"I love you not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you

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Chapter Five

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Slave's Language Translation

Joleu - Love you

Huttese Translation

Winkee - Sleep

~*~

Obi-Wan and Anakin had a complicated relationship.

Their mindsets concerning how to be Jedi clashed greatly and caused a lot of tension between them, which was quite interesting to you because Anakin was very similar to Obi-Wan when he was younger. Perhaps that was why Obi-Wan pushed Anakin so hard.

Luckily, through your strengthening training bond with Anakin, you could usually tell when things were reaching a fever pitch and would then quickly track them down and step in before damage was done to their relationship that couldn't be reversed.

After a while, you were resigned to thinking that regular arguments and constantly testing each other's boundaries was going to be the norm- both of them were certainly stubborn enough to keep up their bickering for the rest of their lives. But then Anakin had a nightmare, and despite how hard it hit him it still changed things for the better.

It was late one night, and you and Obi-Wan were discussing your upcoming mission to one of the Colony Worlds to act as a translator for a new trade agreement. Such diplomatic missions were always tedious work, but you preferred that over life-threatening situations because those always involved ridiculous amounts of paperwork after the fact.

"I read over a draft of the treaty and whilst overall it is fair, I believe that somewhere in there one of the planets-" you abruptly stopped talking when a wave of the Force washed through the apartment, "Anakin's having a nightmare."

"Yes," Obi-Wan ran a hand through his hair. He was growing it out and you were appreciative of the fact, "He has them on occasion."

"Does he come to you afterward?" Obi-Wan shook his head and you frowned in concern, "He has been with you for three months and he hasn't come to you yet?"

"I've been careful about what I say concerning physical contact and emotions, yet he still hasn't sought me out to at least discuss the contents of his nightmares. I assumed he went to you instead, but now I think the only person he confides in is his Mind Healer."

Another wave of the Force went through the apartment and you knew Anakin was awake. Through your training bond, you could feel a cautious but clumsy probing. Anakin was probably checking to see if you were asleep, either to draw comfort or make sure you were okay depending on the nightmare. In response, you sent back a feeling of serenity.

"Come on then," you took Obi-Wan and pulled him behind you to Anakin's room, "We'll do it together."

"Really, (Y/n), I believe that trying to comfort him will just-"

You shushed Obi-Wan, pressing the button next to Anakin's door to open it. He was sitting up in bed, his chin resting on his knees. He sat up straighter when he saw you, but seemed to shrink back slightly when he noticed Obi-Wan just behind you.

"A nightmare, Anakin?" You acted as though Obi-Wan wasn't there, sitting on the edge of the bed to the right of Anakin.

"Yeah."

"Would you like to talk through it?" Anakin shook his head, "That's alright. We can just sit here together, then. Can I come in?"

In response, Anakin pulled back the covers. Your boots were already off so you simply slipped beneath the blankets and scooched closer to Anakin, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Will you let Obi-Wan join us, Anakin?" You asked, quiet enough that Obi-Wan wouldn't be able to hear him.

"I don't want him to think I'm weak, Mentor," Anakin whispered back and your heart sank. That was probably why Anakin hadn't gone to Obi-Wan already. Anakin felt secure in his place as your student but now he was Obi-Wan's. It was probably part of the reason why he was acting out, too, "Jedi aren't supposed to have nightmares like this."

Anakin said the second half loud enough for Obi-Wan to hear, and the man scoffed lightly. You sent him a warning look, but Obi-Wan was unaffected by the glare and sat to Anakin's left.

"Anakin, having nightmares will not make you weak, and I won't think you are if you confide in me. Many Jedi have nightmares as well, they are a part of living. I dream of past missions often."

"As do I," you added.

"It's not about having nightmares that is the problem, it's allowing the fear of them to consume you. You must be able to accept that they are just dreams and if you believe they are something more then we can discuss that as well. In the end, what matters is how you choose to respond to them."

Anakin nodded, slowly but surely pulling back the covers on Obi-Wan's side in invitation. Obi-Wan looked at the open spot then at you. You nodded encouragingly. Sure enough, Obi-Wan slipped under the covers as well but refrained from touching Anakin.

"The two of you are very alike, you know," you said suddenly. Both of them looked at you in disbelief, "Both of you are very stubborn and creative, and both of you strive to improve yourselves constantly. I realize that there are many things that you don't agree on, and instead of turning it into a way to learn from each other, you choose to argue over it. Would either of you like to tell me why that is?"

It was silent for a few long moments, and just when you thought neither of them was going to answer Obi-Wan spoke up, "When I was an Initiate, and eventually when I became a Padawan, I was very rash and made many questionable decisions because of that. I see that potential in you Anakin, and I don't want you to have to go through what I did to learn how to think things through."

"The Code feels suffocating sometimes," Anakin offered quietly in return, "Like the rules I used to have from my owners. I know it's not the same and it's supposed to help me become a Jedi, but I can't stop making the connection."

You and Obi-Wan shared a look, silently communicating through minute facial expressions. Finally, Obi-Wan relented and gave you a nod of permission.

Squeezing Anakin for just a moment to remind him you were there, you explained, "There are some Jedi who live strictly by the Code their entire lives, never straying from a very literal interpretation of it. There are others, however, that understand the general meaning of it and choose to live by that instead."

"It can mean more than one thing?"

"The Code can be seen differently by different people, yes. That is why even when we are all raised in the Temple under the same rules we end up being very different people. I see the Code similarly to my Master but very differently from many of those around me. Even when it comes to the Code Anakin, you have a choice in how to follow it."

"And I will try to be more understanding of your views, Anakin," Obi-Wan added, "You do not have to be a copy of me to be a successful Jedi, and my mistakes are not yours. It's time I realize that."

Nodding, Anakin decided to rest his face where your neck met your shoulder rather than respond verbally. His breathing was slowing, and you assumed he was falling asleep again.

"(Y/n)?" You could only hear Anakin because he was so close to you.

"Yes, dear one?"

"In my dream, the people disagreed and tried to hurt you. Be careful on your mission."

Perking up, Obi-Wan moved closer to the two of you, resting his hand on Anakin's shoulder, "You believe you had a vision, Anakin?"

"D'know, felt weird... joleu." That last word was in a language you didn't recognize, and with a jolt you realized it could have been the slave's language, used only by slaves to slaves. It would have been what Anakin learned first as a child, then Huttese, then Basic.

"Winkee, Anakin," you responded in Huttese since you didn't know the slave's language and ran a soothing hand through his hair. Within a minute he was fast asleep once again.

Obi-Wan squeezed Anakin's shoulder lightly and made a move to get off the bed. Rolling your eyes, you grabbed Obi-Wan's wrist and kept him close.

"It's okay to show him affection, Obi."

"He's asleep," Obi-Wan said that like it explained everything.

"Then I'll be the only one to know."

Hesitantly, Obi-Wan reached out for Anakin. He shifted Anakin first, so he was lying down instead of half sitting up, then Obi-Wan leaned against the headboard and draped an arm across Anakin's middle. He was hilariously stiff so you got more comfortable and laid your own arm right next to Obi-Wan, tracing ancient runes into his skin.

"That's not what those runes are meant for," Obi-Wan's voice was low, and it sent pleasant tingles up your spine.

"No, but you aren't as tense anymore so I'll call it a win," Anakin stirred slightly and you stilled, waiting for him to settle again before you continued, "It seems all you two needed to do was talk to each other."

"I doubt our problems are over with this one talk."

"Perhaps not, but you feel much better, don't you? This was a step in the right direction. Now the two of you just need to build on this rather than break it down."

"I don't want to fail him," Obi-Wan's voice became thick with emotion he rarely showed, "I loved Master Qui-Gon dearly, but I think you were right on Naboo (Y/n). I think about some of the things he did and I imagine doing that to Anakin and feel sick. I don't want to be like that."

"You won't," you said it firmly and without a doubt in your mind, "You aren't Qui-Gon, and you'll never be him no matter how hard you try, and that's perfectly fine. I like you much better this way, and if you ever tried to pull what Qui-Gon did I would kick your ass anyway."

Obi-Wan chuckled and suddenly began tracing runes into Anakin's skin as well, creating a train of almost-moving-meditation.

Without warning, something snapped into place in your mind. From the way Obi-Wan jerked he felt it too, and Anakin grumbled in his sleep enough that he must have felt the same.

"Do you-"

"I do."

"And his-"

"Yes."

"But that should be impossible."

Glancing at Anakin, then Obi-Wan, you had to bite back an incredulous laugh, "We're speaking of impossibilities whilst cuddling a boy with no biological father. Anything is possible within the Force, Obi."

"A three-way bond," Obi-Wan murmured in response, pure awe in his voice, "It doesn't feel like a training bond either. It's less formal and more..."

"Familial," you supplied, "The bond itself feels warm and light, and it's stronger than both of our training bonds with Anakin despite the training bonds existing for longer."

"We should tell the Council about this."

"We don't even know what this is Obi-Wan. They'll likely send up to the Halls of Healing to be analyzed together, or chalk it up to something related to me being a Gray Jedi."

"Has this happened to you before?"

"No, but there are many capabilities Gray Jedi have that Jedi and Sith don't- a perk of exploring both sides of the Force so thoroughly. This could be something like that or something different. Let me research a bit before we make any rash decisions."

Obi-Wan huffed, and you knew he didn't like that what you were saying made sense, "Alright, but I'd like to help you research this as well. I've never heard of a bond being between multiple people and being so strong as well."

"I assume it will only grow stronger as time goes on," you mused.

Sighing, Obi-Wan suddenly pulled his arm away from Anakin and stood, "That will make things difficult."

Pulling away from Anakin as well, you made sure he was comfortable before following Obi-Wan out into the living room, "It doesn't have to. I know you're going to try to distance yourself Obi-Wan, but it's just going to hurt all of us. It's okay to-"

"To what? To stray from the Code? To go against a rule ingrained into the foundations of the Order? You and I both know that casual flings are different than whatever has gone on between us- and there has never been a Jedi with a family bond. I'm not like you! I can't walk around the Temple pretending to follow the rules because I'm some special kind of Force User."

"That's not what I'm asking of you, Obi-Wan. Loving and feeling connected to those closest to you will not forsake you as a Jedi."

"Our views are inherently different, (Y/n). I cannot walk the path you do to pursue what is forming."

"I wouldn't ask that of you either. You're right, as a Gray Jedi I view things differently, but what about my Master?"

"Master Plo?"

"Yes. Despite being my teacher he is entirely a light Jedi like you. The day I was knighted he spoke of love and attachment. He believes the Code warns against prioritizing one's loved ones over their duty. The Code doesn't forbid attachment, it warns against the idea of abandoning your duty to the galaxy."

"A Jedi's duty comes before anything else," Obi-Wan was much calmer now, your words soothing his inner-turmoil, "You understand that?"

"I do. I love you very much, but if it came between you or the galaxy then I would choose the galaxy every time."

Obi-Wan surged forward and before you knew it the two of you were kissing. A part of you wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. The only reason Obi-Wan finally felt comfortable pursuing something was because you assured him his life wouldn't be held over others'. Then again, Obi-Wan never really understood his worth. You'd work on that eventually. Right now, all you wanted to focus on was the fact that you were finally finally kissing the man you loved.

It was at first almost as if he hadn't wanted to kiss you: His mouth was hard on yours, unyielding; then he put both arms around you and pulled you against him. His lips softened. You could feel the rapid beat of his heart, taste the sweetness of Polta tea still on his mouth. You wound your hands into his hair, as you'd done so many times before to help him relax. Your heart was hammering, and there was a rushing sound in your ears, like beating wings-

"Wait, wait-" you pulled back slightly, just enough to speak, "If we aren't- Anakin and the- Obi-Wan the chemicals-"

Eyes widening in realization, Obi-Wan picked up on what you were saying even if it came out in several aborted sentences, "Right, the aphrodisiacs. How bad..."

Thinking for a moment to take stock and taste the familiar tang of chemicals in your mouth, you replied, "Not awful, but it would have probably gotten worse. Ingesting that probably isn't something you want to do when there's another Force-sensitive here."

"Decidedly not," Obi-Wan winced slightly, "We'll have to be careful of that in the future. But... if I don't actually ingest any of your saliva..."

Laughing quietly you leaned up and gave Obi-Wan a quick peck, "We'll figure it out, this and the rest of our relationship." Another Force boned snapped into place between the two of you- leaving you with 3 each, "I'll look into that as well."

Because both of you weren't prepared for the sudden intrusion, both of your shields were weaker than normal. Admiration-awe-surety-love came from Obi-Wan's side of the bond. You were sure you were sending similar emotions back.

"My next couple of lessons will have to be on shielding."

"That's probably a good idea. I should go, I'm teaching Wookie to the younglings tomorrow morning."

"I don't pity you." Obi-Wan winced.

"Of course you don't," rolling your eyes you picked up your boots at the door, seeing no point in putting them on to cross the hallway, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, (Y/n)."

~*~

The next afternoon you were searching the archives for information pertaining to Force bonds. The peace and quiet was the perfect way to unwind from your morning of younglings butchering Wookie.

"History of Force Bonds?"

Jumping, you nearly dropped the datapad in your hand. Master Dooku was behind you, an amused smile on his lips.

"You startled me," you admitted sheepishly, "I was looking for some light reading. My mind was on Padawans so it led me here."

"Thinking of taking one?"

"Oh no, I am far from ready for that," you chuckled, "I taught the younglings this morning."

Master Dooku smiled, "Spending time with them does make one think of such things."

"Yes, and I thought I might find something useful pertaining to Master-Padawan bonds for Obi-Wan and Anakin-" you cut yourself off in realization, "I apologize. I'm afraid I've been insensitive."

"Insensitive."

"Yes. Master Qui-Gon was your Padawan."

"He had not been for many years."

"I can't imagine that would lessen the hurt much. The ones we love never truly leave our hearts."

Master Dooku tilted his head, "You assume I loved him."

You winced, realizing you had just backed yourself into a corner, "I didn't mean to make assumptions, Master Dooku. I taught Anakin for only a month and our bond became strong. Master Qui-Gon was your Padawan for many years."

Master Dooku regarded you curiously once more. His silence made you worry that you had actually offended him.

"Do you have the time to go for a walk, Knight Pavond?"

Nodding, you returned the datapad to its shelf and followed Master Dooku. The two of you walked in silence until you reached the East Gardens- a popular place to study since it was so close to the archives.

"I apologize if my invitation was sudden," Master Dooku started, "Your words surprised me. There are few in the Order who would speak so openly of apparent attachments."

Unsure of where the conversation was going you thought over your words carefully, "I believe attachment is hard to avoid- especially in Master-Padawan pairings."

"We all look for connection," Master Dooku hummed his agreement, "Of course such connections are often seen as dangerous to the rest of the Order."

"I think there are different kinds of attachment and connection, Master Dooku. We are encouraged to be attached to our lightsabers, told they are our life- but we're also pushed away from those around us which can take away a valuable support system. I understand the basis of such rules, but I think they're taught too severely."

"And what of the other facets of the Code?"

Humming under your breath, you thought back to all the days you struggled to stay Gray- all the days giving up and choosing one or the other seemed so much easier, then you thought of how hard Obi-Wan struggled to be perfect. "I think there is room for improvement, especially when the galaxy is ever-changing. Remaining stagnant is what will further separate us from those we wish to protect. However... remaining firmly in the Light is very difficult for many. The Code exists to assist in that, however strict so may see it as."

"You say that the Order is backing away from the galaxy, but we are firmly entrenched in the politics of the senate."

"The Senate and the rest of the galaxy are very different things, Master Dooku. Being connected to the senate is important, seeing as the Republic takes up so much of the known galaxy, but it also takes away from those outside of the Republic. I fear..."

Master Dooku picked up on your hesitation, "You don't have to fear retribution from me, Knight Pavond."

"I fear as time goes on it will only get worse, and it will not be a partnership we have with the Senate. Some day... the Order might be at the beck and call of a government body rather than the Force."

"Yes, I agree. It has been many years since I encountered someone who I could speak with about the intricacies of the Jedi Order."

The two of you had walked the entire outer edge of the garden by that point, and were approaching the exit, "I must admit I'm a bit surprised a Jedi Master shares the views of a... progressive Jedi Knight."

Your views were generally excusable because not only were you a part of a newer generation that viewed the Code differently (all of your nights out with your friends as teenagers proved that), but you were more importantly a Gray Jedi who was supposed to separate themself from the views of the High Council and Order in general. Why did a Master, who had held the title for many years, hold the same regard for the Order as a Gray Jedi?

"You are from a new generation, yes, but I have had many years to ponder such things," Master Dooku smiled, and what should have been reassuring only raised more questions, "I hope we can have a conversation like this again. Good day, Knight Pavond."

"Oh, wait, Master Dooku!" You called out, an idea popping into your head, "I know that you are not very close to Obi-Wan, but I think the two of you could help each other heal. Would you be open to meeting with him? Maybe for dinner once a week?"

Master Dooku smiled, and you could feel his pleasant surprise in the Force, "I will gladly meet with Obi-Wan for a meal if we can continue these conversations as well."

"It's a deal then, Master Dooku."

After that, Master Dooku met with Obi-Wan once a week for dinner. You were never sure what the two of them talked about, if it was all about Qui-Gon or if they spoke of other things. You watched Anakin at that time, and there always seemed to be less grief in Obi-Wan's eyes when you brought his Padawan back. You and Master Dooku often met over tea or in one of the gardens to discuss the philosophies of being a Light Jedi working within the Order.

A year after your deal was struck, Master Dooku left the order due to large differences in thought with the Council. He left a message for both you and Obi-Wan, an open invitation to visit Serrano whenever you wished- knowing a place would always be ready in his home.

Obi-Wan was devastated over losing another support system, but after several meetings with his Mind Healer and conversations with you, he realized none of it was his fault and it had likely been a long time coming. He was thankful for the time he had with his Grandmaster and saved Master Dooku's message rather than deleting it. You were unsure if either of you would ever take Master Dooku up on his offer, but it was there.

It wasn't until a week after Master Dooku left the Order when you were drinking a cup of caf from a mug he left in your apartment when you remembered your last conversation.

"What life is there for a Jedi not in the Order?" Master Dooku asked you, and at the time you thought it was purely hypothetical.

"Well, many assume that leaving the Order is the first step in Falling, but there are many paths for Force users. You could easily be an independent worker or a Gray Jedi. They still hold the title but are separate from any one body unless they choose to work with one."

Master Dooku rubbed his beard in contemplation, "Hm, yes, there are many paths for Force users. I'm sure it is reassuring for many."

Taking another sip of your caf, you sighed. There were many paths for Force users. You just hoped Dooku chose a good one.