RECORDING ONE

Luke

[static]

Officer Kelly: Mr. Hemmings, you understand everything you are saying from this point on is being audio recorded until I tell you otherwise? Anything you say may be used against you in trial. You reserve the right to remain silent.

Luke: Fifth Amendment.

K: Pardon?

L: Erm, sorry. Yeah, got it.

K: Please clearly state you understand you're being recorded.

L: I clearly understand I'm being recorded.

K: Thank you. [papers shuffle in the background] You are here because you broke through a display case at Tiffany & Co. and attempted to steal a necklace. Can you confirm?

L: I didn't want the necklace.

K: The reports state-

L: I didn't want the necklace. I took it, but I didn't want it. It wasn't for me, and it wasn't for anyone else.

K: Then why did you take it?

L: [shifting in his seat, clothes rustling audibly] I dunno, that's just what I do. I steal stuff.

K: I see. [pen scratches against a notepad] You know stealing is illegal?

L: Yeah. [hesitates] I can't help it. I don't want to steal, either. I just do.

K: Kleptomaniac.

L: Kelp Pluto what?

K: Never mind. Please recount your version of the story, please.

L: I told myself not to go in. If I went in, I knew I'd try to take something. But I went in anyways. And there was the most beautiful shining diamond necklace. My fingers were itching to grab it. It's like they acted on their own. I didn't mean to! It was just so shiny and compelling and all of a sudden, my fist was smashing through glass.

K: [murmuring to herself] No clear recollection... Shining... Kleptomaniac... Magpie's Syndrome...

L: What are you saying?

K: Huh? Oh, nothing. I'm sorry, but Mr. Hemmings, we're going to have to put you back into the handcuffs.

L: I don't mind. They're shiny.

[tape ends]