Lonely together
Avicii x Rita Ora

Matthew Gray

"So, why did you brought me here?" I asked Justin.

We've been swimming together for a couple of minutes, of course with the help of Justin or else I probably would've drowned. It was so fun to do this though even if I was scared to death Justin made sure that he wouldn't let go of me and I actually felt safe in his arms. He tried his hardest to make me feel comfortable, at ease.

His arms reminded me of a safe and familiar place called home.

Now we were fully dressed and walking back towards Justin his car again. I decided that it was finally time to ask him about yesterday, we both know that we couldn't avoid that subject for ever even if we wanted to.

I looked to the side and found Justin looking back at me, but once we actually made eye contact he immediately turned his head away from me.

Was he staring at me?

"You.. You don't remember anything about yesterday, do you?" Justin asked me in a soft yet almost sad way.

"I.. I remember that I couldn't find something anymore so I drank a-and went outside, from then on it's just one big blur.." I said while thinking deeply about the previous day.

I turned my head and looked at how thoughtful his green eyes looked like, as if he didn't know what to say or what to do. But that can't be, can it? He's Justin! He always knows what to do whether it was utterly smart or just really stupid.

My eyes fell on his now dark blonde hair since it was dripping from droplets of water. Blonde strands fell slightly over his forehead and it made him look hella hot yet so cute and beautiful.

He was that boy that everyone should and will be jealous of, if they want to or not. He's that type of boy that looks perfect even though I know that he makes mistakes too and that he does so many things wrong.

But it makes him human and I know that, but I'm wondering if other people know that he's just a human too.

"Yesterday.." He wandered off again and it made me feel slightly scared.

He was acting unlike himself and very serious. I wasn't used to that and I didn't like it when he was like that. It meant that it had to be something very serious to talk about. The tone in his voice changes, but also his posture and the look on his face.

"You.." He stopped and started to frown whilst looking at me. "You worried me.. I know I said it one time before but.. but have you seen yourself Matt? You've been a living mess and yesterday you got so terribly drunk! I don't know what the hell you were thinking, talking about unicorns and shit" He rambled and shook his head.

I felt attacked since he was talking to me as if I was an object yet I knew he was right. I felt more stupid and naive after he said that. I felt utterly embarrassed. Yet somehow I felt like I should defend myself whether I was in the right or wrong.

"What is even the problem in that? And why the heck does it even matter? Yeah so what, everyone gets drunk and talks about stupid things. Why would you even care?" I defended myself, but used a softer tone, than his that was laced with worry, anger and something that I couldn't quite pinpoint.

As if he was so disappointed in me. Maybe I am a disappointment.. I'm that for everyone anyways.

"Because you almost got run over by a freaking car Matthew!" He suddenly yelled at me and shut me down immediately with it.

It suddenly all clicked for me and all the memories had been flowing back into my brain. I had a nightmare about him, having a panic attack when I woke up and I couldn't find my pills anymore. I didn't know what to do and I wanted, no, I needed to forget.

It made sense why he was acting so weird and now I actually remember what I did the day before. He used my full name and I hated that, but I knew this was something serious and I wasn't wrong about that. It is something serious. This is something very serious.

"I-"

"No Matt, just listen to me for once okay?" He asked and looked at me, almost desperately. It felt like a knife had been pierced through my heart and I didn't like it when he was like this so I just nodded before I'd make things only worse.

I always make things worse for everyone.

"Look I get it okay? I know that you're trying to act all tough and dominant. You're not showing your emotions, acting like nothing ever happened. Sometimes it's good, it's really good of you that you don't show everything to the world. You're staying strong for others and are careful yet so respectful towards yourself. But Matt.. I know you're hurting, filling yourself up with anger. You are killing yourself with all of it. You have to talk about this some time, it's okay I promise. I know I'm not very thrust worthy, but you can talk to me or Ryan if you'd feel more comfortable with him. I won't force you to. But.. You have to talk about him some day" He stopped, looked at me and took a step closer which made me stop in my tracks and look back at him.

"You're not alone Matz" He looked closely at me, so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek causing goosebumps all over my back.

That's how we stood there in front of his car, staring like two idiots at one another. His green eyes looking into my dull grey ones. I fully disliked the tall attractive boy, but I knew why people liked him so much. He had a great sculptured face, good body and he was just hot in their eyes.

It's a shame that they never looked any further into him. I mean I didn't either, because I didn't and still don't like him.

But if you'd look good and closer to him then you should be able to see his real smile, that one where he laughs soft showing all of his perfect teeth. And his bright green eyes that reminded me of the cold woods and all the high green mountains. Or you'd see his real personality where he's a teasing fool yet so sweet and caring.

Why didn't anyone else see that?

Before I know it, Justin enveloped me in a hug after having that weird staring contest. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his muscular body. I felt weird and different because of what he said.

I was touched, because I knew he was right even though I would never admit that.

"I got into a fight with Ryan" I muttered into his shoulder and hid my face.

"What? How? You two are basically inseparable" I heard him say in a confused manner.

"He got sick of me for the same reason as you" I muttered and broke out of our embrace.

I got into the car and Justin followed me into his car. He started the car and both of us stayed silent for a while. Until Justin spoke up again.

"You know.. I'm not sick of you, at least not like that okay? I get it, you're grieving over someone that had a way bigger meaning to you than just a boyfriend" He said and looked at me for a couple of seconds before looking back at the road again.

It left me confused. 'At least not like that'. What does that even mean?

"Can we- Can we just stop talking about this?" I asked him and looked outside at how the green trees were passing by and slowly disappeared into the distance. It reminded me of something, but what?

"Yeah that's okay, I'm already surprised that you talked that much about it even though it wasn't a lot. I expected you to yell at me, but instead you kept calm. And about Ryan? Don't worry, he's not sick of you. He'll come around soon enough. He cares about you a lot you know? I've seen it" He said and drove further.

I nodded and muttered a thank you, looking at the now dark blue sky. The color that reminds me of his eyes whenever he was sad or scared. It felt like this was a sign as if he was looking down at me, feeling the same things I had been feeling.

God.. I missed him so damn much.

"Where are we going?" I asked after a couple of minutes.

"We're going to my place for the rest of the day okay? Tomorrow we're going to school again, but for now? Let's forget, together" He shot me a small smile and focused his green eyes on the highway.

"Why would you even want to go with me? Ever since.. I became a loner" I asked him and frowned slightly.

And sadly it was true, I took distance from my old friends. He made me realize that they were never the right friends for me and then I started to hang out with his friends and his best friend, but even if he was gone they'd still be his friends at the end of the day and not mine.

"Then we'll be lonely together" Justin simply said and shrugged.

I turned my head towards the window and had been staring at the now visible sunrise that had been complimented by the water which had a reflection of the bright sun. There weren't any green trees to cover it up anymore and I felt at home just by looking at it. I continued to stare at the beautiful illuminating shades from the clear blue, purple and orange sky while Justin's words kept replaying over and over in my head.

Lonely together.