In my blood
Shawn Mendes

(Hi, I appreciate it if you could let me know what you think of this chapter. I feel like this whole book flops and sucks, and to be honest it makes me really sad when I think about that. So please let me know your opinion or comments something so I will know.)

Matthew Gray

"I didn't know that you could sing like that?!" Justin yelled excited when we were on our way back home.

"Oh.. Thank you?" I answered softly.

The forest-eyed boy helped me to get through the day and I was thankful for that, but if I was being honest, I felt like the walls that I had been building over the past few months broke down. The sad clouds in my heads turned into darkness as the stars fell down; crashing onto the ground.

My precious angel with his oceanic eyes and mop of curly hair was not here to comfort or soothe me anymore. Only he knew what to do with me, he was my first real love. But Rain Stanford was death and I had to accept that.

The only Rain that was alive, was in my head, but that was just the mean and more cruel version of him who told me that I wasn't worth it anymore and he convinced me that I should vanish from this earth.

Maybe he was right.

Right now I was left in the dark. The only light in my life faded away and I didn't know how to find my way back to the end of this depressive tunnel. Maybe I wouldn't find my way out, maybe I wouldn't be saved, because nobody needed me.

This heavy feeling had wrapped its way around my heart, suffocating me of breathing any fresh air, making my entire eyesight blurry and my throat burned from holding back my tears.

Couldn't I just hug Rain for one more time?

Different kinds of thoughts rushed into my head: from emotionally abusing myself to suicide.

Even if I pierced a knife through my heart, it wouldn't pain me as much as I did right now. I actually deserved way worse that, I should be in real pain and scream endlessly from the torture.

It would surprise you if you knew how dark my thoughts were.

And whenever I finally thought that I escaped this sinful path of me, I am being thrown right back at it.

Run away all you want, but one thing you can never escape are your own thoughts.

"So I have a talented boyfriend huh?" Justin said after a moment of silence, but his eyes widened when he realized how he called me.

My head snapped towards him with big eyes as he pulled me away from my previous thoughts.

Boyfriend? What are we? Were we official? Did I want to be official? He never asked me?

But I never asked him either..

The blood rushed to my cheeks as I looked the other way so he wouldn't notice that he got me all flustered. But in fact, my hands were shaking from the nerves and it was pretty obvious.

"I- uh.. Sorry, I didn't mean to call you that" He apologized and stopped when we finally arrived at my house.

See, nobody likes you Matthew. You are just a sad disgusting person, you are a burden to everyone and no one wants you. Can't you see?

A soft sigh left my lips while I got out and rushed inside my house towards my room.

Justin walked to my bed and layed down on his back. I crawled next to him, resting my head on top of his chest. It felt nice and safer than ever.

He wrapped his arms around me and his warmth instantly consumed my body as if it was made for me. A small smile crept up my face while I started over thinking this situation again.

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

Hell, I felt like giving up so bad. Everyone would have been better off without me even my own mother, Ryan or Justin.

Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you'll feel better
Just take her home and you'll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?

Some days I believe that it gets alright, but then I get thrown back to the ground again, making me suffer and experience it all over again. I lost the hope I once had.

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

And no, I still wouldn't give up, ever.

It isn't in my blood

But who would've wanted me? I wasn't healthy. In fact, I had a depression that according to other people, defined me. They think I'm crazy.

I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could

Was I loved? Did I had any worth in this life? Should I do everyone a favor and leave? Reunite with Rain?

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

My soul was bright, but turned into shades of black just by one touch from the demons, my demons.

It isn't in my blood

I tried my hardest to fight my demons on the way to happiness. But how could I be happy if my light source just faded?

I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody now

Every time I climbed my dark mountains so high, overpowering my fears, insecurities and darkness. Yet I always fell down.

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

And even if I fell back down to the ground again and again, I'd still go on.

It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood

Why I wouldn't give up? Because it isn't in my blood.

The tears left my eyes again.

———

Hey everyone!

This was a really sad chapter huh? Poor Matty.. And poor Ryan! I ship their friendship so much. They need to make it up, right?!

Anyways, Wrong Number reached 6K! I am so thankful for that, I still can't believe this?!

Thank you all so much for the votes, comment spams and love! I love all the support I am getting.

I have a surprise for you guys soon! For all the support and of course for the 6K! I am just not sure when I will be posting that.

Also if you haven't: maybe check out my other stories Perfect Strangers and Loving River?

Thanks and have a nice day!

-Sjakiela