you know," I replied while I put a box of raisins into the cupboard. "She out with Vermin."

"Lily!" she chastised.

"Oh, come on, Mum," I argued. "He's a complete prat. Even Petunia can find someone better than him."

"He really is rather awful, isn't he?" Mum whispered in a liberated sort of tone.

I smiled. I loved my mum. Sure, she loved us both with all of her heart, but she always seemed to find Petunia's antics just as ridiculous as I did. She sighed loudly as she held a bag of peaches thoughtfully.

"Just do me a favor, Lily. When you do bring a boy home, pick one who's better than Vermin."

She started to giggle, and I smiled weakly at her. My eyes darted back towards the stairs. If she only knew.

"Lily, is there something upstairs?" she asked me curiously.

"What?" I yelped. "No!"

"Well, that's the third time I've caught you staring up there," my mum accused. "Is there something wrong with your room?"

"What? Of course not!" Great, my voice squeaked. Why hadn't I just worn a flashing sign above my head.?

"Then you won't mind if I go check," Mum said as she walked towards the stairs.

Panicked, I followed her. "Mum, this really isn't necessary," I told her.

"Don't worry, I'm just going to get my reading glasses. I left them in your room last night when I came in to check on you."

We were already up the stairs.

"I'll get them for you! Really! You don't need to go inside!"

"Relax, Lily," she teased. "I've seen messy rooms before. You can't scare me."

Then, she opened the door.

In horror, I watched as James popped up from the chair I had forced him into earlier. His hand immediately flew to his hair.

"Oh, my! Lily!" my mum exclaimed.

"Mum, I can explain," I responded quickly.

"Who is this boy?"

James look too surprised to answer.

"Lily?" she demanded.

"Umm..." I stalled in a vain attempt to find a reason for this insanity. Her brown eyes pierced my gaze, and I gave up. There was nothing else I could think of, and I might as well stay consistent with my lies. "Mum, this is my boyfriend, James Potter."

Appearing to awaken from his stupor at the sound of his name, Potter stepped forward and held out his hand. He gave my mum his most knee-jerking grin. "You have a lovely home, Mrs. Evans," he greeted her politely.

My mum blinked under the spell of his pearly whites. Merlin, I hoped I didn't look like that when he talked to me. Dazed, she shook his hand.

"Please, call me April, James," she replied with her own smile. "Lily never told me she was dating such a nice, young man."

I rolled my eyes. Of course, my mum would have the completely wrong reaction. Instead of trying to murder him for possibly riffling through my knickers, she was already planning grandchildren.

"In fact," continued Mum, rounding on me, "she never told me she had a boyfriend at all."

"Surprise?" I offered lamely.

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, James. Why don't you two come downstairs with me? I was just about to make lunch. That way you both can eat, and I can keep an eye on you."

"Mum!" I yelped.

"What?" she asked innocently.

Oh, Merlin. My mum thought James and I had been snogging. It was different with Petunia. I had been trying to annoy her. But this was my mum! My face burned with heat.

"That sounds great, Mrs.-I mean, April," James replied.

My mum beamed at him, and then I found myself and my boyfriend being escorted out of my room.

"So, James, tell me about yourself."

I groaned. It was never a good idea to ask a narcissist who'd spent years living with overzealous teenage girls that question.

Constantly under the ceaseless gaze and endless questions of my mum, Potter and I, after eating lunch and enduring her interrogation for three hours, found ourselves watching television. On the loveseat, of course.

I would have found his childlike amazement of the 'incredible muggle contraption' amusing if I wasn't so preoccupied with what I was ruddy going to do. Unfortunately, it wasn't like I could just turn and talk to Potter about it. He was too busy schmoozing my mother over to help me figure out a way to make him disappear. I fingered my wand in my pocket as I thought about all the nasty hexes I had learned. No, that would be unethical. Well.....

I peered over my shoulder. My mum was fretting over the baked potatoes.

"Potter," I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.

"Yeah," he breathed back.

"I need you to-"

The doorbell rang. "Oh, that must be your father."

"Damn," I cursed under my breath. I grabbed Potter's wrist and x-rayed his eyes with my own.

"Potter, if you sit through this dinner, I'll do whatever you want. I'll stop cancelling your post-Quidditch parties, and I'll even look away when you bring back firewhiskey from Hogsmeade. Just do me a favor, please don't tell my family I lied," I pleaded quietly.

"Sure, Lily," he agreed sincerely. "Being your boyfriend isn't so bad."

I groaned. "For you, maybe," I muttered under my breath.

"Lils! I'm home!" I heard my dad say as he bounded into the living room to give me a hug, his usual post-work routine. He stopped when he saw the teenage boy sitting next to me.

"Lils, who's this?" he asked in a confused voice.

My mum rushed in after him. "That's her boyfriend, James. You remember, dear. Lily mentioned she was going to have someone from her school stay with us for two weeks."

"What?" my dad asked loudly.

Finally, a normal response. I was wondering if I was the only sane person left in my house. Wait, two weeks? No! That's Hestia!

"Henry!" my mum chided.

Potter rose from his seat. He offered his hand to my father. "It's very nice to meet you, sir," he greeted.

My father reluctantly shook his hand. Merlin, Dad, I knew the feeling. It was very annoying when the person you were determined to hate acted mature and respectful.

"Yeah, well, two weeks, huh? How come no one ever mentioned to me it would be a boy?" my father asked.

"Hush, Henry," Mum replied in a whisper that I could still hear. "We have the guest room set up already. I'm sure Lily would not appreciate us turning away the first boyfriend she's brought home. Do this for her."

Well, that was just fantastic.

"Nice to have you here, boy," my father said finally in a strained voice.

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I hope Petunia and Vernon get here in time. Imagine, a whole family dinner. How exciting! Lily, can you set the table?" my mum asked excitedly.

Would it be rude of me to run screaming from the house?

Nearly fifteen minutes later, I was seated next to Potter at our dining room table. My mum had insisted we used the good china because we had company. She never got the china out for Vernon. But, Potter was special. I eyed Petunia eating her salad in small forkfuls directly across from me. Merlin, if looks could kill. Apparently, bringing your whale of a boyfriend home to have dinner with your parents and your freak of a sister and her freak boyfriend was "totally uncalled for."

"So, James," my father question as he fiddled with his fork, "how long have you been dating my daughter?"

Potter looked at me for an answer.

"Uh, about three months now," I invented. "We got together right before term ended."

"Lily!" my mum exclaimed. "That long and you never told us! How could you keep such important news from us?"

I coughed and reached for my glass of water.

"That's my fault, Mrs. Evans," I heard Potter turning in his seat to address my mum at the head of the table. "I wanted it to be a surprise for when I came to visit Lily."

"How romantic," my mother cooed.

"Yeah," Petunia commented sourly. "Some surprise."

"Oh, shush," Mum quieted her.

"So, James, you attend Hogwarts with Lily?" my father inquired.

'Yes, sir," James answered respectfully.

"And do you get good marks there?"

"I do my best, sir," he replied modestly.

I was surprised. The Potter I knew never missed an opportunity to boast about himself. Come on, Potter! I had a sister to annoy! "He's just being humble," I told my father. "He's in the top of the class."

"Right behind Lily," Potter admitted. "She's a tough act to follow." I rolled my eyes. He was such a suck up.

My father grinned affectionately at me. "I imagine she would be," he said. I smiled back at him.

"Do you play any sports?" Dad asked with a little more enthusiasm.

"I'm the Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, sir."

"Oh, yes! Lily explained that game to me once. It involves brooms and a waffle?"

I snorted into my potato.

"Quaffle," Potter corrected him.

"Oh, right," Dad replied. He started to cut his steak. "Now, what are your intentions with my seventeen-year-old daughter?"

Potter coughed so loudly I thought he swallowed his tongue. Petunia's lips curled into a slight grin at him hacking his lungs out.

"Dad!" I screeched.

"Henry!" my mother exclaimed simultaneously. "Don't interrogate the poor boy! Goodness, it took Lily three months just to tell us about him. We don't want to scare him away."

"Yes, dear," my father mumbled apologetically.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him his baby girl wasn't really dating a boy, but my sister was whispering something into Vernon's ear, and I knew I was in a bind. I really needed to work on this Gryffindor pride issue. It got me into trouble.

"Tell us," my mum urged. "How did you two get together?"

I looked frantically at Potter. He gazed at me before turning to address my mum with an easy smile on his face.

"Well, I knew I liked Lily since the moment I first met her on the train when we were eleven. The hair, the eyes, the smile. She was the most radiant thing I had ever seen. Must come from the good genes. Unfortunately, she was not so easily swayed. I tended to be a bit of a prat around her. When I was younger, I would do stupid things to try to impress her, and she was quite frustrated with me. I had the embarrassing tendency to watch her every move. I was hopeless! Then, one day this year after exams, I found her sitting alone in the Common Room. It was much later than curfew, and everyone else had already gone to bed. She had fallen asleep in her usual armchair by the fire while reading her Charms book, her favorite. I didn't want her to sleep sitting up, so I tried to move her. She woke up in my arms. We got to talking, first about school and then about everything else. It was nearly four in the morning before we realized what time it was. I asked her to go to Hogsmeade, the local village, with me for the last trip, and she said yes. I was so euphoric that I had to kiss her right then. Then, I watched her walk up the stairs into her dorm room. It was the best night of my life. And, here we are."

He stopped abruptly. I blinked. It was like I had been a trance. It had sounded so real. I could picture it all in my head: the fire, the armchair, the book. It all sounded perfect. In fact, I almost wanted it. Only, of course, not with Potter. I looked over at him. He was smiling at me in a way I'd never seen him do before. There was no trace of a smirk or sarcasm. He just looked at me like, well, like I was the girl in his story. He leaned over to lightly graze my temple with his lips. I sucked in an audible breath.

"That was beautiful," my mum breathed.

"Humph," Petunia retorted.

I grinned.

After the dishes had been cleared, my mum dragged me into the kitchen.

"Oh, Lily!" she gushed. "He's perfect!"

"Yeah, he's a regular....um, great guy," I replied lamely.

"Don't worry about your father. I'll convince him to ease up around James. He is staying for two weeks after all. We don't want him to feel uncomfortable around us. I don't see why your father needs to be so overprotective. He's such a wonderful young man. I love him already, and it's obvious he loves you. I mean, have you seen the way he looks at you? And that story! Goodness, it was so adorable. I'm so happy for you and your new boyfriend!"

I grabbed the kitchen counter for support. Of course my mum would be excited about my relationship with a teenage boy. She would be over the moon about letting him stay over our house. Why couldn't she freak out and ground me like a normal parent would?

"Are you sure, mum?" I asked leadingly. "I don't want to make Dad angry. He is a seventeen-year-old boy, and all."

"Let me worry about your father," she consoled. "You just enjoy your time with James."

"Thanks, mum," I replied. Thankfully, she didn't notice the dryness in my voice.

"Come on," she urged. "Let's go show James his room."

About a half an hour later, my mum had fluffed Potter's pillow so many times I would not have been surprised if it turned into the goose it came from.

"Well," Mum teetered regretfully. "I guess we should leave you be. I'm sure you're very tired."

"Thank you, Mrs. Evans. I really appreciate this," said James.

"April, dear!" she reminded him.

"Oh, right, April," he corrected himself.

"Say goodnight, Lily," she directed me.

I walked up awkwardly to Potter, and we hugged in front of her. Neither of us knew exactly what we should do with our arms, so we probably looked ridiculous. Before pulling away, I hissed into his ear, "Meet me outside at midnight."

I pulled away with a meaningful glance and then followed my mum out the door.

Since it was only about nine o'clock, I had a lot of time to kill. Unfortunately, I also had a lot of nervous energy. It was surprising how much lying could make you pace. At around ten-thirty, I changed into my pajamas, which consisted of a different pair of shorts and a camisole. I didn't want to wear my oversized T-shirt in front of Potter. He probably had already seen six out of the seven days of my "Potion of the Week" knickers in my drawer.

I plopped onto my bed and looked over at the clock on my nightstand. It was still only 11:21. A piece of parchment caught my eye. I picked up Hestia's letter sadly. I would need to tell her the news. How would I possibly explain it to her? Dear Hestia, I'm sorry, but you can't come over because my boyfriend, James Potter, is currently sleeping in your room. No, I could never tell her that. Maybe I should start with something about the weather. I reread her letter again. She sounded so happy. I really wanted it to be her who had come to my house this morning. I looked over at my clock again. It was nearing midnight. Oh, well. I guessed I would just have to come up with a solution in the morning.

I got out of bed and left my room quietly. I crept down the stairs as silently as I could. My parents were usually heavy sleepers, but I doubted that Petunia ever slept. That probably explained why she was so grouchy all the time. I tiptoed out of the house and into my backyard. The damp grass felt wonderful between my toes. I situated myself on my childhood swing set. When Petunia and I were younger, my father bought us each our very own swing. As I reminisced about a time when Petunia was actually nice to me and we got along before makeup, boys, and wizardry entered the picture, I sensed someone sit down next to me. I half expected it to be her, but it was just Potter.

"Your family is really nice," he said to me. "Well, at least your parents are," Potter amended.

"Yeah," I agreed. "They love you, even my dad who didn't want me to date till I'm married with kids. I can't even remember the last time I saw my mum so excited, too."

He chuckled quietly. "What's with your sister?"

I sighed and grabbed the chains on either side of my swing as I began to rock back and forth. "When we were little, Petunia and I were best friends. Then, I got accepted into Hogwarts, and she didn't. It's never been the same between us since."

"So now you're using me to prove some kind of point to her?" he guessed.

I laughed. The only thing more ridiculous than James Potter correctly guessing my motives was what my motives actually were. "I guess I am," I sighed. "That sounds stupid, doesn't it? Lying to annoy your sister?"

Potter shrugged. "I don't know. I think I've heard stupider things before. Hell, I've done stupider things before."

I chortled as I remember one time in Third Year when he and Sirius ran across the Great Hall in women's underwear on a dare. He smiled at me.

"So will you do it?" I asked suddenly.

"Do what?"

"Help me be stupid?" I asked, feeling rather foolish.

"Lily, you'll never be stupid." He smiled at me again, and I shook my head at his flirty antics.

"However, I'd be honored to pretend to be your fake boyfriend."

"Really?" I exclaimed. "Thanks, Potter! It'll only be for a little while. I'll try to think of some excuse for you to leave in the next couple of days. You won't have to waste your last two weeks of summer here. Then, later, when things have cooled down, I can explain that we broke up," I babbled.

"Well," he replied slyly. "I wouldn't go that far. There might be some benefits from this charade that I'll enjoy."

I eyed his arm, which had now wrapped itself around my bare shoulder, with detestation. Just when I thought he could be tolerable for once, he did something like that. I swatted his arm away. "If that's what you think this is about, Potter, I'll go confess to Petunia right now."

"Relax, Lily, I was just messing with you."

"Well, if the past six years haven't taught you anything, I don't like it when you do that."

He smirked. "Something hinted you didn't. Maybe it was all those times you refused to go out with me and called me a 'git.'"

"Well," I balked. "Sometimes you are."

"Still, git or not, it's going to seem really weird if you flinch every time your boyfriend so much as looks at you," Potter pointed out.

"I do not," I cried out indignantly.

"Oh, really?" He leaned over so closely that I could make out the shades of colors in his hazel eyes behind his glasses. Instinctively, I moved away from him.

"See?" he laughed.

"Damnit!" I huffed.

"Gotcha, Lils," Potter teased cockily.

"First of all, Potter," I told him. "Only my father's allowed to call me that. Secondly, I guess we can have minimal public displays of affection, and I mean minimal. Holding hands, arms around shoulder, and hugs. There will be no tongues involved in anything ever."

"I can agree with most of that," Potter assented with a crooked grin. "But if I can't call you Lils, then what should I call you?"

"Lily," I answered simply.

"Then you should probably use my first name, too," Potter told me. "Though, I kind of like it when you get angry and huff out 'Potter,'" he added audaciously.

"Fine," I agreed reluctantly.

"Fine, what?" he coaxed obnoxiously.

"Fine, James," I huffed.

"There, that's wasn't so hard," announced Potter, who sounded pleased. "Now," he continued in a business-like tone. "Have we had sex yet?"

My hands fell down to my sides. "Of course not!" I exclaimed. "Why would you even ask that?"

The prat grinned crookedly at me. "Climb back in off the ledge, Lily. I was just wondering what our backstory is. Couples who have sex behave differently than those who don't. They always have these secret smiles on their faces like they can go into a spare closet at any time and rip each others' clothes off."

I didn't think my face could have gotten any redder. "Well, we haven't," I informed him quickly. I took a deep, cleansing breath before continuing. "We're taking things slow. I've, well, I've never..." I trailed off. It turned out my face could turn redder.

"I haven't either. I just wanted to keep pretenses."

"Prat," I muttered before shoving him in the arm. He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled us both to our feet. Wordlessly, we agreed to head back inside.

"I guess we'll work on the rest of the backstory later," he commented.

"Yeah," I answered in a quiet voice because we were back inside the house. "By the way, nice story before. Even I almost believed you."

"Yeah, well, I had a lot of time to think about it," he whispered.

He shifted his weight uncomfortably, and we sneaked up the stairs together without saying anything else. We stopped at the door to my room.

"Well, night," I whispered awkwardly.

I heard a very loud creaking come from Petunia's door. I pivoted my head slightly to look over at it. I found her long neck craning over her door as she watched us.

"Is your sister spying on us?" James whispered in my ear.

I nodded. He nodded back and then said so quietly that I had to strain to hear him. "I think this qualifies as a necessary boyfriend duty. I can't see any way around it."

With an inscrutable expression on his face and determination in his eyes, he placed his left hand around my waist, bringing me closer to him, and his right hand caressed my face. In deliberate slowness, he leaned forward, his breath tickling my face, and pressed his lips against mine.

I should have known that kissing James Potter would have been like this. His lips moved softly and sweetly, yet purposefully, against mine, and I had no choice but to sigh against his mouth and move my lips with his. Then, before I was ready and before I had wanted him to, he pulled back with the most breathtaking smile playing on his red lips.

He pressed his forehead against mine and whispered, "Goodnight, Lily."

His fingertips grazed my hair as he relinquished his hold on me. In stunned silence, I watched him walk towards the guest room. In a louder he voice, he called, "Goodnight to you, too, Petunia!"

I held back a laugh as I heard her door slam with a squeak.

James turned around to wink at me, and I rolled my eyes.

Stupid, bloody, pretend boyfriend.

Story credits to Molly Raesly