"He said he loved me, River. That's the last thing he told me." Ren tells her boyfriend. The two of them were standing outside of Keanu's former home, staring at the red "FOR SALE" sign.

It was a shocking wake up call, to see her best friend confess his love, and disappear without a trace. She hasn't seen Keanu in two weeks, not at school, or anywhere. Jennifer hasn't seen him, River hasn't seen him, and it was so scary.

Where did her best friend go? Ren feels the guilt and fear consume her.

River didn't know what to say, especially because he never thought Keanu would actually love Ren back. The days River spent alone is when he felt the guilt and sadness wash over him like the ocean waves. He missed Keanu, and when he was there, River allowed them to drift away from each other.

It was hard keeping up with Ren, especially when she grew angry. Ren was angry at herself, angry at the world, but mostly angry at Keanu for leaving the way he did. It was like she went through the stages of grief for her lost friend.

The frames of Keanu are hidden in her room now. She can't bare to look at the photos without feeling so hollow again. Instead, she replaced the images of her and River.

Ren tries asking Alex where Keanu has gone, and she grows more suspicious as the curly-haired blond continues to avoid her. But in the end, Alex couldn't avoid the confrontation.

"Where did he go, Alex?" Ren demanded, following Alex around the comic book store.

"Ren, if you don't have any questions regarding comics, then please leave me alone." Alex calmly  replied, carrying a box of comics to the storage room.

"Why are you doing this?" Ren yells out, her voice so raw and anguished sounding. Her brown eyes were teary, and her small fists were clenched.

Alex sets the box on the counter, turning around to the girl, "It doesn't matter where he went. He's never coming back."

"But why?" Ren asks more quietly, trying to swallow back the tears and her fears.

"There was nothing left for him here. So, his family left for somewhere...safer." Alex informs the girl, who looks appalled.

"Nothing left for him? What about River and I?" Ren shouts, beginning to cry, and it attracts more attention from the little customers there.

"Ren, haven't you thought maybe it isn't all about you? He was DYING! Keanu left because he was flirting with death, okay? Maybe he wanted you to remember him for how he was, and not someone who look like he was on the brink of death." Alex rambled, feeling irritated, and sorry for the girl.

He can't tell her where Keanu is. It would be a risk to his health, especially after the surgery. After  all, Keanu is meant to forget about Ren and River, and the heartbreak they gave him. If he were to see them, there's the chance he'd die from shock of seeing them and gaining his memories back.

It's better this way—for her to believe her was dead, perhaps she'd forget.

Ren doesn't know what to think, other than sob her heart out, as she collapses on the floor in grief. All she could think to herself was, "He's dead! He's gone! I never said goodbye! I never said goodbye! I wasn't ready to say goodbye!"

Alex kneels down beside the girl, pulling her into a strong hug, as she sobbed. It was horrible that it had to be this way, but there was no other choice. Luckily, Alex's manager wasn't around to yell at him for comforting Ren. So, he sits by her side, and tries to ease the pain.

It isn't enough, but it was better than nothing. When Ren's sobs were reduce to nothing but hiccups and whimpers, Alex decides it is time.

"I have something for you. Please don't read until you're with River — it's for both of you." Alex informs her softly, and his eyes are sad but kind. Ren nods as Alex stands up, going to the storage room with the box, and returns back with an envelope.

The only thing is written on the envelope is "To my best friends..."  and Ren immediately recognizes it as Keanu's handwriting. It's going to officially be the last thing she'll ever receive from him, and the thought makes her want to cry all over again.

Alex gives her the letter, "I'm sorry, Ren."

The two exchange goodbyes, and it frightens Alex to see how vacant her bloodshot eyes are. It's a bit funny, it's a bit cruel, that people learn to care when the other person is gone.

She was too late just like he was.

Keanu and Ren always had awful timing.

It hurts him too, but River can't focus on his pain. He has to stay strong and support Ren like he always has.

River thought he'd stop feeling like he's competing for Ren's love when the two of them started dating. But seeing Ren so desolated, as if her only will to live withered away, made River think otherwise. Even with Keanu gone, River is still competing with his best friend over Ren. It's so exhausting to feel like the second choice all the time.

What reassures River is that, in the end, is that Ren is with him. The less selfish part of River is devastated too, and it's the part of him that can relate to Ren's sorrow. Keanu was his best friend, and he's gone, leaving River to feel regretful.

"I'm too scared to open it." Ren mumbles, her eyes still red from the crying. She sounds...empty. At least when she was drowning in unrequited love, she had still get something. Now, it felt like something important was ripped away from clutches, and she would never regain it.

The two of them are in Ren's room. Ren is sitting on the floor, her knees to her chest as she holds herself. River sits beside, staring at the unopened letter in front of them.

"I can open it." River hears himself say, but he wasn't truly ready to face the truth either.

Ren stares at her boyfriend a moment longer before shaking her head. She takes the letter, sighing deeply, before ripping the envelope open.

It's a brief letter, and it's all of Keanu's chicken-scratch hand writing.

Hi Ren, I hope you're doing okay. 

If you're not okay right now, then I understand. I promise you one day you will be though. You know, after the rain comes the rainbow. That sounded pretty cheesy, but it's suppose to be comforting, I guess. 

I just want to apologize for not telling you anything. I really thought I could handle it by myself, especially the pain. I couldn't handle the pain, so that's why I'm leaving to a better place. I'll miss reading comics with you, arguing which character is more superior, or even doing homework with you. But you won't be alone, as cliche as it sounds, I'll always be with you. 

I haven't really come to terms on what happens next. It terrifies me that I won't know what will happen next to either of us. I can't even describe to you what happened to me, and I still can't believe it. It just sounds to unrealistic, but what I experienced is real. I don't think I can tell you though. You wouldn't understand. 

Remember that night in April? The annual carnival came around, and I won you that stuffed rabbit? When you need me, just hug it or something. Fuck, I feel really nervous. I'm seeing the doctors, and everything is just happening so fast with my...disease. I'm dying, Ren. 

I'm listening to my walkman to drown out the conversations they're having with my mom. You know what song came on just now? "April Skies" by Jesus and Mary Chain. You know, the sound off their album Darklands? I just realized how eerily similar the song was to my situation or my feelings to you. I know you like this song. I'd sing it to you, remember? Good memories, we had plenty of those, didn't we? 

Look Ren, I'll always love you. Thank you for being my best friend and my first love. I'm sorry I failed you, and you deserved the world. 

And to River, thank you so much for being my best friend too. You're a God, and I love you so much too. Please take care of Ren — she needs you. I wish we all had more time together, except we wasted it on avoiding each other and our feelings. 

I love you guys. 

See you on the other side, 

Keanu. 

Ren couldn't help herself. Her voice broke when she read Keanu's name, crying again, but she wasn't alone. River was crying too. They were both mourning, and filled with a whirlpool of emotions. 

At first, Ren was angry that Keanu didn't tell her what he was going through. She would've been there for him, even if she didn't understand. Alex refuses to tell her what truly happened, and it pisses Ren off more as the days go by. 

River just seemed to hide his feelings a bit more, but Ren knew he had felt the same. Why didn't Keanu tell them? Maybe it was because they were avoiding him, and the guilt resurfaces. 

Perhaps, it was too late to help Keanu. But fuck, Ren wanted a proper goodbye. Even with Keanu gone, life went on. Ren and River did the daily motions of school, went to prom, and graduated. They did it all but without Keanu. 

She abuses her walkman now. Ren is constantly repeating "April Skies," and she never realized how sad the lyrics were until after reading Keanu's letter. 

And it's hard

For me to say

And it's hard

For me to stay

Ren thinks about the lyrics a lot when she's listening. She feels maybe if she analyzed the song to death, it would help clarify Keanu's letter. She wonders if it really hard for Keanu to say he was dying, if it was hard for everyone to see him decay and wither away. 

I'm going down

To be by myself

I'm going back

For the good of my health

It was always this verse Ren had trouble figuring out. Did Keanu stop acting like himself around her? Had she never noticed his subtle yet crucial changes? Perhaps, she really didn't notice because she was too busy being enamored with River. Where was Keanu going back to? Wasn't home here, with her?

And there's one thing

I couldn't do

Sacrifice myself to you

Sacrifice

But this verse was even more troubling than the last for Ren. She knew the letter was excluding a crucial piece, and it kept her up at night, wondering what this verse meant to Keanu. She would never know that Keanu was slowly killing himself, choking on dozens of daffodils, before realizing he had to live. He couldn't sacrifice himself for his love for Ren, especially when he had people who wouldn't let him. 

Under the April skies

Under the April sun

Sun grows cold

Sky gets black

Ren sometimes feels compelled to leave flowers by Keanu's old house, mostly because there isn't a damn grave for the dead boy she called her friend. The world just doesn't seem the same anymore, and nothing seemed to make sense. Everything just seemed so dull, so empty with her best friend. 

And you broke me up

And now you won't come back

Shaking hand, life is dead

And a broken heart

And a screaming head

Under the April sky

The last verse of the song always seemed the most relatable to how Ren felt. It displayed the aftermath of Keanu's death. A death she had barely came to terms with, and the guilt, the regret —it was consuming her mind. The memories of Keanu and the pain she felt would always be there, in the back of head, and deep within her heart. 

But life went on, as always. 

"Are you ready?" River asks his girlfriend, gazing at all the boxes in the moving truck. Ren was accepted into the state university, which was on the other side of the state. 

River isn't sure if he's ready to let go of his girlfriend, but it's the path she desires. River loves that Ren wants to be a teacher, and he supports his love all the way. River is staying here, for now, to be with his band. 

"As ready as I'll ever be." Ren replies with a small grin, and it's a grin that River will miss very much. River smiles back, and then pulls the girl into a quick kiss. 

"I'll miss you." River tells her after they pull away. 

"I will visit, and I'll call you everyday. It'll be like I never left, Riv!" Ren said before adding on, "I'll miss you too. I love you." 

"I love you too. I'll see you around, Ren." And with their bittersweet goodbyes, Ren was off to college. 

Ren adjusted to the college life decently. Her roommate was a bit reclusive, and they were adamant that their stuff stays separated. It's whatever, Ren supposes. 

It wasn't until four weeks into university life that Ren received the shock of her damn life. She was sitting in the dorm's cafe, where she decided to write her English research paper. When she glanced up at the ordering counter, she saw someone she thought had died a very long time ago. 

It looked like the boy she used to adore. 

author's note:

dis bitch is DONE! enjoy the cliffhanger. ;-)) 

Seriously speaking, I never thought I'd ever finish ANY of my stories. I'm very grateful for everyone who's been with me from the beginning until the end. I apologize if this sucked, and for any grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. I had such a hard time figuring out how to end this, but here I am! 

So, thank you everyone for being here for me. Also, I'm really obsessed with April Skies by Jesus and Mary Chain. 

Until next time,

Kirra.