Abandoned. (Kaistal Fanfic)

"There's no room for second chances because honestly, I never stopped."

Kaistal (Kai & Krystal) Fanfic. 

Date Started & Finished: October 16, 2013.

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Ilang taon na ba ang nakakalipas simula noong huli tayong magkita? Simula noong huling pagkakataon na naging ganito tayo kalapit sa isa't isa? Dalawang taon? Tatlo? I'm not lost in time, Kai. I know it has been three years since we last met. I'm lost in love because after all those years, you still have the same effect on me. 

I still want you. 

Alam kong inaasahan mong uupo ang hinihintay mo sa tabi mo. Pero pinili kong umupo sa likuran ng bench na kinalalagyan mo. Pinili kong kausapin ka habang nakatalikod. Pinili kong hindi ka makita. 

Sure, I wanna know your expressions. I wanna know how would you react when you see me. I wanna know if my presence affects you like your presence affect me. 

I want to know if you'll still smile the moment you see my face.

But I suspended  my selfish whims and chose to sit behind you. 

"Did I make you wait so long?" Tanong ko sa'yo.

You automatically turned your head to meet mine but I was looking at the school that is in front of me. I didn't look at you. 

You're a smart-ass and so you figured out easily that I didn't want to talk to you face to face. And so you stayed where you are. You began to talk. 

"Krys." My shortened name escaped from your mouth.

I inhaled air as much as I can. So much that I thought my lungs are going to explode. 

"Kai." I managed to say. 

"Akala ko si Sehun--"

I cut you off, "He helped me to get here. To get to you." 

"How are you, Krys?" Tanong mo sa'kin. 

Napangiti ako ng matipid.

"Thought you'd never ask." Mapait kong pagkakasabi, "I can say that I'm doing great. Been broken but, here, I'm fine." I was speaking rapidly, "How about you?"

"You sound so tense." He commented.

I was grateful I sat behind him. He's right, I'm tense. I'm nervous and I am very grateful he can't see my face especially my palms that sweating heavily.  

"Nah. I'm great. So how are you? How was your life? How was your... three years without me?" Hindi ako 'yung tipo ng tao na straight to the point kung magsalita pero ngayon, hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari. 

"Believe it or not, Krys. It was hell." He answered.

Napatawa ako ng mapait. One of the things I do when I'm angry is I 'smart-talk'.

"Oh? I bet you enjoyed hell." I retorted. 

"Alam kong may sasabihin ka. You didn't go here for me to witness your wittiness, Krystal." 

So you knew? 

Buti na lang hindi ako inunahan ni Sehun sa pagsabi kay Kai. I really want to talk to him, personally. Kaya nung binigay sa akin ni Sehun ang number ni Kai, hindi ako pumayag na 'yun lang. I begged for him to set-up a date--oh no, it's not a date... a meeting, rather. 

"Can you wait a little bit more?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

"Honestly, no." Pfft. 

Of course you can't wait. That's you. 

You're Kim Jongin a.k.a Kai. You can never wait.

"Why not, Jongin?" I remember, you used to love your real name when I say it. Let's see if you'll still react the same now.

"Because my fiancee is waiting for me, Krystal. I can't be with you for so long." Fiancee?

Seriously? 

Three years ago, I did things that I will never do with anyone else aside from you. Three years ago, I told you things that I will never utter to anyone else aside from you. Three years ago... up until now, I feel things that I will never feel towards anyone else aside from you.

Three years ago, you left without saying goodbye, even just a lame 'wave' as a signal that you'll go. You left me with completely nothing, Jongin. Not even a single phone call or a short text message.

Three years ago, the last thing I heard from you was "I love you".

"You're getting married?" I turned my head to see you but now, it's your turn to ignore me and stay focused in whatever  that is in front of you. 

My voice is crooked. And I'm trying my best not to get noticed by you. 

"Yes." 

Everybody around me told me that you're the walking definition of an ass-hole when you left me. But I didn't believe them. I even defended you. I stayed in love with you for three years up until now without your presence. Without something to hold on to. Without something that will assure me that you still feel the same. 

And now, you're getting married?

I think fast. I think of things I know I should voice out for you to hear them. 

But as I think deeper, those words I'm about to speak become useless. Useless because no matter how dramatic I may act in front of you, you still have her. Your fiancee.

"You left me." I said almost choking with my own words, "You abandoned me." 

"I'm sorry." Is that the best that you can put up? 

"I waited for you for three years."

"I'm sorry, Krys."

I can't trace any sincerity from your voice as you speak out your apologies. They're fake. 

"Do you know what I'm about to say to you?" I think it's time for me to speak. It's time for me to tell you even if these, for you, are worthless. "I love you, still. Even after you broke my heart. Even after you left without saying anything. Even after you said to me that you're getting married. I love you and I can't see any reasons for me to stop." 

I thought my eyes are dry. But when I spoke, hot liquid came to stream on my face. I think tears, are words that are too painful for us to speak and so we cry them out.

"Or maybe I'm ignoring the reasons. Maybe I just don't want to stop." I continued. 

"She's pregnant, Krys. She needs me." Sabi mo pa. 

Natawa ako sa sinabi mo.

Maybe this is hope.

"Do you love her?" Masochist, yes. But I really wanna know.

"Who?" Tanong mo.

"Your fiancee. Maybe you don't. She's pregnant, maybe you're just going to marry her because she's preg--"

"Krystal, I love her." 

I swear in that moment, I died. My heart was once again stabbed by none other than Mr. Kim Jongin.

"Okay..." Yun na lang nasabi ko. Yun na lang 'yung nakaya ko. 

Naramdaman ko ang pagtayo niya mula sa bench. 

"Excuse me, but I really have to go."

And then you left. Again.

I closed my eyes. When I opened them, you're not longer around anymore. This feeling, it's familiar. It's the same feeling I felt when you left me without saying anything. 

You left me again.

You abandoned me, again.

"Mommy!" I immediately wiped my tears and painted a fake smile on my face. 

"Hi baby." I greeted back and hugged him. He's the one I'm waiting. I don't know why he came out from school so late.

"Mom, where's Dad? I thought we're going to finally meet him?" 

Excitement is written all over my child's face. I can't take this away from him. I can't make him sad. I have to secure the happiness he's feeling right now. 

I have to do something.

"Yeah." I hope he didn't notice the sadness in my voice, "He's gonna be late but he will come. He's driving a car. You remember the toy I gave you? The red one?"

"The red car?" Tanong nito.

"Yes baby, his car looks exactly like that!" 

He smiled and hugged me.

"I can't wait to see him, Mom." 

"Yes baby Jongin, you'll see your Dad." 

I secretly took out my phone and dialled Kai's number. He answered his phone, thank God.

"We had a baby out of wedlock, Jongin. That's what really I'm going to tell you."

end. xx