Again one of my Oneshots, enjoy y'all!

~~~~

late 1989

Richie's point of view

"Hey boys, this is Dorothea, my fiancée!"

His words echoed through my mind for a few moments, my life falling apart. He had pushed me away in such a harsh way that I doubted I had ever meant something to him. Well, if he was hurting because of the separation, he could turn to Dorothea, but I had no one to turn to. He had been the only one I had spilled my heart to and the only one that had supported me when I had another one of these damn anxiety attacks that haunted me seemingly since forever. He had been my rock, the one I could turn to and who would always welcome me with open arms, willing for me to lay as much weight from my heart onto his shoulders as I needed. And he had been the one that had loved me, kissed me and hugged me, making me feel loved and cared about. He had been my everything. But he was gone now and standing in front of me, his arm wrapped around a smiling girl's waist.

"Rich?", Tico pulled me out of my thoughts after a while, me finally noticing that everyone was staring at me worriedly. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and raised my head a little, my gaze pinning Jon's coldly.

"M'sorry, just zoned out a bit. Congratulations Jon, and of course congratulations to you Dorothea", I said with a fake smile on my lips as I took Dorothea's hand and kissed the back of it. I saw that Jon knew I was just boxing up my feelings and playing the charmer card that always worked on girls, but Dorothea was just giggling, a blush tainting her cheeks and her head leaning against Jon's shoulder.

"Jon? May I talk to ya for a sec?", I then added, seeing how Jon lowered his head slightly and finally let go of his fiancée, following me out of the little recording studio. Anger boiled inside my veins as he stood in front of me, his back against the wall and the words 'I'm sorry' left his lips.

"Why Jonny? Couldn't you just say you didn't want me or that I wasn't enough? Did it have to be this way? Sorry, I don't know what to say to you anymore."

Jon looked into my eyes once again and I saw a tear escaping down his cheek. He was gaping like a fish out of water, I could tell he wanted to reply but he just couldn't find the right words to say. I froze as he placed a hand on my cheek and one on the back of my neck, the touch intoxicating me, but soon I snapped out of the trance and shook him off, leaving him surprised behind. He had always seen me as the willing one, the one that came to him in search of love and affection. But I wasn't like that towards him anymore. And I swore I would never show him that weak side of me ever again.

The following days I stopped going out in any way. I stayed at home, drinking myself to sleep and using my well hidden bag of cocaine to adrenalize myself enough to get through another day. As David came around one day to look how I was doing, he was totally shocked at my condition. I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was a tousled mess, my skin was so pale that you could see the slight blue of the veins shining through it and my pupils were blown wide from the amount of lines I had snorted to wake up.

"Holy shit, Rich", he whispered, his eyes widened as he stumbled backwards in shock. I wordlessly eyed him with a death glare and he lowered his head.

"I just wanted to tell you that there will be a party at Jon's tonight, a lot of friends are coming too. But if you don't feel up to it, it's okay too", he mumbled and quickly left, I could tell that he was scared of me when I was in a condition like that. When I had been like that a few years ago Dave had started to talk to me and I had just started to hit him, Tico and Jon had to hold me back together to keep me in control. I still felt bad for what I had done back then, but nothing could hurt more than the fact that the love of my life had just left me to die. Even though I had sworn myself to never leave my house again until I was dead, I knew that I couldn't stay in there forever. So I decided to join the party that night.

~~~~

After showering and patching myself up the best I could, I left my house around 8 p.m. and drove off to Jon's. I felt uncomfortable as soon as I pulled up in front of that house of his, my head telling me to turn around and head back home again. But I didn't have the time to make a proper choice, someone banged onto my window and gestured me to come out. It was Sebastian Bach and I politely smiled at him through the window before I exited my car, being directly pulled into a friendly hug.

"Hey Rich, it's good to see ya! Jon wondered if you would show up, but I'm sure he's glad you did!"

I had wanted to be nice to him, but then he brought Jon up and my heart cramped painfully. I just tugged my black cowboy hat deeper into my face, my eyes searching the cold grey of the pavement beneath my feet and avoiding Seb's questioning gaze. But he didn't give up. He threw an arm around my shoulders and led me inside, me somehow being thankful for a bit of warmth.

Inside of Jon's house, there was a happy athmosphere. Some were laughing and talking, other's just sitting together and drinking beer. What relieved me most, was that I knew everyone who was there and that Jon was nowhere to be seen in that moment in which Seb and I entered the living room area with the dance floor in the middle of it. As Seb pulled me to some of his band members, I got a few nods and smiles from people we passed, and I did my best to smile back.

"Hey Seb, and hey Rich! How are ya, man?", Rachel Bolan asked me and I just took the hand he had held out, shaking it and mumbling something like 'alright'. Rachel didn't seem quite satisfied with my answer, but he just let it be and started a conversation with the others again. I was sitting on the couch with a lot of rockstars around me, Rachel, Sebby, Axl Rose and Izzy Stradlin still trying to integrate me into their conversation. But I couldn't listen anymore as soon as I had turned my head. There was Jon, standing on the edge of the stairs which led upstairs to his bedroom with a glass of red wine in his hands, staring at me a bit disbelievingly. I started to feel sick in the stomach and quickly reached into the pocket of my pants, pulling my coke bag out and snorting a bit from my nail. I just wanted to be numb. Seb's eyes were blown wide as he saw the coke in my hands, before his expression split into a smile and he caught my gaze.

"Is it some good stuff and could I maybe try a bit?", he asked under the loudness of the room and I nodded as an answer to both of his questions, letting him sprinkle a bit onto his fingernail and snort it. His eyes began to glaze.

"Wow, that's some good stuff man! Where did you get it?"

"Personal drug dealer", I answered, no one had ever known I had one. I had used the drugs for self medication for years before Jon had caught me and told me to stop it. He had soothed me with his love and affection and the self medication became unnecessary, but now he had let me down and I had started again. I knew it wasn't healthy, but it numbed the pain and let me escape from the reality for a while.

"I didn't know you were like that Rich, I thought you'd be one of those pretty boys who just do the girls and drink a bit, but not one of those who are not afraid to use the hard stuff", Seb whispered and I smiled a weak, humorless smile, looking at Jon again. His heartmelting blue eyes were widened in shock and I shot him a death glare, even though the longing was eating me up inside. Jon just looked away and started to talk to the Crüe, who was sitting on the edge of the sofa a few meters away from me. I decided just to watch the scenes which were going on in my surroundings. CC DeVille and Bret Michaels from Poison got up after a while and went over to the sound system of Jon's house, laying a vinyl onto the record player and turning the music up loud. It was Foreigner's 4. The party got wilder with the time and I just sat there on the couch with Sebby, snorting lines from the small glass table in front of us and letting the drugs hit our system. My mind was unable to focus on anything properly after a while, but I noticed, that everyone had gotten up and started to dance to the music. Seb was struggling to get onto his feet, he was probably as high as I was. After he stood, he pulled me up and led me to the dance floor, the amount of sweaty drunk men around me making it harder to breathe. I tried to focus on Seb, but as I blinked one time, he was gone in the crowd. I looked around me and suddenly felt a hand on my waist. I spun around ready to fight my attacker away. But as I turned around, I looked into the bluest eyes god ever gave a being on this world.

"Hey", Jon breathed out, the crowd around us forcing him to stand pressed up against my chest, his breath ghosting over my cheek at each breath he took. "Hey", I whispered back with a lump in my throat, just as the catchy riff of Urgent started. "Um, wanna dance?", Jon asked and I hesitantly nodded, closing my eyes and moving to the rhythm. Jon did the same but kept his eyes opened, I could feel it by the burning of his gaze on my skin and the feeling of his body brushing mine from time to time. As I opened my eyes again during the chorus of the song, I saw that Jon's eyes had dropped a few shades darker, his cheeks were flushed in a deep red and he slid his tongue over his lips to wet them, watching me intently. I didn't know what to do, desire kicking me straight into the balls.

"Jonny-", I rasped out, trying as hard as I could to resist his flirty actions. I looked around me, seeing drunk guys making out to the song of sexual tesion. I saw Nikki and Tommy kissing like there was no tomorrow, Axl and Sebby practically eating each other up with their hungry gazes and Steve and Phil as well as Joe and Sav making their way out of the crowd and taking in the space of the couch to loose themselves in their own worlds of desire and lust. As I looked at Jon again, he had a questioning look on his face. And the question written so clearly onto his facial features left his lips only a few seconds later.

"Let me kiss you, please Rich", he whispered and I couldn't reply, just feeling the heat of his body as he wrapped his arm around my waist, the hand on his other loosing itself in my hair and pulling me in so that our foreheads were leaned against each others. My eyes closed and Jon took that as a sign of appreciation and pressed his lips softly into mine. I barely heard how Lou Gramm sang "Just wait and see, how urgent our love can be", but I was really wondering how urgent we were both going to get. Jon's kisses slowly grew from soft and gentle to passionate and more rough, his hands wandering down my back and landing in my back pockets, his hips sliding against mine. And at that sensation I knew I was lost. There was no chance I could resist him anymore and the fact that I was high as well didn't make it any easier. My hands fisted into his hair and pulled his head back, exposing the soft skin of his neck to my gaze. I sucked my way down his neck, leaving hickeys as I went and marking him as mine. As he moaned out loud I pulled back again, watching him through hooded eyes before giving in to assaulting his lips with kisses again.

We stumbled through the crowd, our lips still attached and Jon finally led me upstairs and into his bedroom. Urgently we removed each others clothes, landing in a sweaty heap on the bed. Jon's hips slid against mine again and again and we barely had time to breathe during the desperate, needy kisses we shared. As the heat got almost unbearable, Jon pulled away and grabbed the bottle of lube he had in the drawer of his nightstand and that we had used too many times to count it. Before he got engaged of course. Jon finally covered my length with the clear, cold gel, the coldness pulling me out of my thoughts and into the heat of the moment.

"Need you Rich", Jon panted breathlessly as he worked the gel over the aroused flesh, before lifting his hips and letting me slide in smoothly. I couldn't help but let out a low groan at the sensation, trying hard not to buck my hips.

"Rich... come here and kiss me please", I heard Jon moan and I did as he said, sitting up and wrapping my arms around his waist to keep him in place before leaning in to kiss him again. Our tongues were engaged into a fierce battle as Jon began to move in the rhythm of our heartbeats, his short nails digging into the soft skin on the back of my neck and his limbs shivering slightly. As I dove back into the kisses after a short breath break, I gently laid him down on the sheets again, finally taking over control and pushing us both towards the heights of lust. Jon began to thrash his head around on the pillow beneath his head, I knew that gesture too well. He was slowly falling apart but somehow tried to fight it for as long as possible.

"Let yourself go Jonny, I'm right here with you", I finally rasped out, seeing how he let himself fall over the edge and into ultimate ecstasy, a silent scream of my name escaping his lips which gave me some extra friction to finally let go as well. We laid there basking in the afterglow for what seemed like eternity afterwards and Jon's hands ran through my hair, soothing me into a deep, dreamless sleep.

~~~~

I woke up the next day with a terrible headache and a nauseous feeling. As I turned my head, I saw Jon laying on the sheets, completely naked and sleeping peacefully. A dreamy smile formed on my face at the sight of the love of my life so peaceful and loveable. But then it hit me. Jon was naked. Naked. Quickly I looked down my own body and noticed that I was naked as well. Uh-oh.

I rapidly raced through all my memories from yesterday, finally ending up with the realization that we had ended up in bed while I was completely unaware of anything going on because I had been so coked out of my mind. And Jon had taken advantage of me, just because he needed sexual satisfaction. Man, how could I even dare to think that I would mean something to him when he had a damn fiancée? Anger and deep hurt spread through my chest as I silently got up and dressed, finding a piece of paper and a pen. I quickly scribbled down a note and laid it onto the matress next to Jon, then leaving the house and finding a few sleeping, half naked rockstars on my way out.

~~~~

Jon's point of view

I woke up smiling. "G'morning Rich", I mumbled sleepily and ran my hand over the matress next to me. My smile faded as my hand came to a rest on the cold spot Richie had been laying on. "Richie?", I mumbled confused, just to be completely sure he wasn't playing tricks on me. But there was no response once again and I opened my eyes, seeing a piece of paper beside me and no scattered clothes that weren't mine on the floor. Richie was gone. With a sigh I picked up the paper, reading it with tears welling up my eyes.

You can't always get what you want. I know you just used me yesterday to get some sexual satisfaction, you knew I was completely coked out of my mind. If I'm wrong and you didn't just use me yesterday and you really want me, proove it. You have the choice: Marry your girl, tell the public about it and never touch me again or break up with her, build up trust in our relationship and tell the public about us. Choose. I'll accept your choice however it may be.

Rich

Shocked I let the paper slip from my hands, watched it falling down on the sheets and trailed my forefinger absently over Richie's neat handwriting while running the words through my head again and again. I couldn't give him up, of course I couldn't. I could break up with Dot easily, she'd accept the fact that I needed him so desperately. But I had gotten engaged with her, because I was afraid that some paps would catch Richie and me during being something more than friends, that the public would know about us. But that was one of Richie's conditions, telling the public about us. I couldn't do that either because of the band. So I took the only way I thought was right. I banned Richie from my thoughts and tried to live a happy life. Well, let me tell ya, it didn't work.

Richie wasn't showing up to rehearsals anymore and the boys told me he was working on a solo record in another studio. That hurt. So I played the boss card, like always when something wasn't going the way I wanted it to go, and threw them all out to make my own solo record. It was a success, no question, but it was weird. It was the first time in over six years that I wrote and recorded songs without the whole band, without Richie.

"Fucking bastard, thinks he can fuck up the band just because he wants to", I mumbled to myself one day in the studio, but directly shutting my mouth again. I couldn't say something bad about him, I loved him too much for that. As a brother but also as something... more. And the reality was, that I was actually afraid he would fuck up the band. Because even though I was the boss, I knew damn well he could, and that easily.

By the way I got to know that David and Tico had gone over to Richie's studio and worked with him, and that made me even angrier. Now it seemed as if it was me against them. So I started to drown myself in work and sometimes booze, and I separated myself completely from my fiancée. I knew she deserved a better life and a better man, who would marry her instead of being engaged with her for over a year. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew how pissed Richie would be, and I didn't want any fights between us anymore. But I also knew how stubborn Richie was and that he would never be the one to make the first move in a case like that. So whether I wanted to or not, I had to be the one to make a step towards him if I wanted this wordless fight to end. But I was too scared to do that.

On the 4th September 1991 there was thrown the record release party of Richie's record "Stranger in this town" and to my surprise I got an invitation. I went there with Dorothea and talked to a lot of different dudes and women, the most with David and Tico. They told me how awesome it was to see Richie fronting and how amazing his voice was. Not to forget his writing skills. I didn't talk to Richie at all, he didn't even greet me. He was way too busy holding and kissing Cher while talking to some of his friends. And that hurt me. I was longing to be Cher in that moment, because I knew how talented those soft plump lips were. The thought bugged me quite, and I finally left, Dorothea not even following me. I was so screwed.

The next day I went to the nearest record store, hiding myself the best I could to not get recognized. I directly went to the 'R' section and almost immediatey found Richie's record. I picked it up and went straight to the pay desk, buying it and heading out of the store and home again. There I put it into my CD-player and pressed start. Oh hell, I had almost immediately goosebumps on my whole body as Richie began to sing 'Rest in peace'. By the end of the record I was a crying mess on the floor. The songs were the perfect mix of emotions and beautiful melodies, and his voice let me cry because it reminded me of the nights we spent writing songs together and me letting him sing them on his own. I missed him so much.

To distract myelf a bit, I decided to watch MTV for a bit and directly wanted to switch the TV off after I had switched it on. It was an interview with Richie. Of course my destiny followed me all the way until I talked to him properly. I wanted to switch the TV off, but I couldn't. Richie was too damn beautiful. His long dark brown hair was curly and fluffy, his lips were glistening slightly from the obvious use of lipgloss, his deep brown eyes where framed with a light bit of black khoal and the biggest problem: His "shirt" had a neckline that started below his nipples. It was definitely not a shirt. But I couldn't even laugh about that because the shirt showed so much skin, that an electric sizzle ran through my body and desire settled heavily in my gut. My god, what am I supposed to do?

"Talk to him", whispered the voice in my head and I slowly but surely agreed to that suggestion.

So that night I drove over to Richie's house in the rain, finally leaving the car and standing in front of his door. I was afraid to knock and I had to chuckle a bit.

"It's just your best friend", I whispered to myself, not just to soothe myself, but more importantly to tell myself it was like that. I knew I was trying to believe a lie, because there was definitely no 'just' in that sentence and maybe also no 'best friend' anymore. But then I closed my eyes and just pressed the doorbell, flinching as the sound of it rang through the whole house. At first nothing happened, but finally the door creaked open, revealing Richie in tight black leather pants, his black cowboy hat and to my bad luck in one of his "shirts".

"Jon", he mumbled confused, his dark eyes not sure which way to look. "Hey Rich, I... I just wanted to talk if you got the time", I replied, awkwardly studying Richie's bare chest, imprinting it into my mind again after all this time in which I hadn't seen him properly. He suddenly cleared his throat and stepped aside, letting me enter his cozy little house and gesturing me to take a seat in the living room while he went to get something. As I watched him getting out of sight, his words echoed through my mind again.

Break up with her, build up trust in our relationship and tell the public about us.

Almost absently I walked over to Richie's phone and called Dorothea. I had to fix something.

"Hey Dot."

"Hey Jonny, why are you calling me?"

"I want you to know that this is not about you, but I have to do this for both of us. I'm sorry. I can never love you the way you deserve to be loved, I can't give you the life you need. I can tell you the reason why now. My heart has an owner who isn't you. And the owner has always owned my heart, has and always will. Please don't be mad at me, you're a strong woman and I'm proud of you. But I need to be with him again, I need to be brave enough to love him again."

Silence.

Then: "You need to be with him? You're gay?"

"No Dot, I'm not. It's just him and no other guy."

"It's Richie, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm so sorry."

Line dead.

A tear ran down my cheek, and I didn't quite know why. It was good to have that case cleared. As I turned around and wanted to dry my tears, I directly froze on the spot. Richie was standing in the doorway to the living room, watching my every move with two glasses of red wine in his hands. I didn't dare to ask him if he had listened in on me, but I had the urge to know. However, his expression told me nothing of his thinking as I held his gaze in a silent question. He placed the two glasses on the small glass table in front of the couch before coming up to me.

"Who did you talk to?", Richie asked and I gulped, looking down.

"Dorothea."

Richie's face fell as I said that, his eyes hidden behind the brim of his cowboy hat. He then turned away from me harshly, grabbing his glass of wine and taking a long gulp.

"I thought you came here because-"

"I broke up with her", my harsh, secure words interrupted him and he froze in his tracks.

"You... why?"

"Because I know that I could never love her the way she deserves to be loved. I know that I'd always wish myself to another place when we'd be together."

Now Richie's full attention rested on me. His dark eyes pierced mine curiously while one eyebrow was cocked.

"And where would you wish to be instead of being with her?", Richie whispered and took off his cowboy hat, placing it on the small glass table and ruffling one hand through his hair so that his bracelets jingled together and his eyes were finally completely exposed to my gaze. Surprised I noticed that he wore mascara and eyeliner, as if he was just about to go out on a date. He looked absolutely breathtaking.

"Jon? You wanted to say something", Richie reminded me after he had seen that I had fallen into a kind of dreamy haze. "Huh? What? Oh yeah, I'm sorry", I mumbled and cleared my throat awkwardly, closing my eyes and preparing myself for the thing I was about to say.

"I'd wish I was in your arms instead, Rich", I finally whispered and looked up at him, seeing his eyes widened and shock written onto his face.

"After all this time? After two years of separation?"

"Always, Rich, I could never cut you out of my life just because of two years of separation, you hold my heart in your hands way too tightly for that", I replied, being a bit scared of his response. I was frozen in place as Richie backed up close to me and took one of my hands into a warm, slightly calloused one, intertwining his fingers with mine and finally searching my face with his eyes.

"You feel like I do, darlin'", Richie finally whispered against my lips and then, after all this time, kissed me. My hand that wasn't entwined with his trailed up his chest and into his hair, my fingers getting tangled in the soft messy mob. Richie's arm held me close as we kissed again and again, finally parting for air.

"There's some good wine calling our names, babe", Richie whispered against my lips and smiled at me, pecking my lips again before leading me to the couch by my hand, letting himself fall onto it with a sigh and patting the spot next to him. With a bright and true smile I draped one leg over his to straddle him, settling onto his lap and looping my arms around the back of his neck while I rested my head over his heart, the strong beating soothing me.

"I want you to trust me again, Rich." Riche sighed and ran a hand through my hair, his head falling back onto the back rest of the sofa as he closed his eyes.

"It's not that easy to build up trust again, Jonny. You- you hurt me beyond what I thought I was able to take. I can't just take it as if that never happened." I gulped heavily at his words but nodded understandingly.

"We have enough time to learn to trust again, right?", I whispered against his collarbone and finally lifted my head again to look into those deep chocolate brown eyes.

"Yes Jonny, yes we have", Richie replied and took my lips with his again, making me smile and snuggle even deeper into him.

~~~~

A year later

"Here we are with Bon Jovi! We all missed you guys music terribly and want to know what got you finally back together?", the interviewer started the interview and I had to chuckle a bit as the memory of the reunion flashed in front of my eyes. Richie had made love to me that night after we had worked on some new songs together and the next day we had called the others to ask them if they were still in. They had agreed directly as they had seen how well Richie and I cooperated again, and we had told them the whole truth. David, Alec and Tico hadn't been bothered by the fact that we were dating at all and that was how we got the Bon Jovi-machine rolling again. But I couldn't say that to the interviewer.

"Well, we had a conversation the other day and agreed that it was time for a new record. Rich and I had good song ideas too and then it all just came together in this new record", I replied, Richie smiling at me. I could tell he thought of the real situation as well.

"Interesting. Well, you cut your hair Jon! How come?"

"Well, I was just itching for a change I think. Rich told me not to do it but I did", I replied with a chuckle, Richie chiming in before the interviewer could ask the next question.

"Yeah, I said don't do it, you'll regret it, but he did. And look how handsome he still is!"

I had to chuckle to cover up my blush a bit and finally nodded towards the interviewer to continue the interview.

"Well, there are rumours flying around that Jon and Richie, that you're a couple. Is it true?", the interviewer looked like he had just read a question out loud which wasn't even meant seriously and expected us to make a joke about it. But apparently, that was neither Richie's nor my plan.

"Um, yeah, it's true."

The interviewer looked like he had just seen a ghost.

"You're dating?"

"No, were beyond that, I think. We're sure of each other already", Richie replied, kissing my cheek and laying his head onto my shoulder while entwining our hands and fingers.

"Yeah, well said darlin'", I said and placed our entwined hands onto his thigh, looking at the interviewer again. He looked like he was in the twilight zone and hoped we would just say 'Just joking!', but I saw how he tried to get himself together to go on asking.

"Um... I think I have to make new questions then!", he finally said, making Richie and me chuckle. He scribbled something onto his notepad and finally continued asking how and when we got together, if we would think if it'd affect the band and a lot of other things.

As the interview was finally over and we had waved into the camera, we all left back home and started packing for the tour that would start in three days. Richie and I had already moved in together and went back home together, me jumping into his arms as soon as we entered his house.

"You just fullfilled condition number three Jonny", Richie chuckled and kissed my cheek jokingly.

"Oh Sambora, you're such a mood killer sometimes", I laughed and he put me down onto my feet again, pouting and pretending to be hurt.

"Aw, poor baby Richard", I teased him further and a smile split his face again, his eyes locking on mine.

"Shut up and kiss me, Jonny", he then rasped out and I smirked, taking his lips in a soothing but passionate kiss, feeling like I was finally home.

"I love you, Jonny."

"I love you too, babe. We can beat anything together."