*Julia*

When I wake up in the morning, Paul and James are the only ones in Nate's apartment.

"Where is everyone??" I ask as Paul hands me a cup of coffee. "And why are you still here if Nate is gone?" I eye the bodyguard.

"Nate didn't want to wake you. He had an early morning practice, so he is already with the production team. Trisha has a meeting with Leslie. Jonah and Casey are walking the dog."

"Oh." That makes sense. I sit down on the couch next to James and give him a sip of my coffee. His hands seem extra shaky today, and I wonder if he didn't get a ton of sleep last night.

"Did Nate tell you what we are doing tonight?" James asks with a touch of excitement.

"Nope." I say dryly. He didn't tell me anything. We aren't in a good place right now, but I don't say that out loud.

"We're going to a Premiere League soccer game! Crystal Palace.  AND he got suite tickets!" James smiles down at me. I do remember Nate once telling me we were gonna go to a soccer game while in London.

"Danny would have loved that." I sigh, bringing the mood down a little.

"You good, Moretti?" Paul  squints his eyes at me when he sits down on the chair and grabs the remote.

"Yeah, I'm fine." But that's not good enough for James. I can see it in his eyes. I huff and continue. "Nate and I just had a little tiff last night, that's all." I end it there. I could tell James could see right through me yesterday, so at least by telling him this, he'll know what's up and drop it. I have a feeling that if I tell James details of something stupid like this, Nate will be going on stage tomorrow night with a shiner. Now is not the time to bring it up.

"Around noon, we are gonna go out to eat, and then Nate wants to show everyone the tour busses we'll be living in for the next year." James changes the subject for me. I nod and give him another sip of coffee.

Living in a tour bus for a year. I'm not sure I thought all of this through. But then again, do I ever think all of anything through? This is better than being at the Avalon. I need to knock it off and look at this experience as a positive one. I'm in a funk, and I know it, but people would kill to be in my shoes right now. I need to stop taking it for granted. And at least we are away, healthy and all together. Nate's not drinking. There's no Mila.

*******

*Nate*

[Sono a Londra per un servizio fotografico! Magari possiamo prendere un caffe insieme?]

I glance at Mila's text message and head to the bathroom to translate it without Trisha seeing me. "I'm in London for a photoshoot! Maybe we can have a coffee together?"

Shit.

Everyone thinks I texted Mila to let her know  it's over, but I couldn't do it. I don't know why, but now I'm digging myself into a hole I'm not sure I can get out of. Without realizing it, I smile at Mila's text reaching out to me, but it fades fast. I can't be seen with her. What the hell am I even thinking anyway?? That would absolutely kill Julia.

[ Aww I wish I could. I'm only here another day. My concert is tomorrow night and then we are back on the road. Hope you are well.]

'Aww I wish I could'??? Fuck. Why did I say that in the message. Mila gets right back to me.

[Nessun problema. Mi manchi. Divertiti domani sera!]

"No worries. I miss you. Have a great time tomorrow night!" She replies.

[Thanks love] 

I quickly shove my phone into my back pocket and head to the stage. Mila has guts. I always knew she did. She went behind management's back and reached out to me. Something I don't think I would have had the spine to do with the way my management team is.

I need to get my mind off Mila and on to Julia, though. Look what good it did me yesterday. I will have to text Mila when I'm done here and let her know things are off. For real.

Practice and soundcheck run smoothly, and we are ready for tomorrow night.  I shower and head back to the game room to wait for Holly, my hair and make-up lady, to arrive. The next two hours  will be my photo shoot with the band, and then I have a signing event. My driver will pick up Paul and James for security. Hopefully Julia will be fine and want to come as well.

"You guys were amazing up there!" Leslie speedwalks into the room with Trisha right behind her.

"Couldn't have done it without you, Les." I watch my tour manager open her binder and scan today's agenda.

"Ok, so you have a photoshoot on stage and then a signing event. You should be done by noon, and then you are free to go. The tour buses arrived about a half hour ago as well as the bus with your wardrobe. Holly should be here any minute." She reads from the binder.

Trisha looks at me with a huge smile on her face. She loves this stuff. All of it. As do I. 

"Trish, can you make sure Sammy picks up Paul and James for me? See if the rest want to come as well." I stand up right as Holly walks in.

"Well, hello there! You ready, Mr. Hollan?" Holly gives me a hug, and we head to my dressing room. 

If Julia does decide to come, I'll have to talk to her and remind her not to take anything to heart. I know some of my fans are not sold on the idea of Nate and Julia." The Instagram comments alone proved that.

*****

*Julia*

"You can join me, you know." James flirts. I roll my eyes at him and pour shampoo into his hand.

"Behave."

I purposely took a quick shower before James to get ready. This way, I won't be tempted to join him in his shower.

"This all feels like a weird dream." He drops his flirtation... and the soap. His hands aren't cooperating with him one bit today. I hop off the counter and help him out while we chat.

"What.. you showering in The Nate Hollan's London bathroom?" I snort.

"He's still just Jackass Nate to me. But this. Being in London. On tour. Traveling and not worrying about money or anything."

When I'm mad at Nate, I tend to forget how much he has done for not just me but James as well. I don't want to take any of this for granted. Nate has a huge heart. It's his attitude that needs some tweaking. Who am I to judge, though? I'm a mess.

"Yeah, it does feel like a dream. Sure beats being at The Avalon right now. Hey, I forgot to tell you, your sister Jennie wants to face time you before we head out.  You never checked in with her once we landed. I think you're in the doghouse." 

"I'm not used to traveling. I forgot. But I did facetime Katie and Kendall this morning. I'll reach out to Jennie too."

I love how protective his sisters are. How they want James to check in at every stop. I think about that for a second while James finishes his shower. I have no one. No one 'back home' wanting me to check in or ask how I am. Chloe is busy with her own kids and life. Who do I have.. fucking Jeremy? How depressing.

"You're in a funk, babe. What's going on?" James can tell I was off in my own world just now.

"I'm not sure. Just not feeling myself. Maybe it's the time change or something."

"I knew this would be a lot for you. By the time we get used to the time change here we will be somewhere else. You're not used to this. Neither am I." James lifts a shaky hand. "I think I'm just tired but my body is letting me know this is a lot. We've only been on tour two days."

James never thought going on tour would be a good idea but the closer we got the more excited he got. Now that we are actually doing it I think..... the excitement is still there....but he is second guessing a full year of this. My options were tour or The Avalon. I'm not an idiot. But James has his sisters. He has his family. So I'm not surprised he is second guessing this decision a little.

Maybe I am too.

*****

"Well look who it is." Nate's grin is wide when he sees me walk into the room. Everyone is here together, even Maggie. Nate looks good. Holly makes him look flawless. Not one hair out of place. Nate's wearing a white button-down shirt that unbuttoned down his chest and black pants. He just finished a photo shoot and about to change into casual clothing for the rest of the day.

"How are you doing, doll?" He asks, pulling me in for a hug. I stiffen right up, making it known I'm still irritated with him a little.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired, still trying to get used to the time change." I pull away.

"You don't have to come to the signing event if you don't want. You can stay here and hang out until I'm done. It's right around the corner. Up to you, darlin."

Does he not want me to go now?? He's giving me mixed signals. Am I overthinking this?

"I'll do whatever you want." 

"Ok." Nate pulls me off to the side a little. "Hey, remember not to take anything personally if fans say shit. They're just talking outta their ass is all."

I know what Nate is talking about. If fans call me "Bad luck charm", or  say anything about how Mila should be here in my place. I nod but it's kinda hard to do when you really DO think you're the bad luck charm and you really DO believe Mila is a better fit for Nate.

Nate grabs my hand and we leave everyone to head to his dressing room. Once inside, he closes the door and looks down at me.

"Are we ok?" He asks. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Yeah, we're fine." My words come out questionable, but Nate wraps his arms around me. He got carried away.  That's all that was. I can tell he is genuinely sorry for it.

After a moment, I finally give in and melt into his embrace. I close my eyes and take in his scent. I should be grateful to even be here. To even be his girlfriend. I need to stop being a baby about shit.

"I'll never act like that again. I don't know what got into me doll. I really am sorry."

"Just... I don't know. Ask me first. I don't mind being rough. I just felt a little used." I admit truthfully and Nate hugs me tighter. "Listen. Maybe I will hang here while you do your meet and greet. Both James and I are a bit tired. I can tell by the way his body isn't cooperating with him today. Maybe we'll get a little rest before the soccer game tonight."

"Football."

Here we go.

"Soccer." 

"You're in London, princess. Around here it's football and I'm not gonna let you win this time." Nate smirks at me and then begins to get changed.

I sit on the couch and watch him but also notice a split second where he turns around and puts his hand on his chest. He must have felt one of those shooting pains he gets from the arrhythmia he has. I frown when he tries to hide it but don't say anything. I don't want to stress him out more. 

"James is doing a really good job as a bodyguard, huh? He fits right in." Nate says, hoping I didn't notice.

"Yah, I guess he worked with Paul on a few different occasions awhile back. Paul trained him well." I watch Nate fiddle with his hair in the mirror for a second.

"Ok, I'll walk you back. You sure you'll be fine here?" 

"Yep. I prefer it." And it sounds like Nate probably does as well. We walk back to the huge warehouse looking game room where the caterers have set up a brunch for anyone hungry. It must have cost a fortune for Nate to do this. The amount of food laid out is insane. Granted there's a lot of people that are part of The Nate Hollan Tour, but still... 

"Ready to go, Mr. Hollan?" Leslie picks up her binder and Trisha does the same. They all head out together while Me, James, Jonah and Casey stay behind. Casey challenges Jonah to a game of ping pong while I plop down on the couch next to James.

"Now what?" He asks while petting his dog.

"Now we chill out and wait." I curl up next to James but something catches my eye. Nate's phone lights up on the coffee table in front of us.

Mila Giovanni is texting him?

I sit up straight and stare at Nate's phone. I can feel James stiffen up, obviously seeing the phone as well. I grab it and unlock it.

"Julia... maybe you should wait for Nate to come back." James warn, watching me invade Nate's privacy. I pay no attention to him and open the message. Some of it is in Italian and I have no clue what she is saying, so I pull out my phone and use google Translate.

"Babe.."

"Shut up." I snap, now gaining  Jonah's attention. "I want to know what she said."  I read the text out loud to myself but also to James.

"I'm in London for a photoshoot. Maybe we can have a coffee together." I read aloud. "Aww, I wish I could. I'm only here another day. My concert is tomorrow night and then we are back on the road. Hope you are well."

Aww, I wish I could?? Is he for real right now? I swallow hard and continue.

"No worries. I miss you. Have a great time tomorrow night!" 

"Thanks, love."

"I thought he ended it?" I scroll back, and there is nothing letting me know Nate texted Mila to end it.

He lied to me. About Mila.

My stomach begins to tie up in a knot while I reread the text. I can't believe he is still talking to her after he told me it was done.

The door swings open, and Nate furrows his brows when he sees me holding his phone.

"I knew I left that somewhere." 

I stand up and throw the phone at his chest.

"I fucking HATE you." I hiss. 

******

*Nate*

I pick up my phone off the floor and see that it's open to Mila's text. Christ, I should have deleted that. Julia must have seen it when Mila texted me back a few minutes ago.

"Jule..."

"Jule nothing!"

"What's happening?" Jonah walks over filled with concern.

"Absolutely NOTHING is happening." Julia pulls off her engagement ring and throws two million dollars at me. I quickly scramble to pick it up.

"Jules. Knock it off! You can't just go throwing this thing around like that!"

"Give it to Mila. It'll fit her better." Julia pushes past me and leaves the room, slamming the door behind her.

"SHIT! I don't have time for this!" I grab hold of my chest and squeeze my eyes tight.

"Nate.. sit down." Jonah notices immediately and grabs his medical bag to take my blood pressure. "What happened?"

"She saw this Jackass texting Mila Giovanni." James glares at me before leaving the room to go  find Julia.

"Your blood pressure is high. I'm gonna give you an Ativan to calm you down a little. You idiot." Jonah shakes his head at me and I drop my head down to my hands.  He rummages through his medical bag with a huff of disappointment in me.

"I told her no, that I couldn't meet her for coffee." I say under my breath.

"You never called it off, did you Nate? You know, if Julia has a meltdown, I'm not gonna be mad at her. You do shit like this and then wonder why she can't handle being with you."

Jonah opens the bottle and hands me a pill. I take it right away.

"I was gonna.."

"You lied to me. To Julia.." Jonah looks at me with disgust.

"I don't have time for this." I tear off the cuff and leave the room. My driver is waiting for me outside. Paul is waiting for me outside. I need to go. I walk through the main entrance and outside to find Julia, James AND Paul outside the door. Tears stream down Julia's face.

"You're a dick." Paul walks back to the SUV.

"Jules. I said no. She asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee and I said no."  Which I did. But I have no idea how far into the message Julia read or if she translated anything.

"Yeah, You also said 'aww wish I could' and she said 'Miss you' and you said 'thanks love'. I read the whole thing you asshole! You never called anything off! You lied to me!"

I really don't have time for this.

"Jules. I said no. I really have to go. We'll talk about this later." I turn away from my crying fiancé and get into the SUV.

"Paul...don't." I say before Paul has a chance to speak. I close my eyes and pinch the tension at the bridge of my nose.

FUCK.

This is SO not how I thought the start of tour would go.

*****

When I'm done working, I don't let out a sigh of relief like usual. No, not at all. Because now I have to face the music. Of course, hearing my fans talk about how Mila should be with me during the signing event didn't help. Julia made the right choice not to come to this.

"You're looking a little ...pale, playboy. You feel ok?" Trisha puts her hand on my forehead once we get into the SUV.

"He's fine." Paul grunts and then proceeds to tell Trisha what she missed this morning.

"You motherfucker." Trisha's trucker mouth comes out as she shakes her head in disappointment. "You just love to stir the pot. So now what? What are we walking in to here?"

"I have no idea, ok?" I slouch down a little and close my eyes. "I fucked up."

"You sure did. Now is not the time to fuck up. You better hope Gallo doesn't knock some sense into you. Holly can only do so much with make-up."

She's right.

 I better steer clear of James or I WILL have a black eye.

******

*Julia*

Jonah makes me have a virtual meeting with Jeremy to help calm me down. I end up telling him everything about Mila.

"Do you think you may need to come back, Julia?" Jeremy asks.

"You need to stop saying that. I'm not going back. There's nothing to go back to. The Avalon? Yeah, no thanks." I cross my arms over my chest and lean back in my chair, now feeling a little calmer getting it all off my chest. I don't tell him about yesterday and almost wonder if Nate was thinking of Mila when he got that rough with me. Is he rough with her? Is that why?

My bottom lip quivers thinking about that and I close my eyes for a moment.

"Julia. Do you feel like this is all too much for you?"

"You know I do!" I snap. "But it's only day two. I need to give it time. This was just the cherry on top."

"Take a deep breath for me. Your anxiety is high right now. Too high."

No shit...

I get through the therapy session and hate that by the end, Jeremy was the one to be able to calm me down completely. I close the laptop and then close my eyes.

"Julia. Can we talk?" Nate's British accent fills my ears and I hear the door close.

"I'm done talking." I say  with my eyes still closed and head back against the chair.

"Ok... then listen." I hear Nate sit down on the other chair. "I'm sorry. Again. I'm fucking up left and right here."

"You sure are."

"Jules, can you please open you eyes and look at me?" I feel Nate take my hand and my bottom lip quivers. I open my eyes to see Nate's bloodshot red eyes full of tears. "I fucked up. I should have texted her but I didn't. I just thought-"

"You just thought to lie to me?" I burst into tears and pull my hand out of his grip. "God, you know what? I should have known. I'm so naïve. I had a feeling it wasn't over between you two. I don't know why I ever thought coming with you was a good idea. I don't know why I EVER thought I could trust you. You're no better than Luke. So just.. go have coffee with Mila." I sniff and look away.

"Have coffee with her, fuck her, marry her, do whatever the hell you want. You're gonna do it anyway. It's SO over Nate. You and me. We're done. And now..." I try to catch my breath but can't. I'm so worked up again. "Now I'm stuck. Because I have nowhere to go. I have nowhere to go and no one to go to."

"Jule, please!" Nate pleads. "I said no to her. You're right. I lied to you and should have texted her but I thought..I don't know..I hadn't talked to her in so long, why bother even reaching out? I just wanted to leave well enough alone. Then when she texted me to  meet up... I was just trying to be nice. But I said no. I don't talk to her, I don't even think about her Julia!"

"You need to stop lying to me. You wouldn't have snapped at me that time in the car if you weren't thinking about her. God, for once, just be honest with me!" I stand up, in need of air. "I feel so lost right now!!"

Nate starts to cry and I glare at him.

"No, you don't get to cry! You don't get to shed tears over something you did! I need you to take me home ... or somewhere...I don't know. I need to get out of here!"

I begin to feel myself spiral out of control. Panic sets in as I look around the small conference room. I have nowhere to go. The walls feel like they are closing in on me. I can't friggen breath I'm crying so hard. My eyes and nose are running and my lungs are burning.

"Julia, sit down. Shit." I hear Jonah's voice but everything is spinning. I pull at my hair while crying and then focus on Nate. 

"Why would you do this to me!"

"Jule, you're overreacting."

"Nate, that's not helping." Jonah grabs the laptop and logs back in.

"Julia you need to breathe for me." I feel Jonah sit me down in the chair.

"I CAN'T!"

*****

*Nate*

Jonah ends up having to get Jeremy back on the laptop and when he sees Julia having a panic attack after he just calmed her down, he is anything but happy with me.

"Julia, can you please look at me? Me and only me." Jeremy says. "Sit on the ground. Take the laptop with you. Lean against the wall and plant your feet down to stop the spinning." Julia does what the doctor says but it's not working. She's hyperventilating, and Jonah looks very concerned now since a good fifteen minutes have gone by and Jules still isn't calm. 

"Jonah." The doctor gets the nurses attention and he looks down at the laptop. "You're gonna have to...."

Have to what??

I look over at Jonah whose eyes fill with sorrow. What the hell does he have to do?

"Nate. Get my black medical bag."

My heart drops.

"No.. No Jonah! She's worked so hard." I know exactly what's going on now.

"Fucking LOOK at her Nate!" Jeremy, still on the facetime call, loses control. "She needs to calm down! YOU did this!"

Jonah storms out of the room and I chase him.

"No Jonah, I can get her to calm down. She doesn't need Ativan. It's just gonna mess her up. You know this!" I say while trying to catch up to him. He heads straight to the room where everyone else is sitting and looks at Casey.

"I need the bag." He demands and Casey nods. Apparently they hid it in a cabinet  while spending the day here.

"What's going on??" Paul asks and both him and James stand up.

"Jonah, please.... You know I can calm her down."

"What I know is you are one selfish sonofabitch. And now look. Look what we have to do. You're gonna kill her one of these days." Jonah unlocks the bag and rummages through it looking for the Ativan. I feel my heart pounding so hard it hurts. This can't be happening.

"Think about what you're doing right now." I gulp hard, not caring tears are running down my face in front of everyone. "Jonah..."

"What the hell is going on?" James looks at us, needing answers. Then we see the nurse pull out the prescription bottle of Ativan. Jonah looks at me and shakes his head. 

"You make my job much more difficult than it needs to be." He storms out of the room with the bottle of pills. James follows him as I slide down the wall and cover my face with my hands.

"FUCK!"

This can't be happening.

*****